After being caught in the bloodbath after Bloomberg took over BusinessWeek, Shirley Brady bumped into the editor installed in said purge and proclaimed him a "nice guy." By which she presumably meant, "did not lay me off a second time." (So awkward.)

New York new media jester Loren Feldman sent his regards to that groom who updated his Facebook and Twitter status at the altar. The belligerence was its own gift, really.

San Francisco arts writer Louis Peitzman has half a mind to form a gang or some shit. A gang comprised entirely of humans.

Starlet Holly Madison confidently put herself forward as a culinary role model. Or whatever the opposite of that would be.

She may be known primarily for dating Lindsay Lohan, but DJ Samantha Ronson is still important enough to have her tweets edited, by Twitter Inc. Wait, what??

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

• Rihanna finally acknowledged a series of pornographic self-portraits that, until now, were merely rumored to be of her. She said in a radio interview that they were for "my boyfriend at the time" (almost definitely Chris Brown) and "if you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him." She sent her mother flowers before calling her to break the news that the world was about to see her daughter's naughty parts. This is Emily Post's recommended method for informing loved ones of an an impending sex scandal. [People]
• 
  
• Tiger Woods Lover #2 kissed-and-told to basically anyone who would listen, including her coworkers, who she made listen to the infamous voicemail where Tiger asks her to remove her name from outgoing messages so his wife doesn't catch him making sweet mistress love. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Speaking of Jaimee Grubbs' phone records, the rumored sexy text messages are out, and they include declarative sentences like "I will wear you out" and "Hey, it's Tiger." [NYDN]
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• "The War's Over": LiLo and SamRo have made peace. It's like peace in the Middle East, but even more promising, because it has the potential to turn into hot lesbian sex any minute now. John Mayer is well aware of this, as he is the one who brokered the deal, which ended with hugs and "a scantily clad blond." (Is the use of the masculine form purposeful here?) [P6] [Gatecrasher]
• 
  
• 50 Cent carries $25,000 on his person at all times "just in case," and because he's so intimidating, nobody will ever try to mug him, anyway. [JustJared]
• 
  
• Nick Jonas : Jonas Brothers :: John : The Beatles [Us]
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• Natalie Portman was a teenage loser. Her first time drunk was at college (and she went to Harvard, so it was probably nerdy drinking) and she didn't try pot until she was in her 20's. And then she dated Devendra Banhart, a man whose life is one long psychedelic haze, [exhibit A.] so that must have been enlightening. [P6]
• 
  
• Jennifer Lopez's lawyer says her sex tape doesn't even have sex in it. Ojani Noa says he never meant to promote the footage as a sex tape, just that he wants to turn his 11+ hours of home video into a "mockumentary," which is a really stunning word choice, on multiple levels. [People]
• 
  
• Will Ferrell wants to play Simon Cowell: "I see a lot of Ron Burgundy in Simon Cowell." Genius. [ShowBizSpy]
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• Dylan Lauren, daughter of Ralph, is engaged in a sticky-sweet game of corporate espionage. Dylan, who owns NYC candy store Dylan's Candy Bar, has reportedly been "sneaking around taking photos of her rival," Sugar Factory, which has more celebrity patrons. A Sugar Factory rep's diplomatically snide response: "We are flattered Dylan's looking to us for inspiration." Burn! [P6]
• 
  
• National Enquirer has the most adorable article-thingee accepting Newsweek's recognition for the tab's contribution to "one of it's top scandals of the decade," the John Edwards-Rielle Hunter affair. You can almost see Enquirer Ed-in-Ch David Perel's cheeks glowing as he sings with pride: "He then engineered a cover-up that was Nixonian in its cynicism... Six months later, the Enquirer caught Edwards... Call it definitive proof that investigative journalism still matters, no matter what you think of where it originated." [Enquirer]
• 
  

  Exhibit A.
  

