<![CDATA[Gawker: Scary]]> http://cache.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: Scary]]> http://gawker.com/tag/scary http://gawker.com/tag/scary <![CDATA[ Bayer: Barbecuing Babies Guilt-Free ]]> [UPDATE: The ad agency in question has contacted us to say that these spots are spoofs from an unknown source, not actual ads approved by Bayer. Please note that as you read this post]. Well. Health care giant Bayer is advertising its new burn cream [actually, is not] by reaching out to cannibal mothers, apparently. The tagline on these ads out of Egypt reads, "Heals their burn and your guilt, fast." Ha, yes, ummm, we'll just back slowly out of the room now and call the authorities. Even serial fount of outrage Copyranter is left speechless at these. Click through for the other, equally horrific cartoony ad. If you are some sort of monster:

[via Copyranter]

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Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:58:00 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5028312&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Jellllyyyyyfisshhh!! ]]> The multi-tentacled jellyfish menace is loose in New York waters and nothing you can do will stop it! Quickly, swim, swim for shore, damn you! The floating blobs of fury are breeding as we speak. A swimmer died during the New York triathlon last weekend, and while doctors say there's no evidence a jellyfish sting was involved, the media is doing its part to keep you safe; no fewer than four newspapers today run stories about jellyfish, and how you definitely should not PANIC about their invertebrate invasion. They're replacing sharks as the media darlings of the sea!

The Daily News:

Esteban Neira of Lanus, Argentina, died Sunday after swimming in the Hudson River during the New York City Triathlon. Dozens of fellow athletes reported being stung by swarms of jellyfish, and afterward they wondered whether Neira fell victim to the slimy creatures.


The Times
:

Vince Lingner, 44, from Inwood, who completed the triathlon, said he got stung two or three times.

“You can feel this weirdness, this heat going up your arm, then little spots of heat radiating from the place where you got stung,” he said. “I’d never been stung by a jellyfish before, but I’d heard about it. So when it happened, I thought, well, this is what it feels like.”

The Sun:

The cyanea capillata, better known as the Lion's Mane, has been arriving in "giant swarms" since last year, Ms. Drew said. The species can be more than a foot in diameter and has tentacles even longer than that.

Newsday:

They say one breed in particular _ the lion's mane _ showed up about a month earlier than usual. The biologists blame everything from breeding conditions and climate change for the abundance of jellyfish so early in the season.

Cornell University biologist Mark Bain says there is "widespread evidence of increasing jellyfish around the world."

Whatever you do, don't let them know you're afraid. They can sense it—in their jelly.

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Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:50:46 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5027688&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ How Not To Sell A Razor ]]> There's not much to be said about this ad for HeadBlade, a nifty head-shaving product, except this: when you're putting a double entendre in your tagline about guys getting oral sex, do you want them to also associate that process with a blade? Seems a little too "John Wayne Bobbitt's most memorable razor" to cause a very positive psychological connection with the target audience. The full, misguided, gay-targeted ad, after the jump.

[via Multicult Classics]

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Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:31:32 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5017912&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ The Future Of The Music Industry Is 15 Pop Bands ]]> jonas.jpegBecause the music industry is an even worse place to invest your money than the newspaper industry at the moment, everyone is looking for the next big thing. The closest they've come is "360 deals," where artists get a huge check in return for a big cut of all their different revenue streams. First, Madonna signed a contract like this with Live Nation for $120 million. Then Jay-Z signed a contract with Live Nation for $150 million. Live Nation wants to sign 15 more artists to contracts like this. Then everybody else in music can quietly retire. Hope you like the Jonas Brothers a lot!

The WSJ reports that there's an internal battle at Live Nation right now over whether to press ahead with more of these monster deals, or slow down. If they did 15 more at $100 million per (a lowball estimate), that's $1.5 billion. If the company lays out that much scratch, you better believe they plan to see their profits. Ultimately it could mean that the 99.9% of less-than-mega artists that get shut out of deals like this have even worse financial career prospects than they have now, if such a thing is possible.

Homogenization forever! The entire music industry is now riding on: Madonna and Jay-Z, along with the Jonas Brothers, U2, the Rolling Stones, and maybe Shakira—Live Nation's roster. Not everyone is a fan of the company's strategy, though. Their stock is down 44% since they started signing these deals. Also, "profit margins in concert promotion are perilously thin, and a bad tour could undercut the overall value of a package deal."

So if you don't want the Jonas Brothers to be considered cutting edge music by the next generation, please boycott the next Madonna tour. This has been a public service message.

[WSJ]

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Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:00:51 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395958&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Celebrity Jesus: Original Gangster Version ]]> snoopad2.jpegHey kids: you think Catholicism is all about musty old churches and child-molesting priests? Think again, yo! Everything that you think is cool came from a man named g-o-d—including blunt-smoking gangster rapper Snoop Dogg. Deify him! But he's not the only one of you young peoples' false idols who came from the Godmeister. That's right, Sienna Miller did too! These two ads from the Australian version of Marie Claire are supposed to promote the Catholic Church's upcoming World Youth Day. 1-8-7 with a gat in your mouth, Jesus! Gaze upon the full versions of two [REAL] horrifying ideas of youth outreach:

snoopad.jpg


siennaad.jpg

[Copyranter]

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Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:30:14 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395013&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Reporter-Threatening Japanese Gangster: One Scary Dude ]]> gunsmoke.jpegSome secret Japanese government files have emerged about Tadamasa Goto, the Yakuza gangster boss who's threatened the life of American reporter Jake Adelstein and his family. And—we hate to say it—but it really sounds like Goto is not a guy you would want to be threatening your life. The file notes that he both pays off reporters and "will seriously and relentless threaten whoever is responsible for unfavorable coverage." Duh! Well uh, he's not really brutal, is he?

- To make an example of a member, Goto will beat that person in front of peers, or force the person's peers to dole out the punishment...

-They do not hesitate to take extreme measures or take into account the other people involved when it comes to planning an attack/ reprisal. They will act in the presence of women and/ or children, forcing them to watch gruesome, violent acts so that afterwards they will not file criminal complaints, etc.

Sucks.

[Source]

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Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:49:54 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=394689&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Vicious Infighting Over <i>Sex And The City</i> Embarrassment ]]> 81250551At last, the buzz over the Sex And The City movie premiere is being deflated. It got so bad earlier this week that even the Times was reduced to hyping the official PR line about the opening in a cutesy video while failing to note the hundreds of unwitting publicity slaves turned away with tickets in their hands. But now the backlash stories are coming in waves, tearing down some small edifice of the celebrity-industrial complex before our very eyes. We've learned that many tourists in line paid "hundreds of dollars" for their worthless passes. It emerged that one of the stars made have shown up high on cocaine. The woman with the bum $19,000 ticket was lied to worse than anyone thought. Even the food sucked! There's talk of the show being way past its prime (you don't say!). And now movie producer New Line has been reduced to public bickering with Radio City Music Hall over who is at fault for the whole Tuesday night fiasco:

"The movie studio gave out way more promotional tickets than could fit in the orchestra," said one insider. "Radio City managers told the New Line people, 'You can solve this by opening up the mezzanines, which have 2,700 more seats - but they wouldn't do it."

However, a New Line source countered, "It was Radio City Music Hall making that decision. They took control of the fan line. They turned the fans away."

People get upset about Sex And The City selling vacuous lies — about New York, about relationships, about sex, about life — but now the enterprise has gone and done something that really will, for once, help hundreds of its most fervent fans start behaving more independently.

[Post]

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Thu, 29 May 2008 08:01:49 EDT Ryan Tate http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5011567&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ The Fake, $19,000 Ticket To <i>Sex And The City</i> ]]> Picture 6-24Meet Ella Sherman of Singapore. She paid $19,000 on eBay to be just like Carrie Bradshaw. She was going to get into the Sex And The City movie premier and after-party, stay for five nights in New York in a sexy hotel, shop at Jimmy Choo, hang in an exclusive club and carry on an emotionally unfulfilling affair with Mikhail Baryshnikov. Some money was going to go to charity in her name. But the travel company that sold her the package reneged (surprise!) on the premiere and after-party and wouldn't refund Sherman's money, claiming it had been defrauded by someone else. The Post took pity on this woman's pathetic situation and finagled her a ticket to the premier. But she's still upset!

