Megan Fox's "woman empowerment" rendered her incompatible with Michael Bay. Gwyneth Paltrow seeks genius tutor for children. Scarlett Johansson breaks up with Sean Penn. TGIFriday gossip.

Here's a teaser trailer for This Must Be the Place, a wacky sounding movie about an aging rock star (a tiny-voiced Sean Penn) who goes hunting for a Nazi executioner. Yuppp.

Scarlett Johansson isn't pregnant, but maybe she wants to be? Matthew Perry returns to rehab. Lindsay Lohan hires a new publicist. (As if that will help.) Friday gossip is optimistic.

If you criticize Vanessa Hudgens' weight, she will pop a cap in your ass. Kate Hudson is engaged. Beyonce gets sued for ruining Christmas. Will.i.Am cleans his butt with baby wipes. Wednesday gossip takes it to the streets.

Glee's resident divo Chris Colfer is proving Time magazine right by bulking up his Hollywood resume. Also today: Bethenny Frankel is very rich and Jimmy Fallon is well on his way, too bad Sean Penn will probably come along and rob them.

Lindsay Lohan drops her last name while the other Lohans change theirs. Chris Brown's publicist leaves him. In Touch documents Jennifer Aniston's "worst date ever." It's time for TGIFriday gossip.

With a backlash brewing against the incessant media coverage of Charlie Sheen's breakdown, Sheen has made an uncannily savvy move: He's announced he's going to Haiti on a humanitarian mission with his buddy Sean Penn, who has practically been living there since the earthquake struck more than a year ago:

Christina Aguilera's mugshot wasn't supposed to be released, but here it is, anyway. Scarlett Johansson gives Sean Penn a lap dance with her foot. Montana Fishburne narrowly avoids jailtime. Wednesday gossip sneaks forbidden peeks.

Jealous, perhaps, of female celebrities' busted weaves, Sean Penn went to a press conference today wearing the pelt of a drowned sewer rat on his head. What does this man have against hairbrushes?

Ke$ha's glitter-squirting vagina has crossover porn appeal. LiLo seeks no-jail plea deal. John Travolta gets a male waiter's phone number. Prince snubs Diddy. Britney Spears dreams of "running with lions." TGIFriday gossip.

Lindsay Lohan says the jewelry store that filed grand theft charges against her keeps changing their story. Scarlett Johansson is supposedly diddling Sean Penn, Jennifer Aniston wants to move to New York, and Pete Wentz is getting divorced against his will. Thursday's gossip makes bad decisions.

Will Kim's world explode when Kris Jenner and Kris Humphries meet? Lea Michele made a 14-year-old girl cry. Eddie Cibrian bought LeAnn Rimes' engagement ring after getting his child support reduced. Friday gossip is full of uncomfortable realizations.

Hugo Chávez doesn't like Barack Obama's nomination for US Ambassador to Venezuela, Larry Palmer, who suggested that Chávez's administration is basically a drug cartel, so Palmer was rejected. But Chávez has a few suggestions — famous people who like him!

It was the year Christina Aguilera attacked Lady Gaga and Whoopi Goldberg stormed off The View. Conan O'Brien defied his boss and world leaders threatened to kill a psychic octopus. A guide to the bloodiest feuds of 2010.

Here, finally, is a trailer for Terrence Malick's fifth film, The Tree of Life, a generations-spanning look at being alive and thinking about being alive. It looks predictably gorgeous, grandiose, and maybe slightly overbearing, just like all of Malick's movies.

[Sean Penn walks through the streets of Port-au-Prince, Haiti presumably looking for Wyclef Jean-related irregularities during the island nation's presidential election. Image via Getty]

A tipster spotted actor Sean Penn boarding a flight from Miami to L.A. (For what it's worth, Sean, you'll always have Priority AAccess to our hearts.) Have you spotted someone noteworthy? Email us a photo or post it to #stalker.

[Actor Sean Penn channels an aging rocker who looks a lot like the Cure's Robert Smith in his new movie, This Must Be the Place, which he is filming right now. Photo via Bauer-Griffin. Close up below.]