Gawker: scary sadshaws

Vicious Infighting Over Sex And The City Embarrassment

Ryan Tate — Thu, 29 May 2008 08:01:49 EDT

At last, the buzz over the Sex And The City movie premiere is being deflated. It got so bad earlier this week that even the Times was reduced to hyping the official PR line about the opening in a cutesy video while failing to note the hundreds of unwitting publicity slaves turned away with tickets in their hands. But now the backlash stories are coming in waves, tearing down some small edifice of the celebrity-industrial complex before our very eyes. We've learned that many tourists in line paid "hundreds of dollars" for their worthless passes. It emerged that one of the stars made have shown up high on cocaine. The woman with the bum $19,000 ticket was lied to worse than anyone thought. Even the food sucked! There's talk of the show being way past its prime (you don't say!). And now movie producer New Line has been reduced to public bickering with Radio City Music Hall over who is at fault for the whole Tuesday night fiasco:

"The movie studio gave out way more promotional tickets than could fit in the orchestra," said one insider. "Radio City managers told the New Line people, 'You can solve this by opening up the mezzanines, which have 2,700 more seats - but they wouldn't do it."

However, a New Line source countered, "It was Radio City Music Hall making that decision. They took control of the fan line. They turned the fans away."

People get upset about Sex And The City selling vacuous lies — about New York, about relationships, about sex, about life — but now the enterprise has gone and done something that really will, for once, help hundreds of its most fervent fans start behaving more independently.

[Post]

The Fake, $19,000 Ticket To Sex And The City

Ryan Tate — Tue, 27 May 2008 07:11:48 EDT

Meet Ella Sherman of Singapore. She paid $19,000 on eBay to be just like Carrie Bradshaw. She was going to get into the Sex And The City movie premier and after-party, stay for five nights in New York in a sexy hotel, shop at Jimmy Choo, hang in an exclusive club and carry on an emotionally unfulfilling affair with Mikhail Baryshnikov. Some money was going to go to charity in her name. But the travel company that sold her the package reneged (surprise!) on the premiere and after-party and wouldn't refund Sherman's money, claiming it had been defrauded by someone else. The Post took pity on this woman's pathetic situation and finagled her a ticket to the premier. But she's still upset!

It seems Sherman won't get to go to a promised event featuring Sex star Kim Cattrall, a party that would likely have figured prominently in the story she's freelancin for some big Asian magazine.

"It was the after-party that was the big thing for me," she told the Post.

Oh please, Ella. You don't need to go to that. You've clearly soaked up the naive, entitled, psuedo-feminist striving at the heart of Sex And The City better than virtually every person at this little "after-party," assuming it ever existed in the first place.

[Post]

(Photo via Post)

Sex And The City And The Coming Estrogen Riots

Ryan Tate — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:21:23 EDT

You might be indifferent to the Sex And The City movie, but across the country there are squads of women who care way, way too much about the film and who have already begun planning drunken, cackling rampages on opening night. Some women have commandeered jets to meet friends for the premiere; some of those will descend on New York. Once assembled, the teams will eat overpriced Asian fusion, yell at movie screens, terrorize nightclubs and, of course, consume near-lethal doses of cosmopolitans, according to a Times survey of scheduled tactical deployments. In the end, the streets will fill with vomit and desperate tears; your ears will ring with resigned sobs and frenzied mating shrieks. Here are a few of the specific horrors in store:

"Helen Malani, an online shopping expert [in Los Angeles]... has already bought seven tickets to an opening-night showing on May 30. One guest is coming from as far away as Arizona... the chance to 'hoot and holler' at the screen with a like-minded sisterhood has been lacking in her years of devotion to the series."
"In Vail, Colo., Bonnie Vesey plans to go one better, with cosmopolitans and an Asian fusion dinner party for 10 at the Beaver Creek resort before a 9 p.m. screening at a nearby theater... 'We’re all going to dress fabulously... I’m the Kim Cattrall of the group.'"
"In Manhattan, On Location Tours sold out 300 tickets, at $130 each, for a special 10-hour tour of “Sex and the City” hot spots. The night peaks with a group viewing of the movie at a reserved theater auditorium in Midtown, followed by a party at a club in Chelsea."
"A spokesman for... an online ticket service said... 26 percent of those who responded planned to see the film 'with the whole gang.'"
"Approximately 20 'beautiful females have all decided to meet for the event starting at Mangia e Bevi then out for a stroll to the movies with our man Manhattan...'"