It seems Sherman won't get to go to a promised event featuring Sex star Kim Cattrall, a party that would likely have figured prominently in the story she's freelancin for some big Asian magazine.

"It was the after-party that was the big thing for me," she told the Post.

Oh please, Ella. You don't need to go to that. You've clearly soaked up the naive, entitled, psuedo-feminist striving at the heart of Sex And The City better than virtually every person at this little "after-party," assuming it ever existed in the first place.

[Post]

(Photo via Post)

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Tue, 27 May 2008 07:11:48 EDT Ryan Tate http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5011031&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Disney Struggles To Appease Scary Adult Fans ]]> vmk.jpegTo help promote the 50th anniversary of Disneyland, Disney launched a free "Virtual Magic Kingdom" website, where fans could make little avatars and walk around the virtual theme park doing little virtual activities. The VMK was originally scheduled to run for 18 months. But now, three years after it launched, the site is still going. Why? Because creepy Disney-obsessed adults who scare everyone have staked their claim to the site, and they're not about to let the company shut down this free temporary children's amusement. Their very identities depend upon it! The company says it makes no money on the site, and it needs to shutter it and move on. The fans say: we are creepy obsessed adults, and we are picketing your theme parks. As well as making slick protest websites, which showcase their virtual "Save VMK" protest videos. Like this one, in which a virtual boy in a feathered head dress persuades the multibillion-dollar corporation to listen to reason:

[pic via WSJ]

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Tue, 20 May 2008 10:18:44 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=392002&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ <i>Sex And The City</i> And The Coming Estrogen Riots ]]> Cocktails Martini Manhattan 1073060 OYou might be indifferent to the Sex And The City movie, but across the country there are squads of women who care way, way too much about the film and who have already begun planning drunken, cackling rampages on opening night. Some women have commandeered jets to meet friends for the premiere; some of those will descend on New York. Once assembled, the teams will eat overpriced Asian fusion, yell at movie screens, terrorize nightclubs and, of course, consume near-lethal doses of cosmopolitans, according to a Times survey of scheduled tactical deployments. In the end, the streets will fill with vomit and desperate tears; your ears will ring with resigned sobs and frenzied mating shrieks. Here are a few of the specific horrors in store:

  • "Helen Malani, an online shopping expert [in Los Angeles]... has already bought seven tickets to an opening-night showing on May 30. One guest is coming from as far away as Arizona... the chance to 'hoot and holler' at the screen with a like-minded sisterhood has been lacking in her years of devotion to the series."
  • "In Vail, Colo., Bonnie Vesey plans to go one better, with cosmopolitans and an Asian fusion dinner party for 10 at the Beaver Creek resort before a 9 p.m. screening at a nearby theater... 'We’re all going to dress fabulously... I’m the Kim Cattrall of the group.'"
  • "In Manhattan, On Location Tours sold out 300 tickets, at $130 each, for a special 10-hour tour of “Sex and the City” hot spots. The night peaks with a group viewing of the movie at a reserved theater auditorium in Midtown, followed by a party at a club in Chelsea."
  • "A spokesman for... an online ticket service said... 26 percent of those who responded planned to see the film 'with the whole gang.'"
  • "Approximately 20 'beautiful females have all decided to meet for the event starting at Mangia e Bevi then out for a stroll to the movies with our man Manhattan...'"

On the bright side, this will be a huge, huge money night for cat-sitters.

[Times]

(Photo via EveryStockPhoto)

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Tue, 20 May 2008 04:21:23 EDT Ryan Tate http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5009845&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Who's Stalking You On Facebook? ]]> facebook3.jpegA tipster notes that if you go to your Facebook page, click on the search box, and then hit the down arrow, up pops a list of the five people who search for your name most often. It seems to work! Although maybe it's just five random people. And maybe you all know this already? In any case, it's something to talk about with nerds. UPDATE: Well, this post has generated quite a bit of disagreement! Below, five thoughtful theories attempting to solve this pressing mystery:

  • The "It's People YOU Search For" Theory
    A passionate reader writes: "jesus.... PLEASE correct that facebook post. it's the five people whom YOU SEARCH FOR most often... not the other way around. it's driving me crazy reading through all the comments seeing people getting mad at facebook for absolutely no reason."
  • The "It's A Coding Error" Theory
    From a Facebook discussion thread: "I suspect it's meant to be the people whose profiles you look at the most, but that they're referring to the wrong statistics (human coding error) and it's actually the 5 who look at yours most. I think it's a mistake because Facebook wouldn't do something like that deliberately, it goes against their ethos of anonymous browsing, but it definitely refers to a statistic that they're keeping, and between the [limited] information that the coding context gives and the nature of the names (after cross-referencing with 7 of my friends), I'd say they're accidentally calling up the 5 people who browse you the most."
  • The "Search Frequency" Theory
    A reader attempts to parse the Facebook algorithm: "I have a theory. I think it's matching the frequency of times that you search for someone with the frequency of times that people search for you and it's an attempt at interpreting who your best friends are."
  • The "It's NOT The People You Search For" Theory
    A commenter tries the process of elimination: "eek — okay so i went on my secret stalking-only facebook page, where i have no friends, and tried it. nothing came up, which makes sense, cause it's a whack name. however, the people i use it to stalk didn't show up either, which means it cannot be tracking the people we stalk."
  • The "Facebook Says You Like These People" Theory
    A commenter claims to go directly to the source: "OK, my friend emailed her friend that works for the Good Book and here was the response (emphasis mine): This is the canned response we've been using:
    The five friends that you see below the search box are populated based on people whom we think you'd be most interested in. Taking into account various factors, we attempt to make an educated guess as to who it is you're looking for when you start typing a name in the search box. Please note that this information is only visible to you and will not be shared with your friends. We hope that this feature is helpful and we appreciate your feedback. Let me know if you have further questions.
    "


[UPDATE: Although the "down arrow" feature seems to have been disabled, you can still pull up the list of five by typing a period (".") in the search box.]

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Tue, 13 May 2008 13:08:35 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=390004&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Saudis Release Blogger Jailed For Inflammatory Listicle ]]> saudilaura.jpgAmerica's very very close friends in the Saudi government arrested and detained a young blogger named Fouad Farhan, shut down his site, detained him for four months without charges, and finally released him on Saturday. Thankfully, they have a very very good explanation for all that: "'We have ... what we call electronic crimes—any kind of violation related to computer and technology and so on,' Interior Ministry spokesman Gen. Mansour Al Turki told the Monitor when asked why Fouad Farhan had been jailed. [...]'And I believe his main case was like violating personal rights.... Like when I go for example on the Internet or I go on any electronic media and I use your name and your personality and I criticize ... or offend you without being able to introduce evidence of what I'm saying.'" So. He was arrested for electronic crimes. Farhan could still be prosecuted for his "electronic crimes" despite the release. Farhan's worst electronic crime against the government?


According to a report in The Washington Post, he also had posted on his blog a list of what he termed his 10 least favorite Saudi leaders in early December, shortly before his arrest. The list included a prince, a cabinet minister, a religious cleric, a mayor, and the head of the judiciary.

Jailed for Digg-bait! Look out, Cracked!

A fellow freedom-loving Saudi blogger says, "I hope it's the last time any blogger will be in any jail." Man. We'd love to get behind that sentiment but seriously, you guys don't know Perez. [CSM]

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Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:07:50 EDT Pareene http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=384816&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Cell Phones Are Turning Our Youth Into Whores! ]]> cellbaby.jpegWARNING: The Associated Press would like to call your attention to the fact that your teenage son, daughter, friend, or relative is, right this very moment, in all likelihood, engaging in an explicit sex act that they are planning to distribute to the world via cell phone. It's true! In a fact-based story titled "Teen Dating '08: Nude Pix On Cell Phones," the news service urges you to "Forget about passing notes in study hall." Why? Because "some teens are now using their cell phones to flirt and send nude pictures of themselves." Nooooooo! Don't you kids know that dirty cops will be looking at those picture in no time?

