New York Times media reporter and Lena Dunham BFF David Carr's brother, Joe, was arrested in DC earlier this month for scalping tickets to a Nationals game. Then, scooping the story from the Times, Joe Carr wrote an op-ed about it for the Washington Post. The best part is, it may or may not be Taylor Swift's fault.

Unless you're into the tonsured monk look, you should probably avoid pissing off Gabriela Nunez—a 19-year-old bouffant-ed brawler from Las Cruces, New Mexico who allegedly ripped the scalp off another woman during a particularly intense fight. She must have one hell of a hand-gripper exercise regimen.

Every year the Christmas event for New York's A gays is the Toys for Tots benefit. Tickets are so in demand for the sold-out event that some people are now charging exorbitant rates for tickets online. What about the kids?

The Way We Live Now: As close as can be to making a dollar! Unemployment has plummeted to the merest of double digits. Our scalping business is slow, and gambling's dead, but booze auctions are picking up. Promise!