On the bright side, this will be a huge, huge money night for cat-sitters.

[Times]

(Photo via EveryStockPhoto)

Another Weekend Ruined For You By Julia Allison

Nick Douglas — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:45:01 EDT

Julia Allison is the new Carrie Bradshaw. I didn't say it! The Times compared the now-I-want-fame-now-I-don't dating columnist to her fictional predecessor in a three-page profile. According to the Times, Gawker "can't help adding snarky and even vicious commentary" to every bit of Julia news. But I'm the writer who likes Julia (she can change!) so I'll leave the commentary to you. I'm terribly fascinated with everyone's reaction to the excerpt below:

In one episode, Carrie does debate whether it is proper etiquette to contact an old boyfriend by e-mail; on another occasion, a boyfriend dumps her by leaving a Post-it on her computer. Ms. Allison, by contrast, may be best known for her online breakup earlier this year with a boyfriend with whom she once shared a blog, jakobandjulia.com, where they would tell readers details of their life together. Hundreds commented, both on their blog and elsewhere, as the relationship dissolved through a series of nasty posts. Soon afterward, her ex appeared, seminaked, on the blog of a woman they both knew.
Asked how it feels to end a relationship in public like that, Ms. Allison nods her lovely head and gazes into the distance. "People were preying on my pain," she says, her voice not quite cracking. "It was hell."

There's also a video interview with Julia called "Web and the Single Girl", in case you've never seen Julia talk about herself.

Ahahahaha, I couldn't even type that with a straight face.

Ladies: Please, Just Settle

Sheila — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:01:12 EST

A new study alleges that men produce a lot of sperm because it's so hard to knock a woman up, Slate reports. Given the fact that they're always cheating, as well as having babies that aren't Really Yours, you cuckhold. On the flip side, Lori Gottlieb advises The Atlantic's female readers to, "Settle! That's right... Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go." You know, how Rachel should have settled for Barry on Friends, she points out. Wait, what?

Does this writer own a TV? Because Rachel wouldn't have settled for Barry—he was kind of a lying jerk. Remember?

Well, whatever. On the eve of Valentine's Day, we leave you with this:

What I didn't realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an enormous act of resignation when you're looking at it from the vantage point of a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you'll probably be relatively content... I didn't fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you're married, it's not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it's about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business.

[The Atlantic]

Learning How To Survive Being Single From Imogen Lloyd Webber

Emily Gould — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 14:00:19 EDT

Single Girls and their Wingmen and BFs and Girl Playmates and Squeakies hopped in their Cabbage last night to confront the Clit Teasers, Social Hand Grenades, and All Text No Trousers types who awaited them in the City. Some of them wound up at Bloomingdale's SoHo at the book party for Imogen Lloyd Webber's advice manual The Single Girl's Survival Guide, which is the source of the wholly original euphemisms above and many more. "[Pink superscript 'I']t is a truth which should be universally acknowledged that a single girl can be in possession of the most wonderful life," the book begins. With the help of photographer Nikola Tamindzic and maybe one too many passionfruit mojitos, tee hee, I set out to discover whether this could be true.

As heavily made-up ladies milled around the third floor (DvF!) of Bloomies, studiously avoiding the gaze of the two or three men in attendance, I made my way over to get my book signed by Imogen herself. She is a tiny, tiny, miniature person, the kind of girl who makes everyone around her look and feel fat. She is single and 30 and loving it! She's even teaching a class at the Learning Annex to this effect. And of course it is the subject of her book.

"I'm recently single," I told her. "What is the best tip from your book?"

She looked at me with genuine concern, and began to speak in that concerned tone of voice British people have that is actually very comforting and usually accompanied by offer of tea. She seemed to be trying to restrain herself from patting me on my hand. Anyway, she told me I should not think at all about attracting men or trying to have a boyfriend and just focus on myself for right now. "I could have told you that," Nikola said under his breath as he took unflattering photos of Imogen squinching up her brown, trying to think of what to say next.

"Umm, I'm thinking of getting a dog! What's your opinion on that? Should a single lady have a pet? I already have a cat," I said.