"I've seen everything from your basic striptease to sexual acts being performed," said Reynoldsburg police Detective Brian Marvin, a member of the FBI Cyber Crime Task Force of Central Ohio. "You name it, they will do it at their home under this perceived anonymity."

Somebody arrest that man! But not even Jesus, or a penis, can save us!

"This happens a lot," said Kelsey, author of Generation MySpace: Helping Your Teen Survive Online Adolescence. "It crosses every racial socio-economic group. Christian kids are doing it. Jewish kids are doing it."

Male teens are also doing it.

Authority figures are flummoxed!


Mark Raiff, a principal at Columbus' Olentangy Liberty High School, said some of his students and their cell phones have caused trouble.

"They don't see anything wrong with it," he said. "It leaves me speechless."

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Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:38:47 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=379526&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Another Weekend Ruined For You By Julia Allison ]]> julia-nyt.pngJulia Allison is the new Carrie Bradshaw. I didn't say it! The Times compared the now-I-want-fame-now-I-don't dating columnist to her fictional predecessor in a three-page profile. According to the Times, Gawker "can't help adding snarky and even vicious commentary" to every bit of Julia news. But I'm the writer who likes Julia (she can change!) so I'll leave the commentary to you. I'm terribly fascinated with everyone's reaction to the excerpt below:

In one episode, Carrie does debate whether it is proper etiquette to contact an old boyfriend by e-mail; on another occasion, a boyfriend dumps her by leaving a Post-it on her computer. Ms. Allison, by contrast, may be best known for her online breakup earlier this year with a boyfriend with whom she once shared a blog, jakobandjulia.com, where they would tell readers details of their life together. Hundreds commented, both on their blog and elsewhere, as the relationship dissolved through a series of nasty posts. Soon afterward, her ex appeared, seminaked, on the blog of a woman they both knew.

Asked how it feels to end a relationship in public like that, Ms. Allison nods her lovely head and gazes into the distance. "People were preying on my pain," she says, her voice not quite cracking. "It was hell."

There's also a video interview with Julia called "Web and the Single Girl", in case you've never seen Julia talk about herself.

Ahahahaha, I couldn't even type that with a straight face.

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Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:45:01 EDT Nick Douglas http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=373809&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ What Has J-Lo Spawned? ]]> Take another look at that $6m spread in People on Jennifer Lopez's newborn twins. It's a picture of parental bliss. The actress displays the requisite ecstasy as she and husband Marc Anthony skip down the front drive, each pushing a stroller. (For $6m, People had a right to a bit of a show.) But turn to page 55, and look closely at Emme Maribel, the couple's daughter. Some dark intelligence is evident behind those eyes. For the close-up:

Picture 43-2

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Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:57:37 EDT Nick Denton http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5004646&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Another Young Actress Makes Music Album! ]]> zooey.jpegGood god, ScarJo is not the only one. Zooey Deschanel, the HIP young "Almost Famous" actress (ha), has just released an album with M. Ward under the name "She & Him." Distressingly, it has already been called "one of the flat-out best pop records of the year" [VSL]. What shall we expect next, a Juliette Lewis duet with Joshua Redman for "best jazz combo of the year?" Chloe Sevigny teaming up with Smuckers to create the "best jam of the year?" It's all very disconcerting. Of course, no pop album will ever surpass Zooey's most famous musical work: her duets with Will Ferrell in "Elf." Stay in your lane, Hollywood! Highlight clips of her elfish singing, which we can only hope will thwart her musical ambitions, below.

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Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:48:05 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=371899&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Maureen Dowd Calls Hillary Clinton Sci-Fi Monster ]]> "It's impossible to imagine The Terminator, as a former aide calls her, giving up," Dowd writes. "Unless every circuit is out, she'll regenerate enough to claw her way out of the grave, crawl through the Rezko Memorial Lawn and up Obama's wall, hurl her torso into the house and brutally haunt his dreams." The "Hillerator" image was created by Gawker's Richard Blakeley, who notes, "Yes, I'm that bored today and no it didn't take me THAT long." [NYT]

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Sun, 23 Mar 2008 18:49:58 EDT ian spiegelman http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5004438&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ TV Shows Themselves Slowly Becoming Ads ]]> cisco.jpegCisco Systems is the main sponsor for the History Channel show "Modern Marvels," but being the main sponsor wasn't enough. Now, Cisco is actually having themselves magically inserted into old episodes of the show, with just a little bit of new footage and some re-editing. The result is a three-minute "mini-documentary" in which Cisco execs talk about the show's topic, which will be "seamlessly woven in" to the show's commercial breaks. Um, scary! Next thing we know, the Gorton's Fisherman will be rescuing Gilligan on Nick At Nite. Could this ultimately lead to our dead heroes having their memories dredged up just to sell useless dreck? Oh, too late. [TVWeek, History.com]

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Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:15:06 EDT Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=368774&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ People Cannot Stop Stalking Jodie Foster ]]> jodiestalker.jpgPoor Jodie Foster has another stalker. You may remember that the stern, mysterious actress had some problems back when she was a Yale student in the 80's. First John Hinckley Jr., a 23-year-old who became obsessed with Foster after seeing her littlest sexpot turn in Taxi Driver, followed her around campus, called her on the phone, and, you know, shot president Ronald Reagan and three others in an attempt to impress her.

Following that, another obsessed fellow began to lurk around the Yale campus, though eventually decided not to shoot her as originally planned, because she was too pretty. Now, years later, a man has been arrested for sending a bomb threat to a California airport. Reportedly the threatening letter mentioned Foster's name several times. The man had been sending strange missives to Foster's house for years, which he admitted to back in 2005, promising he would stop. But... I guess her allure is just too strong. What, exactly is the appeal? Anyone have any (non incriminating) light to shed on the matter? [ET] Below find some mildly disturbing footage of the failed Reagan assassination. Oh plus a very disturbing clip of a college production of Steven Sondheim's Assassins, a musical in which Squeaky Fromme and John Hinckley (among others) meet and sing about shooting presidents.

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Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:51:23 EDT Richard http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=367076&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Scary Surgery Sells Service ]]> chevyad.jpeg"If it's not fixed by the one who made it, it probably won't work," says this ad touting Chevy and its service centers [via AdPulp]. I get it! But wait, I hope they paid some royalties to plastic surgery victim Jocelyn Wildenstein, cause they are totally ripping off her look. Compare and contrast:

jocelynwildenstein2.jpeg

jocelynwildenstein.jpeg

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Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:59:47 EST Hamilton Nolan http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=361547&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Ladies: Please, Just Settle ]]> A new study alleges that men produce a lot of sperm because it's so hard to knock a woman up, Slate reports. Given the fact that they're always cheating, as well as having babies that aren't Really Yours, you cuckhold. On the flip side, Lori Gottlieb advises The Atlantic's female readers to, "Settle! That's right... Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go." You know, how Rachel should have settled for Barry on Friends, she points out. Wait, what?

Does this writer own a TV? Because Rachel wouldn't have settled for Barry—he was kind of a lying jerk. Remember?

