Gawker: Sex Tapes

Ad Agency Sex Tape Staffers Fired?

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 14:03:00 EST

Agency Spy has heard that the two ad agency staffers caught in flagrate delicto on the infamous Ad Agency Sex Tape last week have been fired. They also note the widespread rumor that the ad agency in question is Atmosphere BBDO. The agency declined to comment to us. In an anonymous interview last week, a man claiming to be the cameraman of the sex tape said he was fired for filming it. We're working on confirming the truth of all this for you—more information TK.

The Best (?) Of The Sex Tape Turkey Puns

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:40:04 EST

Yesterday when we posted the infamous ad agency sex tape, our video department thoughtfully censored the clip by superimposing a Thanksgiving turkey over the center of the action. This led to a smorgasboard (HEH) of Thanksgiving-themed jokes in the comments. So in honor of our peerless commenters, and because it's the afternoon before Thanksgiving, we're posting the best (?) below. Vote in the comments for the one that makes you groan the least:

I'll have the drumstick.

Turkey baster.

Plenty of white meat to go around, I see.

Mmmmm, Tur-Fuckin'!

Stuffing?

Mmmmm, missionary meat

(Un)dressing, more like.

Right after I roast the chestnuts.

Cram-berries.

That ain't giblet gravy.

Don't get those hot nuts in your cherry pie!

Butter.Ball.

He's mashing his sweet potato.

Oh, good. Remember to give it a good soaking overnight so that it cooks up all juicy and tender. It tastes best when juicy and tender. When slicing, apply the slightest downward then lateral thrust; the juices should help facilitate a nice, fluid motion. Repeat as needed, or until you've messed your apron.

You just have to be careful of rack burns when you're sliding the turkey out of the hot oven.

"Turkey grundle" is the term of the day.

I think he just had his yams candied.

No fighting over that wishbone...

The Cameraman Speaks: He's Fired, But the Sex Tape Couple Keep Their Jobs

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:29:32 EST

The ad agency employee who filmed two of his coworkers screwing in the office is obviously not shy (notwithstanding the end of his infamous video clip, where he runs away). He's keeping his name anonymous, but other than that he seems happy to talk. If you believe the claims of people using pseudonyms, the intrepid cameraman was chattering away in the comments section at Agency Spy; he ~~emailed us yesterday,~~ (Correction: the person who emailed us was a distributor of the clip, not the cameraman), saying "It's been a very fun 48 hours"; and he gave an interview to Asylum about how his cinematic work got him (unjustly?) fired:

He says that late Friday afternoon, he and two coworkers gathered around to watch these people fucking in the office. He was recording the clip on his cell phone, and the other two were taking photos.

And how did the video get out?
I showed a couple of officemates on my phone and everyone was shocked and awed. I downloaded it to my computer and sent it on to two other co-workers and that was all the digital distribution I did and it just went viral from there. And a week later it ended up on Gawker and Mediabistro and then the word got back to me that all the creatives were sending it around. I freaked. I thought it was amazing how something could go viral and end up online so quickly when I had nothing to do with it really.

Huh. It is true that this guy did not send us the video; it is not true that he "had nothing to do with it," since he recorded it. Anyhow, HR tracked him down and fired him.

What about the people who were having sex in the office?
They still work there. I think it's wrong. I don't see why I should get canned and not the ones who were doing the deed. But my plan is just to keep on trucking and find another job. My true goal is to join an agency as an art director.

So here's the part where we say, hey, what do you people think, fair or unfair? Seems to me like fucking in the office and recording someone fucking in the office are equally bad (or harmless) and should cancel each other out, so everyone should have just continued on as if it never happened. [Asylum, Previously]

The Infamous Ad Agency Sex Tape

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 13:07:17 EST

If you have a romantic view of the ad industry from watching Mad Men, this may end it forever. Yesterday Agency Spy broke the news that the ad industry had ground to a halt (not just because of the recession) as everyone spent their time forwarding a video showing two ad agency people having sex in an office. We speculated that it would eventually come out. And, well, it did. The video is amateurish, and the sex isn't sexy at all. Think more Pete Campbell and less Don Draper. Use discretion, one and all. We've semi-censored it, but it's still probably NSFW.

