Britney comes across as a wounded, addled, child-like empress who, in a manic state, repeatedly changed her dogs' outfits. Lufti seems to be a devious, maniacal puppet master who tells Mama Spears "If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave." Also:

1. 
   
2. "Britney returned and became very agitated and could not stop moving. She cleaned the house. She changed her clothes many times. She also changed her three dogs' clothes many times. Britney spoke to me in a tone and a level of understanding of a very young girl. Britney then picked up a bottle of pills and read the label and asked us, 'What does insomnia mean?' "
3. "He told me if he weren't in the house to give Britney her medicine, she would kill herself."
4. "Sam had told Britney she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan, her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids and that she does not deserve her kids."
   
5. "Sam responded, 'If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.' "

Or, she'll die. Either way.

• BRITNEY SPEARS REQUESTS IN-N-OUT BURGER AT HOSPITAL [Usmagazine.com]

Adnan via text: "Cool?"
Lufti: "No, she's with doctor now. You're a manic trigger. If you continue to have any contact with him, you'll kill her. Its your decision. You need to cease all contact with her completely. I've tried to work with you helping her but you didn't do as asked. only way to help now is to disappear. She's never been this way befor [sic]"

According to TMZ, Mama and Papa Spears showed up as part of an organized "creative intervention," which stemmed from worries that their daughter's bipolar disorder was getting out of hand (ya think?). As for Lufti v. Adnan, Lufti allegedly made the initial decision to prevent Adnan from entering Brit's house, leading Adnan to try calling "all six" of her cell phones, to no avail. Then, after Britney escaped the scene, Adnan was supposedly seen driving 100 mph down an LA freeway en route to Ralph's (where else?) with Brit in the passenger seat. Last parting words between Lufti and Brit? "Go fuck your paparazzi boyfriend!"

Phew! That was a handful. Is it just us, or should this tragidramedy be right up there with Atonement on the Academy's list? Think about it, there's even a cameo by a Yorkshire terrier named London! Not even Jean-Claude Carriere could dream up this level of insanity. Here's that video we promised.

• *~*Britney Tears 08*~* Vol. 2 [Oh No They Didn't]

In 1998, in The Truman Show, an insurance adjuster played by Jim Carrey discovered that his life was a television show; his every move monitored by cameras; every person in his life a performer, and his world a gigantic soundstage. The movie was a parable, inspired by reality television, but taking the early model of the mediated life to its outrageous conclusion. No longer so outrageous. Here, pictured, is a text message from Britney Spears' confidante, Sam Lufti, telling her exploitative paparazzo boyfriend to disappear. "If you continue to have any contact, you'll kill her." Of course, the exchange, just like the troubled popstar changing out of her dancing gear or weeping on her bed, was played out in front of the cameras. The Truman Show no longer works as satire; reality has caught up with the conceit. There is a difference, however. Truman Burbank was the dupe, unaware of his role in the show. By contrast, the central character in this tawdry soap, Britney Spears, is complicit. If anybody's the dupe, it's the audience, half-suspecting that, as in this picture, Adnan Ghalib is tilting his iPhone toward the camera, but preferring to believe that this is an authentic drama to which the viewer has sneaked access.