Well, whatever. On the eve of Valentine's Day, we leave you with this:

What I didn't realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an enormous act of resignation when you're looking at it from the vantage point of a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you'll probably be relatively content... I didn't fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you're married, it's not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it's about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business.
[The Atlantic] ]]>
Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:01:12 EST Sheila http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=356236&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Why Won't Cary Tennis Disappear Already? ]]> Salon's advice guy Cary Tennis has never, to our knowledge, actually given good advice. It's almost as if people write to him so as to know what paths to avoid. But seriously, Jan. 9th letter is too something to something. Title: My molester financed my college education. Now I'm depressed and suicidal and very few people know. The letter was signed, "Three O'Clock in the Morning All the Time." Well! TOCITMALT, rest assured your biggest problem isn't molestation or suicide. It's that your writing to Cary Fuckin' Tennis for advice! Come on now! This is the man who once advised a woman who wanted a witty man thusly: "Keep in mind that basically you want a kid and you want some wit. You want some wit and you want a kid. Wit. Kid. Wit. Kid." Um, that doesn't mean anything at all. Also, neither does Cary's Advice to TOCITMALT. ]]> Wed, 09 Jan 2008 03:15:38 EST Joshua Stein http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5002105&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[ The 10 Best U.S. Mag Fashion Editorials Of 2007 ]]> Since time immemorial, we have received missives from a person called The Earl Grey, the greatest social documentarian of our time. This one is the whoppingest, most stellar one yet—an awards show unto itself of the year in fashion spreads. Warning: Along the way, space and time collapse and capital letters disappear!

teller_w1.jpg#1: W FEB 2007:
MariaCarla shot by Juergen Teller in Venice. Just amazing, Fabulous. Teller's 2006 W shoot with Shalom, Malgosia & Dondoe was one of the very best of the year [#2 in my ranking] and this Venice edit has a lot of the same attributes. While 06's was shot in a beautiful Paris apartment, this is in a stunning Venetian manor that looks like it could date to the 19th century. Also, remember another Teller W shoot with Gisele in Paris, climbing the walls & generally at a high emotional pitch [much sexier than Iselin's dumb faces in above edit]? Well in this shoot, MariaCarla's poses simply out-model Gisele's in that great edit, with the added environmental beauty of the classical Venetian palazzo, mixed in with the hyper-real, slightly bizarre set-pieces & psychological paces that Teller puts his models through. MariaCarla is a very famous model of this century, but even with her fame & success, she does not get the plaudits she so deserves. Her performance here is so charming, so alluring, Teller & stylist Camilla Nickerson chose her perfectly for these haunting & off-kilter pictures. There is nudity here, but more importantly a sensuous magnetism from MariaCarla that is totally enrapturing, I don't know any other American magazine that features sophisticated, nuanced sensuality of this calibre & that's why W is the best American mag of any genre. I'll just describe a few standout pics here that have to be seen to grasp the full impact of Mariacarla's beauty & Teller's unique artistic gift:tellerbest.jpg* Maria topless in an Armani silk skirt & huge McQueen hat with an antique rug, marble walls & candles.
* cool wooden wolf mask & circus ringleader sculptures - Teller photographs lots of the decor & artworks of the palazzo & it adds so much atmosphere
* Maria in Etro dress with hands behind her back; a Jesus crucifixion oil painting above her. Notice how this story and the D&G shoot share certain themes of religion & ancient Italian culture - and bondage for Maria in this pic - these shared themes make the photos & stories in this magazine so much deeper, truly Classical in their aesthetic & emotional impact.
* there are some still lifes of ripening pomegranates, lemons, and other fruits arranged in a bowl, again like a 19th century artwork.
* Maria in a huge, tall, panelled library with ancient books, on all fours atop an ornate carved-wood table, in Versace swimsuit & high heels, under an amazing chandelier. This Is HOTT!!!! One of the pictures of the year.
* 1940s oil painting, framed on wall, of an elegant woman applying lipstick - elongated, almost Modigliani-esque, super chic portrait & atmosphere
* Maria in Tahari & Givenchy, underneath a 30 foot high ceiling with bold exposed beams, stunning 19th century European architecture & warm wood-tones.
* Maria topless, legs spread atop a side table in white caftan and Kiki black panties. Maria's legs & bearing here are OUTRAGEOUSLY sexy- too much. One of the sexiest pics of the year.
* 2 coffee cups on an antique wooden table, cappuccino foam still inside- I love Teller's use of found props & atmosphere here!!
* Maria sitting in thick mud pool in silk Moschino dress, her hands are so cute like she just sat down in the mud & can't believe Teller is putting her through this. <3
* close up on Maria's face, from the Etro Jesus page, wearing Ellen Christine lace as a veil. Maria's eyes are the most amazing shining brown, her beauty & expression are supernatural, translucent. Camilla Nickerson's styling here is off the charts, transforming every look & picture into pure art. Like Weber's Kate Moss Detroit W story [my #1 of 2006], Maria's modelling here is spectacular, throwing herself into each set piece & image like a total pro, yet transforming each documentary picture into something more. It truly is acting in still images, directed by Teller and costumed by Nickerson.
* Maria on the bed in D&G gold bodysuit & Treacy hat, shot from above, her legs & ass look so hot here.
* a bizarre & sexy full page of scissors, olive forks & OTHER SCARY & NAUGHTY SUGGESTIVE CUTLERY. many are phallic, all are scary & suggestive of ancient & draconian uses or even torture. Hotness.
* Maria in LV blazer, Chanel short shorts & Agent garters & hose. Posed against tapestry wallpaper, rich marble & stone floor, a fantastically sensuous image.
* Maria in pretty white Valli muslin/organza dress, like a perfect brunette pastry standing on pebbles in the driveway. The contrast of girly Maria & the unusual driveway setting is exactly like the surreal '06 edit with Dondoe & Shalom- Teller contributes some of the most striking images in any fashion magazine.
* Maria on the bed, her legs open wide, in Marc beaded silk organza dress. Impossibly sexy Maria with tousled hair.
* Maria apparently nude, only her pale perfect legs are shown, as she rides a flame-painted skateboard on the cold marble floor!!
* Maria sits on the floor, smoking a cigarette in cute Pejoski white silk satin dress.
* Maria in Prada cream nylon shirt & black cotton panties, her legs open as she sits on a radiator with grapes in her hand. This might be the hottest of all of these awesome pics. Maria's performance & the storyline of this edit are similar to Gisele's acting up in the Paris apartment 2 years ago, but truthfully Maria is a seductive, intelligent woman here, while Gisele was a manic, deranged animal in her shoot. Maria simply models rings around Gisele, but hasn't she always ?radiator.jpg* Maria sits on a table in Blumarine dress with LV corset on top - Camilla Nickerson's styling here is so brilliant, I can only imagine how much Anna Wintour misses her, since her defection to W 2 years ago. There's nothing like this in US Vogue on a photo or styling basis, the clothes, the atmosphere. Dick Page's genius messy hair & dramatic, vulnerable makeup here are just worlds beyond what Wintour gives the mass public monthly.
* Finally Maria's gorgeous bare back in poetic, flowing YSL silk organza white/purple dress, shot in what looks like the wine cellar of what must be a 100-200 year old palazzo. Teller made great use of the architectural details here, as worn as they are, they achieve a theatrical and palpable environmental affect which renders the pictures so much more effective. The apartment in Paris in 2006 W Dondoe/Shalom benefitted from a similar vibe, but this is even more pronounced. I really can't say enough about Maria's beauty, sensuality & modelling here, nor Teller's distinctive pics, Camilla's ultra-forward styling, and the general details & conception and realization of this edit overall. I was excited opening up the Feb. W, seeing klein's D&G shoot, but upon thorough investigation, this edit is considerably better. As soon as I saw Teller's Shalom/Dondoe 2006 edit, and Weber's Kate/Detroit edits, I knew they would end up among the top 5 or so of 2006. Something tells me that very few edits in 2007 are going to eclipse this one. Bonuses all around to Maria, Teller, Camilla & Page. rating 11 of 10.

sashatopless.jpg#2: W MARCH 2007:
sasha by thompson. 50s/60s resort.swim suit looks. sasha is the best model by a considerable margin in this ish. i LOVE this retro surf bunny idea, [there was another spectacular NYLON edit in this idea about 3-4 years back with valerie avdeyeva.] i think this is cali/malibu, dramatic pacific ocean blue setting. karl templer styled, its as great as white's styling in b&w edit, maybe even better. best look/pic in ish is sasha in hot chloe swimsuit & topless, sexy sexy rear view. missoni & burberry swim looks also fabulous,. the retro flavour here, thompsons pitch perfect beach bunny pics & templers equally perfect retro swim styling are a major Wow. one of best edits of 2007 easily. 10 of 10
* oh its st barts. I'm crazy about sasha & this edit.