• Apparently Lindsay Lohan was seen making out and leaving the Sol Kerzner Mazagan Beach Resort launch party in Morocco with 300 hottie Gerard Butler. Wow, the collective tabloid media really really wants this guy to date someone famous—whether it's Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, or LiLo. Either that or he has a publicist who really really would rather have the playboy rumors floating around than the gay ones. Speaking of no longer gay, it seems Lohan has given up women since breaking with girlfriend Samantha Ronson. She's been linked to Butler and model (and SamRo look-alike) Petey Wright. Both Butler and Lohan's reps deny anything untoward happened between the two and Lindsay tweeted (creative capitalization and punctuation is hers), "One minute i'm dumped, the next i'm dating a model, now Gerard? WHO HAS THE TIME! such lies - it keeps me laughing." Well, and it keeps all of us reading. [Gatecrasher]
• Mischa Barton had a really rough Halloween. Not only is she reportedly off the wagon, she had a drink dumped on her in a NY bar by a guy who says she stepped on his foot. She threw a drink back at him (so unlike Mischa, to waste perfectly good booze) and got her friends to rough the guy up before bouncers stepped in. Things were a little bit more civil on Friday night at Yoni Goldberg's Halloween party, where she and ex Brandon Davis just glowered at each other across the room. Maybe she was too "wobbly" to go say hello. [UK Mirror, P6]
• Jeremy Piven is taking this "you are what you eat" thing way too seriously. The infamous sushigate survivor now claims that he quit drinking soy milk because it was making him grow man boobs. And here we thought that babies loved milk. [Digital Spy]
• Broadway is a tiny community, so it makes sense that Jude Law and his ex Sienna Miller, both currently on the Great White Way, would bump into each other. They are denying that they are anything but friends. If they are rekindling their romance, he's going to have to explain why he was sucking face with a hot blonde at The Box the other night. Cause it's not like Jude Law to cheat. No, never. Not him. [People, P6]
• Kate Winslet is our new hero. She sued the U.K.'s Daily Mail when they said she was lying about not working out before the Academy Awards, and she just won a $40,000 payout from the newspaper. She actually wants people to think she doesn't exercise! She looks good, doesn't go to the gym, and is a badass. Amazing. [People]
• Minus Jon and her eight, Kate Gosselin had a special on TLC last night called Kate's Story. The moral of the story is that "a part of [her] always will [love Jon]. We're glad someone does. Actually, we take that back. [People]
• Gossip dowager Cindy Adams is at some luxury retirement home in Arizona. Then why hasn't she retired? [Cindy Adams]

[Image via Getty]

• This is disturbing: When a TV reporter asked Mitch Winehouse how daughter Amy was doing, he replied "Fantastic, fantastic. Her boobs are great as well." Then he backtracked, "I shouldn't have said that should I?" And then he rambled on, "I didn't have to pay for the boobs" and went on to question how she got the cash for them. Apparently Amy is broke and begs him for money a lot. That is, unless she is still mega-rich and shelled out the reported $56K for that glorious rack by herself, which OK says is also a possibility. [OK]
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• Salman Rushdie rubbed salt in ex-girlfriend Pia Glenn's wound by showing up at a hoity-toity literary event with yet another raven-haired Amazonian goddess on his arm. This one is a Harvard grad who only dates models, which makes it oh-so-enigmatic why she'd date frumpy Rushdie. Hey, did I mention she's an aspiring writer? [Page 6]
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• When the deejay at 1Oak announced "23 bottles of Cristal for Lindsay Lohan's 23rd birthday," LiLo reportedly "look startled." Not because she is a recovering alcohol with a DUI under her belt, but because it totally wasn't her birthday, her birthday is on July 2nd! [Page 6]
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• Amber Lee Ettinger suffered "minor cuts" after a rogue lighting scaffold beamed her at that Thrillist-JetBlue junket that everyone went to but no one was supposed to talk about. Apparently the trip was "completely crazy," with freebie Trojan condoms flying everywhere, best all-inclusive junket spring break ever!! [Page 6]
• 
  
