The 10-second tape—which shows Ms. Tequila playing with a man's penis and then show's the man's face before ending abruptly—was put up on a free porn site. Tila says that the scene was on her laptop which was stolen about two years ago, and her lawyer is threatening to sue whoever leaked the footage (it's good sized, but not a foot—zing!).

That seems unwise, because what this tape seems to say is, "Hi, I'm Tila Tequila. This is my sex tape. This is the guy I made it with. Please pay attention to us." And this comes less than a week after she got naked and ranted on her UStream page, so she has been begging for some negative attention of the dirty variety.

We have no clue who the guy is, but he's not unattractive—well, for a dude getting his dick molested by Tila Tequila. He kind of looks like Russell Brand's hot brother. As Gawker's resident vagina expert, I can guarantee that there is no vagina in this tape. However, there is a whole lot of sadness.

If you really need to see the footage, it is on a site called 4tube.com that is very NSFW (unless you work in a Thai brothel). It is also not safe for your sanity.

TMZ just kind of drops this offhandedly in a post about Prejean being shown the tape by a rival lawyer:

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy.

We like to picture a big, menacing team of hatchet-wielding attorneys standing over Harvey Levin's head as we read this. Anyhow, kudos to TMZ on its newfound virtue. If they don't want the tape, I reckon we'd take it.
[Pic: Getty]

This American diplomat, who is 34 and married, is shown in a hotel room, in his underpants, and then we cut to the what is probably the same room but suddenly it is quite dark and someone is having sex with some lady, maybe, who knows. Blackmail! Oh and before all this the guy is maybe on the phone talking to a lady about something in Russian.

Scandal-mongering ABC investigative reporter Brian "One Source" Ross would like you to watch this wonderful video. Seriously, it is pretty great. We don't know if the FSB added the wonderful musical accompaniment themselves or if it should be credited to Brian Ross/Jane Birkin.

• We showed what Hollywood's B-list means by "a good hang," and also showed you (we censored it) Eric "McSteamy" Dane's wee-wee.
• Oh! Also we showed you Jennifer Aniston's (probably not) hoo-ha.
• Bernie Madoff's weiner was also in the news, on account of its smallness.
• Robert Novak died, and we spoke ill of the dead.
• The assault on America's mayors continued.
• We accused Rupert Murdoch of being a big fat liar about making people pay for news. His own people don't know it yet, but trust us: He's lying about something.
• Now you can calibrate your outrage over racial profiling using our handy chart. As for your outrage over homophobia—get over it. Just cause you're gay doesn't mean you're not an asshole.
• Annie Leibovitz is still screwed, and will probably file for bankruptcy.
• A bunch of old people tried to understand the Twitter, one after the other, on TV.
• Jackbooted thugs from the Department of Labor raided Ronn [sic] Torossian's PR firm to investigate workplace violations, and he bravely faced them down by pretending not to be Ronn [sic] Torossian.
• Fox News' road-raging bicyclist-dragger escaped justice, and his mustachioed victim spoke out for bicyclists everywhere. And Fox News' white-raging knuckle-dragger disappeared from the air just like his advertisers disappeared from his show, only to turn up at the Museum of Natural history.
• Oh, town halls. We will miss you when you go. At this one, a crazy lady yelled "Heil Hitler" at a Jewish guy, and we tried to figure out if wingnuts are for that or against that. We think both, maybe. At this other one, Barney Frank made up for the fact that he's a smug pointy-headed bastard by being a smug pointy-headed bastard. And then we found out his victim was a Lyndon LaRouche cultist.
• Serial journalistic fabricator and plagiarist Jayson Blair hung up his shingle as a life coach, and the Washington Post got a fake trend story out of it.
• We brought democracy to Afghanistan.
• And Project Runway returned, on a different channel.
• Anything else? It was August, so no, not really.

Keith Kelly says that New York mag owner Bruce Wasserstein is "emerging as a frontrunner" in the, uh, race(?) to buy BusinessWeek. He's up against Joe Mansueto and a bunch of financial firms. Pump those resumes hard, BW staffers.


Sports columnists at the New York Times are retiring and old and the paper's not replacing them! Instead, they tell John Koblin, the paper's going to make its sports beat writers Twitter and Twitter and blog and blog until they have shared just as much totally useless opinion as a full-time professional sports columnist would.


