The Secret Service knows about “the comments.” The Secret Service has heard your comments about “the comments.” But the Secret Service will not be commenting on “the comments” at this time.

On Thursday, the Department of Homeland Security announced that 41 Secret Service employees have been disciplined in connection with a leak intended to embarrass the Republican congressman tasked with overseeing the agency.

On Sunday, the White House was briefly placed under unofficial lockdown after two stray, possibly radicalized “party balloons” landed on the North Lawn, NBC News reports.

When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst.

In a move that’s sure to spice things up for the building’s endless stream of intruders, the Secret Service has proposed almost doubling the height of the White House fence, from 6 feet tall to over 11, NBC News reports.

A Secret Service officer, Arthur Baldwin, was shot and killed Tuesday in what police say may have been an attempted robbery, NBC Washington reports. Baldwin was most recently assigned to the White House, but had been placed on administrative leave after he was accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s house.

The Secret Service, who (despite their very best efforts) have yet to actually succeed in killing the President, are sleepy. So sleepy, in fact, that the Inspector General is issuing an alert after finding two distinct Secret Service members fast asleep at their posts.

Here’s the scoop, via the Associate Press: dozens of grumpy Secret Service employees conspired to publicly embarrass the chairman of the House oversight committee in retaliation for his committee’s ongoing investigations into recent Secret Service fuck-ups.

Some mornings I look in the mirror and I think to myself, “Isn’t it amazing our president is still alive?” Because frankly, it’s a recurring miracle.

According to a report released earlier today by the Department of Homeland Security, the alarm at former President George H.W. Bush’s Houston home was broken for over a year before the Secret Service got around to replacing it—despite them knowing about the faulty system for a full eight months.

A Secret Service officer was arrested today in Washington D.C., according to MSNBC and CNN.

According to a report in the Washington Post, the Secret Service has suspended Xavier Morales, a security clearance manager for the department, after one of his employees accused him of making unwanted sexual advances in the division's Washington headquarters.

The Secret Service says a letter sent to the White House this week has tested positive for cyanide, confirming an earlier report by The Intercept. According to that story, the letter's return address matches that of a man who previously mailed the White House "a package covered in urine and feces."

The two allegedly drunk Secret Service agents who reportedly crashed their car into a White House barrier last week interfered with an active bomb investigation and, in their alleged drunken stupor, may have driven over the suspected bomb, according to a report in the Washington Post.

They may not be very good at their jobs, but at least they're not boring? Yet another pair of Secret Service agents had to be pulled off the rotation this week after they allegedly got drunk and crashed their government vehicle into a White House barricade.

At around 10 a.m. this morning, there was "a loud noise" heard outside the White House. Shortly afterward, the White House went on lockdown. Additionally, at around the same time, a nearby food truck caught on fire and a bomb-sniffing dog detected "something" on a suspicious vehicle. Which, if any, of these events are…