Sara Bean, 34, was walking back from lunch with her fiancé in Chicago's South Loop when a gust of wind blew past them, setting off a tragic sequence of events that ended with part of a stone gargoyle on the outer wall of the Second Presbyterian Church breaking off and striking Bean on the head. She died almost…

Lakewood, Wash. police responded to a call last Friday evening from a tax driver who claimed to have a rider that refused to pay his fare. When police arrived, KOMO reports, the rider, 45-year-old Maurice Barb, asked police to arrest him. They refused, and at Barb's request, dropped him off at a nearby Denny's.

Crying is only natural, but only for humans, says The New York Times in their super academic op-ed, "I Cry, Therefore I Am." Michael Trimble, the author of the teary piece in question, is an emeritus professor of behavioral neurology and a consultant neuropsychiatrist at the Institute of Neurology, University College…

The statistical wizards at Men's Health have calculated the happiest and saddest cities in America. And, well, they are cities that no sane person has any business living in. But even so, their ten saddest seem a lot better?

Here is the saddest movie ever made, according to science: The Champ, starring Jon Voight. Watch it! A guy dies! In front of his son! After winning the, uh, boxing... trophy! Are you crying? Are you sobbing? Okay, whoa, stop, you're embarrassing yourself in front of your coworkers.

You know what rules about being happy? Besides not ever staying up till three in the morning wondering if it's even morally right to bring a child into the world, at this point? This is what rules about happiness: You live longer! And you're healthier! Yes, a review of more than a hundred studies confirms: Happy…

Though last year it was January 19th, this year Britain has declared that today, November 1st, is their most depressing day of the year. On account of the approaching cold and dark, consuming everyone. At least it's almost over, guys!

The Way We Live Now: plumbing the bubble-less depths of despair. Some people get private islands, other people don't even get an orphanage. But nobody will be getting mail on Saturday. So equality lives.

The Way We Live Now: Tidying up the place, as best we can. I know it's not fancy, like you're used to, but it's something. Here, sit on this box. Pick anything from the food cart. Tar fish? Delicious.

BP CEO and "guy who's fun to yell at" Tony Hayward will testify in Congress tomorrow! Sucks to be him. His only strategy: make the panel cry with a depressing, hammy opening statement, a window into his prison of despair.

Internet mogul Arianna Huffington thinks female sadness is a growing problem, so she's brought on a blogger to teach women how to "live richer, more purposeful, and, yes, happier lives." And he's a man, so he really knows his stuff.

Feeling gay? Wishing you could rid yourself of the evil gay demons haunting your soul? Well you're in luck! The Manifested Glory Ministries Church in Bridgeport, Connecticut will exorcise your gay demons, just like they did for this 16-year-old boy.

Perez Hilton, dark pink lady of the semen-stained celebrity gossip racket, has written a book! Sort of! Mostly some dude shaped his silly stories into a readable narrative. Or so Perez tells Jesse Oxfeld.

Unfortunately no one is protected from this catastrophic financial crisis. Your money will always be taken from you! Just ask Teresa Escamilla, a 47-year-old woman living in a crispy brown corner of the wasted and ruinous San Fernando valley. First of all, her house just burned down in that out of control wildfire…

Converse already went ahead and co-opted the image of sacred counterculture icons like Hunter Thompson and Sid Vicious for their new ad campaign, "All Your Dead Heroes Are Our Marketing Tools." Now they've decided to go for the gusto: they're producing a limited edition series of Kurt Cobain Converse. It's all…

New study shows that 7 out of 10 gays own pets! 9 out of 10 gays say their pet is "a member of the family" and 2/3rds of gays have BOUGHT THEIR PET A HOLIDAY PRESENT. "Anyone who knows me and my partner Greg also knows that our Wheaten Terrier Chester is a big part of our family," says prominent sad gay Wesley Combs,…