In need of a hangover cure? Try greasy breakfast food, wheatgrass, Pedialyte, exercise, Alka-Seltzer, Netflix, sleeping all day, crying in the shower, or Sprite. And next year, try a little self control.

Eli Lake, one of the surviving workers still huddled in the ruins of Newsweek and the Daily Beast, celebrates May Day by gloating about the glories of capitalism.