How's Britain?
Short answer: Not great. Bit of a mess. Long answer:
Does Donald Trump Still Want to Ban Muslims?
The Associated Press has a report today on Donald Trump’s “evolving” Muslim ban. The proposal was always short on details—“Because I am so politically correct, I would never be the one to say. You figure it out!” he wrote to the AP in an email—but every attempt to clarify has only confused the issue further.
Trump Adjusts Muslim Ban Proposal, Golf Stroke
Trump continued to adopt new, morally bankrupt positions on national and global affairs at Scottish golf courses on Saturday, this time while actually playing golf.
Trump Delivered His Scotland Press Conference Surrounded by Nazi Golf Balls
British comedian and prankster Lee Nelson snuck into Donald Trump’s press conference at his Turnberry golf course in Scotland on Friday, posing as an employee who’d forgotten to hand out a new line of red golf balls emblazoned with the Nazi swastika.
David Cameron Resigns Following Brexit Vote
Prime Minister David Cameron, who led the failed campaign to keep the United Kingdom in the European Union, has announced that he will resign by October. His successor will have the responsibility of deciding when to authorize Article 50, initiating Britain’s departure from the EU.
Donald Trump Takes a Break
Tonight, Donald Trump heads to Scotland on a short, 36-hour trip, not to meet with political leaders during a time of particular tumult for the United Kingdom, but rather, to visit two golf courses that he owns.
Politician Responsible for Closing Public Toilets Gets Fined for Peeing in the Street
A Scottish chief councillor who voted earlier this year to shut down all public toilets in his district of South Lanarkshire was fined by police Saturday morning for hmm guess what pissing in the street. It’s a shame there were no public restrooms around for him to use.
Scottish Prosecutors Say They Have Identified Two New Suspects in Lockerbie Bombing
Twenty six years after a terror attack brought down Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, killing 270 people, prosecutors say they have identified two new, Libyan suspects in the bombing
Scottish Robbers Steal 9 Freaking Tons of Cereal Bars in Overnight Heist
Thieves snuck into an industrial truck parking lot in Scotland around 2:30 a.m. Thursday, targeting a huge semi-trailer that contained nine metric tons of Kelloggs’s cereal bars. They stole the whole damn thing, worth nearly $70,000.
Good Dog Calmly Drives Tractor Through Farm Fence and Onto Roadway
Three cheers and a who’s a good boy you’re a good boy yes you are for Don, a Scottish collie who piloted a tractor down a hillock, through a split-rail fence, and across the busy commuter road below, all without even barking or getting upset even once. I hope Don’s master gives him some green beans as a treat!
Scottish Teacher Fired For Telling Kid, "Shut Up, I Shagged Your Maw"
A technology teacher in Scotland has been "struck off" (read: fired) from his job at Ardrossan Academy in Ayrshire after it came out that he had been using foul language and frankly genius insults to agitate his students. In one instance—among many beautiful others—he told a student, "Shut up, I shagged your maw."
Health Care Worker Diagnosed With Ebola in Scotland
The Scottish government confirmed on Monday that a healthcare worker who recently traveled from West Africa has tested positive for Ebola in Glasgow. The patient has been isolated at a special unit for infectious disease at Gartnavel Hospital and will soon be transferred to Royal Free Hospital in London.
Hungry Jerks Savagely Beat Stranger Over Pizza
Two crust-coveting assholes succumbed to their inner Noids Wednesday night, brutally attacking a man for the crime of having some pizza, Scotland's Daily Record reports.
Scotland's First Minister Resigns After Scots Reject Independence
Alex Salmond, the First Minister of Scotland, announced that he will resign after failing to secure Scotland's independence from the UK. Salmond, who has been First Minister for seven years, will step down in November.
Scotland Rejects Independence From Britain
With 55.3 percent of the vote, Scots have voted against a referendum to declare the country's independence from the United Kingdom. The Guardian reports unprecedented voter turnout, with some councils reporting 90 percent of their residents having voted. In total, more than 3.6 million people—or 84.6 percent of…
Steve Forbes: Scottish Independence Will Lead to Terrorism Everywhere
Steve Forbes, the mostly shiftless heir to a crumbling media empire, has opinions about tomorrow's referendum on Scottish independence, and has been allowed, for reasons we find obscure, to air them in the Telegraph.
John Oliver Breaks Down the Bad Romance of Scotland and England
With the Scottish independence vote just days away, John Oliver walked us through the thousands-year-long marriage between Scotland and England on this week's Last Week Tonight. It hasn't been great!
What Is Scotland? An American Guide to the Scottish Independence Vote
Scotland has been a part of the United Kingdom for over 300 years. By the end of the year, that could drastically change. A week from today, all Scots over the age of 16 will have a chance to vote on a very simple question: "Should Scotland be an independent country?" What does this mean? Allow us to explain.
Maybe Scotland Will Win Independence, Get Invaded by Russian Sailors
Scotland is tantalizingly close to declaring independence from Great Britain and setting up as a sovereign nation. But there are so many implications! Like, say, this Business Insider post's suggestion that an independent Scotland could get invaded by Russians on submarines. Let's explore, shall we?
Scottish Mayor Resigns After Being Banned From Each of Town's 36 Pubs
That stately looking fellow above is Wayne Ronayne, former mayor of Gosport, Scotland. Yesterday, he stepped down from the position after he and his wife were banned from every single one of the town's 36 pubs. Ronayne held the mayoralty for just 40 days before his resignation.
