Here's the premise: Beloved abolitionist Harriet Tubman, while enslaved, turns the tables on her "massa" one night by graciously accepting his normally unwanted sexual advances in an effort to blackmail him and earn her freedom. What could go wrong with that bit of comedy?

When Frank Ocean came out recently, Def Jam co-founder Russell Simmons remarked, "Today is a big day for hip-hop."

When Odd Future's Frank Ocean came out last night, people praised his method — Ocean wrote about a man he'd been in love with on his Tumblr — and his choice to be honest about his sexuality.

All of us working stiffs who have to report to the office on this slowest week of the year hate those people who are on vacation this week, right? And who could we hate more than celebrities, who are on vacation every damn day of the year? Well, here they are rubbing our noses in their beach vacations and lives of…

He's got 99 problems, and now "the 99%" might be another one. Rapper Jay-Z is plastering Occupy Wall Street's message onto a new line of T-shirts, to be released Friday under his Rocawear clothing label.

Rap mogul Russell Simmons offered via Twitter to pay for the cleanup activities mandated by Mayor Bloomberg down at Occupy Wall Street HQ in Zuccotti Park. He received no response. Simmons then repeatedly pledged he'd join protesters in jail.

Russell Simmons initially got famous by starting up Def Jam, a hip hop label that was, believe it or not, dynamic and countercultural. And cool! That was a long, long time ago. What is Russell up to today? Oh, just defending Fox News chief Roger Ailes (again):

Lindsay Lohan drops her last name while the other Lohans change theirs. Chris Brown's publicist leaves him. In Touch documents Jennifer Aniston's "worst date ever." It's time for TGIFriday gossip.

In your odious Thursday media column: Russell Simmons has friends in low places, Virginia Heffernan's out at the NYT Magazine, Brandon Holley has literary plans for Lucky, and Demand Media will now take your money.

[Def Jam and Phat Farm founder Russell Simmons reminds you that no matter how rich you are, things still get stuck in your teeth, even in Saint Barthelemy. Photo via Bauer-Griffin.]

On Running Russell Simmons, intern Sagen said when you look up RUSH Communications in the Yellow Pages you see a picture of her vag. Then she showed it to T.I. She called this her "Britney moment." Watch the madness.

Jared Leto handpicks a gyrating babe for his next music video. Brangelina spend the day at a bath house. Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent: Back on? Monday gossip could use a good steam bath.

Lindsay Lohan could only keep putting up bail for so long. Katy Perry and Russell Brand's wedding was ridiculous. Celine Dion and Matt Damon both had kids (but not together.) Sunday Gossip Roundup is a bundle of joy.

A zen koan: If Taylor Momsen bares her breasts to a crowd but tabloids can't publish the pictures because she's underage, is it really a celebrity scandal? Of course it is! Saturday Gossip Roundup will bring you peace and prosperity.

Another day of Lindsay Lohan reckoning is nigh. Kim Kardashian's birthday cake will be encrusted in diamonds. The Sister Wives polygamists are actually kinda incestuous. Like, more than we realized the first time around. TGIFriday gossip.

While the "Ground Zero Mosque" site is two blocks away from Ground Zero, rap mogul Russell Simmons' apartment is across the street! This week he put various religious symbols in his windows to support religious freedom. Another pic with Simmons, below.

The lavish New Jersey mansion once home to Kimora Lee Simmons and her ex-husband Russell has been sold. But first they're having a yard sale! It includes Warhol paintings, $20,000 bronzes, fur coats, and a $200,000 bed.

Pamela Anderson fights for her right to be objectified. Bristol Palin refuses to look at Levi's Playgirl spread. Which iPhone app did Oksana Grigorieva use to record Mel Gibson's terrifying rants? Lady Gaga house-hunts in the Hamptons. TGIFriday gossip.

An unnamed Victoria's Secret model destroys a priceless work of art by rubbing her perfect body across it. Lindsay Lohan's assistant quits in a huff. Bethenny Frankel's mysterious first husband revealed. TGIFriday gossip.