• Tinsley Mortimer's reality show Empire State gets more and more interesting. Now they've signed on phone-hacking flack Ali Wise as one of the "co-stars." They filmed her at a party at the Alice Olivia pop up store this weekend—a party also attended by reality whole and fictional reporter Betsey Morgenstern's boyfriend Freddie Fackelmayer—and a camera crew was spotted with her on October 19 when she was arraigned for breaking into romantic rival Nina Freudenberger's voicemail with something called a spoof card. Well, we will certainly be spoofing this show, and we hope that the CW will make a huge star out of Ali. It's the wise thing to do. And the puns just won't stop coming. We love this chick! Producers are a little worried what's going to happen to her after her next court date January 14. We suggest the sexiest version of Scared Straight ever. [Gatecrasher]
• Harry Potter star Emma Watson isn't exactly a slut, but she sure has been dating a lot. She was out on a date with fellow Brown student Rafael Cebrian at the Rangers game on Saturday with Yves Saint Laurent creative director Stefano Pilati as her gay chaperon. So, what did she do with ex-boyfriend, financier Jay Barrymore? Maybe she just cast a spell of invisibility on him. [P6]
• Lady Gaga's penis bought pizza for all the gays her fans who waited overnight to get her autograph in L.A. That's sweet, but doesn't she know her fans the gays still aren't eating carbs. [People]
• Hey everyone, Rosie Perez got a job! Congrats! She's costarring with Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell in some movie called The Other Guys, and they were filming during the real Knicks game on Saturday night. Brooke Shields also made an appearance. They also got Tracy Morgan for free, since he had courtside seats near where they were filming. [Gatecrasher]
• Even though her haircut says she is, model Agyness Deyn is not a lesbian. [P6]
• Jennifer Lopez says she meant to fall on her ass during her performance of the loathesome single "Louboutins" at the American Music Awards. She also said that Gigli is supposed to be unfunny. No guile in that girl. [NYDN]
• Gossip dowager Cindy Adams let us know that the the Sex and the City sequel (also known as Carrie Bradshaw and the Temple of Doom) is filming in Morocco and all the ladies are staying in different hotels. She also tells us about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade back when they didn't have balloons so they just tied ropes to Pterodactyls and it was a great day in New Amersterdam. [Cindy Adams]

Right off the bat, Finke admits she's not into lists, writing:

"Last year I was on Elle's Women in Hollywood power list; this year I was asked to write it. That's ironic, because I hate power lists more than one-size-fits-all spa robes. These influential jobs are not necessarily comparable. Are the casting directors I included more important than the cinematographers and film editors I didn't? So what I have is a very subjective roster of women I deem essential to a town run by alpha males who don't play well with others. Women in general do."

The List is split up into sections; there's The Movie Executives; The TV Executives; the awfully titled "The Wives & Daughters." But first and foremost there's The Talent — which includes Tyra Banks, Beyoncé, director Kathyrn Bigelow, Miley Cyrus, Ellen DeGeneres and Tina Fey. Also on that list? Michael Patrick King, whom Finke calls "2009's honorary female." Finke explains:

He gave us the best years of Sex and the City on TV and can be credited for reviving the chick flick in Hollywood when the movie version grossed $415 million.

The commenters on Women In Hollywood are split. One writes:

I just dislike that she left out a woman in order to include Michael Patrick King as an "honorary female". It is not good to be told that a man knows and produces women's films better than women.

But another replies:

That bugged me as well… but then I thought, well… It's the biggest film starring a cast of women of all time. He may not be a woman, but his film surely did something great for women in Hollywood, especially with a cast of women 40+.

Here's the question: If a man sympathetic to women is in power, is it as good as a woman in power? I'm going to go with: No. Because the more women pulling strings and making executive decisions the better. But since Finke makes a point about the SATC franchise being a powerhouse — and generates some buzz by including a man — she gets a pass from me. Disagree?

