I Want To Cry Justin Timberlake And Jessica Biel A River Of Domestic Empathy

Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, and Gary Coleman are all having relationship issues. Megan Fox: macking on Zac Efron and smack-talking Michael Bay. Liza's mob problems, Twilight's freak fanbase, and celebrity cocaine usage! Presenting your pre-Holiday Friday Gossip Roundup: More »

Sex Crimes Are Forever

Two Elisabeths get cast in movies, a playwright and a theater actress walk into a pitch meeting with HBO... Law & Order: Sex Police will continue on in its sexy way. More »

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Sean Combs

2/5 — PUFF DADDY going through the motions on an elliptical at Equinox West Hollywood. His bodyguard actually approached my friend and said, "Sean would like your number." She didn't give it to him, but she did confess that his I Am King commercial makes her laugh her ass off every time she sees it. Grown men riding jet skis in white tuxedos is totally her brand of humor. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Michael Phelps Could Face Criminal Charges

Rest assured, America: Lawless hippie dope fiend Michael Phelps will not get a pass from the brave sheriff of Richland County, South Carolina. Nor will A-Rod assert independence from Madonna without consequence. More »

Cindy McCain Denied Shot On Dancing With the Stars

Everyone is out to spite everyone: Jay Leno ruined 90 minutes of Conan O'Brien's life; Lindsay Lohan is refusing to eat and John McCain isn't letting his wife go on that fun TV program. More »

CSI: Diddy. CBS announced today that Sean Combs has agreed to a two-episode guest-starring stint on CSI: Miami, in which the versatile rapper/mogul/actor "will portray a prosecutor who doesn't get along with police Lt. Horatio Caine, played by David Caruso." Little else was disclosed about his appearance beyond a note that Diddy's episodes will air in mid-winter before his character is vanquished in short order in a dramatic, best-of-five, shades-shedding duel with Caruso. [AP]

Courtney Love's 60-Blog-Post Freakout

• Apparently Courtney Love said something about being suicidal amid her 60 (!!) blog posts Sunday but she also said her mood was "pirate" (good, right??) and that "ebaz and mj dresses saved my life." Also putting on a dress made her feel pretty. Also: "Dada, circus."
• NBC's Dan Abrams and supermodel Elle Macpherson are an item. [P6]
• After a fan committed suicide in front of her house, Paula Abdul hired "healers" to get rid of ghosts, and still is convinced the place is haunted. [P6]
• Sean Combs: ""I shave and groom my private areas." Good morning to you too, Sean. [R&M - second item]
• No one tell Ricky Gervais the pound is now worth less than $1.50. The city needs all the economic stimulus it can get [R&M - third item]
• Oil heir Brandon Davis is now said to be a degenerate gambler, in addition to a sponge. [P6]
• Madonna is crushing Britney Spears' only-recently-revived hopes and dreams. [Showbiz Spy]
• Miley Cyrus is not dead. [E!]

Val Kilmer Ponders New Mexico Governorship

• Val Kilmer announced that he's officially thinking about maybe running for governor of New Mexico. Once he bounces the idea off some political types. [Post]
• Kevin Bacon, presented without comment: "The men's room is always the best place to meet your admirers." [Post]
• If you got a late-night text from Paula Abdul saying "Peace has begun," don't worry, she was just drunk on Hope. [People]
• Breaking: Tila Tequila is an attention hog and probably straight! [X17]
• You're getting a Sex And The City movie sequel whether you like it or not. [OK!]
• If you see Naomi Campbell in the airport, being escorted past security, booing is a perfectly legal and appropriate response. And thanks to the heavily armed guards, it's probably safe, as well. [R&M]
• Sean Combs turned more than 60 people away from his party for not wearing "presidential attire." [R&M]
• Hollywood producer of superhero movies is busted for drunk driving, avoids jail sentence with just 40 hours of community service. So logically he screws it up and only does four. Excellent work, Jon Peters. [P6]

Sean Combs Deepens Your Understanding of the Victorian Era

When we woke up this morning, we thought it had been a mere dream. It wasn't...it wasn't. Sean Combs' latest spread in L'Uomo Vogue with his daughters D'Lila Star Combs and Jessie James Combs was a reality. But after thinking this photo through, we've come to an unexpected conclusion. It's all part of Diddy's master plan. More »

Celebrities: More People Who Sarah Palin Will Have Fired

Now that the McCain/Palin ticket has usurped Barack Obama to become the official celebrity story of the day, actual celebrities are weighing in on Palin, and the reception is mixed. Following in the footsteps of Palin critics Lindsay Lohan and Albert Brooks, here's the latest roundup of stars going political: More »

Hollywood Privacywatch: Ellen Pompeo, 'Staten Island Prostitute'

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Ellen Pompeo at the Century City Mall looking like (and we quote) "a Staten Island prostitute". More »

Soaring Gas Prices Force Poor P. Diddy to Fly Commercial!