• The case against two men accused of extorting $25 million from John Travolta after son Jett's death has ended in a mistrial. The reason was as tabloid as the trial itself: the judge thought the jury pool was leaking information. The judge figured it out when a member of Bahamas' Parliament said he had inside knowledge that defendant Pleasant Bridgewater—a Bahamanian politician with a farcically adorable name—would be acquitted. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Jill Zarin & co. played on their cellphones and were generally bratty at the Memphis premiere. It would actually be pretty disappointing if she showed up somewhere and wasn't a nuisance. [Page 6]
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• There's a mistake on Jacko's will—or is the whole thing a forgery? Michael Jackson was in New York on July 7, 2002, the same day his will was signed in L.A. His lawyer says they simply wrote down the wrong date, which raises another troubling question: Why, when you are guiding the most famous man on the planet through the most important legal documents of his life, would you not bother to make sure you have the date right? [TMZ]
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• Trent Reznor, Roseanne Cash, Billy Bragg, and a bunch of other musicians are demanding federal documents explaining how their music was used during torture sessions at Gitmo. This is because they are dutifully liberal, highly enlightened, civic-minded folks who are only somewhat curious to know whether al-Qaeda operatives prefer Nine Inch Nails or country standards. [HuffPo]
• 
  
• Nicole Richie and Samantha Ronson are besties, and Lindsay Lohan is jealous. Nicole is taking the high road, though, and just "wants a better life" for LiLo, thereby employing the deepest and most cutting diss in the Mean Girl manual: Magnanimous pity. [Perez Hilton]

Flickr co-founder Caterina Fake, who sold her company to Yahoo, objected to having lap dances on stage at a Yahoo programming conference. This is the sort of patriarchal BS you get with a male CEO.... err, nevermind. (Pic in top graphic via)

The Frisky's Jessica Wakeman got a sex-related inquiry from a professor we might have confused with Nouriel "Dr. Doom" Roubini, except that even Roubini would never do the "r u" thing.

DJ and Lindsay Lohan ex Samantha Ronson already has enough to talk about in therapy, Yankees!

Comedian Sarah Silverman mocked you, gym rats.

Facebook's Randi Zuckerberg went to NASA's, err, "base" in Mountain View. Ask them to show you the Google air force, Randi! And the secret lasers. Be sure to wink on that last one.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

• Michael Jackson confessed to a guy named Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (or to the headlines: "Rabbi Shmuley" that he (1) looked like a lizard, (2) wanted to lock the gates of Neverland and never come out, (3) would've killed himself if it wasn't for the kids, (4) had a crush of Princess Diana, (5) wanted to date a widowed Katie Couric, and (6) that Madonna was jealous of him, wanted to have phone sex, "laid down the law" in regards to NOT going to Disneyland [Ed. She would.], and tried to unsuccessfully initiate phone sex. Even as someone who turns through gossip pages by trade, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do with this information, suffice to say that it's completely blowing my mind right now that Jackson could get a rabbi to listen to his shit like shit. Do you people know how hard it is to get a rabbi on the phone? These guys dispense guilt for a living, there's no confession for the Jews. So I'm thinking this Shmuley guy's a crook. Has to be. No real Rabbi has the patience for that shit, even if you are Michael Jackson. Meanwhile, this information, of course, is contained in a book called The Michael Jackson Tapes, which I have no desire to read and wish were actually just twelve demo versions of "PYT" and four of "Wanna Be Starting Something." Mama say what? [NYDN]
  
  
• Penelope Cruz visited a preggers clinic and, with Javier Bardem, is going to be giving birth to the hottest Spanish baby since Jesus started appearing on candles. [NYDN, replete with "OMG" prefixed headline.]
  