Oh ho, the SF Chronicle could have had Hunter Thompson cover the OJ Simpson trial for it, but it was too cheap to supply him with basic journalism tools: "Hunter wanted satellite dishes, an unlimited expense account and a suite or two at the Chateau Marmont." Whatever! The CNN people probably got that shit and they aren't even gonzo at all.


"Who at Gawker is cashing in on the McSteamy sex video?" All the masturbators!

An interesting/funny/depressing/oh-God-when-will-this-stop bit of news from this whole thing? The guy trying to sell the damn fucktape was none other than "26-year-old" Stephen Zalewski, the fellow from the show who was only dating Staub for the, to quote mighty Teresa, "blow jobs."

Basically 50 tracked down one of Rick Ross' baby moms and got this sex tape featuring her, narrated by a cross-dressed 50. For more background see here. Honestly we didn't watch the whole tape, but we hear there's one part in there where the girl is fucking the guy while a Neutrogena ad plays on the TV in the background, so it's worth watching for the romance factor if nothing else. [Watch it at Fleshbot]

I'll have the drumstick.

Turkey baster.

Plenty of white meat to go around, I see.

Mmmmm, Tur-Fuckin'!

Stuffing?

Mmmmm, missionary meat

(Un)dressing, more like.

Right after I roast the chestnuts.

Cram-berries.

That ain't giblet gravy.

Don't get those hot nuts in your cherry pie!

Butter.Ball.

He's mashing his sweet potato.

Oh, good. Remember to give it a good soaking overnight so that it cooks up all juicy and tender. It tastes best when juicy and tender. When slicing, apply the slightest downward then lateral thrust; the juices should help facilitate a nice, fluid motion. Repeat as needed, or until you've messed your apron.

You just have to be careful of rack burns when you're sliding the turkey out of the hot oven.

"Turkey grundle" is the term of the day.

I think he just had his yams candied.

No fighting over that wishbone...

He says that late Friday afternoon, he and two coworkers gathered around to watch these people fucking in the office. He was recording the clip on his cell phone, and the other two were taking photos.

And how did the video get out?
I showed a couple of officemates on my phone and everyone was shocked and awed. I downloaded it to my computer and sent it on to two other co-workers and that was all the digital distribution I did and it just went viral from there. And a week later it ended up on Gawker and Mediabistro and then the word got back to me that all the creatives were sending it around. I freaked. I thought it was amazing how something could go viral and end up online so quickly when I had nothing to do with it really.

Huh. It is true that this guy did not send us the video; it is not true that he "had nothing to do with it," since he recorded it. Anyhow, HR tracked him down and fired him.

What about the people who were having sex in the office?
They still work there. I think it's wrong. I don't see why I should get canned and not the ones who were doing the deed. But my plan is just to keep on trucking and find another job. My true goal is to join an agency as an art director.

So here's the part where we say, hey, what do you people think, fair or unfair? Seems to me like fucking in the office and recording someone fucking in the office are equally bad (or harmless) and should cancel each other out, so everyone should have just continued on as if it never happened. [Asylum, Previously]

Read More:
The Cameraman Speaks: He's Fired, But the Sex Tape Couple Keep Their Jobs
The Best (?) Of The Sex Tape Turkey Puns

Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

Yesterday, we were shown a series of stills from a video depicting Cook and Bianchi, both nude, having sexual intercourse on a brown love seat. They also show Bianchi performing a sizzling striptease down to a pair of black, G-string panties and then to her birthday suit as Cook holds his crotch.
Another shows Cook resting his head on Bianchi's buttocks. It appears the tape was made at Cook's Southampton architectural office without Bianchi's knowledge. But other stills that are apparently not from the video show Bianchi willingly posing topless.

The question now is who is shopping the tape ti the likes of the Post, which reviewed it. Since Bianchi didn't know it existed, and since her lawyer is talking about suing over it, it was presumably shot by Cook or, if source "close to him" is to be believed, someone else with access to his office. Whoever it is better get a move on — the celebrity ex-husband's scuzzy moment in the spotlight is fast drawing to a close.