The Most Powerful Women in Hollywood According to Nikki Finke [Women In Hollywood]
Nikki Finke's Power List [Elle.com]
Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood

Earlier: Hollywood Heavy Nikki Finke: Victim Of Misogyny, And Misogynist Extraordinaire

• A tired-looking Sarah Jessica Parker took her three children for a walk and, again, looked tired. So everyone says she has one foot in the grave and it's all Sex and the City's fault because SJP has to work so hard! Pitchforks, please. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Can you believe that someone as famous as Britney Spears has been checking into hotels under assumed names? Once those pitchforks are done with SJP-murdering Sex and the City, turn them on Spears. She's evil. [Page Six]
  
  
• Everyone and their mother's leaving at intermission for the latest incarnation of Othello, which stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Blasphemy! [Page Six
  
  
• Oliver Hudson, Goldie Hawn's less famous child, will soon have a second baby with wife Erinn Bartlett. Mazel! [NYDN]
  
  
• Suri Cruise's wardrobe is worth more than your impoverished life! (PS: Can you believe we live in a society where children are both richer and more fascinating that actual adults? Now, turn those pitchforks on yourselves. And us.) [San Francisco Chronicle]
  
  
• Lily Allen went out, got drunk and her sad, pathetic boyfriend had to watch. [3am]
  
  
• Famous actor Dennis Hopper has been released from the hospital, so halt your prayers. [CBS]
  
  
• The ever-wonderful Liza Minnelli will cover Beyonce's "Single Ladies," because she knows something about such matters. Well, kind of... [MSNBC]
  
  
• Katy Perry, a singer who will no doubt be remembered as a one-hit wonder, has been "snogging" Russell Brand, a comedian of some sort. She also sent him pictures of her boobies. [The Sun]
  
  
• Why are people surprised that a man as rich and connected as Simon Cowell would spend massive amounts of money on his birthday? More importantly, why were we not invited? [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin's been acting like more of an ass than usual since splitting with his equally horrid wife. Now TLC has suspended the reality show he left because of his "erratic behavior." Huh? [NYDN]
  
  
• A comedian named Billy Eichner recently recounted a sex session with former NYT food critic Frank Bruni, who, said Eichner at the time, has an "oral fixation." What does that even mean? He likes food? Oh... Well, who doesn't? [Page Six]
  
  
• Quentin says there will be a Kill Bill 3. Hoorah! [Page Six]

• Someone claims to have walked in on the ever-messy Courtney Love tinkling at the Standard and says she went crazy, which makes sense for many, many reason. [Page Six]
  
  
• But, of course, Love denies the so-called pee encounter ever happened. She twittered, "page6 said this guy walked in on me as i was peeing no i wasnt ( i i was itd be the same) he was a crasher and he laughed and pointed." A brave man, he was... [Twitter]
  
  
• Mischa Barton shows up to work "bleary" and demands instant coffee, into which she then stares, mumbling about how she needs coffee. Sad. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, that Harvey Weinstein's such a joker: he described NY Post media writer Peter Lauria as "the inspiration for Inglorious Basterds." "We were thinking who were the bastards that we know, and he was the No. 1 bastard." Does that mean the paper's run by a bunch of Nazis? [Page Six]
  
  
• David Hasselhoff got so rip-roaring drunk yesterday that someone had to call 911 after getting a frantic call from his worried daughter. [TMZ]
  
  
• OMG! Is Samantha getting married in the new Sex and the City?! [3am]
  
  
• Uh-oh! Puff Daddy, or whatever his name is, may leave Warner Brothers for Interscope once his contract's up in April. What will be of WB-based label Bad Boy?! [Page Six]
  
  
• Real Housewives of New Jersey "star" Danielle Straub tried to talk to Martha Stewart at an event last week, bUt Stewart ignored her. Ha! [MSNBC]
  
  
• Dancing with the Stars' former golden couple, Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff looked happy on the Emmy stage, but were fighting and bickering back stage. Don't be fooled by appearances: they hate one another. [E!]
  
  
• Jack Tweed, the widower of British reality star-turned-cancer patient Jade Goody, appears in court today to face allegations that he raped a woman. [3am]
  
  
• Halle Berry is not with child. But is with toga dress. [Daily Mail]

MSNBC entertainment sleuth Courtney Hazlett has spent days tracking down sources, rummaging through trash and breaking legs to come up with the latest spoilers from the series-turned-movie sequel. And, no, they don't concern Samantha's hormone therapy. Thank god.

No, this one involves real testosterone: the ladies and their nameless friends — seriously, these broads rarely talk to anyone else but each other — will allegedly head to Connecticut to watch their homo friends Stanford and Anthony get gay married. Everyone will wear crazy outfits and toss out a string of double entendres and generally have a fabulous time.