Advertising Industry News

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:32:16 EST

Ad people who should be working are instead talking about a video (currently circulating) showing two ad execs screwing in the office. It hasn't been posted on a blog yet, but it surely will be soon. The lesson: don't record yourself screwing in the office. [Agency Spy]

Christie Brinkley's Ex In Sex Video

Ryan Tate — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:54:55 EDT

Given the number of other slimy things Christie Brinkley's ex-husband Peter Cook has admitted to doing, no one, not even Cook's own people, is particularly surprised or outraged that a video exists of the architect having sex with his teenaged assistant Diana Bianchi. "Anything is possible," a "source close to [Cook]" told Page Six. Yes, in the wake of Cook being accused by his wife posting nude photos of himself to swingers sites, admitting he masturbated on the internet and after sleeping with a woman he first met at age 15 in a toy store, anything does seem possible. Including, say, a secretly-videotaped striptease, and Cook using some teen ass as a pillow:

Yesterday, we were shown a series of stills from a video depicting Cook and Bianchi, both nude, having sexual intercourse on a brown love seat. They also show Bianchi performing a sizzling striptease down to a pair of black, G-string panties and then to her birthday suit as Cook holds his crotch.
Another shows Cook resting his head on Bianchi's buttocks. It appears the tape was made at Cook's Southampton architectural office without Bianchi's knowledge. But other stills that are apparently not from the video show Bianchi willingly posing topless.

The question now is who is shopping the tape ti the likes of the Post, which reviewed it. Since Bianchi didn't know it existed, and since her lawyer is talking about suing over it, it was presumably shot by Cook or, if source "close to him" is to be believed, someone else with access to his office. Whoever it is better get a move on — the celebrity ex-husband's scuzzy moment in the spotlight is fast drawing to a close.

How Celebrity Sex Tapes Ruined America, One Thrust At A Time

Richard — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:22:00 EDT

The Three Fates are almost done spinning the American narrative, Atropos readying her scissors to deliver one final snip. When the story is done the great heralding beacon of the end of days will burn brightly, in the form of a Britney Spears sex tape. Yes indeed the misbegotten pop star apparently filmed herself in flagrante delicto with her old creepy paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, and now he's waving it around threatening to release it. How did we get to this point? Well, after the jump we'll take a look at three other celebrity sex tapes that, had our foresight only been as 20/20 as our hindsight, we could have recognized as the end of everything.

Part 1: How Pamela Anderson Ruined Sex
You may remember, especially you craven young men, that in 1998 Playboy posette and Baywatch star Pamela Anderson was filmed by her new husband, Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, while they did the nasty on some sort of houseboat. Her iconic status at the time, combined with the sheer amazement over Lee's substantial manhood, created what was really the first modern sex tape craze. Perpetuated by the newly discovered internet, the tape became an international phenomenon. It's not just that everyone heard of it, everyone saw it, too. Both Anderson and Lee still enjoy some strange mutation of fame, though they've long since separated and gotten back together and separated again and gotten back together again, etc. What this tape really did, aside from aid these two people, was ruin sex by finally and viscerally commodifying it. Sure there has always been pornography, but this was something different. Famous people who were not hardcore porn actors, but regular (albeit frequently nude on Pam's part) celebrities. Famous people, however (un)intentionally, caught while engaging in the most basic and carnal animal harmony. And now, without the nuisance of seeming like a hooker or a porn star who entered into the act with the intention of making money, one's lovemaking could at some point turn a profit. And the public was both more interested in and more perilously desensitized to the whole idea. Some fourth wall cracked and crumbled that day, opening a hole through which slithered a whole different dimension's worth neo-celebrities.