You think you've got it rough with gas prices through the roof? Hell, all you have to worry about is driving to work, forgoing vacations, and watching your family freeze this winter. Meanwhile, hip-hop entrepreneur Sean "P. Diddy" Combs can't even fly his private jet to L.A. these days to further his "acting career." Seriously, the man has been reduced to flying first class and posting videos about this frightening turn of events. "As you know, I do have my own jet, but I've been having to fly back and forth to L.A. pursuing my acting career," he says. "Now, if I'm flying back and forth twice a month, that's like $200,000, $250,00 round trip. I'm back on American Airlines." His sad, sad video blog post—in which he whines, "Give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabia brothers and sisters and all the brothers and sisters in all the countries that have oil... if you could please send me some oil for my jet, I would truly appreciate it."—is after the jump. More »

Kiefer Sutherland Enjoys Subs, Brunettes

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw a tired Kiefer Sutherland eating lunch with Gary Oldman and a couple of stunning brunettes. UPDATE (8/26/08): C'mon guys, we need you to be better than this! We just got this email from Gary Oldman's manager: "…About your item on Gary and Keifer, alas, Gary was not with Kiefer on Friday, Gary was out of the country on holiday with his family. Prior to that, Gary spent ten days in Barbados. Gary has not seen Kiefer for years and years. Whoever says they saw them together on Friday is, alas, mistaken!!" More »

P. Diddy Urges Calm and Prayer as 'Bitchass' Levels Reach Record High

The revelations unfolding this summer over at Diddy Blog — your home for crystalline cultural commentary by P. Diddy himself — have enlightened us on subjects ranging from Barack Obama to black superheroism to Lil' Wayne's bulletproof success tips. But we aren't sure how Diddy will surpass the insight of his most recent entry, in which the mogul clues viewers in to an unforeseen crisis devastating everything in its path. We also can't determine to what degree we ourselves are responsible for the "bitchassness" and other Internet hating cited herein, but last we checked, our non-ashy lips and robust weed supply suggest Defamer is not responsible for any part of the epidemic — whatever the epidemic actually is. Anyway, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so read on and watch your back. The bitchasses are coming. More »

Insane Courtney Love Mistakes Court For Oscars

The Times has a delightful story in this morning's paper on the ruses various celebrities use to evade reporters outside the main criminal courthouse in Manhattan. Actor Rip Torn, for example, once led paparazzi through a park and past a gaggle of chanting construction workers before jumping into the cab of an occupied 18-wheeler, jumping out again, and rolling underneath the truck. Kirk Jones snuck in a side entrance while his driver successfully impersonated the rapper to photographers, sultry actress Uma Thurman enlisted the help of court officers and producer Sean Combs has a mini secret-service brigade. But the most fascinating courthouse celebrity by far is criminally insane singer Courtney Love, who sashays in and out of the building as though surrounded by adoring fans: More »

The Brazilian: Not Just For Women (Or Brazilians) Anymore

Let's say you're a dude and you're looking for a way to make your undercarriage feel "so fresh and so clean." Then do what Puff Daddy and Jay-Z are doing and get yourself a Brazilian wax. That's right, two of our most famous rap stars have admitted to—how can we put it delicately?— applying molten wax to their nuts and ass cracks and having the hair ripped out of the follicle. Ladies have been doing this forever, and it's about time men started sharing their pain. More »

Blame France for the New Screenwriting Diddy

He can rap! He can act! He can produce (music AND plays)! He’s the dapperest of gentlemen ever to be accused of assault, bribery, shootings, sweatshop labor, a fatal stampede and making coats out of dogs! And now Diddy has a new occupation: screenwriter. According to the always reliable entertainment news service WENN, Diddy was “so inspired” by this year’s Cannes Film Festival that he decided to venture into feature writing. But wasn’t the festival like two days ago, you ask? Yes, yes it was. Apparently, Mr. Puffycombs wastes no time making his brand new dreams come true. More »

BREAKING: Jennifer Aniston Submerges Self In Water, Possesses Nipples

'LAT' Comes Correct About Their Bogus Tupac Story

After an independent investigation into yesterday's stunning report by The Smoking Gun that the LAT had managed to be duped by a federally incarcerated Turtle-like, who forged FBI documents implicated Sean "Puffy" Combs's entourage in the 1994 shooting of Tupac Shakur at the Quad Recording Studios in Times Square (five bullets, including one through his head and one through his scrotum), the paper has now officially issued on apology: More »