"I used to have a cat named Smirnoff, and he was a very bad cat!" she said. "The neighbors must have thought I was an alcoholic, which I probably am—joke!—because every morning I would be running about the flat shouting "Smirnoff! Smirnoff!"

She paused to finish signing my book in pink pen. ("Dear Emily, Hope you enjoy. Have fun! Much love, Imogen")

"But a dog is a massive responsibility," she said. "I mean, I'm a bit more of a cat person. I feel a bit of an obligation to be, actually. You know, 'Cats' paid for my college education!"

Nikola and I laughed, but later mused about how uncharming it is when extremely rich people pretend to be ordinary. After all, the collected revenues from Imogen's father's musical 'Cats' could pay for the college educations of maybe an entire small country. Should one make self-deprecating jokes about one's wealth, or allow it to become the elephant in the room? This topic is not covered in The Single Girl's Survival Guide.

Did you read that article in the Times magazine ...

Emily Gould — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 16:50:44 EDT

Did you read that article in the Times magazine about couples therapy? Poignant, right? I cried at the end. And I had to wonder: is the dream of finding lasting love hopeless? [NYT]

Can You Tell That A Woman Is Single And Unlaid Just From Her Apartment?

Emily Gould — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:45:22 EDT

So our—well, not 'our,' but you know, 'everyone's'—Julia Allison has finally found a name for her Time Out New York dating column! No, it's not "Dumb Slut Adventures" or whatever your suggestion was. It's The Single File. What an ugly word that is, "single." What is it, exactly, that makes the word itself, and its connotations, so inadvertent-shudder-inducing? Maybe it's less about actually being single and more about the telltale signs of being uncoupled, hmm? You know ... singlefiers.

Examples of singlefiers have been popping into my head with alarming regularity lately, possibly because I'm about to live alone for the first time. And, to be honest, I really want it to be completely unlike every other New York bachelorette pad, which are so often completely alike. Not that there aren't various grossnesses endemic to apartments inhabited by couples! (Seriously, people, that bedside trash can? Empty it oftener, or throw the condoms out elsewhere.) But here's the stuff I'm worried will happen in my new place:

Piles of magazines everywhere, comprised of tons of pretentious ones that are clearly untouched and then severely thumbed-through Vogues and Luckys

Overflowing shoe rack and nothing in the fridge

Scented candles

Slovenly heaps of little-used makeups in the bathroom

Stuffed animals in the bed

Cat hair on the furniture

Cat smell

Cabinets full of mugs featuring the likeness of lady who looks like those hypertrophically-limbed Daily Candy illustrations, bearing the legend "I Love Shopping" or whatnot

Anything pink

Ornamental pillows

Unedited bookshelves, esp. if they include He's Just Not That Into You or anything along those lines

Nair

Lite cottage cheese in the fridge

Anything lite or diet around. Cases of Diet Coke. Weight Watchers 'Just 2 Points' bars

Inspirational or thinspirational things on the fridge

Framed posters

Handbag tree

I could go on. Or maybe you could?

"Over six years on HBO, the sitcom terraformed ...

Emily Gould — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 10:50:53 EDT

"Over six years on HBO, the sitcom terraformed the city in its image, turning Manolos and Cosmos and those damned floppy flowers into icons." That's Emily Nussbaum on why there shouldn't be a Sex and the City movie. Word. [NYM]

Is Carrie Gross The Absolute Worst Of All The Scary Sadshaw Lady Bloggers?

Emily Gould — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 16:44:53 EDT

Carrie Gross is everything that's wrong with women in New York. She's materialistic, status- and wedding-obsessed, and of course, she's got a blog where she writes like a brain-damaged Carrie Bradshaw ("in my naivety") about her upcoming nuptials, knockoff designer handbags, man-purses, and other topics that made the SaTC writer's room groan "Nah, that's so played out!" six years ago. The Times Real Estate section did a thing back in September about her search for a $6,000/month rental that would accommodate the obnoxiously large dog that she and her fiance treat like a child. "What we want to purchase in a couple of years is not what we want to purchase now," she explained to Joyce Cohen, regarding her decision to rent and not buy. "The suburbs will be an option, or buying something much bigger."

