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rumormonger
Are Michael Wolff and Victoria Floethe Done?
Have Michael Wolff and Victoria Floethe broken up? That's what we hear! If true — and please tell us, either way — it's a tragic end to a fairy tale romance that enchanted even the most jaded of observers. More » -
scandals
Canned! Pug Puke Arrestee Too Hot For TV
Chrissie Brodigan, captured the hearts and minds of New York after pulling her puking pug dog off the L train and subsequently getting arrested for it. Now, she's been fired from her job. This has gone too far! More » -
sad
New York Times Cannot Afford Text Messaging
America's Paper of Record cannot afford to have its reporters sending text messages or calling 411 on their company phones. What a pitiful state of affairs. More » -
and now he's dead
Billy Mays: Mr. As-Seen-On-TV, Dead At 50
Billy Mays, TV salesman, was found discovered dead this morning by his wife. There are no signs of foul play. Mays was 50 years-old. More » -
science
Russians Even Drunker Than Suspected
Good lord: more than half of all deaths of Russians aged 15-54 can be attributed to "excessive alcohol consumption." More » -
death
Carradine Autopsy Doesn't Solve Biggest Mystery
Upcoming autopsy results will say that Kung Fu actor David Carradine did in fact die from autoerotic asphyxiation, the New York Post reports. Not surprising, given his proclivities. But this judgment does not necessarily rule out death by ninja. More » -
scams
Nigerian Scammers Adapt to the Recession and Are Now Targeting the Unemployed
As if it's not hard enough being unemployed right now, Nigerian scammers are trolling Craigslist, wasting the jobless' precious — OK, not so precious — time with fake employment offers. Hopefully no one's gullible enough to send money. More » -
nypd
New York's Finest: ticketed a van for a month before finding a corpse inside.
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and now he's dead
David Carradine Dead In Bangkok; Early Report Suggests Suicide
David Carradine, who starred in Kung Fu and Kill Bill Vols. I and II, was found dead in his Bangkok hotel room yesterday. A Thai news report says it was a suicide, but his agent in L.A. says it was "natural causes." More » -
live like a crazy
Hipster's Purple-Truck Home Hijacked
Here's a sad update the story of Angel Hess, the hipster/hippie whose raggedy truck "Purple 53" once haunted Williamsburg: He's stuck in Colorado, where he says he's been scammed by a childhood friend who "hijacked" his truck. More » -
recessionomics
We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
The Way We Live Now: Naked. Because stores are no longer selling "Plus Sized" clothes. All that fabric is expensive! So nude Americans sit at home, causing all the baguette stores to go broke, forcing small business owners to sell their dinosaur skeletons just to stay afloat. More » -
terrible
The Worst News Cycle: A Long Week In Suicides
A former president of South Korea, a guy pushed over a bridge, an actress, and two cases of assisted: suicides are all over the news this weekend. What the hell is going on? More » -
sad
Elizabeth Edwards Takes 'Shame Tour '09' To Today
Elizabeth Edwards is, obviously, more or less the most sympathetic woman in the world, as a cancer survivor married to an asshole who cheated on her with some hippie freak. But no one likes her. More » -
crime
Wesleyan Shooter Fits Archetype: Anti-Semitic, Misogynistic, Angry
The New York Times dropped a comprehensive profile on Wesleyan shooter Stephen P. Morgan this morning. And yes: he's exactly who you think he is.
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fameballs
Priyantha Silva Is Crashing Parties Nonstop!
After we ran a new sighting of (we thought) dormant con man/ party crasher Priyantha Silva, the tips poured in! He's still out and impersonating Hollywood people and creeping out women, as usual: More » -
Sad NYC
Starbucks Releases Its Death Grip
For as long as mankind has occupied New York, there have been two Starbucks locations on Astor Place, a block away from each other, which occasioned many predictable remarks. No more! This means everything.
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journalismism
Reporter Gets Shot, Gets Fired
St. Louis-area newspaper the Suburban Journals laid off 37 year-old reporter Todd Smith last week due to budget cuts. Despite the fact that Smith had taken a bullet in the line of journalism. More » -
class war
Ten Lamentations of a TARP Wife
Luckily for you, the wife of the "CEO of one of the biggest TARP recipients" has unwisely chosen to write an anonymous diatribe about the hardships of life as a "TARP wife." Class rage ahead:
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tragedy
With Child-Selling Tale, Slumdog Has Officially Gone from Heart-Warming to Gut-Wrenching
Rubina Ali was plucked from the slums of Mumbai to star in Slumdog Millionaire, which went on to be a smash hit around the world. Too bad absolutely nothing good came of that! More » -
New Depression
But Let Me Tell You About the Benefits
Job listing for a $10-per-hour celebrity assistant attracts 200 applications, including several holding master degrees. -
Pirate War
'The Pirates Could Only Lament Their Littleness Before the Vast Number of Dolphins'
The US vs. Pirate war drums are beating. So what if the latest crop of pirates were ragged teenagers who died in qat withdrawal? The anti-piracy brigade of highly trained dolphins will destroy them! More » -
the banality of evil
Sad Criminal President Settles Into a Life of Suburban Desperation
The Washington Post has published a detailed, massive report on George and Laura Bush's post-White House life, and it's like Revolutionary Road with war crimes.