#3: BAZAAR SEPT:
coco by lindbergh. wow theme of 'bauhaus' - actually kasemir malevich's suprematist compositions- is absolutely stunning contrasted to brana wolf's fall looks. many pics have projections of malevich's artworks behind them. the most important abstract artworks in art history. kl used some of these designs a few years back on his dresses. wolf styles lots of sharp fall looks: narciso, molinari, missoni, etro, dell'acqua, ch, p/s, marc, val. every pic with the malevich backdrops is incredible, art & fashion together is so so strong! lindbergh's pics show this brilliantly— its at least as great as that mariacarla factory girl thing he did about 2 years ago. and coco is at her absolute best here- shes not always great, but shes cute & vulnerable here, amazing in these looks. narciso molinari marc & val pages are absolutely incredible. one of best edits Ive seen in 2007. 9.5 of 10.

klein.jpg#4: W FEB. 2007:
Domenico Dolce & Stefano Gabbana, Shannon Click & Eva Herzigova shot by Steven Klein. Remember Klein's Tom Ford W edit with the plastic showroom dummies that was supposed to be 'sexy/bizarre' but was just ridiculous & dumb? Remember Klein's big W edit with Brad Pitt & Angie Jolie that was supposed to be risque & deep but actually just took 2 of the most famous, good-looking actors in the world and set them in a dark & senseless edit where the furniture & decor was the best thing about it? Well at last Klein has shot a major W edit that recalls the innovative & sexually-charged scenarios that made him famous in the 90s. This shoot, "Dolce & Vita" is perhaps the best-realized version of D&G's mindset & aesthetic ever captured in a fashion magazine. And as opposed to the silly Ford shoot and the drab Brad/Angel edit, this edit packs a serious sexual wallop, including overt homo-erotic images & true surrealist mystery, or even spiritual iconoclasm. And D&G themselves are in every picture here, thoroughly legit as models or actors in these very eye-popping and actually sexy set-pieces. It's a quite a contrast to the white-washed supposed 'lifestyle' D&G pieces in US Vogue where you see their sumptuous southern Italian getaway, but there's not even a hint in the text of the debauched, orgiastic, wanton, pan-sexual parties you just know they are hosting. [the Bazaar Batman cartoon stuff was cute but more juvenile than anything dangerous or sensuous.] Along with excellent turns by Shannon & Eva, there are 3 male models used here, each handsome & muscular, but the peroxide blonde one is the star of most of the set pieces. I'm not much of a fan of any male models, but these 3 are great & actually function as much as actors as models; also Stefano, particularly, is hotter here than I've ever seen him- he's really buff & in shape & he's the best male model of all. I guess I'll just briefly describe each photo as I interpret it - others are going to have their versions of the storyline here, but merely my surface version will be enough to explain how hot and suggestive each of these pics is:

* Stefano in tiny D&G black briefs, with his legs open on the bed, and wearing sparkly woman's high-heeled shoes! This comes off as both humourous & sexy, not an easy balance!
* Domenico is nude in a chair, sitting by a bed with a muscular peroxide blonde male model in white briefs & a Sgt Pepper military jacket
* peroxide male in a black suit squeezes Shannon's bare tit - she's in nude panties & her body is awesome. While Eva is on her knees, kissing Stefano's chest as he reclines on the bed.
* on the beach in Portofino, model's high heel stabs into domenico's chest as he lays on the beach . Looks more like Shann's leg to me.
* bare ass Shannon [again such a hot body!] squeezes Eva's bare tit, as Eva rubs Shann's bare ass. Stefano massages crotch of peroxide model in black suit. [this is a lot more dramatic & also a lot more real/sex than anything in the Ford or Jolie edits & that is an understatement. Theres a dramatic boudoir lighting to many of these pics that is much better stage-craft than the Jolie edit - that shoot was too dark & the pics even seemed blurry at times.dolce2.jpg* peroxide male stradles Shann [nude except for panty] on the bed while nude Eva watches, & besuited Domenico watches too. I LOVE the black suits, white shirts & black ties on the men in this edit- it's a standard D&G uniform but somehow contrasts brilliantly with all the pink flesh - & theres a LOT of flesh here !!!
* D&G bare chested in hot white jeans seem to be binding Shann, in a hottie black corset, like tightening her corset to a painful degree? This may be an allusion to some movie or something, but anyway it's really HOT & really kinky - the corset ropes are a clear bondage-type fantasy- sure looks like 2 on 1 s&m to me ! I think submissive Shann is being tied up it looks very naughty. In the context of this edit, this scene seems to suggest abduction and even a final scene for Shann, a murder scene?
* super buff Stefano in tiny black bikini flexes on the beach, with 2 muscleboys admiring in the distance. This is WAYYY more homo-erotic than the Ford edit ever got & I am loving the idea of the squares at Conde Nast getting a look at what the kooky, reprobate, bad boys & girls at Fairchild cooked up for them in 2007 ! In the context of this edit this seems to suggest Stefano's living in some type of super-male-dominated world, he's a very strong male figure here.
* some type of religious/cinematic scene, maybe a funeral? A Pope Benedict character [very close approximation in clothes, face & gesture] seems to either be conducting a blessing, or forgiveness for Dolce, who wears black jacket, tie & white jeans. DD's gesture looks like seeking forgiveness. Peroxide male is bare-ass at left edge. Eva in mournful black with funeary shroud. Stefano sits on the right in white with cel phone ! This also looks like a famous Renaisance painting, or film scene,,,anyway it's mysterious, iconoclastic, cinematic & effectrively spooky- again Klein tried to go much deeper with this edit than he usually does & it totally succeeds- these are much more evocative & surreal, arty images than one normally sees in a fashion mag- almost like a film scene or even archetypal images from a painting in the history of art. Very Fellini- Bergman- esque too. Is it a funeral? Or Domenico seeks forgiveness but the Pope says there's nothing he can do ?? Looks like DD asks forgiveness, Pope can't do anything for him, and Eva is mourning a death- Shann's from earlier image?
* 2 male models, super buff , and Shannon, all three totally nude but covering their privates with their hands, and Stefano in black suit & tie & hotty glasses. Did i mention that Shann's body is amazingly hot in this edit? Her face might be made up, doll like / death mask [hello Lisa Cant] but her body is banging !!
Hard to place specific meanings on this edit but this final image appears to be some type of an after- life or a rebirth or new beginning for Stefano with born-again type nudes of Shann & 2 males. Looks like Shann has been brought back to life- reborn, there is a Garden of Eden allusion with the modesty pose, and Stefano looks super hot again in the suit & glasses.

ANYWAY you get the idea: W has once again pushed the boundaries of fashion & art photography in a mass-market US magazine. Klein has delivered his best shoot I've seen since his Vogue robot/Conservatory Garden stuff like 4 years ago. When Shannon Click debuted like 3 years ago I liked her, but then she disappeared? Well with Richard Kern's awesome Click edit in Dec/Jan Nylon, & now this being even better,, Shannon is suddenly back in the fight as a major US/world model for 2007. She is wayyy hot here & even Eva, who I really thought was dead, is used brilliantly here. The male models are 3 of the best I've seen in years [I usually hate male models] and Stefano is a better male model than they are. A brilliant depiction of the glamorous, dangerous, sexy and perverse D&G aesthetic- best I've ever seen in any magazine. Makes last year's US Vogue D&G Portofino travelogue look like pathetic, fake kid's stuff by comparison

** Additional thoughts: Patti Wilson edited, presumably she collaborated with Klein & D&G on these set pieces & clothes- I'm very impressed with the psychology & clothing/non-clothing here, it rises above a Versace, Vegas-y cheap-nude glamour to a deeper sensuality & sophistication that I see as more-Armani-esque. W's notes see this shoot as a reflection of D&G's Italian roots & mindset & it truly succeeds in that - much more so than earlier versions in US Vogue & elsewhere. Also W pinpoints allusions to Fellini, Visconti & Passolini- 3 great italian art film figures, & given the evocative & Classical stagecraft here, I think that ambitious cinematic aspiration has been achieved brilliantly. Great, great edit, I love it. rating 9.5 of 10 .

