According to Page Six, Salman Rushdie's ex-girlfriend says he's "cowardly, dysfunctional, and immature" and won't stop talking about Padma Lakshmi, the one that got away.

Onetime TV star Bronson Pinchot has some not-so-nice things to say about Tom Cruise. Fate will bring Octomom and Jon Gosselin together. Salman Rushdie is still pining for Padma. Presenting your Tuesday morning Gossip Roundup!

• Lindsay Lohan is having another bad week. At the Whitney Museum of Art Gala last night, the "jelly-legged actress" had to hold on to a fence for "dear life" as she "stumbled out of the glitzy bash." But Mischa Barton was looking surprisingly put together, so that's good news, right? [Daily Mail, Sun]
• It's been a…

Salman Rushdie turns 62 today. Buffed-up gym owner David Barton is 45. Money manager Mario Gabelli is turning 67. Model May Andersen turns 27. The Insider's Lara Spencer is 40. Joseph McShane, the president of Fordham University, is turning 60. Phylicia Rashad is turning 61. Actress Kathleen Turner turns 55. Attorney …

Susan Boyle's "exhausted" again, Dustin Lance Black's sorry, Cindy Adams knows where you should hide your cash, Prince Harry's dating a floozy, and Salman Rushdie's a third boob. Oh, and: Ron Burkle and whores. Here's your Sunday morning gossip roundup:

The Four Seasons celebrated its 50th anniversary last night and a predictably large crowd of media personalities, politicos, and powerbrokers turned out for the occasion. Just a few of the people on hand to celebrate the event with co-owners Julian Niccolini and Alex von Bidder (left, Erin Fetherston): Barry Diller, …

No one is attending this party tonight except everyone. Plus: John Mayer is single and Maggie Gyllenhaal isn't. And lots of people from the '90s are still totally relevant!

A tipster tells us billionaire Clinton pal Ron Burkle (and his model wrangler!) was "lurking around" Justin Timberlake's William Rast show at Fashion Week last night. Time for a listicle of creepy old ladies' men!

So it turns out Ian McEwan totally had his friend Salman Rushdie's back twenty years ago, after Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa against Rushdie for Satanic Verses. No wonder McEwan is so anti-Islamist.

• There was no shortage of drama at the Grammys last night. Chris Brown and Rihanna were both no-shows after Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting the R&B singer. Usher failed to appear, too, flying down to Brazil to be with his wife, who suffered complications from a plastic surgery operation. One person who…

Glamour magazine's annual "Women of the Year" awards took place last night at Carnegie Hall. Honorees like Hillary Clinton, Nicole Kidman, and Tyra Banks were joined by the likes of Debra Messing, Fergie, Natalie Portman, Tinsley Mortimer, America Ferrera, Jane Krakowski, Salman Rushdie, Condoleezza Rice, Sarah…

♦ Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett became parents for the first time on Saturday when Amy gave birth to a son, Archie. [Us]
♦ Madonna is in "meltdown mode," and asked her assistant to gather all the items she received from Guy Ritchie so she can "bury them." Guy, meanwhile, has reportedly said the couple's…

Portfolio may be struggling to keep current during these dark economic times, but editor Joanne Lipman pulled a clever maneuver when she dispatched a cute, young reporter to meet up with Salman Rushdie at the luxe resort in Mexico. The famed author took the trip to Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico to…

Here's author and knight Salman Rushdie—or as our tipster put it, "Padma [Lakshmi's] ex"—on the uptown 6 train, clinging to the pole. What is he thinking about? No one knows. Click for the larger image of the distinguished Satanic Verses author.

New York City's tourism marketing agency, NYC & Company, announced today that it plans to open a tourism office in Mumbai. An ad campaign directed at Indian tourists will soon feature hotel developer Sant Singh Chatwal, director Mira Nair, and cookbook author/TV hostess Padma Lakshmi. Because clearly there's no better…

Does any fameball author tell the truth ever anymore? Nope. Satanic Verses author Salman Rushdie's former driver/bodyguard wrote a tell-all memoir about his years doing special protection, On Her Majesty's Service. Already he's had to admit that some of the parts excerpted in the Daily Mail last Sunday were lies. "The…

Jewel of Medina, Sherry Jone's historical novel about Aisha, wife of Muhammad, was killed by its publisher because of a warning from a crackpot professor who though "widespread violence" could break out, Salman Rushdie-style. Satanic Verses author Rushdie told the AP yesterday that this was basically bullshit: "I am…

Author Salman Rushdie is pissed at the former British cop who wrote a tell-all about his time guarding the ladies' man of letters when he was under the threat of a big ol' fatwa from the Ayatollah-haha, he outlived you, jerk!-in 1989. "Rushdie told The Guardian that the book portrayed him as 'mean, nasty,…