Life & Style is reporting that the shooting schedule calls for a wedding scene to take place at a Connecticut Inn, and the guest list includes Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, plus Carrie's pal Stanford Blatch and his mother and father.

"All signs point to a gay union between Stanford and Anthony Marentino, who's required to wear a black tuxedo in the scene," according to the magazine. "Slated as the entertainment: Liza Minnelli."

Other plot details include a trip to Morocco (Dubai's authorities disapproved of all the sexy talk, we suppose) and perhaps a Miley Cyrus citing, which would dampen our gay spirits. Why is she everywhere?!

The scene in question provides hints at two "big" twists awaiting Samantha. The first: she calls Smith Jerrod, who she, duh!, broke up with the last one. This shouldn't come as a surprise: it would be damn foolish for writers not to include Smith, for the lady fans — and the boys, too — just love the actor who plays him, Jason Lewis. If there's one thing almost as important as Sex's fashion, it's the men, and the writers know viewers want to see plenty of them.

The second plot point? Samantha, who's fifty, tells her assistant to pick up hormones. Like, OMG! This 50-year old's going through "the change," something that she, Carrie and the other girls will no doubt discuss in gory detail. Please, god, let them not discuss how to handle the inevitable dryness "down there" and how to prepare for post-menopausal entry.

In August, Page Six reported that Oxfam, who sent Davis to South Africa to do AIDS relief as an Oxfam Ambassador, severed ties with the acrtress because her work with Ahava. Oxfam is opposed to the company using materials from and manufacturing their products in the disputed Palestinian West Bank region. Now, a tipster tells us, that Ahava hasn't renewed Davis' contract. She's out of both her job and her charitable work!

We tried multiple times to contact both Ahava and Kristin Davis' spokesperson for comment on the story and never heard back from either.

Ahava signed Davis to be their first spokesperson in 2007. The move got them a bunch of press from the likes of Star magazine. She even did a promotional video and photo shoot (pictured) in the Dead Sea in June 2008 to promote the brand. A source told Page Six that, at the time, she didn't know about Oxfam and Ahava's competing agendas. This July, protest group Code Pink launched their Stolen Beauty Campaign, which seems to have brought Davis' conflict of interest to Oxfam's attention.

Back in August, a spokesman for Oxfam told Page Six that, "Both Kristin and Oxfam do not want this issue to detract from the great work we have done in the past and plan to do in the future." Let's hope now that Ahava has gotten rid of her, she can use the increased attention from the Sex and the City sequel to promote for Oxfam instead.

Update: Davis' publicist called us back and confirmed that her contract with Ahava "has expired." She also pointed us toward a statement that Oxfam released after the initial Page Six story saying that the group will continue to work with Davis in the future.

• Sarah Jessica Parker and her Sex and The City cast mates need extra security to protect them from hordes of fans. Said one witness, "At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way." Don't worry, though, SJP told her security detail to treat the deranged masses kindly. But not too kindly.[Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer's once-favorite prostitute, bit back at ladies who criticize her. According to Dupre, many women, not just hookers, use their feminine wiles to get bags, clothes and other lavish things. Some men do, too. [NY Post]
  
  
• Freddie Fackelmayer is allegedly Whitney Port's new love interest on The Hills, but they reality couple said nothing to one another during a recent outing to the Jane Hotel. One source couldn't be more pleased, because Fackelmayer's a "total mess." [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, damn! Page Six has a follow-up to the NYDN's item about Alec Baldwin wanting to meet Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel. Says Baldwin, "I don't know her and wasn't looking to meet her, but somehow this ends up in the Daily News — manufacturing a nice gesture into a total BS item suggesting I want to date this woman. Nothing against her, but I'm not dating anyone." [Page Six]
  
  
• Ew. Jon Gosselin has been hanging out in Vegas, buying drinks for ladies and the ladies are returning the favor by giving him massages. And, we fear, more. [Page Six]
  
  
• In other Jon Gosselin news, the father of eight recorded his first interview and says hell demon wife Kate was mean and verbally abused him: "She'll call me like, almost like a lame fish. Like I wasn't going anywhere." [NYDN]
  