Turtle Dupes The 'LAT'

Whoo boy, LAT, this does not look good. According to The Smoking Gun, the alleged FBI documents the newspaper relied upon in their bombshell report accusing Sean "Diddy-Puffy-Puff Daddy-Sean John-P.Diddy" Combs's associates of having carried out the 1994 shooting of Tupac Shakur were forged. The culprit? Incarcerated con man named James Sabatino, a portly wigga with a vivid imagination and a desperate need to inject himself by any means necessary into the great hip-hop events of the latter 20th Century. From The Smoking Gun's report: More »

Oprah's $7.1 Million Doghouse

Amy Winehouse's Father About As Awful As Expected

Never one to miss an endorsement opportunity, Diddy has taken his partnership with Ciroc Liquor to a publicity-heightening new level. Citing not his fondness of earning Benjamins but rather his achy breaky heart as the reason behind this pragmatic endeavor, Diddy plans on launching a car service for celebrities who've had too much to drink at Opera and Les Deux and need a way home that doesn't involve cokepants or Vicodin swerves. More than anything else, we can't wait to see what the cars in question will be emblazoned with. We're envisioning that the rides will be pimped out in twead or pinstriped paint, with an oh-so-subtle 6x6 logo on the hoods stating "styled by Sean John." Which, if you think about it, would really flatter the drunken, passed out heads of Lindsay and Paris quite nicely. [Us]

Puff Daddy Combs (or whatever) Will Not Let This Happen Again

You know how celebrities are always getting in drunken car wrecks and then get arrested and have to go to rehab? And you know how everyone (mostly Bruce Vilanch) is like "Why don't they just have someone drive them??" Well Sean Combs (née "P Diddy," "Puff Daddy," "Diablo Cody," etc.) has been listening to everyone (but mostly Bruce Vilanch) and has decided to start a car service for drunk famous people. "After partnering with Ciroc vodka, he wants to make sure everyone's partying responsibly," says a rep for the mogul. Oh. It's just for a sponsorship thing. Well, that and public safety, right? So future fuck ups like Jesse McCartney or Elle Fanning don't someday, with tragic irony, run over a little child who reminds them of what they used to be, right? No, not really. Combs says the goal for the company is "Making sure nobody gets arrested!" Sigh. [Us] More »

Good News: Diddy's at Sundance! Bad News: It's A (Gulp) Made-For-TV Movie

Just when we'd successfully erased Diddy's home videos of himself urinating from our scarred memory, Diddy TV has made a rousing re-entrance to The Internets. But this time he's serious, yo! Standing awkwardly against a filthy window, Diddy has filmed his own introduction to the trailer for A Raisin in the Sun, a flick with the dubious honor of being the very first made-for-TV movie premiering at Sundance. More »

Artist Formely Known As Sean Combs Made To Answer For His Aliases At 'The View'

More »

Indiana Jones And His Girl Enjoy A Casual Lunch In Newport Beach

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so do your duty and send them in! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you couldn't stop giggling thinking about a Tell Me You Love Me star's stunt-cock mishaps at The Grove. More »

Golden Globes Hangover: Diddy Vs. CAA

Guests lists at industry parties are a tricky matter, and their convoluted politics become even more complex when one's throwing an exclusive post-awards show orgy, as hosts try to balance the ratio of talent to the behind-the-scenes types hoping to fellate them: invite too many famous faces and they might end up wandering the party looking vaguely lost, frustrated as seemingly every eager reveler is already engaged in the act of servicing someone else; invite too few, and guests will mob the talent, greedily clawing at the overattended VIPs for some celebrity-pampering time. Things become more tangled still when personal histories are involved, and the defiant uninvited show up, determined to test the superhuman power of fame over velvet rope and clipboard, as demonstrated by today's Page Six item about an alleged confrontation between Sean "Still Diddy This Month" Combs and the CAA gatekeepers trying to keep the boldface interloper out of their post-Globes party at the Sunset Tower: More »

Sean 'Diddy' Combs' Yellow Stream Of Consciousness: UPDATE

Towleroad guided us to the above clip of Sean "Diddy" Combs on a trip to the men's room, from what we'll assume is his MTV reality show Making The Band. After our initial fears had subsided that we were about to be granted access to the auditory accompaniments of Diddy's a.m. dump ritual, we watched in amazement as he began to rhapsodize about the many splendors of a good leak before unleashing his stream on an unsuspecting urinal. Based on a decade of rhymed boasts, we'd assumed Diddy pissed gold records, but his lack of the painful grunts that would accompany the passing of large, gilded discs lead us to believe that his urine is not as special as we'd hoped. More »