Amy Winehouse Turned Into A "Zombie" On Day 10 Of Sobriety

• Amy Winehouse may have lasted up to nine days clean of drugs before she called herself a "zombie," burned herself and did "cocaine, ecstasy, cannabis and booze." Of course the sensationalist Sun spins it negative and says she's "back in drug hell," typical. (Check out the sidebar from their "Bizarre Editor.") [Sun]
• The Olsen twins have a deal for a book, but it's the kind of book you pose for, and then people with a sense of irony buy it for their coffee table. It is decidedly not the kind of book where you have to type the hard words. [AP]
• Britney Spears made outrageous demands at an LA clothing boutique, but then the only thing she would buy was "the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window... the manager eventually agreed to offer it to her for $100." This is, of course, one of the most awesome things Spears has done for, oh, maybe six months. [Gatecrasher]
• TMZ tried to tell the world the LA police were investigating Sam Lutfi for drugging Britney Spears, but every media outlet ever said they were wrong and printed an LAPD statement to that effect. Well guess who now has a piece of paper saying the LA police really are looking at the Lutfi drugging charge?
• Jon Eardley wants control of Britney's money and life, but he can't even convince a judge he's even her attorney in the first place. He vows to keep fighting this "oppressive and unjust" situation. [Reuters]
• Orlando Bloom doesn't bathe. Also he doesn't wash his clothes, but maybe he just has those French jeans you're not supposed to wash, ever.
• Ashlee Simpson and her boyfriend made up a story about being pregnant to somehow stop internet music piracy, and you and I are the dumb ones for not getting the joke. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie should start selling subscriptions just to her St. John ads because apparently everyone finds them very pretty and is posting them to their blogs. [Faded Youth]

Michael Sands Says "Cheese" As Well As "Cheesecake"

Groggy Britney Spears Asks You What Month It is

• Britney Spears hanger-on Sam Lutfi must henceforth keep 250 yards from the singer because as Britney's mom reminded us, he "gave Britney Spears pills ground up in her food to keep her quiet and at one point he told Britney she had to take 10 pills a day if she wanted to see her two young children." [Reuters]
• Lutfi's lawyer tried to say he wasn't properly served with the restraining order paperwork. The judge basically laughed. Lutfi's legal team then asked if the judge would like maybe a home-made scone or some coffee or maybe an "aspirin."
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will supposedly come to Prince's hot Oscar party, along with Penelope Cruz. When the catfighting and Scientology recruiting speeches begin, scoot on over to the real LA Oscar party, hosted by queen diva Elton John.
• Ryan Phillippe endorsed Obama, and has the cool Shepard Fairey t-shirt to prove it. Against all odds, the left-of-Hillary, cool and charismatic black Democratic candidate is dominating among gorgeous celebrities. [X17]
• Brangelina were confused, until they realized Clint Eastwood and his wife were waiting for them at the uncool restaurant across the street. Then everyone not pregnant ordered wine and got drunk and happy. Lesson: Clint Eastwood likes to drink. Oh, and you'll usually have a better time at the uncool restaurant! [Showbiz Spy]
• Teen star Miley Cyrus apologized for not wearing her seatbelt in a movie or raising your children for you or transforming you into a responsible human being who has better things to do than yell at a teen star over some stupid shit. [AP]
• Riverbank Hotel staff "baffled" that Amy Winehouse trashed her room over two weeks, leaving "the floor strewn in champagne bottles and unwashed knickers." Maybe if she had checked in under the assumed name "I Live To Trash Hotel Rooms" they might have seen this coming. Probably not, though. [Showbiz Spy]
• Eminem to finally let the world in on his family dramas and emotional issues, in a book. [People]
• Moby thinks people hate him because Natalie Portman was his girlfriend this one time. Oh, Moby. [P6]

Michael Sands, LAPD: Most Trustworthy Sources In Gossipdom

Excited Britney Is Practicing Her Wardrobe Malfunctions For You

• To unveil her new video, "Break The Ice," Britney Spears will appear on Total Request Live, and has been practicing for everything at her favorite dance studio. Hopefully that includes the dance-and-boob-flash synchronization she carefully rehearsed in January, because there's nothing more embarrassing than an out-of-rhythm wardrobe malfunction. [Showbiz Spy]
• TMZ reported police were investigating Spears codependent Sam Lutfi for drugging the singer, but they are apparently very secret police, because every media outlet in the world that called the LAPD was told the story was bogus.
• George Clooney blew $40,000 on his 28-year-old cocktail waitress girlfriend for Valentine's Day, which was so romantic some crazy stalker made his portrait out of jelly beans. [Showbiz Spy]
• Frail wimpy Angelina Jolie fainted on an airplane just because she's pregnant with twins and it's an 18-hour flight out from Iraq to Los Angeles. [Sun]
• Brits complain about drunkenness and profanity on one of their music awards shows. Yes, limeys, that's called Rock N Roll, you kind of helped invent it, remember? [Daily Mail]
• Minnie Driver would like to hide her pregnancy forever, but she had to go shopping at some point! [P6]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are talking about making their own awful reality show, because there just aren't enough outlets for their ample talents. [P6]

Sam Lutfi Is A Psycho, Pharmacologist

Sam Lutfi, Friendly Man

Sam Lutfi Hires Publicist And Cheesecake Entrepreneur