  
• Former British PM Tony Blair will visit David Letterman's Late Show next week. Expect an explosion of self-deprecating humor. [Reuters]
  
  
• A former assistant for Tyra Banks is suing the mini-mogul for $5,820 in back wages. [TMZ]
  
  
• Janet Jackson will break her silence on Michael's death in an upcoming issue of Harper's Bazaar. [Page Six]
  
  
• Friends and family gathered in Los Angeles yesterday to lay the late DJ AM to rest. [Bauer-Griffin]
  
  
• Lisa Loeb (remember her?) has been impregnated by her husband, Roey Hershkovitz. [ET]
  
  
• Daniel Radcliffe refuses to go to parties populated by lowly B-list celebrities. It's only A-list for him. And rightfully so. [PTI]
  
  
• Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts is not leaving the band, so stop saying he is. [NME]

The paper points out that Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw was snapped filming a scene without a wedding ring. It's true! We ran a picture too! From that they surmise that Carrie will end up single again. But later in the day, Parker and Chris "Mr. Big" Noth filmed a scene when they were both wearing wedding rings. Does that mean they're divorcing? Or maybe they get divorced, and are single, and then they remarry. Maybe Carrie gets divorced and then she remarries Miranda in Connecticut (the ladies can do that there) so that Carrie can raise a red-headed stepchild of her own. Or maybe one is a dream sequence. Oh, this game makes our head hurt more than a night of cosmo and cougar sex talk with the girls!

The assumption when any television show hit ends its run is that the stars will go on to fame and fortune and other projects. Sometimes that happens and we never hear from them again (see Friends and inexplicably Full House) but when it doesn't, they all rush back to familiar territory to jump start their careers. Here's are scale from the worst to best.

Dynasty
Final Episode: May 1989
Breakout Stars: Heather Locklear, Emma Samms (just kidding)
Reunion: Dynasty: The Reunion aired in August 1991. The came back for another go-round Dynasty Reunion: Catfights and Caviar in 2006.
Cause: There were some cliffhanger plotlines to tie up, and really, nobody was doing anything else. Also, shoulder pads were about to go out of style, so they had to do it to save on the wardrobe budget.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: So bad it's campy.

Firefly
Final Episode: August 2003
Breakout Stars: Does anyone beside us and hardcore Joss Whedon fans even remember this?
Reunion: Serenity hit movie theaters in September, 2005
Cause: To try to get someone, anyone, to finally watch this thing. It failed.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: Did it have any to start with?

Sex and the City
Final Episode: February 2004
Breakout Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, who was the biggest show when the series started. Everyone else found out there really aren't any roles for women over 30.
Reunion: Sex and the City: The Movie came out in May 2008 and broke box office records. A sequel is planned
Cause: These ladies needed a way to make some money. And, obviously, cosmo-swilling Midwestern "fashionistas" demanded it.
Held Out: 4 years.
Respectability: Shameless.

The X-Files
Final Episode: May 2002
Breakout Stars: David Duchovny, who was only a recurring character on the show's final two seasons, is doing quite well on Californication.
Reunion: X-Files: I Want to Believe, the second movie based on the show, failed at the box office in July of 2008.
Cause: We still haven't figured this one out.
Held Out: 6 years.
Respectability: Pretty lame.

Seinfeld
Final Episode: May 1998
Breakout Stars: All of them, but the biggest has been Larry David, now of Curb Your Enthusiasm who wasn't even an actor on the show. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is still holding down The Adventures of Old Christine. Jerry Seinfeld sits in his house and counts his money, only leaving occasionally to do stand-up, American Express commercials, and The Bee Movie. Jason Alexander had a few failed sitcoms and KFC commercials. Michael Richards had a racist rant that ruined his career.
Reunion: On the cover of Entertainment Weekly August 2009.
Cause: They'll all guest on Curb Your Enthusiasm this year, where a Seinfeld reunion becomes a meta plot point. For a giggle. They're all still rolling in residuals.
Held Out: 11 years.
Respectability: High.

Facts of Life
Final Episode: May 1988
Breakout Stars: Nancy McKeon was a Lifetime fixture before going to rock the tween set on the Disney Channel's Sonny with a Chance. George Clooney did two seasons.
Reunion: The Facts of Life Reunion aired on ABC in November 2001
Cause: Because the gays thought it would be fun and Mrs. Garrett wasn't getting any younger.
Held Out: 13 years.
Respectability: Surprising good. This also seems to be the exception that proves the rule, either that or all the girls have given up on acting careers.

