Eccentricity has its charms, of course, but woman cannot survive on excitement alone! But thanks to the magical duo of Michael Bloomberg and that other guy who keeps threatening to run for political office again before recalling how much he likes to golf, NYC is now a magical wonderland where street cleaners dedicated to their craft slap giant green post-its on your car windows if you dare obstruct their work. This new NYC populated by Cornell grads where the NYPD tows its damn breakdowns is the reason Bloomberg will be Mayor forever and ever!

But what is this?

New Yorkers are fleeing this Utopia for Florida? Well, yes. Turns out all this wonderful service comes at the cost of some of the highest tax rates in the country, which... well, duh.

Things have gotten so bad, Manhattanites are moving to the Bronx and Brooklynites are moving to Staten Island. The end times are here, people!

If you're looking for someone to blame, the Wall Street Journal helpfully suggests you look under "Liberals: Just Desserts."

[Pic: AIP History Center Web Exhibit]

The MisShapes are DJing a glitzy bash at Versace's Fifth Avenue boutique, Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen's band The Pretty Reckless will terrorize eardrums at a free concert on Bleecker St. hosted by Teen Vogue, supermodels Karolina Kukova and Coco Rocha are prettying up the DKNY store on Madison Avenue, Blake Lively and Bar Raefeli have RSVP'd to an art auction at the Ralph Lauren Rhinelander Mansion, Hugh Jackman and Sean Avery are appearing together at Jeffrey, IMG is hosting a hoedown at Indochine, Oscar de La Renta is singing songs at his Madison Avenue store, a couple dudes from Vampire Weekend are spinning at a "street trunk party" on Howard St. catered by Momofuku Milk Bar, turban-topped jeweler-to-the stars/Wes Anderson player Waris Ahluwalia shows off his baubles at Barney's, oh, and the Olsen Twins are bartending at Bergdorf-Goodman!

Now, if you'll excuse me, this pint of Haagen Daaz isn't going to eat itself!

The maximum amount of marijuana for "personal use" under the new law is 5 grams-the equivalent of about four joints. The limit is a half gram for cocaine, the equivalent of about 4 "lines." For other drugs, the limits are 50 milligrams of heroin, 40 milligrams for methamphetamine and 0.015 milligrams for LSD.

According to our tipster, who works for one of Sony's Internet service providers, MySpace's security team inadvertently banned Sony employees from accessing its site in the course of going after a spammer:

I just talked to MySpace's head of security and they are lifting the block.

Here's why Sony was blocked. They get their Internet through us. MySpace went after one of our customers for MySpace spamming. We terminated that customer because I hate spammers with a vengence, but then MySpace banned our whole [system]. In essence, MySpace believed we were just a hosting provider and not the actual Internet — i.e. providing transit connectivity where companies go through us to reach other companies.

Oh and it wasn't just Sony... Los Angeles County government along with Orange County government offices use us for transit. So they were also blocked.

We were emailing MySpace for a few days, but they didn't believe we provided anything more than dedicated servers. We believe the only reason MySpace finally unblocked our network was because we sent them a link to your story.

We were scratching our heads as to why MySpace blocked Sony when Sony spends so much money advertising movies and music.

And we found one for somebody! On Craigslist, naturally...

We are looking for a few good writers who know their way around Twitter and Facebook who can leave native comments in groups and to people that are relative to our Company's products.
We will pay anyway you like: per comment, per day, per month, per minimum comments left, per forum. Whatever works best for you.

We are a new Company with a great line of products and we are just looking to get recognized. We are not looking to spam thousands of irrelevant comments. We are not very Twitter or FB savvy, and do not have the time to spread the word ourselves. This is like our Stimulus plan. You leave some cool appropriate comments, and we stimultate the economy by 1) paying you good money, and 2) by helping a new company get off the ground. It's a Stimulus whammy!!

Email us and let us know first if you understand your way around Twitter and Facebook, and second if you have the time to help us.

Thanks

* Location: anywhere
* Compensation: $2-$5per comment or Forum that's relative to our product. This can add up very quickly as there are 1000's of Blogs, forums, Tweets, Groups, etc out in the Webworld.
* Telecommuting is ok.
* This is a part-time job.
* This is a contract job.
* This is an internship job
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

So what are you waiting for? Polish up that resume and contact them! Shit, for $2-$5 per comment, I may even have to apply! Who are these people slinging around that kind of money in this economy anyway, Goldman Sachs?

If you are Jennifer Dicks of Phoenix, the answer is the latter. See, Dicks got a loan from the "Auto Financing Network" and bought a Chevy Cavalier. She fell behind on payments! And then the president of the company started obsessively texting her, and then they registered the url of her name to plant a site titled "Jennifer Dicks isn't paying for her Cavalier!" and they claimed to have installed a GPS tracking device in her car and basically it was a lot of weird stalker shit.

Read some of the creepy texts at TPM! And don't get a loan from these people!

