Gawker: scarjo

Breathy Blonde Sings Again

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 27 May 2009 14:17:08 EDT

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Well well. If you didn't get enough of Scarlett Johansson's ruinous crooning with her thoroughly unnecessary vanity album of Tom Waits covers, it is your lucky year: she is putting out a musical album, again!

This time she's working with Pete Yorn. How lucky he must feel to get this opportunity. I mean I guess you can't really blame the dude, here he has ScarJo, of all people, coming up to him like "Hey how would you like to spend weeks in the studio with me and my attractive body?" And he's like sure, okay, let's do it, hell, Pete Yorn can go do his own albums later on so why would he say no? I mean she got Tom fucking Waits, America's coolest living man, to say yes, and he certainly does not need Scarlett Johansson's help, with his songs, in any way shape or form, thank you very much, so her powers of persuasion are very real, my friends.

You can listen to the first single here, which is not bad except that ScarJo has this underlying robotic quality in her voice, which is just one of the many reasons she should not be making songs. The album comes out September 8 so be sure to boycott it.
[Pic via]

ScarJo's Private Life Revealed In Graffiti

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:28:13 EDT

Blonde actress megastar Scarlett Johannson has been accused of drug use by a random graffiti tagger! But there's even more to the imaginary rendezvous; what did you and the busty Tom Waits fan do after the party, random graffiti tagger?:

That's good enough for Page Six!

[HYB via Animal]

Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:29:34 EDT

Everybody listen: Scarlett Johansson is saying stuff. About men. Heroic men! Iconic men! Men she would like to honor! The blonde actress, who insists on putting out an unwanted record, reveals the five guys she considers her "dads": Woody Allen, Bill Murray, Tom Waits, Barack Obama, and Bob Dylan. Suck it, actual dad! While a waggish type might be tempted to point out that none of these "dads" saved her from looking like an alien albino on the cover of Paste, a wiser person would examine her dad choices and ponder the question: Aren't these just a bunch of random old guys that probably don't even know her that well?

Bill Murray: She was in the movie Lost In Translation with him. "I don't even remember what I did off screen, I was so jetlagged," she says. Profound.
Woody Allen: She just finished shooting her third movie with him. "I'm always kind of weirded out when I'm interviewed by people who say, 'Gosh! Woody must be in love with you.' It's like, 'fucking expand your mind,'" she says. Revelatory.
Tom Waits: She is doing a cover album of his music. "I was this little blonde girl with a baritone singing voice, which at nine was freakish, I'm sure," she says. Epic.
Barack Obama: She supports his campaign. "He's confronting health-care issues that affect young people. You know, most of my friends don't have insurance," She says. Heartwarming.
Bob Dylan: She was in a video for his song. "I've been fortunate enough to never be the biggest media sensation," she says. Intense.

[BONUS: Her real father: She is his child. "My dad's Danish. That would be the first adjective I'd use to describe my father," she says. Specific.]

[Paste]

Scarlett Johansson Vs. Tom Waits

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 09:29:20 EDT

Uncut magazine in the UK got an advance listen to the new and unnecessary Scarlett Johansson album of Tom Waits cover songs, "Anywhere I Lay My Head." According to the scattered preview, ScarJo sounds at various times like Marianne Faithfull, Liz Frazer, Marilyn Monroe, and Joy Division [Uncut]. So there's that. They do point out the asinine spectacle of 24-year-old ScarJo crooning "I Don't Want To Grow Up." You're not, yet, so stop singing about it! The question about this album remains: why must it exist? Certainly not because the blonde it-girl actress is poised to improve on the music of Waits, America's coolest living man. Could it be...the promo photos? It must be the promo photos. After the jump, the plump-lipped ScarJo's recently released contemplative pictures for the album—she enjoys sitting and gazing into the distance, you'll see—along with some of Tom Waits, for comparison's sake.

[SCARJO PICTURES END HERE]

Josh Hartnett: Surrounded By Assholes?

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:07:36 EDT

A tipster tells us that the odd Josh Hartnett short film on the Times' website—which shows the actor stumbling through the snow and chatting with a hotel desk clerk, as the first installment of a series that will somehow promote the NYT's fashion magazine—is the twisted byproduct of one thing only: asshole friends! Hartnett is "an extremely nice guy" and a "very loyal friend," but he's surrounded by "asshole user" fake friends who try to use him to further their careers in the industry. Or so we hear. If true, that would definitely solve the mystery of why Hartnett would make time for an aimless project like that. After the jump, more detailed ranting from our tipster, and a bonus clip of the obscure Josh Hartnett-Scarlett Johansson short that is supposedly a precursor to the Times dreck.

First, Josh Hartnett is an extremely nice guy. Extremely. He really wants to be known for his acting and not for being a hot dude. And he is a very loyal friend. And seriously, he would be the first one to jump in front of a bus to push someone out of the way.
That said, quite a few of his friends are assholes who are really nice to him (and to anyone who can get them things), but they are totally out to get their own share of his fame, etc. Not all of them are assholes, mind you. He has some good friends who do care about him, etc. Their names do not appear in the credits of that video.

Now, because Josh is such a nice guy and a loyal friend, he doesn't always see the asshole user aspect of his friends. He helps them make little films to start their directing and producing careers, because, again, nice guy...

I would just like people to know this is video is many things, but "art" isn't one of them. It's rich people getting richer through their connections, and their ability to trick nice people (who happen to be celebrities) into thinking that they are their friends. These people are not smart, just manipulative. But I have to admit, this whole gradually revealing the film on the NYT website is a brilliant way to show it...

The same people did make a short with Scarlett Johannsen and Josh Hartnett, but I guess that never saw the light of day. There is a terrible clip of it on youtube. Search for "Ham Lake".

And here it is!