Saved by the Bell
Final Episode: May 1993 (we're not counting The College Years, which ended in 1994)
Breakout Stars: Mark-Paul Gosselaar did the later seasons of NYPD Blue and is now a hit on cable's Raising the Bar. Tiffani Amber Thiessen did 90210, Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place, Fastlane, and Good Morning, Miami. Elizabeth Berkley did Showgirls and became a Hollywood punchline, Mario Lopez danced with stars, and Dustin Diamond released a sex tape.
Reunion: The cover of People in August 2009.
Cause: Because it was either that or Jimmy Kimmel.
Held Out:16 years.
Respectability: Amazing!

Okay, so Entourage has been compared to Sex and the City in a great many places, most notably Entertainment Weekly and Slate. But when you really examine the text, you can see that some themes have definitely been recycled.

Sunday night's episode "Murphy's Lie" continued to play into the themes established by the SATC foursome. Listen to the guys discuss Eric's little slip up:

Or Eric channeling Charlotte as he tries to prevent breaking up with his current girlfriend while still pining for his ex:

I understand that the testosterone soaked words and visuals can obscure the nature of the text. So I pulled two random scenes for this season and subbed in the different characters. It works almost a bit too well.

[General Scene Changes: Charlotte has Eric's lines, Samantha has Drama's lines, Miranda has Turtle's lines, and Vince has Carrie's. I left the name Sloan is because it's unisex. All references to she have been changed to he, and pussy was replaced with dick. Other than that, the script is as it plays.]

Charlotte (E): How pathetic are you guys?

Samantha (D): Pathetic? Us? Who tells a first date that they love [him]?

Charlotte (E): Aw, yeah right, I told [him] I loved [him].

Miranda (T): You looked like you were going to tell [him] you loved [him].

Samantha (D): My point exactly.

Charlotte (E): Whatever.

Carrie (V): Aww, [Char], [they're] are just bitter because you're on a hot streak.

Charlotte (E): Thanks [Carrie].

Samantha (D): The girl's got more [dick] the last month than the previous 29 years. I wouldn't call it a hot streak, I would call it entering the twilight zone.

Miranda (T): That's what being a successful [gallery] manager does for ya.

Samantha (D): So you're saying it has nothing to do with [her], just the business card.

Miranda (T): Yup.

Samantha (D): Ah. Now I get it.

Miranda (T): So you've been banging all these dates, [Charlotte]?

Samantha (D): [S] he [w]on't bang ‘em that quickly. [Charlotte] needs to be wined and dined for at least a month.

Carrie (V): No, no, no, I think I heard banging last night. Was there banging[Charlotte] ?

Miranda (T): Well, was there banging?

Charlotte (E): Can we talk about important stuff, please?

Carrie (V): So how's Sloan?

Charlotte (E): What do you mean?

Carrie (V): I mean, how is [he]?

Charlotte (E): Oh, [he's] good.

Carrie (V): Was that a weird question?

Charlotte (E): No.

Carrie (V): Because you sure answered it kind of weird.

Charlotte (E): Did I?

Carrie (V): Yeah, didn't [s]he?

Miranda (T): Yeah.

Samantha (D): Kind of weird.

Miranda (T): You're getting back together with Sloan?

Charlotte (E): No.

Miranda (T): After one cup of coffee?

Charlotte (E): No!

Samantha (D): You're back in love with Sloan?

Miranda (T): One cup of coffee is all it takes with this [girl]!

Charlotte (E): It was a friendly meeting!

Miranda (T): Ah.

Carrie (V): A meeting.

Miranda (T): A meeting that [he] called for!

Samantha (D): It's all the [guys] [she's] been getting. [Dick] can smell other [dick] and then they have to pounce on it. That's why when you're on a hot streak, you have to press it like blackjack.

Miranda (T): Are you pressing it with Sloan, [Charlotte]?

Charlotte [E): Forget it, I'm done with this conversation.

Next Time: The Entourage Boys Take on the Sex and the City Script!