This comes straight from our Gawker overlord Nick Denton: If you click the link, it takes you to the ViddyHo.com and asks you for your Google Talk login information. For the fools who enter their user info (that's Denton's IM window up above, with a couple folks who are already victims; sorry Rachel and Brian) it will then spam all of your chat buddies with the same message.

Viruses are usually annoying, but in this case, it's kind of fun to see who falls for it and who doesn't. Denton says: "I nearly did."

Update: our geekier brethren tell us that this is a "worm" and not a "virus," as the original headline suggested.

• Food & Alcohol: If you're not already a bar- or restaurant-regular somewhere, you should be! You'll pay less. We've already discussed the importance of flasks. (But don't bring a flask to the bar that's treating you nicely! Save that for the douche-bars.) We hear HuffPo co-founder and backer Ken Lerer gets a 50% discount at Lure Fishbar in SoHo 'cause he's a reg.
  
  
• Cable & Internet: Blind item: Which milionaire blog mogul recently called up Time Warner and threatened to cancel his account—-all so he could save $40 on his monthly bill? No, really. If you threaten to quit your Internet provider, they typically have an entire retention program that will almost certainly guarantee you a discount if you want to play chicken with your cable or 'net fairies.
  
  
• Gym: Many of you probably joined your gym in January, when deals abounded. Don't even think of renewing your membership until they start making offers. We hear Equinox is already offering steep discounts to people with memberships that are about to expire.
  
  
• Prescription Meds: Don't go through this under-medicated: I signed up for my insurance company's mail-in program, which means I get three months of mood stabilizers for the price of two! Who's winning now.
  
  
• Groceries: Clip coupons for the grocery and drugstore, just like Polish studda-bubbas! If you live in Brooklyn you can just pretend you're being ironic. You know, "the colorful things that come in the Post and on your doorstep that you normally throw out."
• Clothing: My girlfriends are doing a clothing swap. And also, you know how every single clothing or cosmetic website you visit has those e-mail lists you can "sign up for and SAVE"? Do that. For example, if you were already on American Apparel's mailing list, they're having a rare 20% sale. As a tipster put it, "I have never known them to do anything so déclassé as have a sale." Oh, and Anne Taylor is having a "Friends and Family" e-discount sale next weekend.
  
  

You see, the young fellow, moored in the dusty meat lockers of Chicago, has recently called it quits with his boyfriend of two years. Now he has these plane tickets and these hotel reservations and... sigh. So does anyone have the Coop's email address or phone number to pass on to the young dreamer? Oh, and Anderson, he'll pay for "90% of the expenses"! Who knows what the other 10% will be for. We're guessing that it begins with an 'A' and ends with '-nguillan rent boys with killer brown eyes.'

This post was originally written for "Eat The Press' at the Huffington Post, but it was determined that the post was not "congruent with HuffPost's editorial position against the media's penchant for viewing everything through a left/right prism" (see here). With respect, I disagreed, and together we decided that the piece would be best placed elsewhere. Thanks to Jim for that opportunity.

More suggestions for the New Yorker:

• Look into why the Huffington Post ignored the John Edwards-Rielle Hunter affair at first even though it owned the story.
• Commission more hilarious artwork like the drawing above, used for the New Yorker's last Huffington story.
• Find more pointless, deeply inaccurate blog posts by Huffington's celebrity friends, like the awful thing John Cusack just posted.
• Expect Arianna to hold a major grudge. She nursed one against Tim Russert for 14 years for a profile his wife wrote that turned out to be true.
• Don't try to prove Huffington is a cutthroat boss just because she supposedly "fired assistants after one day of work." We know another internet publisher of Southern European extraction who supposedly fired someone after zero days of work. Now that's cutthroat!

[Post]

Beginning Tuesday morning, California drivers under 18 are forbidden from using a phone while driving. Drivers over 18 must use a hands-free device. I'm sure plenty of Valley wheeler-dealers will risk the $20 first-offense fine as "the cost of doing business." How very entrepreneurial of you. Since using a phone raises your risk of an accident to the same as driving drunk, why not crack a flask of Crown Royal while you're at it? It'll make the accident a lot less painful.

(Photo by Richard Masoner)

FDA Warns Consumers Nationwide Not to Eat Certain Types of Raw Red Tomatoes

The Food and Drug Administration is expanding its warning to consumers nationwide that a salmonellosis outbreak has been linked to consumption of certain raw red plum, red Roma, and red round tomatoes, and products containing these raw, red tomatoes.

FDA recommends that consumers not eat raw red Roma, raw red plum, raw red round tomatoes, or products that contain these types of raw red tomatoes unless the tomatoes are from the sources listed below. If unsure of where tomatoes are grown or harvested, consumers are encouraged to contact the store where the tomato purchase was made. Consumers should continue to eat cherry tomatoes, grape tomatoes, and tomatoes sold with the vine still attached, or tomatoes grown at home.

On June 5, using traceback and other distribution pattern information, FDA published a list of states, territories, and countries where tomatoes are grown and harvested which have not been associated with this outbreak. This updated list includes: Arkansas, California, Georgia, Hawaii, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Belgium, Canada, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Israel, Netherlands, and Puerto Rico. The list is available at www.fda.gov/oc/opacom/hottopics/tomatoes.html#retailers. This list will be updated as more information becomes available.