We mention this because, apropos of nothing, we got two emails today directing us to Carrie's blog, both pointing out how stupid it is. Seems like somebody wants some attention. Well, congratulations, Carrie: your plan worked. Please send us a cut of the book deal cash. —emily

"Pinkberry People" To Look Into Flavor Swirling!

Emily Gould — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 17:25:21 EST

Breaking! Important! Pinkberry! Our Pinkberry Correspondent, who earlier today complained of not being allowed to mingle froyo flavors, thereby establishing the supremacy of Tasti-D, reports she received a response from "someone at Pinkberry"!

Though he said he understood my issue and there shouldn't be a problem with what I wanted, they aren't yet equipped to handle this request. I kid you not. He tried to push that $7 swirl crap on me again and I told him all I wanted was a medium cup with half and half and that I didn't want to pay $7 for it. When you go to Starbucks and you want a cup of half regular, half decaf, you don't have to choose between one or the other. He told me that Pinkberry has a certain way of doing things, for example, some frozen yogurt places off gummi bears as a topping, and they do not.I told him that they are denying you what they offer—which is only 2 flavors—and that's ridiculous. He's presenting this to the "Pinkberry people" to offer their customers in the future. Just wait until the Murray Hill girls starting asking for it to be layered with sprinkles.

Just wait!

Earlier: Pinkberry "Will Never Conquer Tasti-D", Claims Lady

Pinkberry "Will Never Conquer Tasti-D," Claims Lady

Emily Gould — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 10:30:24 EST

Pinkberry! Ever since we first heard that the West Coast haute froyo chain would soon be colonizing Manhattan, Jamba Juice-steez, we've been waiting with bated breath to see how our town's Tasti gals would handle the transition. Would the ladyfolk cotton to the new lo-cal dessert on the block? Well, word on the street (or at least, in our inbox) is that Pinkberry is some Pink Bullshit.

Last night, I stopped into the relatively new pinkberry on 8th avenue and 17th or 18th street - I didn't want to decide between the 2 flavors so I asked for both. She said they weren't allowed to do that and that they only had the swirl in a 10 oz container for like $7. There was NO ONE in the store with me and it was 18 degrees. So I left. Apparently they would rather not sell than give 2 flavors instead of one. They will never conquer Tasti - d. This is so not New York.

Agree? Disagree? Oh, please, let us know! We've a hankering for something frosty that won't exacerbate our muffin top.

Pinkberry Rising [Eater]

New AP Video Blog Aims For The Scary Sadshaw Demographic

Emily Gould — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 12:10:00 EST

When you read the words "young, single, and living in the city" on a computer screen, don't you just want to gouge your eyes out (a little)? Well, you must not be the kind of under-35 year old the AP is going for with its new youth-targeted ASAP service, which brings us the videoblog Reel City Tales. Our heroine, one Donna Arazie, is going to "vlog" (ugh!) about "men, careers, money, [and] big decisions" — like whether or not to booty-call. Giving credit/blame where it's due, Arazie admits in her intro post,"Sure, there was "Sex and the City," but that's so 2003." Omg, you guys, let's totally all watch this vlog on our portable handheld devices! Shoot. us. now.

Associated Press Starts A Sexy Videoblog [NewTeeVee]

Candace Bushnell Wasn't Paid Much For 'Sex'

Emily Gould — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 10:20:00 EST

In news that will excite all the thirtysomething ladies who desperately need TV role models to justify their one night stands, shoe-splurges, and bloggy confessions about same, it seems that a miniseries version of Candace Bushnell's latest novel, Lipstick Jungle, will be coming soon to a small screen near you. Yawn, we know. But in Nikki Finke's writeup of the deal, we did find this detail intriguing:

As for Bushnell, everyone thinks she made a mint off Sex And The City at HBO and in syndication. But lore has it [ed: we love 'lore' as a source ] that Bushnell sold the rights to Sex And The City producer Darren Star for a mere $60,000 way back in 1996. Asked about her payday from the deal, Bushnell back in 2005 confirmed to Radar that she'd taken the opportunity to cash out long before Sex And The City took off and said it was "highly unlikely" that she'd ever see a dime from its syndication (though her subsequent books and other projects have reportedly earned her millions). Interesting that, at one point, Darren Star tried to buy the TV rights to Lipstick Jungle, too, but the deal went south. No doubt, a kiss-off.