Related: Extended Fourplay [Entertainment Weekly]
It's A Guy Thing [Slate]

• The Mirror is reporting that Victoria Beckham will replace Paula Abdul as a judge on American Idol. They say she's already reached an agreement and will do work on the show despite her having expressed a previous desire to work in fashion exclusively. [Mirror]
  
  
• Brad Pitt says that he was a big pothead when he was younger, someone who'd just sit around and smoke all by himself. A "doughnut" is how he puts it. [Mirror]
  
  
• Sex and the City lass Kristin Davis has cut ties with OXFAM after a dispute over her endorsing a product manufactured in a "disputed" territory. [Page Six]
  
  
• So this weight loss company is paying K-Fed a million bucks to use their product and shed some pounds. Maybe this can be a new revenue stream for D-list celebs — pack on a bunch of pounds and then get someone like Jenny Craig to pay you to lose it using their products? [UK Sun]
  
  
• Tony Curtis claims in a new book that he had sex with Marilyn Monroe, which means that every virile man alive in the 1950s and 1960s had sex with Marilyn Monrow at some point, or so it seems anyway. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Method Man is suddenly apologetic for shooting up a fan in Houston after she asked him for an autograph. [TMZ]
  
  
• Former Saved by the Bell star Mark-Paul Gosselaar is giving stage acting a whirl, starring in a new off-Broadway play opening in November called The Understudy. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Before she got knocked up by Jude Law after running into him on the street after a club closed, Samantha Burke was a Hooters girl in Pensacola, Florida. [TMZ]

Where is sex not lousy? Andrea Peyser will tell you.

I'm headed back to Brooklyn, where the sex is good.

Okay? But sex is lousy at the audition to be an extra for the Sex and the City movie. Everyone there was either a whore from Jersey, or an old whore from Jersey, reports Andrea Peyser, sex journalist. None of these ladies revved Andrea Peyser's motor! [Pics: Getty]

Watch and learn, bitches.

And luckily for you, the people doing the extras casting for the Sex and the City sequel are actively seeking fresh bodies. The breakdown includes requests for many people who fit squarely into the Gawker reader demographic (except for professional soccer players...we doubt they even read Deadspin), so here's the casting notice they sent out today:

Grant Wilfley Casting is holding an open call for background performers for SEX AND THE CITY 2.

Seeking SAG and NON SAG to play:

Fashion Models, Celebrity types, Upscale Socialites, Fashionistas, Urban Club goers, Gays and Lesbians, International types (Middle Eastern, Arabic, Asian, European, British), Professional Soccer Players.

Open Call:

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Metropolitan Pavilion

125 West 18th Street

between 6th & 7th Avenues.

SAG: 10am- 12:30pm

NON-SAG: 1:30p-4:00p

Email a recent picture and contact info to: sexandthecity2@gwcnyc.com if you cannot attend the open call.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and make those crazy silver screen dreams come true! Be sure to say hello to our pal aspiring dominant actor Arthur Kade for us when you see him standing in the line at the casting. And of course, don't be shy about filling us in on the whole experience, okay?!

Oh good for you Carrie, girl! Chris Noth aka Mr. Big aka John James Preston has signed on to be in the next Sex and the City movie. So I guess that means he and Carrie have stayed together. Do I hear the pitter-patter of little Manolo-clad feet? (Hm, sort of!) [Variety]

Disney has picked up the comedy Boss about a dad whose 21-year-old son somehow becomes his, um, boss. Wasn't this movie already sorta made with Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid? Ah well. Expect some sadsack like Tim Allen to get involved and then some shitty little shit to play the little shit. [Variety]

Because disease is very dangerous in spaceships, Star Trek has delayed its Mexican release date due to the swine flu outbreak. [Variety]

Slow and steady actor Danny Huston has signed on to play Poseidon, god of the sea, in the new Clash of the Titans remake. Scottish actor Kevin McKidd is also playing Poseidon soon, this time for the Chris Columbus directed comedy Percy Jackson. It's reported that in both movies there's a volcano that erupts and then a meteor hits earth while Truman Capote looks on bemusedly. [THR]

Jeffery Katzenberg announced the strongest first quarter ever for his DreamWorks Animation, and that he'd be staying on as CEO for another four years. Hits at DreamWorks have included Monsters vs. Aliens, Bee Movie, and the Madagascar franchise. You know, all the not-Pixar ones. [THR]

• Lindsay Lohan confirmed her split with Samantha Ronson and insisted the decision was part of a very healthy and mature effort to "focus on myself." Upon hearing this, Ronson changed her locks and discussed a restraining order with police, so confident was she in Lohan's ability to turn productively inward. Lohan promptly had a run-in with the police. Who would have imagined such a messy breakup for this model relationship?
  