FDA's recommendation does not apply to the following tomatoes from any source: cherry, grape, and tomatoes sold with the vine still attached.

FDA recommends that retailers, restaurateurs, and food service operators not offer for sale and service raw red Roma, raw red plum, and raw red round tomatoes unless they are from the sources listed above. Cherry tomatoes, grape tomatoes, and tomatoes sold with the vine still attached, may continue to be offered from any source.

Since mid April, there have been 145 reported cases of salmonellosis caused by Salmonella Saintpaul nationwide, including at least 23 hospitalizations. States reporting illnesses linked to the outbreak include: Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Oregon, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, and Wisconsin. Salmonella Saintpaul is an uncommon type of Salmonella.

Salmonella can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections particularly in young children, frail or elderly people, and those with weakened immune systems. Healthy persons often experience fever, diarrhea (which may be bloody), nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain. In rare circumstances, the organism can get into the bloodstream and produce more severe illnesses. Consumers who have recently eaten raw tomatoes or foods containing raw tomatoes and are experiencing any of these symptoms should contact their health care provider. All Salmonella infections should be reported to state or local health authorities.

FDA recognizes that the source of the contaminated tomatoes may be limited to a single grower or packer or tomatoes from a specific geographic area. FDA also recognizes that there are many tomato crops across the country and in foreign countries that will be ready for harvest or will become ready in the coming months. In order to ensure that consumers can continue to enjoy tomatoes that are safe to eat, FDA is working diligently with the states, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Indian Health Service, and various food industry trade associations to quickly determine the source of the tomatoes associated with the outbreak.

FDA is taking these actions while the agency continues to investigate this outbreak with state and federal partners. Such actions are a key component of FDA's Food Protection Plan, a scientific and risk-based approach to strengthen and protect the nation's food supply.

FDA will continue to issue updates as more specific information becomes available.

The experiment took place in a bathroom with three urinals in a line. They tested both how long it took men to start peeing, and the duration of their peeing under three separate conditions: alone in the bathroom; with another man there, separated by a urinal; or with another man standing right next to them. But they ran into a little problem:

The authors' intentions were to use auditory cues (i.e., splash) to capture the dependent measures, but they quickly realized that this wasn't the most reliable measure since some people were aiming at the ceramic basin and the sounds couldn't be made out. So, what else could they do? Here's what: "The observer [the guy in the stall] used a periscopic prism imbedded in a stack of books lying on the floor of the toilet stall. An 11-inch (28-cm) space between the floor and the wall of the toilet stall provided a view, through the periscope, of the user's lower torso and made possible direct visual sightings of the stream of urine."

Way to put those pervert skills to good use! And what did the scientists find? That Shy Bladder Syndrome really exists!:

As predicted, when urinating next to the confederate, the micturation delay was significantly greater (8.4 sec) than when the participant was separated by one urinal (6.2 sec) or when (ostensibly) alone (4.9). The duration of micturation also supported the authors' hypotheses, with the participants urinating, on average, for a briefer period in the close condition (17.4 sec) than in either the far condition (23.4 sec) or alone condition (24.8 sec).

So rest easy, you paruresis-having readers; it's not all in your mind. Feel free to pee in front of everybody.

[Psychology Today; pic via Corbis]

Start with a lame Tumblr theme like mine. Feel socially inadequate.

Go to freethemes.tumblr.com or, as we have here, tumblrthemes.com. Scroll down and click through the archives until you find a winning theme — not one that you like, but that you think will make other people like you.

Click on "Demo/Download" to see what the theme looks like in full screen. Is it wearing skinny jeans, a vintage shirt with a loud print and a snappy fedora? Good. You've found your theme.

On the preview page, look for a link to download the theme as a .txt file. Click on it.

Firefox will open the .txt file. Do not try to understand what you are looking at. Select all of the text and copy it.

Go to your Tumblr dashboard. Do not check to see if anyone has reblogged you. Your theme is lame, so no one has. Instead, click on the "customize" link at the top.

Click on the "theme" tab.

Ignore Tumblr's built-in theme options. No one will follow you if you use one of those, let alone ask you out for organic, locally-produced ice cream. Click on the "use custom HTML" link if you haven't enabled it already.

Highlight all of the code in the box. Select paste from the edit menu.

Click on the "Update Preview" button. But first, put on your thick, black-rim glasses and crank up Jakob Lodwick's Muxtape. Take off your shirt. Get out the camera.

Looks good? Of course it does. Now click "Save changes," Mr. Popular.

Go to your Tumblr and check out your fantastic new theme. You'll be in the Tumblr-meme-propagating inner circle soon enough!

Neighborhood Key:

Unemployment

Immigrants

Disconnected Youth

You're never too cool for free stickers. Now also available en espanol!

As always, available FREE - just send a self addressed stamped envelope to:
The Anti-Advertising Agency
c/o Eyebeam
540 W. 21st St.
New York, NY 10011