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sad
Child Conservative Superstar's Parents Still Not in Jail
Good work, liberal media, in helping make Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and a little kid the standard-bearers of the conservative movement. The little kid was on Today today! More » -
sad
Lovable Horace Mann Promises He's Over High School
Horace Mann alum Charles Stam is done obsessing over his old school, he says in a New York update on Stam's old high school. Also: More » -
Levi Johnston
GMA Interviews Sad Levi Johnston
Good Morning America went to rural Alaska and cornered a 19-year-old high school dropout in his truck to ask him about his relationship with the girl he knocked up. Journalism! More » -
sad
The GOP's Little Superstar
Conservative wunderkind Jonathan Krohn was interviewed by CBS's Bob Schieffer today, in case you want to feel sad. More » -
Nerdery
Harvard Faces Day Without Pi
Today in Ivy League math event news: Harvard has canceled its annual digit-reciting extravaganza "Pi Day." Despite last year's "pretty crazy" pi blowout: More » -
Wasilla, Alaska
Apparently the Levi Johnston/Bristol Palin Love Affair Is Over
In this week's Star: hilarious and slightly depressing "gossip" from Levi Johnston's bitchy, MySpace-y sister Mercede! Do you care about the petty dramas of unwed teen parents in far-off Alaska? More » -
from the mailbag
Horace Mann's Little Roy Cohn Writes Letters
Little right-wing creep kid Charles Stam sent a two thousand word letter to the editor of the Horace Mann Record, his high-school paper. More » -
updates
Bacon to Books:
That upcoming book by the guys who invented the Bacon Explosion? It won't even have the Bacon Explosion recipe in it. That was the only consolation prize for killing literature forever, guys. [Pitch]Eat Me -
sad
Unemployed Young Republicans Ice Skate With Gays, Mope
Heartbreaking news: young conservatives in Washington are feeling socially ostracized because their party is no longer "cool." Cheer up guys, you were always dorks. At least you're still good for hilarious quotes! More » -
booze
Senate Loser's Sad Second Career: Pitching Margarita Mix
Bob Schaffer is a former member of the US House of Representatives, and he was a Republican candidate for the US Senate in 2008. Now he is selling margarita mix on the local news. More » -
sad
Elevator Music Deemed Unaffordable Luxury
This cruel Grim Reaper of an economy has gone too far. It came for magazines. It came for books. It came for banks. But now, it has come for our Muzak. More » -
print is dead
Self-Pitying Pool Report of the Day
Hah, now even the White House Pool Reports are just obituaries for newspapers. Today's pool report concerns the POTUS' trip to an appropriately over-expensive and quaintly out-of-touch museum. More » -
sad
Bill Kristol's Last Column
"This is William Kristol’s last column." What a shock! Is January over already? More » -
models
Brazilian Beauty Queen Dies From Infection
We're obligated to tell you that Mariana Bridi, the 20 year-old Brazilian model who had her hands and feet amputated over the past week, has died. More » -
end of an era
Bush's Very Last Friday Night Newsdump
Aw, we're almost misty-eyed. In an hour, the Bush White House will release a damning report on a Friday afternoon for the very last time. More » -
lizard people
America's Best Ballot Disqualified
Minnesota's famed "Lizard People" ballot, which brought hope and cheer to the deadened hearts of the state's recount-plagued voters, has been disqualified on the grounds of being too awesome. More » -
apple
Stock market's fear: Steve Jobs is dying
Since a scary-skinny Steve Jobs showed up last summer to launch a new iPhone, rumors about the Apple CEO's health have circulated. Now, the cancellation of his annual Macworld speech has spooked Wall Street. -
poignant
Obama Reaches Out to Dying Socks
We have good news and bad news from the Obama transition team. The cutest Clintonite of all is on board, but perhaps not for long. More »








