kiev.jpg#5: JULY W:
lara stone, irina & larisa kulikova by juergen teller in kiev. Teller is shooting the best work in W in 2007, with this edit, & even better his mariacarla venezia edit which i think is the best of 2007 so far in a u.s. magazine. W also has inez/vinoodh, mert/marcus, weber & some good mcdean, but teller is out-doing all of them with these radical & individual shoots. there's a lot going on here: a fascinating tourist-underworld travelogue of kiev russia. extremely erotically-charged poses & storyline with these models and clothes [mariacarla edit had it too]. truly forward styling/editing by camilla nickerson [you can only imagine how anna wintour seethes when she sees camilla rocking this hard in W monthly, running rings around trite commercial us vogue editing]. and teller's unique framing, mindset, & imagination, which is very newton-esque in many cases. and lara & the kulikova's rock really hard here, in eye-catching bodysuit/lingerie looks coupled with luxe jackets/tops - nickerson just thinking outside the box and the girls making it work. lara is at her best here, when shes at this level she looks like easy top 5 model of 2007. beautiful, wildly sexy, and poised even in these unusual looks & some outdoor settings. with the russian theme, the kulikovas work great too, particularly irina i think is just about as great as lara here. every picture is awesome & adds to the story/visual effect. lara is out of this world in every pic, incl prada/eres; balenciaga/agent [amazing!], versace/vagin pouvoir [maybe best pic in issue], herrera/D&G, & armani/eres/agent. also love irina in BV, landau/chloe, CH/american apparel [and I HATE american apparel!], cdg, & Ralph/aa. its amazing how everything works here, and in a challenging script. teller's photos are exemplary 2007 or beyond fashion pics, lara & irina excel, and camilla also takes the styling to a whole other universe than one sees in any other US mag. really superb RATING 9.5 of 10.

sorren.jpg#6: W MAY 2007:
lara stone & sheila marquez by sorrenti. sorrenti can be inconsistent but he's great here. this is exactly the type of shoot he excels at: a sensuous shadow lit set piece with sexy looks, here its body suits. W deserves a lot of credit for its pushing the envelope with nudity here, but as always its tasteful and totally succeeds within the terms of this shoot. lara stone is totally rocking she is basically already a top 10 girl of 2007 and lets see how much higher shell go by years end., shiela marquez also pleasant surprise here, she looks a lot like freja and thats a complement, with maybe a bit of lilliana dominguez thrown in. alex whites styling here as usual some of the best in the world. i cant get over how hot stone is here, elegant yet primordially sexy at the same time. every pic & look is great but especially these: lanvin shoes. herrera turtle. LV sweater. marc gloves, burberry sweater. marc sweater. cant say enough here about dappled atmospheric pics, bravura models & creative & involving styling. one of best edits Ive seen in 2007. RATING 9.5 of 10.

lightbulb.jpg#7: W DECEMBER 2007:
raquel and suvi by mcdean. this is an absolutely superb studio shoot. it really makes all the Vogue 'girls jumping' studio shoots look dumb. when mcdean is on top of his game, he's about as good as any editorial fashion fotog, and this edit is at that level. the models help a lot, raquel of course is so often fabulous, but actually suvi pretty much equals her here, in fact some may give suv the edge. plus alex white's styling here is equally world class, i pretty much love every look incl CDG, ysl, chanel, undercover, mcqueen, ralph, D&G, V&R, its just all top shelf. raqu in mac might be best pic so thats why i give her the nod. but suv in valli & ralph also great so hard to say. notice the way a simple prop like a light bulb moving from ceiling to floor makes this interesting, the lighting, the makeup, all the diff angles, its just a fab edit in every way. its one of the best ive seen in 07 and the girls might be even better than mcdean but its so close. 9.4 of 10


#8: W APRIL 2007:
hilary rhoda by inez & vinoodh. this edit really blows away anything else in this ish. its simple: its rhoda by the pool at night in the hollywood hills. alex white styled another incredible story but these looks are just better than the rest in this ish- its tip top level couture evening looks. and rhoda shows something here Ive never seen from her. she simply throws herself into the looks & the picture motions like Ive never seen before from her. when rhoda first came out i thought she was a finely-cut american model, recalling an ali macgraw type sophistiocation yet wholesomeness. well shes just more vivid & sexier here than before. once again everything works here- white's styling is just amazing- great great evening looks like valentino couture, chanel couture [hottest pic], ralph bronze lame dress, saab, chanel, JPG, and a beautiful lilac blumarine. inez & vonoodh take the sweet ingredients of the poolside setting, the lights of hollywood behind, rhoda's exertions/sesnsuousness, and stunningly arty couture clothes, and make it work even better via these photos - interesting horizontal compositions. whatever sushi they ate that night worked wonders cos its the best rhoda has ever been & I am blown away by the colours of these pics. it also recalls a teller-like documentarianism with the pool chair & in your face familiar setting, but maybe its unfair to even say its juergen teller-like - its just inez & vinoodh being as great as they have ve so often been. this edit really kicks ass & it shines above the rest of the quality stuff in the mag. bonuses all around to rhoda, inez & vionoodh & espec white for their fantastic work here. 9+ of 10 an exemplary evening/couture edit.

august2.jpg#9: AUGUST W:
alana zimmer, irina kulikova, anna maria urazhevskaya & olga sherrer shot by thompson. now THIS is why W is america's best magazine. a fab group of 4 new-ish girls, made up, wioth hair, and posed like mature ladies, maybe 50 or more years old. and in age appropriate clothes that also look like some of the most sophisticated & forward fall looks that youre going to enjoy in any fash mag this year. karl templer styled, he's sooo much better than white just comparing these two edits in this ish. and thompson really stepped it up with a classic studio style that recalls Horst & Penn circa 1940s/50s. its THAT great!!! every look is great but ultimate standouts incl: ck dress. dior purple silk. gucci, ysl, armani jacket/dress [best look?], marc, jil/val, agnona/marc/lim, lv purple jacket [wow!!!], and ralph purple taffeta blouse. the jewel tones here are out of this world grown up top level fall 2007 looks !@!!!! as much as i hated edit #1 this edit brings me back around to LOVING W & thompson outdoes himself!! LOVE the girls casting & templer's looks 110%!!!! wowo!!!! 9+ of 10 one of best edits of 2007 !!!!

trentini.jpg#10: :VOGUE DEC. 2006:
trentini in montauk, elgort shot it, peter beard story. trentini makes a great cheryl tiegs , chris clarke looks exactly like peter beard & ive met peter beard. awesome fully realized shoot. grace coddington again, its just brill with trentini evoking tiegs' loose 70s casual airy natural style, the montauk seetings breathtaking, and trini wearing all these nautical looks that are fucking top. also the art direction with collaging various images on the page is a lot like beard's photo/collage style. big props to beard for his animal-love & conservation since 1960s in africa. hes the thinking mans prep, i love him. elgort is booming here, pics are just as great as webers similar kate moss amagansett shoot this fall in vogue. like penn & coddington, elgort is another total MVP in vogue that turns in the best work every month while others like liebowitz get too much attention. this edit is so fucking good from the pics to the clothes to trentini to the beard/tiegs story to the art direction. subtle & understated but still one of best us vogue stories of autumn 2006. 9 of 10 . and I LOVE trentini shes my #3 model of 2006 after sasha & julia. <3

- The Earl Grey, 10021

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Wed, 26 Dec 2007 14:21:06 EST http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=337761&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Inside The Dirty Dreary Mindrape Of Paul Janka ]]> smallish_janka.jpgFor those of you who haven't met him, Biblically or otherwise, last week we introduced you to the greatest Casanova of all time, Paul "Jenkem" Janka. One of our intrepid readers took it upon themselves to begin a textual relationship with him. Something we learned is that Janka plays "Would you rather..." quite well and once did it with a dude. WHAT FOLLOWS ARE WORDS THAT ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Or society.