What made the actor shout "I FUCKING LIVE ON PORN!" and "Aw, the battery's dead...so is my fucking cock" while copulating in a depressing Valley one-bedroom? The answer, it may not surprise you to hear, was that he was totally high and turned on by the taboo of the camera. Still, Farrell claims that he has learned one valuable lesson: it's fine to make a sex tape, just don't leave it behind when you straggle out to the Albertson's on Ventura at 5am for a Hot Pocket and some lube.

• Colin Farrell On Rehab: I Was Dying [HuffPo]

Part 1: How Pamela Anderson Ruined Sex
You may remember, especially you craven young men, that in 1998 Playboy posette and Baywatch star Pamela Anderson was filmed by her new husband, Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, while they did the nasty on some sort of houseboat. Her iconic status at the time, combined with the sheer amazement over Lee's substantial manhood, created what was really the first modern sex tape craze. Perpetuated by the newly discovered internet, the tape became an international phenomenon. It's not just that everyone heard of it, everyone saw it, too. Both Anderson and Lee still enjoy some strange mutation of fame, though they've long since separated and gotten back together and separated again and gotten back together again, etc. What this tape really did, aside from aid these two people, was ruin sex by finally and viscerally commodifying it. Sure there has always been pornography, but this was something different. Famous people who were not hardcore porn actors, but regular (albeit frequently nude on Pam's part) celebrities. Famous people, however (un)intentionally, caught while engaging in the most basic and carnal animal harmony. And now, without the nuisance of seeming like a hooker or a porn star who entered into the act with the intention of making money, one's lovemaking could at some point turn a profit. And the public was both more interested in and more perilously desensitized to the whole idea. Some fourth wall cracked and crumbled that day, opening a hole through which slithered a whole different dimension's worth neo-celebrities.

Part 2: How Paris Hilton Ruined Celebrity
Encouraged no doubt by the crazy zeitgest of the Anderson/Lee tape, budding socialite and headline-grabber Paris Hilton recorded her sex-making with famous dater-of-trashy-celebrities Rick Salomon. It was first leaked, in 2004, onto the internet by (public opinion seems to hold) Mr. Salomon and Hilton initially tried to block it from being released. But, you know, then she saw that it was popular and said 'fuck it' and agreed to its release and now makes money off of the tape, which was eventually titled One Night in Paris. And that, really, was that. Hilton was, yes, already sorta famous, but this sent her into an entirely new strata of celebrity. Suddenly she was the infamous darling of late night jokesters and burgeoning gossip bloggers. Her name was even co-opted by Mario Lavandeira, who assumed the identity Perez Hilton to start his odious gossip rag in 2005. And that's where the already-rickety wheels of the celebrity-industrial complex began to spin off and clatter down the mine shaft ahead of us. An entirely new set of rules about how famous people are made and what keeps people famous and Why We Care was beginning to form, all because Hilton seemed to be becoming one of the most famous people in America simply because she wore pink clothes and let some grody guy from Neptune, New Jersey fuck her with the nightvision on. She possessed no discernible talent other than the uncanny ability to make people, against their better judgment, pay attention. She rewrote the manual, and many other people would follow.

Part 3: How Kim Kardashian Ruined America
And then came Kim Kardashian, whose mother is married to athlete Bruce Jenner or something. She had a large butt and was dating Ray J, the little brother of former celebrity Brandy. She and Ray J boffed in like 2007, I think, and the tape was released. And oh my god. Kim was so freaking mad that she sued the company, Vivid Entertainment, that released the tape. Eventually she dropped the lawsuit and settled for a measly ol' five million dollars. And then. And then she became famous. She was on red carpets and people talked about her and she embarrassed herself on The View (just like a real celebrity!) and she got her own reality show and somehow helped make her even less interesting sisters sort-of-famous, too. Where Paris Hilton developed a coy relationship with magazine creations of this bleak new millennium like Us Weekly and InTouch, teasing things at them to keep everyone interested, Kardashian just barnstorms through things, ass-bellowing and demanding attention for the stupidest of events and occurrences, flaunting the fact that, to paraphrase Soup host and possible savior of pop culture Joel McHale, she is famous simply for having a big butt and a sex tape. So how does this large-caboosed blip on the radar get blamed for the ruination of these United States? Well, maybe she and her sex tape didn't necessarily ruin it themselves, but they do represent everything that is wrong and broken and bankrupt and ill of this "uh oh, everyone put your goggles on!" experiment. Kardashian's success proves that Hilton's new rules do, in fact, work in some inexplicable way. And, more importantly, the whole boondoggle suggests that many of us care (even if we're doing it ironically, we're still paying attention) as much, if not more, about the frivolous self-exploitation of a stranger's body as we do about fractious and dangerous political landscapes, about holes we've torn in the very fabric of the sky, about people dying from all imaginable kinds of neglect. Nah, we're too busy watching Access Hollywood scream at us that Kardashian cut her toe in a New York City hotel room (this was an actual top story) to pay attention to the fact that the rug, upon which they (and we) are fucking for the camera, is being pulled out from under our sweaty, writhing, desperate selves.