• Courtney Love's lawyer, on her client's drug-fueled plunge into broke-ness: ""Courtney noticed the money was gone when there wasn't any left." Deadpan gallows humor: the only possible response to having Courtney Love as a client. (Besides asking for a hefty retainer.) [P6]
  
• Before Lauren Conrad's contract expired in March, MTV producers supposedly rushed to film enough stock footage of her for the rest of The Hills' season. Conrad was asked to react to various imagined and fictional slights that had no bearing on reality, something which must have been quite a stretch for her. Then Heidi Montag fed the tabloids bitchy quotes like, "We don’t need her." [Gatecrasher]
  
• Suri Cruise already has fashion endorsement deals and devoted fans in the celebrity toddler set; her own magazine can't be far behind. [Mail]
  
• Forget what you've heard, Chris Noth can confirm he definitely is (not) doing the Sex And The City movie.
  
• Sure, the media likes to focus on the half of her bikini Amy Winehouse wasn't wearing while streaking through a five-star Caribbean hotel resort recently, but isn't the real story the half she kept on? Always with the sensationalism. [Mail]

Movie stars steal theater folks' roles again! Though Cynthia Nixon and John Slattery played the roles in the well-reviewed Broadway production, square-jawed Aaron Eckhart and bugle-lipped Nicole Kidman will be starring in the film adaptation of David Lindsay-Abaire's play about a dead kid, Rabbit Hole. Oddly, John Cameron Mitchell, of Hedwig fame, will helm. The theateriest movie news ever! [Variety] And speaking of Sex and the City people, Warner Bros. and New Line have finally set a date for the big SATC movie sequel. Set your lipgloss to stun and mark your pink martini calendars, because on May 28, 2010... your sequined dreams will be realized once more. The story of grief and loss and life changes as the three gals make the tough decision to put Samantha in a home is sure to be a crowd pleaser. [Variety]

That twee-looking little indie movie about hipsters and babies and stuff, Gigantic, starring Zooey Bechamel, Paul Dano, and John Goodman, has won the top prize at the AFI Dallas International Film Festival. So, it must be good! [Variety] Meanwhile, in bizarro land, Julian Schnabel and Patton Oswalt have won awards at the same festival. [Variety]

Showtime has picked up two new series. They'll likely run with the comedy Ronna & Beverly, about two middle aged Jewish ladies in Boston (!!), and the Tim Robbins-produced drama Possible Side Effects, starring Josh Lucas. Sadly for someone probably, they've passed on the Matthew Perry series End of Steve. [Variety] More cable bad news: the season two finale of FX series Damages was down 32% from last year in the ol' ratings department. Though, a third season has already been ordered, so no worries. [THR]

The terrific Rosemarie DeWitt is joining the cast of John Wells' Company Man, alongside Chris Cooper, Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones, and Ben Affleck. They're filming in Boston, so I'm gonna have to run home and gawp at them like a regular weirdo or something. [THR] Amaury Nolasco, from Prison Break, has been cast in the Hunter S. Thompson adaptation The Rum Diary, starring Johnny Depp. It's filming in Puerto Rico, so if you're there, go and gawp like a standard strange-o. [THR]

One of the many perks of living in countries like Slovakia, Romania, and the Czech Republic? You get to watch the precious premium cabler the MGM Channel. Well now those of you in jealous Slovenia can relax. They've finally brought the network to you too. So good. All is well in Central and Eastern Europe. [Variety]

This is good news for Sarah Jessica Parker and her Sex cohorts Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis. The first SATC movie took forever to make, because the ego-besotted foursome imagined the HBO series would give them all big movie careers. When those Hollywood dreams fizzled, they crawled back to Sex work. With a box office of $152 million, the movie version did well. And the Scary Sadshaws will keep cracking Manolo jokes until their facelifts are too tight to laugh. Hey, it beats auditioning for parts.