Part 2: How Paris Hilton Ruined Celebrity
Encouraged no doubt by the crazy zeitgest of the Anderson/Lee tape, budding socialite and headline-grabber Paris Hilton recorded her sex-making with famous dater-of-trashy-celebrities Rick Salomon. It was first leaked, in 2004, onto the internet by (public opinion seems to hold) Mr. Salomon and Hilton initially tried to block it from being released. But, you know, then she saw that it was popular and said 'fuck it' and agreed to its release and now makes money off of the tape, which was eventually titled One Night in Paris. And that, really, was that. Hilton was, yes, already sorta famous, but this sent her into an entirely new strata of celebrity. Suddenly she was the infamous darling of late night jokesters and burgeoning gossip bloggers. Her name was even co-opted by Mario Lavandeira, who assumed the identity Perez Hilton to start his odious gossip rag in 2005. And that's where the already-rickety wheels of the celebrity-industrial complex began to spin off and clatter down the mine shaft ahead of us. An entirely new set of rules about how famous people are made and what keeps people famous and Why We Care was beginning to form, all because Hilton seemed to be becoming one of the most famous people in America simply because she wore pink clothes and let some grody guy from Neptune, New Jersey fuck her with the nightvision on. She possessed no discernible talent other than the uncanny ability to make people, against their better judgment, pay attention. She rewrote the manual, and many other people would follow.

Part 3: How Kim Kardashian Ruined America
And then came Kim Kardashian, whose mother is married to athlete Bruce Jenner or something. She had a large butt and was dating Ray J, the little brother of former celebrity Brandy. She and Ray J boffed in like 2007, I think, and the tape was released. And oh my god. Kim was so freaking mad that she sued the company, Vivid Entertainment, that released the tape. Eventually she dropped the lawsuit and settled for a measly ol' five million dollars. And then. And then she became famous. She was on red carpets and people talked about her and she embarrassed herself on The View (just like a real celebrity!) and she got her own reality show and somehow helped make her even less interesting sisters sort-of-famous, too. Where Paris Hilton developed a coy relationship with magazine creations of this bleak new millennium like Us Weekly and InTouch, teasing things at them to keep everyone interested, Kardashian just barnstorms through things, ass-bellowing and demanding attention for the stupidest of events and occurrences, flaunting the fact that, to paraphrase Soup host and possible savior of pop culture Joel McHale, she is famous simply for having a big butt and a sex tape. So how does this large-caboosed blip on the radar get blamed for the ruination of these United States? Well, maybe she and her sex tape didn't necessarily ruin it themselves, but they do represent everything that is wrong and broken and bankrupt and ill of this "uh oh, everyone put your goggles on!" experiment. Kardashian's success proves that Hilton's new rules do, in fact, work in some inexplicable way. And, more importantly, the whole boondoggle suggests that many of us care (even if we're doing it ironically, we're still paying attention) as much, if not more, about the frivolous self-exploitation of a stranger's body as we do about fractious and dangerous political landscapes, about holes we've torn in the very fabric of the sky, about people dying from all imaginable kinds of neglect. Nah, we're too busy watching Access Hollywood scream at us that Kardashian cut her toe in a New York City hotel room (this was an actual top story) to pay attention to the fact that the rug, upon which they (and we) are fucking for the camera, is being pulled out from under our sweaty, writhing, desperate selves.

So let this Britney tape—the Holy of Holies, the culmination of all things—sing us sweet tidings of eternal rapture. Or damnation. Or whatever. I just can't watch any more promos for Dancing With the Sex Tape Stars.

