Los Angeles police officers are reportedly searching for a quartet of Honda-driving California dickheads who harassed a pair of baby sea lions before stealing one off the beach and throwing it in the trunk.
A San Diego-area sea lion lived out the worst nightmare of ocean-dwelling teens everywhere this week, when his first day at a new school ended in the back of a squad car, the NY Daily News reports.
Since January, over 1,450 sea lions have been found stranded on California beaches, crowding rescue centers past capacity and worrying animal experts, The New York Times reports. According to researchers, this is 5 times greater than the historical average.
Maybe you thought this was a happy day for sea lions, but sadly, for sea lions not exposed to pop music of the '70s and '90s, it has been a tragic 2013. Federal wildlife officials declared an "unusual mortality event" as hundreds of stranded and underweight sea lion pups have been washing up on the shores of Southern…
This is Panchita, a Galapagos Sea Lion, and this is her story:
You're like, 'what?!' And I'm telling you, yes, that the singer best known for hips prone to truth-telling was attacked by a sea lion who thought her Blackberry was a fish and almost mauled her.
If you think America's criminal justice system for humans is bad, the system set up for sea lions is even worse. For sea lions, just eating too much can earn you the death penalty.
[Is this sea lion—at Kamogawa Sea World in Japan—smiling? It looks kind of mad, actually. Did you do something bad? Pic via AP.]
In your second edition of today's "Interesting Animal Videos" celebration (see a monkey riding a pig-like creature here), here's a sea lion doing sit-ups—yes, real sit-ups—while "Eye of the Tiger" plays in the background. The unlikely clip, inside.
After "dropping bombs that explode underwater and firing rubber bullets and bean bags from shotguns" failed to stop sea lions from getting hungry and eating salmon, wildlife officials have begun executing them, one by one.
The Way We Live Now: Like whores. Common sea lion whores.
