Were you worried Rudy Giuliani might get the crazy idea to toss his hat in the 2012 presidential ring? Rest easy. NYC's ex-mayor announced today he isn't running: "If it's too late for Chris Christie, it's too late for me."

The Mayor of 9/11, Rudy Giuliani, made a stop on The View this morning during his 10-year-anniversary media tour, where he considered a common hypothetical: Would America be "ready" for another 9/11, in the sense that we'd put politics aside and unite as a country again? He thinks we would, and that we'd all forget…

Never believe anything Rudy Giuliani tells you about marriage. "I do"? Bullshit. "To have and to hold"? Lie. "I promise to preside over the wedding of my two good gay friends as soon as marriage is legal in New York"? Take a guess.

Here you all were, grimly deciding whether to join the Romney, Pawlenty, or Huntsman for President fan clubs, but still hoping in vain for a white knight to come along and win your heart immediately and forever. Well, good news: Rudy Giuliani, a 1990s mayor, may still run for president. Hosannah in the highest! The…

Rudy Giuliani and several former Bush Administration officials who were criticized last week for attending a rally for what the State Department says is a terrorist organization—which was probably illegal—have responded. They say their terror group doesn't count.

Did Rudy Giuliani, Tom Ridge, John Bolton, and a bunch of other neocons really attend a rally in support of a communist Saddam Hussein-loving terrorist organization last month? Yes! Is that really a crime? Yes!

What are Rudy Giuliani and several major Bush administration officials doing in Paris this week? Addressing a militant Iranian exile group that the U.S. government has designated a terrorist organization, of course.

New York Governor-elect Andrew Cuomo has picked former "9/11 Mayor" Rudy Giuliani to co-chair his public safety transition team and help select candidates for top positions. Will these recommended candidates prove to be scumbag crooks and go to jail, too?

Rudy Giuliani, a snarling monster who was nationally popular for a year or so following 9/11, says that "the door's not closed" on him running for president again in 2012. So can someone please close this door, locking him inside?

Nasty old "Mayor of Terror" Rudy Giuliani will appear with congressional candidate Chris Gibson at a place named Total Tool today. Later he is expected to drink/cry himself to sleep in the ladies' bathroom of a pawn shop called Dickhead.

On Wednesday, Rudy Giuliani's daughter was arrested in a ponytail and oversized t-shirt. On Thursday, photos of her emerging from the police custody with a paparazzi-ready makeover hit the papers. Today she removed her Facebook profile and went silent.

Poor Caroline Giuliani. Arrested for stealing makeup from Sephora on the Upper East Side on Wednesday, she was obviously the victim of inept police work because she was handcuffed. Handcuffed! The daughter of "America's Mayor" deserves better than that.

[Caroline Giuliani, daughter of former New York mayor Rudy, mugs for the paparazzi while leaving a police precinct yesterday after being arrested for shoplifting makeup from a Sephora on the Upper East Side. She loves the attention. Image via Splash]

Caroline Giuliani, the Obama-supporting thespian daughter of Rudy—and a senior at Harvard—has been arrested for shoplifting from a skincare and beauty store on the Upper East Side. But why would a rich kid like Caroline steal?

There's nothing like grabbing a hot dog, a $12 beer and enjoying a ball game, right? Well, as long as you don't mind the possibility of "mouse excreta" or some dead fruit flies as an extra topping.

As a high schooler, Caroline Giuliani's Facebook endorsement of Obama delighted Democrats and embarrassed her estranged father, Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani. Now little Caroline is all grown up and starring in bizarre YouTube soap operas with her Harvard friends.

Nasty Man Rudy Giuliani is endorsing Marco Rubio for Senate in Florida. Though it's more of a petty, pointed non-endorsement of Florida Governor Charlie Crist. Giuliani just hates that guy.

Human potato Andrew Giuliani, estranged son of America's Mayor Rudy, sued Duke university for kicking him off the golf team. Sad news, patriots: his lawsuit has been dismissed.