  
• John Travolta's having an emotional "collapse" over having to testify over the death of his son, Jett, in the paramedic extortion case. This is so sad, I started thinking about it and maybe got a little teary. Like, really, though: how do you live through something like this? Even Vincent Vega could not be cool, let alone the real John Travolta. Also, you know, why do we need to know this? I don't know. Here: [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• McKenzie Phillips' stepmom is mad at Oprah and her daughter for taking her family laundry out to Oprah after her Phillips' father is dead. Everyone else is like STFU MCKENZIE PHILLIPS' STEPMOM, MORE ABOUT THIS INCEST BIZNASS PLZKTHX. Ah, the insatiable public thirst for pertinent information. [US]
  
  
• Khloe Kardashian—famous for being the sister of Kim Kardashian, who's famous for having a large ass—is now flashing around her engagement ring to Lamar Odom, who's famous for being an L.A. Laker. Now, on Khloe and Lamar's Whirlwind Romance Tour, one thing has yet to happen: Lamar has yet to play an NBA game. Mark my words, here and now: he's going to suck this season, and there's going to be only one thing to blame it on: the loss of brain cells, or the inactivity of certain synapses one needs to perform both complex motor skills other than man-on-top and involved, stimulating conversation. L.A., you reap what you sow. There should be legislation designed to prevent this kind of shit. You think Cleveland would let Lebron take a girl home that wasn't mother-approved? That mother, of course, NOT being Kris Kardashian. No. They wouldn't. [US]
  
  
• Har! George Clooney needed a doctor and his driver in Italy took him to a dentist. Good thing he didn't hurt his penis. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Anna Paquin's dog is going to be her ring-bearer at her wedding to True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer, because Anna hates children. Actually, I have no idea why she's having a dog be a ring-bearer, or how it's going to work, or what kind of dog it is, because I'm not going to spend another minute working on this item. I'm in a mood today, right? Anyway. Dogs! If I had a dog be my ring bearer, basically, I'd find the cat it hates most and tape it to the floor at the foot of the altar and let it go at the back of the church and pick up the cat right as the dog gets there and grab the ring off of his collar. Or that's how the plan would work. Inevitably, it wouldn't, and hijinks would ensue, though this ambition probably lowers the probability of me getting married to anything but a vaguely Eastern European clown-by-trade by at least five percent. Maybe six. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Is Sam Ronson spreading rumors about Lindsay Lohan being all over town getting kicked out of places like the Bowery Hotel? Probably. Are we past the point where we care whether or not they're true? Probably. [Page Six]
  
  
• Neve Campbell's going to return for Scream 4, but nobody gives a shit because they killed Randy in Scream 2. Though it's nice to see Neve Campbell again, I have nothing nice to add to this except to say that Scream 2 had an exceptionally good soundtrack. One example: D'Angelo's cover of Prince's "She's Always In My Hair," which first appeared on it, as well as the Eels "Your Lucky Day In Hell." God, Scream 2 kinda had some decent stuff going for it (Timothy Olyphant, anyone?), didn't it? [US]
  
  
• Speaking of Party of Five alum, Jennifer Love Hewitt still knows she's hot, and doesn't give a shit what you think, because she can talk to ghosts and you can't. [Page Six]
  
  
• Lily Allen performed a gig with diarrhea. This is funny because her music is poop. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Gerard Butler hates diets. Every time a celebrity is like, I LOVE to eat fast food, I'm like, fuck you, die, because you don't actually love it and you're just telling people that you do so they'll get fatter and you'll stay the same. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Courtney Love is just a moron. Courtney, if you're reading this, you're a moron. Seriously. You're smoking cigarettes inside elevators on the way to the penthouse for Fashion Week afterparties? I mean, I guess whoever would have you at their party would be cool with it, since you're there in the first place and they expect the absolute worst, but Jesus, don't you have a daughter, or, like, more of Kurt Cobain's estate to sell-out and consequently shame? Oy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Charlie Rose is annoyed that he has to find sponsors to back his show, but honestly, he could probably just hit up all the titans of industry he helps broker deals between for cash. Rose doesn't like to be a peasant and hit up his homies. Sorry, Charlie: that's life on the big public TV. You don't hear Tavis Smiley whining like a little bitch about Jim Leher's money, do you? No, you don't. STFU. [Page Six]
  
