Yesterday, the Catholic Church released hordes of colorful balloons in St. Peter's Square, a gesture meant to symbolize the triumph of Satan's power over life on earth.

To some, a pentagram might just be the thing behind that naked guy in the Rush logo, but looking at this school bus's brake lights, one concerned parent in Tennessee saw something far more sinister: a Satanic conspiracy against our precious children.

If you're looking for the devil, he's hiding in your Monster® Brand Extreme Energy Beverage, probably right between the L-carnitine and the pyridoxine hydrochloride. That's according to this respected theologian, who is crazy.

While most devil worshipers express their allegiance to Old Scratch with Slayer tapes and questionable facial hair, one of Satan's little helpers took a more direct approach Thursday night, plowing his car through the Oklahoma statehouse's controversial Ten Commandments monument.

A teenager is in police custody after she allegedly took a 10-year-old friend on a playdate from hell last week.

An undergraduate student group has announced plans to hold a Satanic "black mass" on Harvard's campus Monday evening, freaking out Catholics and conservatives who probably figured the Ivy was a dark servant of Beelzubub all along.

For months it seemed like a quick joke, but now it's concrete. Well, putty, anyway. Hard-chargin' Satanists have a mockup of a monument to the dark lord (and two rapt kids) that they plan to display in front of the Oklahoma statehouse. And other than being evil, it's pretty boss.

At Halloween parties across this dreaded land tonight, people will set up Ouija boards and tarot decks for the traditional drunken fortune teller's table of occult items. At least a few people will freak out when the Ouija board spells out something maniacal like "KILL YOU FOREVER GOOD-BYE DADDY," and again we will…

Just recently in Dyersburg, Tennessee, a number of custom-made purple signs materialized around the 17,000-person town, alerting local drinkers they were unwitting pawns of the Devil. Strategically placed across from alcohol purveyors, the banners proffered these admonishments:

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

"Anal sex would release into the world these rare demonic entities that even in the body could be conceived this, um, devil, it would be given birth to anally, not physically it was more of a spiritual body." - Joseph Sciambra, who once had to have his sphincter stitched shut (it might still be stitched).

Conservatives are absolutely livid over a new Obama campaign ad starring Lena Dunham, in which the 26-year-old Girls showrunner speaks suggestively about her "first time" voting for Obama.

British people whose only friends are birds are freaking out this summer, as hundreds of their cherished pets are disappearing somewhere over England and no one can figure out what is happening to them or how to make friends with a human.

Lady Gaga's June 3 concert in Jakarta has been canceled following heightening protests and threats of violence. A group called the Islamic Defenders Front said that they would stop the concert by a pop star they refer to as the "messenger of the devil."