Oh, Candy. We know you're doing well now, but that must have stung for years — even though we're sure the 85 pairs of Manolos you bought in 1996 seemed totally worth it at the time.

Hopefully, NBC Deal for 'Lipstick Jungle' Better Than 'Sex.' [Deadline Hollywood]

New Williams-Sonoma Ads Reliant on Women Continuing to be Total Patsies

Doree Shafrir — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 15:25:44 EST

Just in case you thought those evil women's libbers had ruined romance forever, Williams-Sonoma is here to tell you that no, they didn't, and by the way, how about that Le Creuset casserole for your registry? December, it turns out, is the most popular time of year for engagements (15 percent of engagements happen in December, according to the crack research team at Conde Nast Bridal Media), and Williams-Sonoma is launching a new ad campaign (pictured at right) to get all those new fiancees to sign up with their gift registry—that is, if their boyfriends were quick enough to pick up on all the signals they've been sending:

In addition to being a romantic time of year, it is when everyone's together, so they can start to make plans," said Millie Martini Bratten, editor in chief of Brides. "And the ring is the ultimate gift."

Carley Roney, editor in chief of The Knot, an online wedding planning company, says its traffic surges each January. About 17 percent of the 2.3 million engagements every year take place in December, The Knot estimates. New Year's Eve is also a popular time for engagements, Ms. Roney said.

"A lot of people have end-of-year deadlines for themselves," Ms. Roney said. "You know: 'If he doesn't propose to me by the end of the year.' ..."

We imagine that Charlotte from Sex and the City must be so proud with this line of thinking.

Finding Love and the Right Linens [NYT]

Julia Allison's Protg Revealed!

Emily Gould — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 09:40:00 EST

Overpaid free-newspaper sex columnist Julia Allison's hot, gaping opening has been filled, yo. That's right: her search for a new assistant has netted one "Sara," who has a freshly-minted pink blogspot blog entitled Gentlemen Prefer (New York) Blondes. She says she's "pretty sure" that her life is "one long docudrama-comedy-chick flick that hasn't made it to the box office quite yet." We're pretty sure that we love her, because honestly, we love anything that makes our job easier.

Sara aspires to be a sex columnist, just like her new employer. We think she's a great fit for the job, based on qualifications that we've extrapolated from her five-entry blog oeuvre:

She's media-savvy!

I had to actually go out and purchase the behemoth that is the Sunday Times, instead of browsing it virtually from the comfort of my warm bed...and without black shit all over my hands. Sigh! But this rare purchase led me to actually read the Times at its entirety for the first time ever.

She's . . . confident!

So I have these really silky, oh-so-comfy pink PJ pants that I absolutely love. But they're slightly flawed. And by slightly I mean there's a gaping hole in the crotch area (see crotch shot below). Hey, they still serve their purpose.Anyways, I definitely went to the door this morning (carelessly in my oh-so-comfies) to get my delivery order, and I guess I forgot that delivery men have eyes. Needless to say, I can guarantee the delivery man will personally request to be the sole delivery man for apt. 2 from now on.

She's ambitious!

Now, I've seen this section in brief before, and I have witnessed Charlotte's misfortune on SATC when her wedding picture was blotched, but I've never actually read the blurbs under the flawless faces and happy little names...Until today. As a woman whose face MUST (eventually) end up in this elite part of the paper, I think I need to step up my game.
Out of the 18 announcements in the Weddings/Celebrations section, almost 50% had PhDs, master's or law degrees. Half had degrees from Columbia, Penn, Notre Dame, Georgetown or Harvard. And all 18 couples had established and successful careers.
I mean really! I have a college education and a career path, but someone in this relationship is really gonna need to get their act together. And by relationship, I mean...uhhh...me.
Note to self: get a master's degree, THEN look for a husband.

We applaud Sara's zeal, but we just want to set her straight on a couple of tiny details.
1) Sex and the City was a fictional drama, not a documentary or a reality show. We know, it's confusing. Sometimes it helps to see whether the credits list 'writers' or whether the performers have different names when you read about them in a magazine.
2)"Career path?"

Earlier: Julia Allison Has An Opening That's Perfect For You!

DumbBelle: 'It' Runs In The Family

Emily Gould — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 08:10:00 EST

We sincerely hope you've forgotten all about 'It' Girl Brooke "Belle in the Big Apple" Parkhurst — we wish we could — but an alert reader sends news of Parkhurst-promotion that's just too douchey to ignore. Seems a fawning profile ran recently in Belle's hometown newsrag, Pensacola Bella Magazine, about Parkhurst's amazing transformation from "Southern Belle" to "New York Hostess Diva." She gives parties, people! Unforgettable parties, parties as grand in scale as her unforgettable fivehead. But perhaps the most memorable part of the article, which includes tons of highly objective praise from Parkhurst's boyfriend, mom and literary agent, is this excerpt:

All her life, she had planned to follow the journalism paths of her mother and sister, Sloane Stephens Cox; and that of her late grandfather, Braden Ball, 30-year publisher of the News Journal. "And then suddenly, I'm a temp, and I'd go home after an empty and fruitless day,'' she said. That career derailment steered her onto the promising book-writing track.

The byline on the article? Sloane Stephens Cox. Um, do you think it's the world's biggest coincidence?

From Southern Belle to Hostess Diva [Pensacola Bella Magazine]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Brooke Parkhurst

Kim Cattrall's Vagina Has Some Tips For Teens

Emily Gould — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 12:50:00 EST

The pervier corners of the internet are abuzz this morning with the news that aging sexpot Kim "for all intents and purposes, Samantha" Cattrall flashed her bukiluki (NSFWork, men's heterosexuality) at a signing for her book Sexual Intelligence, which just came out in paperback. This reminded us of something we dimly knew at one time or another: Kim Cattrall is the author of another, more recently published book that we think is probably even more ridic than Sexual Intelligence (which is saying something). An excerpt from the Amazon description is after the jump. Trust us, you want to go there.

If you could ask Kim Cattrall anything, what would you want to know? Part teenage confidential, part survival guide, Everything I Ever Learned About Being a Girl tackles real questions in an honest, intimate and totally hip way. Info-packed spreads feature never-before-seen teen photographs of Kim, her own first-person experiences as a teenager - plus plenty of good advice.
If teenagers idolize Sex & The City's Samantha Jones because she has all the answers, they'll love Kim Cattrall - because she remembers what it was like to ask the questions.

We totally buy the part about "info-packed spreads." The rest, not so much.

Being A Girl: Navigating The Ups and Downs of Teen Life [Amazon]

Brooke Parkhurst: Self-"Annoited" Betty to Julia Allison's Veronica

Emily Gould — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 17:55:00 EST

We're tired, so we'll just let our favorite Big Apple DumbBelle speak for herself. It is big and beautiful, though, we'll say that much.

Slow News Day at Gawker [Belle in the Big Apple]
Earlier: Breaking: Self-Promoting Blogger Hit On By Ron Perelman

BREAKING: Self-Promoting Blogger Hit On By Ron Perelman

Emily Gould — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 12:10:00 EST

In a past life, we remember receiving blogger Brooke "Belle In The Big Apple" Parkhurst's book proposal and being more annoyed by it than by anything we'd seen in a while. Worse than the Scary Sadshawness of Brooke's nom de blog was the fact that, in the cover letter, her agent used the fact that she'd been "mentioned on Gawker" (Mentioned! on GAWKER!!!) to prop up his claim that she was "New York's new 'It' Girl." (We're paraphrasing here, not having a Cam Jansen memory, but you can rest assured that whatever the letter actually said was even more annoying). Anyway, cut to this morning: after having attended this ultra-exclusive Spy magazine party that you may have heard about a little bit, Brooke sent us a hot tip: she'd been spoken to by Revlon billionaire and serial monogamist Ron Perelman. Can you imagine? Well, you don't have to:

Within the next two minutes and with the aplomb of, well, Ronald Perelman, he informed me of his profession—"CEO and chairman of the board of 'Revlon'"—and his religion, "I'm Jewish, you?"
My Lord, this was the most straightforward Manhattan bar pick-up transaction that I had ever experienced! Was this how the media elite operated? I had just sipped a drink next to Anna Wintour, spoken with Kurt Andersen, admired the coiffes of Graydon Carter and Harvey Weinstein... Clearly I was way out of my league.

Yup, clearly. Also, Brooke, we think you dropped something.