  
• Snoop Dogg recently fessed up to being a fan of 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. Now, let's think about this for a moment: Doggystyle came out in 1994. Keeping Up Appearances went on the air in 1990 and ended in 1995, arguably at the height of Death Row Records' (violent) reign over rap. So imagine, if you will, Snoop D-O-Double-G sneaking onto the tour bus during a particularly hard party to get high and giggle at Patricia Routledge. Well, unfortunately, he *claims* to watch it on BBC America, where they still show it. Don't believe the spin. [The Sun]

Last year, Lohan put her personal contact info on her Facebook page, and it circled around the internet for just about anyone to call her. Someone figured out her voicemail password (it wasn't hard, it was 1234) and Animal New York posted a sample of the aural delights found there, and it's not pretty.

Sure, there are a few drunk people saying retarded things, but even worse are all the people trying to get something out of her: a party promoter who wants her to host a gig that her girlfriend Samantha Ronson is DJing; a girl who wants to "have coffee" because she's "DJ, like Samantha Ronson" and then leaves her MySpace address; and her father, who just wants a call back.

Actually the saddest part is when Michael Lohan says that he went to hang out with Lindsay's siblings, but they didn't want to see him. Instead, he went to 7-11 and bought a copy of Lindsay's CD and is driving around listening to it. He even holds up the phone so we can hear. Yeah, cause that's what is going to make your daughter like you, knowing that you purchased her magnum opus from a roadside convenience store for $7.99?

This is the torture that must lead the starlet to her misbehavior. Oh, Lindsay, it is a sad and lonely life you lead, but this is why God invented publicists. They take all the shitty calls you don't want!

• Twilight star Ashley Greene, rumored to be dating Chace Crawford, is the latest in a long line of starlets to have nude photos leak onto the internet. [Gatecrasher and Fleshbot (NSFW!)]
  
  
• So much for that little diet of hers — America's thuggish, chicken riot-inciting overlord, Oprah, ate her way through Manhattan over the weekend, making stops at the Times Square TGIFridays for potato skins and Dylan's Candy Bar for Starbursts and Hershey's Kisses, just like your average Midwestern tourist. [Page Six]
  
  
• No celebrities want to appear on Amy Sacco's dumb Bravo reality show, because Amy Sacco and her little nightlife empire and over and dead! [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Well here's a bright little ray of sunshine to warm even the coldest heart — Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are giving it yet another go! [Page Six]
  
  
• Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper were spotted over the weekend boarding a plane to Spain. Though they've yet to confirm their coupledom, traveling overseas together is pretty much a dead giveaway, right? [Page Six]
  
  
• Poor Jessica Simpson recently got dumped by the epic tool quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys and now she's scared to death in Japan after an earthquake made her pretty blonde little head worry. [Sun]
  
  
• Gossip Girl co-stars Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan are reportedly deeply in love with each other, so much so that they plan on moving in together very soon. [Page Six]
  
  
• So not only does Cameron Diaz now resemble a character on Nip/Tuck, but she also has armpits that have the audacity to sweat profusely, an unfortunate trait for someone who's photographed as often as she is. [Mirror]
  
  
• Finally, at age 35 and after years of drinking, drug use, nonstop partying, rocker dude-boning, etc., Kate Moss is beginning to show some wear and tear on that beautiful face of hers. [Daily Mail]

• Cameron Diaz is apparently boning Leonardo DiCaprio and Jude Law at the same time. She's been spotted out and about in London on "secret dates" with both of them, so yeah, she's taking both of them on the regular, no doubt. [Sun]
  