So let this Britney tape—the Holy of Holies, the culmination of all things—sing us sweet tidings of eternal rapture. Or damnation. Or whatever. I just can't watch any more promos for Dancing With the Sex Tape Stars.

ADNAN GHALIB, the British pap whom she dated during her breakdown, says he WILL sell the tape for the right price.

He told Heat magazine: "There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries.

"Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further."

An unconfirmed source claims the two-hour X-rated footage features Britney naked wearing just a pink wig and was allegedly shot in Mexico.

Adnan added: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney."

Well, how kind of him! We supposed it's hard to be shocked by Ghalib's betrayal, given that it's his job to sell footage of celebrities in incriminating positions, but we do wonder what's taken him so long to put the tape on the market. Was Ghalib waiting for Spears to mount a proper comeback, or was his possible attempt to blackmail the singer met with one Cheeto-stained middle finger?

[Photo Credit: WENN]

• Adnan: I have Britney sex tape [The Sun]

“He wants to be with her all the time,” an insider tells In Touch. “It’s already getting serious.” The 39-year-old Austin Powers star recently jetted to Las Vegas with the Montreal-based beauty for a romantic weekend. On September 13, they had dinner at Strip House in Las Vegas. “They drank cocktails and were kissing,” a witness reports. “They spent every minute together and seemed in love.” [...] “He looked happy!” says an insider.

Aww! But who is this comely Québécoise, anyway? Her modeling profile reveals a predilection for gunplay and poker-chip pasties, while her Facebook profile picture suggests a flared, Photoshoppy fondness for what the porn industry colloquially refers to as 'Gina Shine. Beyond that, details are sketchy — but worry not! Once their exploits finally reach market for the holiday gift-giving season, the heavily vetted "tell-all" radio interview won't be far behind. Can't! Wait!

• Verne Troyer moves on [ITW]

• "Mini-Me Sex Tape Released On Overseas Website" (avn.com)
• Sex WIth Mini Me (SexWithMiniMe.com)

Previously: Verne Troyer Sex Tape Costar Tells All!, Not The Verne Troyer Sex Tape

Yeah, right — we've known our share of scheming limeys in our time, and that silence was clearly just a front for plotting the inevitable procural and sale of said tape to the highest bidder. And right on cue, the Paramount Pictures of celebrity sex-tape distributors made it clear what those terms might be:

Adult production company Red Light District is offering $500,000 for the rights to distribute a video of actor Josh Harnett having sex with an unidentified female friend in a London hotel library. ...

“[W]e encourage the owners of the tape to bring it to us,” said David Joseph, CEO of Red Light District. “Josh shouldn’t be embarrassed. As we’ve seen with Paris Hilton, these tapes can make a career not hurt it and since Josh is considered a sex symbol, we would expect women to help increase sales.”

We wouldn't go that far, but you could reasonably call the film a potential win-win all around: Red Light gets its masterpiece; an anonymous schlub in London gets paid; and Hartnett gets his leading-man role to end all leading-man roles. No more Black Dahlia embarrassments here — this is Dustin Diamond and Verne Troyer territory, the realm where stars are born, liens are paid and dirty sanchezes are handed out like candy. And 30 years from now? If Hartnett plays his cards right, the porn-icon treatment in Time Magazine. A guy can dream, after all — and someone out there can help. You know who you are.

• Oops! Hartnett accidentally stars in sex tape [MSNBC]
• Red Light District Offers $500,000 for Josh Hartnett Sex Vid [AVN]