[13:41] Paul: sex is more exciting if a woman isn't entirely comfortable, i've found
[13:41] Paul: comfortable, gf sex is nice
[13:42] Paul: but it doesn't have that animal battling that occurs
[13:42] Paul: it's an act of domination really
[13:53] Sarah: would you rather never be able to sleep with anyone again but morbidly obese people, or eat a salad where the dressing was your dad's semen
[13:53] Paul: latter
13:54] Sarah: would you rather have your 5th grade science teacher sit and watch you have sex and do a play-by-play commentary, or have your grandmother masturbating in the corner
[13:55] Paul: former
[13:55] Sarah: have you ever had a male-male encounter
[13:55] Sarah: like, had sex with another man
[13:56] Paul: yes, experimented in high school
[13:56] Paul: middle school
[13:57] Sarah: what is the best thing a woman can do in bed
[13:57] Paul: the standard stuff plus
[13:57] Paul: like my ass
[13:57] Paul: deep throat
[13:57] Paul: let me spit in her face
[13:57] Paul: take it in the ass
[13:58] Paul: lick my ass, not like my ass, sorry
[13:58] Paul: would you rather drink a tablespoon of my cum
[13:58] Paul: that's been in the refrig for 2 weeks
[13:59] Paul: or have to blow a team of uncircumsized football players after a particularly sweaty match
[13:59] Sarah: uhh. ew.
[14:00] Sarah: would you go down on heidi klum knowing that her vagina tastes exactly like your dad's penis?
[14:00] Paul: No
[15:39] Paul: so i have a way for you to be a first for me
[15:39] Sarah: oh yea?
[15:39] Paul: it is degrading
[15:39] Paul: are you willing
[15:39] Paul: before you hear the detail
[15:40] Paul: no pain or sicknes
[15:40] Paul: ss
[15:40] Paul: nothing public/ruined reputation
[15:40] Sarah: sure
[15:40] Paul: just something i've always wanted to do
[15:40] Paul: we have to find the right location
[15:40] Paul: though, since my place doesn't work
[15:40] Paul: intrigued?
[15:40] Sarah: of course
[15:41] Paul: blumpkin*
[15:41] Sarah: why cant you do that in your house
[15:41] Paul: bathroom is tight


*Preliminary research indicates that a Blumpkin refers to an act of fellatio while the receiver is sitting on a toilet. It is not immediately apparent if the man must also be in the act of voiding but otherwise, how is it a big deal at all?

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Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:00:16 EST Joshua Stein http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=335758&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ The 'full disclosure of the week' this week ... ]]> roger.jpgThe 'full disclosure of the week' this week comes from multitasker Kurt Andersen's 'Imperial City' column in New York mag: "I want to see Giuliani's presidential campaign harmed; don't you? (And I'll relish even more any exposure of [Fox News founder Roger] Ailes, who—full disclosure—once threatened to send a camera crew to stalk my 3- and 5-year-old children in preemptive retaliation for a magazine story I was writing about his man Rush Limbaugh.)" [NY]

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Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:00:00 EST Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=330423&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ EXTENDED BASEBALL METAPHOR EXPLAINS EVERYTHING ... ]]> EXTENDED BASEBALL METAPHOR EXPLAINS EVERYTHING TERRIBLE ABOUT RUDY GIULIANI! "For most of Giuliani's life, the Yankees have been the richest, most powerful, and usually winningest team in baseball. Yet the ultimate fan of baseball's biggest overdog thinks he's a brave, oppressed partisan of an underdog. Giuliani won back the city from the mongrel hordes—the descendants of Brooklyn Dodgers fans—and now he's proposing to win back the world for America." [NYM]

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Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:00:22 EST Pareene http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=329311&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Students will be given cellphones, ringtones, ... ]]> babycell.jpgStudents will be given cellphones, ringtones, and free minutes as part of a new incentive program in some low-achieving city schools. In an attempt to "bring about change in the culture and behavior of low-performing students after years of efforts focusing on school structure and teaching," the new program will instead "use text messages—drawn up by an advertising agency and sent over the phones—that promote achievement." [NYT]

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Tue, 13 Nov 2007 10:10:15 EST Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=322002&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ ... ]]> Left: Riot police in Tbilisi today used extensive force today in the face of protests against the country's pro-Western government. Right: Charles Shultz's adorable canine character Snoopy! [NYT, Snoopy]

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Wed, 07 Nov 2007 14:15:13 EST Joshua Stein http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=319914&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Just in time for Halloween, New York Press ... ]]> frey Just in time for Halloween, New York Press sex columnist Kelly Krethtells us which writers and "writers" she'd like to bone next, now that already notched loser- director-pervert Eric Schaeffer on her lipstick case. We read this so now you have to, too: "James Frey... I want to curl my tongue around yours like the southern drawl does the tango with yours. I want to be your drug. Snort me, inhale me, shove me up your nose, up your ass, swallow me, digest me; you will not have to drive to Harlem to try to score. I want to search your face for scars and lick them when I find them. I want you to bite me with those altered teeth as hard as you can. I want you to guzzle some of my blood and wear the rest like a coat. Big Jim, will you be my dime bag? I'd go down dirty alleys and go down on you in them." Also: "He's that guy, the one who will lie to get into your pants." Well, yes.

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Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:40:51 EDT Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=317252&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Zombie Guv Caves To Vampire Over Aliens! ]]> sorry ladies, he's taken!Today's spoooookiest Halloween story is about how a scary troll named Michael Chertoff called up our governor and made him back down from his plan to give driver's licenses to aliens. Because letting Hondurans drive to work will lead to a hundred more 9/11s! The Homeland Security chief bullied Gov. Spitzer into supporting a weird "tiered" license system in which illegal immigrants will have theirs printed with invisible ink on cocktail napkins with a big stamp that says "DO NOT LET ON AIRPLANES" while us citizens get the totally brand-new and fucking terrifying-sounding "Real IDs" that have microchips and spycams and GPS devices in them probably. So Spitzer kinda caved like three different ways here and now everyone is mad at him again! Except Chertoff, who promised to keep that Homeland Security money flowing into Albany.

Chertoff Pushed Spitzer to Bend on License Idea [NYT]

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Wed, 31 Oct 2007 09:50:27 EDT Pareene http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=317122&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Matt Drudge: Scared of Women? ]]> The Clinton/Drudge power-partnership remains strong! Watch out, Obama!
Earlier: Hatted Miami Weirdo Wields Great Media Power and Hill's Money Chinese, Drudge Play Joke.

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Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:30:33 EDT Pareene http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=316370&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Please Don't Abort This Baby Too! ]]> Picture%204.pngStraight out of Scranton, Pennsylvania, Gary Cangemi pens Umbert the Unborn, his charming comic about an adorable unborn fetus. According to Catholic.net, the comic reaches 750,000 readers around the world. "The unborn child finally has a voice of his own!" they proclaim. Umbert is the prenatal Jeffy from Family Circus—and he must be stopped before he roams around the post-foetal world mispronouncing spaghetti and butterfly as "pisghetti" and "flutterby." That said, A Womb With A View does, as Cangemi suggests, make a perfect Christmas gift for "your 'choice' friend." That's not creepy at all!

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Fri, 26 Oct 2007 17:05:48 EDT Joshua Stein http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=312864&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Learning How To Survive Being Single From Imogen Lloyd Webber ]]> imogen.jpg Single Girls and their Wingmen and BFs and Girl Playmates and Squeakies hopped in their Cabbage last night to confront the Clit Teasers, Social Hand Grenades, and All Text No Trousers types who awaited them in the City. Some of them wound up at Bloomingdale's SoHo at the book party for Imogen Lloyd Webber's advice manual The Single Girl's Survival Guide, which is the source of the wholly original euphemisms above and many more. "[Pink superscript 'I']t is a truth which should be universally acknowledged that a single girl can be in possession of the most wonderful life," the book begins. With the help of photographer Nikola Tamindzic and maybe one too many passionfruit mojitos, tee hee, I set out to discover whether this could be true.

As heavily made-up ladies milled around the third floor (DvF!) of Bloomies, studiously avoiding the gaze of the two or three men in attendance, I made my way over to get my book signed by Imogen herself. She is a tiny, tiny, miniature person, the kind of girl who makes everyone around her look and feel fat. She is single and 30 and loving it! She's even teaching a class at the Learning Annex to this effect. And of course it is the subject of her book.

"I'm recently single," I told her. "What is the best tip from your book?"

She looked at me with genuine concern, and began to speak in that concerned tone of voice British people have that is actually very comforting and usually accompanied by offer of tea. She seemed to be trying to restrain herself from patting me on my hand. Anyway, she told me I should not think at all about attracting men or trying to have a boyfriend and just focus on myself for right now. "I could have told you that," Nikola said under his breath as he took unflattering photos of Imogen squinching up her brown, trying to think of what to say next.

"Umm, I'm thinking of getting a dog! What's your opinion on that? Should a single lady have a pet? I already have a cat," I said.

"I used to have a cat named Smirnoff, and he was a very bad cat!" she said. "The neighbors must have thought I was an alcoholic, which I probably am—joke!—because every morning I would be running about the flat shouting "Smirnoff! Smirnoff!"

She paused to finish signing my book in pink pen. ("Dear Emily, Hope you enjoy. Have fun! Much love, Imogen")

"But a dog is a massive responsibility," she said. "I mean, I'm a bit more of a cat person. I feel a bit of an obligation to be, actually. You know, 'Cats' paid for my college education!"

Nikola and I laughed, but later mused about how uncharming it is when extremely rich people pretend to be ordinary. After all, the collected revenues from Imogen's father's musical 'Cats' could pay for the college educations of maybe an entire small country. Should one make self-deprecating jokes about one's wealth, or allow it to become the elephant in the room? This topic is not covered in The Single Girl's Survival Guide.

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Thu, 18 Oct 2007 14:00:19 EDT Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=312453&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ World's Worst Person John Fitzgerald Page Is Milking This For All It's Worth ]]> johnpagesSooo, that Atlantan nightmare Internet dater John Fitzgerald Page is trying to make minute 14:59 last by offering 'fans' the opportunity to buy merchandise commemorating the humiliating spectacle he's made of himself. T-shirt slogans include "Mensa Member with Muscles" and "All This And I'm Ivy League Educated Too." But evidence continues to point us to the conclusion that John has perhaps fudged some of his douchey credentials! Like, for example, that having-attended-Wharton thing. Turns out: no. Will we ever trust a man again?

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Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:33:43 EDT Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=311891&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Talk Show Host Randi Rhodes Assaulted ]]> randiReports are filtering in that Air America host Randi Rhodes was severely beaten Monday night while walking her dog on 39th and Park. "Rhodes was beaten up pretty badly, losing several teeth and will probably be off the air for at least the rest of the week," writes Talking Radio. Air America, when reached for comment on the listener call-in line, said, "We don't want to feed the inaccurate rumor mill. Also, we don't know." Though the attacks haven't been reported elsewhere, Rhodes' website does mention that she isn't feeling well and has gone as far as creating a little church sign to that effect. Sam Seder is filling in for her. Murky!

The factual opacity didn't stop Air America Late Night host Jon Elliot asked these pointed rhetorical questions (always the best kind to ask in the wake of an assault!) concerning the attack: ""Is this an attempt by the right wing hate machine to silence one of our own? Are we threatening them? Are they afraid that we're winning? Are they trying to silence and intimidate us?"

Comments on the blog ranged from MaxPower's "Tragic!!! Is the dog okay?" to the more politically engaged, "Maybe if she were armed it wouldn't have come to this. Remember people, police provide justice but they can't protect you."
Oh Talk Radio fans! You are all so insane!

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Tue, 16 Oct 2007 09:45:34 EDT Joshua Stein http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=311295&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Dogs! In Wigs! Dogs In Wigs! ]]> pugs love wigsA press release went around last Thursday on behalf of a woman named Ruth Regina, who makes dog wigs. A historically underserved market, we understand! The press release read, in part, "Release your Rottweiler's inner Pink! Decorate your Dog! Braid Your Beagle because Lassie's Got a Weave! This is not just another shaggy dog story!" Clearly, the Daily News could not resist these entreaties, and today published a slide show of dogs wearing wigs. We couldn't help but notice that all of the dogs in said slide show are on the smaller side. What would happen if you really tried to put this thing on a Rottweiler?

Dogs Wearing Wigs
[NYDN]

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Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:10:20 EDT Doree Shafrir http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=289428&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Did you read that article in the Times magazine ... ]]> Did you read that article in the Times magazine about couples therapy? Poignant, right? I cried at the end. And I had to wonder: is the dream of finding lasting love hopeless? [NYT]

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Tue, 14 Aug 2007 16:50:44 EDT Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=289367&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ We hear that Daily News editor in chief Martin ... ]]> We hear that Daily News editor in chief Martin Dunn has taken off for London and won't be back all month. Feeling super-secure in his job? Or looking for a new one? We don't know. We would like to! We know only enough to make innuendos.

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Wed, 08 Aug 2007 13:21:15 EDT Choire http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=287370&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Can You Tell That A Woman Is Single And Unlaid Just From Her Apartment? ]]> cathy2.jpgSo our—well, not 'our,' but you know, 'everyone's'—Julia Allison has finally found a name for her Time Out New York dating column! No, it's not "Dumb Slut Adventures" or whatever your suggestion was. It's The Single File. What an ugly word that is, "single." What is it, exactly, that makes the word itself, and its connotations, so inadvertent-shudder-inducing? Maybe it's less about actually being single and more about the telltale signs of being uncoupled, hmm? You know ... singlefiers.

Examples of singlefiers have been popping into my head with alarming regularity lately, possibly because I'm about to live alone for the first time. And, to be honest, I really want it to be completely unlike every other New York bachelorette pad, which are so often completely alike. Not that there aren't various grossnesses endemic to apartments inhabited by couples! (Seriously, people, that bedside trash can? Empty it oftener, or throw the condoms out elsewhere.) But here's the stuff I'm worried will happen in my new place:

  • Piles of magazines everywhere, comprised of tons of pretentious ones that are clearly untouched and then severely thumbed-through Vogues and Luckys
  • Overflowing shoe rack and nothing in the fridge
  • Scented candles
  • Slovenly heaps of little-used makeups in the bathroom
  • Stuffed animals in the bed
  • Cat hair on the furniture
  • Cat smell
  • Cabinets full of mugs featuring the likeness of lady who looks like those hypertrophically-limbed Daily Candy illustrations, bearing the legend "I Love Shopping" or whatnot
  • Anything pink
  • Ornamental pillows
  • Unedited bookshelves, esp. if they include He's Just Not That Into You or anything along those lines
  • Nair
  • Lite cottage cheese in the fridge
  • Anything lite or diet around. Cases of Diet Coke. Weight Watchers 'Just 2 Points' bars
  • Inspirational or thinspirational things on the fridge
  • Framed posters
  • Handbag tree
  • I could go on. Or maybe you could?

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    Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:45:22 EDT Emily Gould http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=282309&view=rss&microfeed=true
    <![CDATA[ Michelle Williams Lives In Brooklyn, Wears An Outfit ]]> MichelleWilliams
  • "According to a frighteningly observant mommy source, [Michelle] Williams was looking very late-60's Mia Farrow with her blond pixie haircut, wearing a striped lavender-and-black baby doll knit jumper and dark Ray-Ban sunglasses, and pushing a pink Maclaren stroller that contained her 21-month-old daughter, Matilda (clad in a simple red cotton dress, diaper and purple Crocs)." What, the observant mommy didn't get a peek at her bra strap to determine the color of her undies? [NYO]
  • Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown has intimated to Essence that her deadbeat baby daddy Eddie Murphy<