  
• Jessica Simpson drowned her sorrows after being dumped by Tony Romo by hitting the town with her girlfriends and sucking off a frat boy in the backseat of a Geo Prism. Actually, we're kidding about the last part. [Daily News]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson got into a huge fight after Sam went out all night with Drea De Matteo and Lindsay went beserk with jealousy. Sam would up tossing all of Lilo's clothes out onto the street. Just another Saturday night for these kids really. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Victoria Beckham has hired a personal spray-on tanner person to keep her looking perfectly bronzed at all times. [Daily News]
  
  
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are engaged! Supposedly he called her up on stage during his stand-up act and dropped to one knee while she was on the stage. [Page Six]
  
  
• Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan was arrested and charged with DUI in Miami after having three drinks while looped up on Benadryl. [Daily News]
  
  
• Lady Gaga showed up on the set of a German TV show for an interview and was wearing a coat made out of miniature Kermit the Frogs. It's quite a sight to behold. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Sienna Miller is not the world's best driver by any means, even for an actress. [Mirror]
  
  
• It now appears as though there will be no murder charges filed against Dr. Conrad Murray in the investigation of Michael Jackson's death. [Sun]

• Lindsay Lohan's obsessive stalking of Samantha Ronson throughout Europe seems to have worked. Ronson appears to have caved to Li-Lo's insanity out of fear for her life or something, as they were spotted spending the day together in Los Angeles after a Lohan tweet hinted that they may be back togther. [Sun]
  
  
• Things are getting ugly between Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott on the set of their Robin Hood flick. Allegedly producers are having to fly in to make peace between the two, who have refused to speak to each other at times. Russell Crowe also so showed up fat to play Robin Hood at the start of filming, something that didn't please Scott and the producers, who forced Crowe to go on a crash diet to lose 35 lbs. [Page Six]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway thinks she's ready for the bright lights of Broadway and is set to play Judy Garland in the the upcoming musical, Get Happy, The Life of Judy Garland. [Daily News]
  
  
• Here's a shocker—NBC is vigorously denying the Speidi torture allegations, basically saying that everything Heidi and Spencer have claimed is a load of crap. Again, shocking. [Daily News]
  
  
• Susan Boyle has reclaimed her sanity with the help of her cat "Pebbles" and is ready to start rehearsing for the Britain's Got Talent tour. [Mirror]
  
  
• This whole Jon and Kate thing is already beyond ridiculous, but it only grows more so by the day—Authorities with the Pennsylvania Humane Society were called on to investigate whether or not the Gosselin's dogs had been abused by the family. [Dlisted]
  
  
• Chris Brown has taken to surrounding himself with burly bodyguards whenever he makes public appearances out of fear that someone will seek retaliation for his beating of Rihanna. [Page Six]
  
  
• Simon Cowell is on the verge of nailing down a deal to produce a remake of Saturday Night Fever, with Zac Efron set to star as the character played by John Travolta in the original. [Sun]
  
  
• Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York was cleared of assault charges after the dude she allegedly beat up failed to show up in court. [EOnline]

• Oh this is ripe—-Britney Spears, currently playing a series of concert dates in London, is so hell bent on meeting the Queen and having her little rugrats rub shoulders with royalty, that she's planning on giving Buckingham Palace the ole "pop-in" in the hopes that the Queen will feel sorry for her and take her in. There is no way this is ending without sparking an international incident. [Mirror]
  
  
• Kristin Cavallari has just started filming on The Hills and she is already starting trouble! Supposedly, she showed up at Audrina Patridge's birthday party and Audrina caught her trying to get into Justin Bobby's pants and all hell broke loose. Of course, we all know that The Hills is totally not scripted so none of this was staged for dramatic television effect. [Daily News]
  
  
• Rumors have been swirling for some time that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were on the rocks and about to break up, but their publicist now says that all of this is a bunch of hooey, so of course we believe it because publicists don't lie and we can all now go back to eating potato chips and watching game shows. [Daily News]
  