Prison-Themed Sex Tape, Not Nazi-Themed

Sheila — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:06:16 EDT

Remember FIA and Formula 1 president Max Mosley's sex-video scandal, a five-hour tape enacting an elaborate S&M scenario with several women? Mosley—whose father was Facist leader Sir Oswald Mosley—spoke in German during the scene; however, it was a prison-themed sex orgy video—not a Nazi one, the women involved are telling Britain's High Court. "No Nazi images, uniforms or material were used." Oh, OK! (You could always take another look at Jalopnik's best-of reel in order to discern the particular theme for yourself.) [BBC]

Opie's $10 Million Page Six Suit: The Source Denies All

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:33:36 EDT

Chaunce Hayden (pictured: his back tat), the editor of marginal gossip rag Steppin' Out, was named in a $10 million lawsuit yesterday for being the source who provided Page Six with a false item about a sex tape featuring Bam Margera and the fiancee of radio shock jock Opie. The Post already tried to pin all the blame for the mistake on Hayden (which is rather ungallant, whether accurate or not). And Page Six editor Richard Johnson even told Hayden he would never use another item from him again. But Chaunce has his own story, which can be summed up as: I just said this was a rumored sex tape, jerks. And I didn't start the rumor. It was some dude named, uh... Ben!:

Chaunce's full statement:

Statement from Chaunce Hayden: Neither myself or any other employee of Steppin' Out magazine, published anything at anytime to suggest that [Opie's fiancee] Ms. Smigo was involved in a sex tape. In fact, I went as far as to print that Ms. Smigo was not involved in a sex tape despite what Page Six of the New York Post suggested. When contacted by Bill Hoffmann of the New York Post, prior to their story about a sex tape involving Ms. Smigo and Bam Margera, I was asked if I thought the story was indeed true. I told Mr. Hoffman that I never saw a tape and that this is a rumor that has been on the internet for two years and that a former employee of the Opie and Anthony Show is claiming the story to be true. I told Mr. Hoffman that I was waiting for an answer from either Mr. Hughes or Mr. Margera to confirm or deny the story and I would wait until I saw a tape before filing my story. The next day Page Six published the item, despite my denial of a sex tape. In fact, I personally advised Mr. Hoffmann not to print anything until he saw the tape. Mr. Hoffman asked for 48 hours to "work" the story after I suggested he hold off until he saw the tape as well.

Yea Chaunce, you should probably get a lawyer, though. And here's a transcript sent by Hayden, in which he helpfully inserted the name of the real culprit in all this:

Transcript: Opie commenting on his XM radio show about the alleged sex tape between Bam Margera and his fiancée Lynsi Smigo. Opie confirms how long the story has been public and where the story originated: This is a false rumor. It's a lie that was started a year and a half ago by someone and we all know his name (Ben). Fucking Chaunce was the one who fed this story to Page Six and made them believe that this story could be possibly true. This guy [Ben] is a complete asshole. I'm now up to 20 names of people I know that (Ben) told this rumor to behind my back. He's been trying to get this rumor out there and trying to get as many to believe this. He got message boards to believe it. He's got people saying, "Let's try to find the fucking tape!" This whole thing started one and a half years ago! Everyone knows who started this. I'm not allowed to say his name on the radio right now. He would text me non-stop around the clock. I wouldn't budge. I finally wrote back, "Wow you are damaged. You need help." Then he wrote back, "Lynsi...Sex tape. Do I have your attention now?" I thought who is ever going to believe it. Now this motherfucker [Chaunce] gets Page Six to believe this and now I'm in hell.

Opie's Fiancee Sues Post, Richard Johnson For Millions

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:09:53 EDT

Remember when Page Six published a story in April about a purported sex tape featuring Bam Margera and the fiancee of radio shock jock Opie? And Opie immediately denied it, and then the Post admitted it probably wasn't true, and blamed it on a bad source? Well Opie is not the type to let them off that easy—his fiancee has filed a $10 million lawsuit against the Post, Page Six editor Richard Johnson, and the source, Steppin' Out editor Chaunce Hayden. It's a bottom-of-the-barrel multimillion-dollar legal slapfight! Highlights of the lawsuit:

Page Six does the nasty:

The story spreads:

It's not true!:

Also, lies are hurtful:

[via The Smoking Gun]

Richard Johnson Won't Let Source Burn Him Twice

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:56:53 EDT

Last month, Page Six ran an item about a sex tape featuring Bam Margera Bam-ing the fiancee of radio shock jock Opie. Opie said the whole thing was false, and offered $100,000 to anyone who could produce the tape. A couple of weeks later the Post ran a retraction of the item—but laid the blame at the feet of Steppin' Out editor Chaunce Hayden, who they said gave them the bad info in the first place. Well Chaunce Hayden, unrepentant media whore, wouldn't let such a thing pass without turning it into a feud! And he helpfully forwarded on the snippy emails between himself and Page Six boss Richard Johnson. Watch out for flying spittle!

When Chaunce Hayden sent out an email blast this week, he got this back:

From Richard Johnson to Chaunce Hayden: We're not using stuff from you at this time, or possibly ever again. My boss was furious we had to run a correction. It is an embarrassment to the entire newspaper. Don't you get it? Don't waste your time sending us items. We're not going to use them.

OH YEA?

From Chaunce Hayden to Richard Johnson: Well Richard... it wasn't that much of an embarrassment for you. After all, you took the cowards way out and blamed me for your bad reporting. I told Bill I never saw the tape and that I was told about the tape from an ex employee of the O&A show. But you didn't have the guts to take the hit for it. You should know I got several emails from your co-workers who thought what you did was a disgrace. But I'm sure you already know that.
How hypocritical of you to take hundreds of items from me for nearly 20 years and one goes sour and you throw me under the bus. What kind of person are you? You should be ashamed.
But again... I'm sure you already know that.

[pictured: Chaunce's hardcore tat]

R. Kelly Actually Going to Stand Trial

ian spiegelman — Sun, 04 May 2008 15:08:50 EDT

Remember that whole thing six years ago with R. Kelly where this happened? "The [Chicago] Sun-Times reported it had received a 27-minute video of Kelly having sex with various women, and most troubling, the paper said, one scene appeared to show Kelly having sex with an underage girl and urinating on her face." [MTV] But then nothing much happened and people still bought his CDs and went to his concerts and all? Well, his trial finally starts this week and things are looking downright shitty for the singer.

"Troubled R+B star R.Kelly has been hit with another setback in his underage sex case - a new witness is set to testify she had sex with the star and an underage girl. The 'I Believe I Can Fly' hitmaker is currently awaiting trial on 14 counts of child pornography, with proceedings due to start in May (08).

"Kelly is accused of filming himself having sex with an underage girl, who is believed to have been 13 or 14 at the time of the assault.

"But reports now claim a new witness has come forward to testify against the star, claiming she enjoyed a threesome with the singer and the teenager at the centre of the case.

"It is expected the woman will confirm the girl was underage at the time of the act." [ShowbizSpy]

Coupling

Richard — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:07:00 EDT

TMZ, which is most likely our Skynet, has posted the most horrible video ever made. It's about Jim Hendrix's sex tape. It involves old groupies watching and purring and saying the word "dick" a lot and also "purple." I recommend borrowing someone else's eyeballs. Jerry Orbach lent me his. (NSFW, unless you work in a sex dungeon. Well, maybe it is. I don't know.) [TMZ]

Hendrix Sex Tape Authenticity Purple Hazy

Ryan Tate — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 04:14:43 EDT

"In a twist on the recent string of sex tapes of Hollywood’s young stars, Vivid Entertainment plans to release what it says is a film from the vaults of classic rock: a sex film supposedly of Jimi Hendrix. The film shows a naked man who resembles Hendrix, the guitar legend who died in 1970, wearing a bandanna in his Afro, having sex with two brunettes in a dimly lighted bedroom." [Times] (DVD cover from Vivid Entertainment via Times)

Kreepie Kats in "Sex and the Kitty!!"

Pareene — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:32:24 EDT

This week, Jim Behrle's kartoon kats remind us of the joy of Good Friday, among other things. Happy Holidays! [There seemed to be, last week, some issues with the embedded video. If you're having trouble, klick here.]

NSFW

Nick Denton — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:48:50 EDT

Four seconds of grainy video of someone who might possibly be Lindsay Lohan [Fleshbot]

Gene Simmons Sex-Tape Double Cross!

Ryan Tate — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 20:11:14 EST

Shockingly, Gene Simmons' on-camera strumming of one "Elsa" was not the fairytale romance it seemed. Everyone thought Elsa was just an innocent energy-drink spokesmodel who happened to fall for former KISS bassist Simmons, but she's actually some kind of professional at internet sexiness, having posed topless in exchange for money. Also outrageous: Her name isn't really Elsa, it's Traci Anna Koval, and she might not even be Australian but Dutch! Fleshbot has topless pics of Koval (NSFW) and more backstory. Worse still, the woman may have reneged on a deal with Simmons to keep the sex video hushed. Simmons' lawyers told Valleywag that Koval signed over rights to the tape in 2003 and that it was filmed without Simmons' consent. But the company now selling the tape said Koval sold rights to them, and that the tape is only nine months old. It's getting to the point where a scuzzy B-list rocker can't get a quick lay from a woman half his age without getting taken advantage of. [Fleshbot (NSFW), Valleywag (safe)]

How Gene Simmons' Sex Tape Is The Fairytale Romance Of Our Time

Ryan Tate — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:46:01 EST

At first revolting glance, the Gene Simmons sex tape might seem like the sad ploy of a desperate, B-list celebrity for attention and money. Watch it closely, however, and the black-and-white footage reveals itself as a touching union of two souls, a dance of admiration and tenderness between weary spiritual rebels. Can a washed-up rock-and-roll bassist and an Australian marketing "babe" called Elsa make it in a hostile world when all they've got is a video camera, some pillows shaped like cats — and each other? Will Elsa ever overcome her intimacy issues and kiss Gene? Would Gene rather look at Elsa, or at himself? Either watch the video yourself (NSFW), or follow the drama in this totally-safe-for-work film strip adaptation of the Gene Simmons Sex Tape:

At the start of the tape, we immediately recognize the sounds of Foreigner's 1985 hit, "I Want To Know What Love Is."

I gotta take a little time,
a little time to think things over
I better read between the lines,
in case I need it when I'm older

At this point, Elsa turns her head twice to look at something off screen, just past the bottom-left corner of the bed. The bouquet of roses Gene bought her? Some champagne? A cameraman shouting to get where the camera can see her tits, and fast?

Elsa moves her hands toward Gene's unbuttoned pants, then away, as she again looks toward something off screen. Gene, or his handler, wants to take this slowly, for Elsa to enjoy herself. So he lifts her by the legs, onto her back.Take solace from this crazy world, he seems to be saying.

Then, Gene licks his hand. Elsa is overcome.

Elsa says something, we don't know what. Gene has been touching her for either 20 seconds or a lifetime, and she is ready for that to stop.

Elsa is ready to touch him. Her hands reach out, and Gene pulls her head in closer.

Now this mountain I must climb,
feels like the world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine,
it keeps me warm as life grows colder

Elsa is a paid energy drink enthusiast, and that is not hard to believe as she has her way with Simmons.

His hands, meanwhile, are fiddling with something. A cigarette? A second camera? Of course not: protection for his beloved.

Gene comes in closer, and Elsa seems to be saying something to him. They rearrange their bodies. More tender whispers.

Can't stop now, I've travelled so far,
to change this lonely life
I want to know what love is,
I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is,
I know you can show me

Gene and Elsa are one. He comes in for a sweet kiss. Elsa, perhaps being coquettish, turns away.

Gene comes in for another kiss. Elsa taunts him again, turning away.

Gene comes in for a kiss twice more, and twice more Elsa refuses.

Gene says something to Elsa. I like to think it's Auden:

"Easily, my dear, you move, easily your head/And easily as through the leaves of a photograph album I'm led...."

Or perhaps Gene reminds Elsa of the rider in her contract stipulating she will not get paid unless she delivers some snogging. And besides KISS is the name of the fragging band, innit?

After 40 seconds of coupling, a change: Elsa on top. We see Gene's tender bum as bodies shift.

The lovemaking becomes intense. Gene is mouthing passionate words, or maybe chewing gum? Seriously, is that gum? Classy. Th

ings are busy enough that Elsa must kick off her flip-flop sandals.

Gene stares intently at Elsa for a while, but soon becomes distracted. He is looking off, into the distance. Past the lower left corner of the bed, where Elsa looked before.

Is he imaging their future together, a home, a family? Or maybe there's some kind of monitor set up where he can see how he looks on camera?

The video abruptly ends. A minute and ten seconds of tender union have passed.

Gene and Elsa are forever enriched. Things will never be the same for either of them.

I'm gonna take a little time,
a little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide,
it looks like love has finally found me

This tops the list of four-word phrases that ...

abalk — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 12:53:34 EDT

This tops the list of four-word phrases that we file in our "DO NOT WANT" folder. We're not even sure if this really is White Stripes drummer Meg White taking it in a variety of different positions; if it is, she's showing more rhythm that she's ever previously displayed. TOTALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. [Fleshbot]

Britney Does Not Have a 'Highly Sexualized Public Persona,' Dammit

Jesse — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 11:15:31 EST

A few months ago Britney Spears announced she was suing Us Weekly for libel over the magazine's report that this refined lady and her debonair husband had made a sex tape and then screened it with their attorney. Not true!, insisted the Spearserlines, and now we've gotten our grubby mitts on the latest legal document protesting their innocence, filed last week in Los Angeles Superior Court.

We like paragraphs five and six the best:

5. I have been informed that the editors of Us Weekly and their lawyers are claiming that the Article would not be damaging to my career or reputation, because I joked about my sex life with my husband on our recent reality television show, Chaotic, and because I have a "highly sexualized public persona." They are wrong. While I have written and sung certain lyrics about sex and have posted for "sexy" photographs to promote my albums and career, this is certainly not unusual in the musical business and is different than being falsely portrayed as someone who filmed herself and her husband having sex, and then recklessly left the tape in a place where someone from their "entourage" could find and attempt to sell it.

6. Because many of my fans are young women and teenagers, it is important to me, both personally and professionally, that they see me as I am, namely, a married woman who is enjoying her life with her husband and baby. It is very damaging to my career and reputation to be portrayed as someone who would film herself and her husband having sex for the purpose of watching it over and over again, or for any other reason....

At which point, one imagines, Us Weekly's lawyers broke into uncontrollable laughter.

The full "Declaration of Britney Spears in Support of Plaintiff's Opposition to Defendants' Special Motion to Strike First Amended Complaint" is after the jump.

Click on each page to enlarge.

Earlier: Britney Spears Sues 'Us Weekly

The D-List Horror of the Kid Rock Sex Tape

Jessica — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 15:14:53 EST

The world is a cruel, unforgiving place, full of darkness and pain — that's why something as disgusting as a sex tape featuring Kid Rock and former Creed frontman Scott Stapp even exists. And because evil knows no limits, a preview of said video is now available for those of you interested in a little ocular bleeding. We're letting our perverted brother have the hosting duties, so if you're self-loathing isn't up to par, do head over there.

If you just can't bear to click the link, we're happy to give you a little taste with the above image of Kid Rock, who looks to be enjoying a hearty figging from a lady friend. Good stuff!

Kid Rock Sex Tape [Fleshbot - NSFW]
Red Light District Acquires Kid Rock/Scott Stapp Sex Tape [AVN]
Earlier: Kid Rock's All-American Sex Tape