The personality summary:

Tucker Max is an asshole but the kind of asshole that all of his asshole friends love because his antics distract them from the thinning hair and gentle mediocrity that characterize their post-college years.

The victim's personality:

Most Tucker Max stories involve him doing or saying crazy/offensive things, getting into trouble for them, and then going home with one of those girls who, when a guy says something sort of awful to her, hits him on the shoulder and says “you asshole” but also smiles and sticks to him like glue for the rest of the night. My dad was nice to me, so I don’t have this reaction, but I guess it takes all kinds.

The methodological analysis:

Invariably in Tucker’s stories, someone gets pissed off and says his jokes aren’t funny, and if that someone is a woman, she’s dismissed as ugly and/or fat and therefore too bitter and angry to get the joke, while if that someone is a man, he’s dismissed as being a meathead and therefore not cool or smart enough to get the joke. If you are confused by this last, let me clear it up for you: Tucker Max is unaware that he is the definition of a hazey, rapey, fratty meathead.

In the course of one paragraph, the author has summarized everything you will ever need to know about Tucker Max. The script—which, yes, involves midget sex—is called "Godawful" and "terrible" and many other things, although those two will suffice. We're looking into getting a copy of it ourselves; if you have one handy, email us.

[Read the entire takedown by The Script Reader. Somebody inform Michael Ian Black that his nemesis is open to attack.]

[ELIOT SPITZER LOOK-A-LIKE] An Eliot Spitzer look-a-like and a sound-a-like (not necessarily be the same person.) Caucasian man in his 40s. Slight baldness, receding hairline. Also, we will not be showing the actor's face and will be seeing him more in profile and silhouetted.

[YOUNG WOMAN] Caucasian, 20s a pretty brunette, long hair, nice figure. Again, we won't be showing her face and will be seeing her more in profile and silhouetted.

[DAVID PATTERSON LOOK-A-LIKE] African-American male in 40s. Again, no face and will be seeing him more in profile and silhouetted.

[BRITISH GUY] A guy with a British accent that could do a turn as an on-camera spokesman. The idea being that, because he is British, he would say, 'G'morning Guv'nor!' He would need to be likable and funny in his performance.

[FBI GUYS] A couple FBI guys. 25 to 50 years old. The idea being that two guys are sitting in a van outside the hotel and, while watching Spitzer, comment on the hotel amenities.

If you saw the preview for The Insider, you pretty much know what most of Body of Lies will be like. It's men under intense pressure shouting at each other over cell phones, usually beginning their speeches with some variant on "Don't fuck with me!" Russell Crowe smugly lectures Leo for most of the movie in speeches like this: "This is the New Model Al Quaeda. [sic] These are the new evolved analog cockroaches. They got in place and waited. This is war. This is not Osama got Lucky on his flying fucking carpet."

The testoster-ensemble is mitigated by agent DiCaprio's naggingly "nymphomaniac" wife back in the States (played by Black Book siren Carice van Houten) and a mysterious "French aid worker" whose vagina apparently doubles as a launching pad for Leo's tender character arc. And while we've stood by Scott through even his most banal transgressions (this story kind of reminds us of Legend, in fact, but without the unicorn), we're a bit nervous about the 70-year-old's chances of finally breaking his awards-season drought with what amounts to a well-tailored Departed Redux. Worse yet, we expect most viewers would agree that the world needs another war-on-terror film like we need Dune re-made by Peter Berg. Wait, what's that? Oh, fuck.

[Photo Credit: Estrenoblog]

• Advance Script Review: Body of Lies [CC2K]

Mr. Estevez set about researching and writing, but bogged down after 30 pages. He carried that sheaf of paper around in a bag for a year, he said, until his brother urged him to hit the road for inspiration. So he drove up the coast to Pismo Beach, and checked into a seedy motel, where the desk clerk, a woman in her mid-50's, recognized him and asked why he was there.

"I said I was writing a film about the day Bobby Kennedy was shot," Mr. Estevez said. "And she stops cold, holds onto the desk, and says, 'I was there.' "

The woman said she had been a Kennedy volunteer and had heard the assassin's shots. "Her name was Diane," he said. "And she became the bleeding heart through which all the blood flowed to this piece."

Once word gets out of Estevez's miraculous discovery of an eye-witness-to-history muse who guided him through his seemingly insurmountable second act problems, we imagine the PCH will quickly become even more traffic clogged by the scores of frustrated screenwriters looking for their own Dianas to give their historical docudramas that little hemmoraging-internal-organ extra.

• Filming History Before It's Demolished [NY Times]

"People say tragedy plus time equals comedy, but the timing is always iffy," said Matt Solo, Mr. Wilding's agent. "It's still too close to 9/11, and 9/11 can repeat itself. You'd be sinking money into it, and then at some point, there'd be a tragedy out there in the world. Imagine you're on the hook for tens of millions, and then you get a massive boycott."

And, you know, after the tragedy out there in the world or whatever there would be, like, thousands of dead people—bummer, dude—and what if they had Nielsen boxes for the 18-49 demo? Then you'd totally be out tens of millions of dollars, get the boycott and whatnot, and have shitty ratings, The advertisers would so not be down with that at all. Imagine the hell that tragedy shit would be on agency commissions!

• The Pitch: A Series About Wacky Terrorists [NY Times]