  
• Photos have emerged of Jon Gosselin and his alleged mistress hanging out together on vacation in Utah with the poor, cuckolded Kate nowhere in sight. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Sienna Miller is PISSED that Nobu has the audacity to put the endangered blue fin tuna on the menu at its restaurants. [Sun]
  
  
• For the first time in seven years, recovering crackhead Whitney Houston has a brand new album coming out. [Dlisted]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan is in London basically doing nothing other than stalking Samantha Ronson all over town. [Daily News]
  
  
• LeAnn Rimes is accused of being a heartless homewrecker by breaking up a marriage but she insists she's done absolutely nothing wrong. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Lance Armstrong and his lady friend have welcomed a bouncing baby boy into the world. [EOnline]

• The Daily Mail visited Amy Winehouse on the tropical island where she's supposed to be cleaning her life up. When they met her at 9am, she was already on her second shot of tequila. The whole thing has gone horribly wrong and some doubt she'll live to record another album. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• After having Sacha Baron Cohen's ass all up in his face to create a fake controversy, Eminem had his LA hotel room broken into. His laptop and a 650K necklace were stolen. [Daily News]
  
  
• London is on high alert as Hurricane Lohan is rolling through town to spend time with Samantha Ronson, who's in town for a DJ gig. [Sun]
  
  
• Simon Cowell called Susan Boyle to offer her his "unconditional support" in aiding her recovery from the breakdown she recently suffered. [Mirror]
  
  
• Melissa Joan Hart, who graced this past week's cover of People for having lost a bunch of weight, was overheard telling friends that she hoped that Farrah Fawcett didn't die during the week of her cover, thus bumping her off of it. [Page Six]
  
  
• Lily Allen just can't keep her nipples inside her of her damn dress, and the world is a much better place because of this. NSFW! [Drunkenstepfather]
  
  
• Daily Show alum and current The Office cast member Ed Helms just can't resist belting out Broadway showtunes at completely inappropriate times. [Starpulse]
  
  
• A new biography details what exactly happened when Britney Spears broke down and shaved her head and seemed as though she was going way off the deep end. [Mirror]
  
  
• Paris Hilton is hinting that she and her boyfriend Douglas or whatever his name is might be getting married this summer. [EOnline]
  
  
• Pixie Geldof got trashed at Bungalow 8 in London and photographers got a bunch of pics of her stumbling around in the street. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have definitely quit I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. No, none of this was staged at all. [Daily News]

• Samantha Ronson upgraded her Lindsay Lohan relationship to "It's Complicated" on Facebook after blanking her relationship status during the couple's breakup. The two have also resumed talking on the phone again, instead of just texting. At this rate they should be romantically screaming at one another again in a matter of days, just like old times. [Us]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn't close a deal to sell their wedding pictures exclusively to any of the celebrity magazines. Maybe because it's their second ceremony and nobody cares anyway? Naww, better to blame the economy. [Scoop]
  
• Miley Cyrus can't bring herself to dump her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend in person, so she's doing it though the tabloids. She's growing up so fast! (That said, the 16-year-old singer's new/old boyfriend Nick Jonas isn't allowed close his bedroom door when he makes out with her.) [Gatecrasher]
  
• Jennifer Aniston is supposedly afraid to leave her hotel room, because she might run into Angelina Jolie on the streets of New York, where both actresses are shooting movies. Please. Even Aniston isn't paranoid enough to think she's just going to accidentally walk onto Jolie's set in the oh-so-teeny-tiny city of New York and bump into her. [Life & Style]
  
• Courtney Love is talking trash about Pamela Anderson in the Post, saying she's white trash who lives in a trailer park and doesn't even have a credit card. Perfect. [P6]
  
• Jessica Lange is refusing to step aside into the Emmy awards' Best Supporting Actress slot so Drew Barrymore can have be the only Grey Gardens nominee for Best Actress in a Movie. [P6]
  
