So it rained a little bit in Los Angeles for a few hours earlier this week. EVERYBODY PANIC.

So, Fox News has, excruciatingly, just broadcast live video of a man committing suicide after a car chase. Fox anchor Shep Smith said afterwards that the network was on a five-second delay, but that the video got through regardless. A network technician being too slow on the button is not the real issue here. The real…

Speaking of accused sexual assaulter Greg Kelly, here's screengrab from the front page of The Daily Beast. Writer and "former prosecutor of sex crimes in Massachusetts" Rikki Klieman is not nearly as sensitive as Law & Order: SVU led me to believe.

Here's a little secret of the glamorous and fast-paced world of celebrity blogging: What do you do if you really want to show some hot actress breastfeeding pic, but you work for a Fox News blog? Just add outrage!

The news-less summer is saved—the Countess Divorceé trial continues, mercifully! The latest preposterous occurrence: Marie Douglas-David's CEO hubby was not only raped, but also menaced. By his wife's imperious tones!

Gambling, gangsters, celebrities, creeps—Las Vegas is "journalism heaven," says this guy. OH? We know a few cities that would dispute that. Newspapers may be dying, but news is alive and well. Where are America's Best Stories? Candidates below!

Remember the 2006 classic Justin Timberlake/ Emile Hirsch vehicle Alpha Dog, which captured America's heart? Yes, well. It was based on an actual drug-related murder case. The trial is going on now. The suspect says he's (mostly) innocent!

Stupid Europe always gets the best sex scandals. While we here in the USA are unable to even find three days worth of interesting material in a Senator's affair, France is four years into this S&M banker-"whore" murder case.

As of this morning there are 171 news articles about the totally harmless rat snake—a popular type of pet—that was found in a Bronx apartment. It did not eat anyone, yet.

Two more New Yorkers with swine flu have died. Why isn't there a fresh round of PANIC? Because it looks like the worst is over. And we're not all dead!

Friday we wondered: is Deborah Perez, who claims her dad was the Zodiac Killer, some sort of wacko? Now it appears the answer is "Yes, a big one."

Pirates versus America in a cutthroat battle for survival! Hero Captain America's escape attempt! A pirate flotilla races to reach its desperate pirate brethren! Killer Navy SEALs lock and load! Joe Biden!

Oh. Sweet. Jesus. The Somali pirates have gone and done it now: they've hijacked a ship with 20 Americans onboard. This will not end well.

Fire-haired food pimp Mario Batali's Midtown restaurant Esca was robbed last week! The crime raises two important questions: Was it an inside job? And if so, just how dumb are Batali's employees? (Very).

What is the world coming to, when the bottom-feeding British press can't even trust 13 year-olds to be truthful about whether they were the one who screwed the 15 year-old and made a baby?