The years-long litigation involving a Los Angeles third-grade teacher who blindfolded his students and forced them to eat cookies made with his semen ended last month with a $140 million settlement between the school district and the victims.

Sarah Silverman kicked off the short comedy series Rubberhead yesterday with a bit called "Cops Cum Dicks and Flying," co-starring Seth Rogen. The title doesn't immediately make sense, but then it suddenly arrives and it's all over you and ugh you're going to need a shower after this because there's so much of it.

A Minnesota hardware store employee has been arrested after admitting that he repeatedly jerked off on a coworker's desk, ejaculating into her coffee, because he was attracted to her and wanted her to notice him.

A Michigan woman convicted earlier this year of shooting her lover in the stomach has been granted bond, set at $10,000. The prosecutor called the facts of the case "a little bizarre," which is a polite understatement: 58-year-old Sadie Bell said she shot the man when she suspected him of cheating because he didn't…

Living well is the best revenge, but feeding your enemies semen-filled cupcakes is a close second.

Important new research proves that drinking lots and lots of wine every week makes men have "stronger sperm." This means the sperm is more likely to reach its "goal," which is some part of a lady, if the sperm was ejaculated in the general direction of a lady.

Talk about Wal-Mart horror stories: Police in Delaware arrested a New Castle man after he allegedly threw a "glob" of his own semen on the backside of a female Walmart shopper because he thought she was attractive.

For decades, Rod Stewart's name has been synonymous with ingesting quarts of cum. The rumor goes that he sucked off (and swallowed) so many sailors in a gay bar in San Diego that he landed in the hospital and needed to have his stomach pumped. What a lightweight.

Earlier today, we brought you the tale of the domestic worker who added a flavor shot of menstrual blood to a cup of coffee she brewed for her employer.

Today we heard from donkey semen swallower Brynne Odioso, who said knocking back a glass of viscous donkey spooge is "the sickest thing you can ever imagine."

After discovering that the Fear Factor episode in which they chugged mugs of donkey semen and urine had been canceled, twins Brynne and Claire Odioso called into Tampa radio's Cowhead Show to describe their harrowing ordeal. Shortly thereafter, Brynne told me by phone today, NBC-Universal told her to STFU.

Zimbabwean Authorities have arrested three women for allegedly committing at least a dozen "ritualistic sex attacks" on male hitchhikers over a two-year period. For their rituals, the women reportedly collected used condoms and stashed them in "the boot of a car." Don't they have a Container Store in Zimbabwe?

You know how you get all excited every time you go to the grocery store and there's someone serving up those free samples. That's about to be ruined forever. That's because one guy plead guilty to putting his jizz in a yogurt sample he served to a woman.

The legal filing on Monday to dismiss charges of sexual assault against Dominique Strauss-Kahn contained within it one crusty footnote, illuminated by the blacklight-wielding investigators of The Smoking Gun: The $3,000-a-night Sofitel suite where the former IMF head stayed last May, and where his accuser said the…

In a motion to dismiss a court case this week, we learned that a woman is suing Planet Sushi on New York's Upper West Side. Why? Because she thinks there was semen in the spicy sauce that came alongside a delivery order of tuna rolls. Per the filing:

Anthony Garcia, a 32-year-old grocery clerk from Albuquerque, will be indicted Friday for having talked a Sunflower Market customer last January into eating a yogurt sample. But this was not just a yogurt sample.

Bubonic plague! Gay cancer! Autistic children! Chocolate milk! Head injuries! Newborn risk! Fat war! Sex aneurysm! And the very latest semen information! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—to keep from crying!

There's been a theory circulating for some time now around the scientific and semen-loving communities, which proposes that that man-made substance can reduce depression. A sex columnist at Popular Science's website decided to investigate if the claims might be true — and good news, ladies-and-certain-gentlemen: It…

Advertising isn't just a matter of putting a picture of your product up on the screen. It's a subtle psychological process of associating your product with the most powerful and appropriate metaphor. Not just blow jobs; cum-guzzling, also. Masterful. [Copyranter]

It won't be long now before we get the answer to that ancient riddle, "What's an appropriate sentence for a man who ejaculates into his co-worker's water bottle for his own sexual gratification?"