• Stephen Colbert used to get stuffed into lockers in high school. "If there was no locker, they would stuff me into a wall." [Gatecrasher]

Ellen (DeGeneres, of the talk show) asked about the breakup and the rumors that Lohan had a restraining order issued against her by Samantha's sister Charlotte, in her usual funny, friendly way. And Lindsay gamely, well sorta gamely, played along. In that bitchy girl from high school trying not to act bitchy because you guys are stuck at your lame parents' dinner party because they're friends and she wants to be good so she'll get a car but mostly she just seems really disinterested kind of way. So it was disinterested, evasive stuff: "I didn't even know..." and "what could I do?", in reference to the alleged restraining order.

But mostly, yeah, Lohan claims she heard about her breakup in the big awful Media before she heard it from the horse's mouth. Which is too bad. Remember when that happened to poor Minnie Driver?

• Mel Gibson's self-described Russian lover was silenced by the movie star's lawyers, who are supposedly worried her loud gabbing will help Gibson's soon-to-be-ex wife grab more than the $480 million she's already set to walk off with. "No one has the right to speak about this... it's not normal," the singer said of Gibson's marriage. At the press conference she called, to discuss when she can next discuss her affair. [Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan is still pining for the good old days with Samantha Ronson, when the couple's screaming matches were frequent enough to be used as the preferred inter-nightclub navigation system for DJs and waitstaff. "We'll see what happens," she told Ellen DeGeneres. "Maybe when we're fully in the right place… and I love her." In the meantime, there's always that British photographer, mentioned Monday in Page Six and Tuesday in Life & Style.
  
• After losing her nerve and blowing her chance to talk to obvious longtime crush Tiger Woods on the golf course the other week, Condoleeza Rice impulsively arranged a dinner with Randy Jackson when she was in Los Angeles. The married pianist and America Idol judge was "mystified" but went anyway, leaving Rice "absolutely intrigued." But only in an totally innocent sense having to do with how Jackson handles his instrument. [Us]
  
• About a year ago this time, crazy Britney Spears was constantly half naked, sick to her stomach and heavily disoriented. Since then she's cleaned up her life, turned herself around and embarked on a tour where she's constantly half-naked, sick to her stomach and heavily disoriented. [Mirror]
  
• Freida Pinto was seen kissing her Slumdog Millionaire co-star Dev Patel, who she recently insisted she was "not dating" after he visited on the set of her new movie in Israel. He's 18, she's 24. [Daily Star]

Aufdenkamp has been called Lohan's "main gay," though at one point he told Hollywood gossip Perez Hilton he was straight. What the tabloids agree on: He's a bad influence whom Lohan's friends blame for her relapses.

Like Lohan, Aufdenkamp has a Twitter account. And his tweets, leaked by a helpful tipster, seem to confirm tabloid reports that Lohan has been out partying with friends. (Lohan has denied reports that she was downing Grey Goose, claiming she was drinking a vitamin-laced nutraceutical cocktail instead.)

Update: This email just came in:

i don't know if this email is going to the right place but i have received a few messages on my facebook with a link to your article that is stating that my twitter page was revealed. i don't have one and i would appreciate it if you could take down the article. I'm trying to get the twitter page removed. if you have any questions now or in the future please, just email me. thank you. thank you.
Patrick.

So it may just be another crazy prank in the Lohansphere section of the Twitterverse — like the time a dude in Michigan registered an account in the name of Lohan's mom Dina.

If it's a prank, it's a well-done one: The Aufdenkamp account's tweets are mostly banal. But we find this interesting: At the same time that he's directing smiley faces to Lohan's private "sevinnyne" account, he's also making nice with Samantha Ronson on Twitter, even after she changed the locks on her ex-lover. Another Twitter correspondent of Aufdenkamp: Nicole Richie, who's said to have dissed Lohan, Mean Girls-style, at a party at the Chateau Marmont.

Here are Aufdenkamp's purported secret Twitter messages: