On housework, wives spend an average of 42 hours per week, and husbands spend 23. But husbands spend 34 hours on "paid work," and wives spend 20. Plus, "paying bills" counts as housework, so who even knows what's what? Let's get to the sexxxy part!

Couples reported having sex 82.7 times a year on average, or 1.6 times a week, about the same as in other studies.

All that housework just to get laid once a week! Has anyone tried having sex instead of doing housework? Perhaps it is time we moved towards that model, for equality, and love?

Oh and also scientists proved that Viagra works. So.
[Pic via]

with The Drought having hit 8 months, and having gone 8 for 8 the last 3 weeks in hooking up with girls and not having penal insertion, it is really testing my patience that I may have to bend over and maybe compromise my values to do this "Dinner thing".

And then he does this freestyle as "The Kween." That bad.

The most fascinating thing about Ali Wise's craziness is its very pedestrian nature—pedestrian on crystal meth, maybe, but still. She didn't snap and murder her ex's lover in a jealous rage; that's been done. Instead, she hacked into their voicemails, deleting messages as she went. It's a nightmare, because who would believe you when you told them you didn't return their call or make that appointment because your messages were surreptitiously deleted by a jealous, tech-savvy fashion publicist? The crime's unlikely nature is what makes it deadly (socially).

Anyhow, cops say that Ali didn't just go all Hackers on one lady interested in her ex, Downtown Records boss Josh Deutsch; she was all up in everybody's voicemail. The NYP reports:

As if to prove the axiom that publicists are forever on the phone, the 337 "hacked" calls Wise allegedly made into Freudenberger's cell and landline voice-mail systems were just the beginning.

She made at least 137 additional calls into the voice mails of Victim No. 2, at least 119 calls into the voice mails of Victim No. 3, and at least 102 calls into the voice mails of Victim No. 4, the criminal complaint says.

She's facing charges of trespassing, tampering, eavesdropping, and stalking. Girl, you know he's not worth it!
[Pic: Getty]

On Monday, Lucinda's advice column featured a letter from a girl who said that someone slipped her a roofie at a club; she had to be taken to the hospital, and when she called two of her friends in the middle of the night to "beg them to join me while I was recovering," they didn't want to come until the morning. And she was upset about that. And Lucinda was like, well, who the fuck wants to go drive to the hospital at 4 a.m. for something that is not a life-threatening incident and, indeed, may have sounded at the time like something that was your own doing, crazy girl? Your family or your boyfriend would be obligated to come, but your friends probably thought you were just way drunk or took too many drugs or whatever and they were pissed at you a little bit. So, don't sweat it too much. Chalk it up to miscommunication.

Which was our reaction too, exactly! Tough to judge the friends in this case without knowing what the drugged friend was actually doing and saying at the time. (Although we are neither women, nor the type of person who has "friends"). But the internet commenters were basically like: Lucinda, you are a horrible person, I have gotten up in the middle of the night 43 times to visit my roofied friends, plus this girl was probably sexually assaulted, did you even think of that, you awful, awful internet advice columnist? And Lucinda replied no, she didn't really think of that, since there's nothing in the letter about it, but really, come on, people. It's not that big a deal. But there's that "Remove Lucinda Rosenfeld" petition, still there, on the internet!

Shit. You internet commenters are putting all this effort into firing an online advice columnist who's not Cary Tennis? You people need help.

Robertson's book, The Girls in the Balcony, centered on a workplace discrimination suit filed against the NYT in 1974 by several female employees. We knew the paper was bad, but it's always bracing to hear just how bad it was, not so long ago:

In 1955, Ms. Robertson joined The Times, where she was assigned, as women often were then, to the women's news department. Her early articles for the paper - hundreds of them - were about fashion, shopping and interior decorating...
In 1963, Ms. Robertson began a decade as a reporter in the Washington bureau of The Times, where, as she said in an interview many years later, her de facto job description was to cover the "first lady, her children and their dogs." Her years in Washington would furnish her with the title for "The Girls in the Balcony," a reference to the cramped second-story space in the National Press Club to which female journalists were then relegated.

Crazy! Robertson also wrote a book about recovering from alcoholism via AA, and won a Pulitzer for her writing on her own experience with Toxic Shock syndrome, which almost killed her. You can pick up her book at Amazon, for a pittance.
[Pic via]

• 
  
• Dave Went Out With Another Intern, In the 90s, and TMZ Got Pictures Of Her: Yes! In the "early 1990s," Dave had a (sexxxy?) "relationship" with his then-intern, Holly Hester, who seems to have nothing but warm feelings towards him, still. TMZ got these decidedly non-scandalous photos of the female half of this long-ago routine interoffice romance. There she is: Holly Hester.
• Dave Was the First Man Ever to Dislike His Ex-Girlfriend's New Boyfriend, According to Anonymous Sources: The Post's daily Dave scoop: Some people who probably work in the office say Dave didn't like Joe Halderman, the new boyfriend of Dave's ex, Stephanie Birkitt. By contrast, most men greatly enjoy hanging out with their ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend and building close relationships. Although this guy did try to extort Dave for millions, so maybe there are two sides to the story. The Post sums this all up as "Hate show." It's like "Late Show," but with hate.
• Tonight's Show May Be Awkward: Last week Dave came out on air with all this scandal stuff. Now it's the week following that. Is there a potential for tonight's show to be kinda awkward? Yes, say the show's staffers. It could very well be awkward. Now you know.
• Women Are More Mad About This Stuff Than Men, Maybe, Or Not: Some people feel that Dave will have to make a strong effort to win back female fans, because females tend to view his behavior more negatively than men. Some women, though, are not so concerned about it. And some people (us) suspect that the angry women Dave will have to contend with will mostly be Sarah Palin supporters with long memories and a lust for schadenfreude.

When Wakeman was a 22-year-old fresh out of NYU journalism school, she had a fling with a 37-year old magazine editor who had taken a particularly keen interest in her when he was her boss. (Wakeman, you'll recall, kind of has a thing for authority.) The earnest, feminist Huffington Post veteran details the whole relationship on TheFrisky.com: Mentoring, instant-messenger chats, near-simultaneous breakups, then movies, plays, dinner, walks on the Brooklyn Bridge, DVDs at his place, a momentous hookup. Wakeman was in love. The editor was not.

The guy was, Wakeman realized later "using me for what he wanted," as all her friends had warned. Kind of very predictable, that. But with a few modest behavioral changes, said former boss could have avoided being a complete ass about things. To wit:

• Don't continue sleeping with someone who is clearly really into you if that person is a shameful secret from your friends. At least not for that long. A month or two, tops. "He didn't introduce me to anyone as his girlfriend. Meanwhile, I absolutely considered him my lover, if not my boyfriend... He didn't introduce me to his friends; he didn't introduce me to his parents. That is what made me feel like a "Young Career Woman As Whore."
  
• Don't pretend the person is a stranger if she/he works at your company, and if you continue sleeping with that person. Wakeman ended up hired by the magazine's online division. The lover didn't pull any strings to get her the gig. He also didn't bother to acknowledge he knew her. "I'd sleep over at his apartment and we'd fool around and then we'd both be at the office as if we were two strangers... the fact that he didn't acknowledge me at work began to make me feel like crap."
  
• Cut it off if she/he says "I love you" (and you don't feel the same). This is one of the few things Mystery Editor did right: When Wakeman said she loved him, in a phone call, he immediately admitted he wasn't in love and said things should end. Which, with that sort of discrepancy of emotions, they totally should, and not in a drawn out way.
  
• But don't go off about the other woman you love more, right after your intern/lover says "I love you" (and you don't feel the same): "He wasn't in love with me, he said, and, in fact, he had gone on a few dates with a woman his own age and was falling in love with her." Ugh. Pointless stabbing someone in the gut, much?
  
• No follow-up lunch! What's the point? Especially when you've moved on. Wakeman met up with her ex after she noticed on Facebook that he'd gotten engaged to that other woman, one year down the line. "We met for lunch and he told me they were in love and they wanted to marry and have kids... I have not spoken to him since that lunch... I've washed my hands clean of him."

Wow, don't flings just sound so sexy after reading all that?

(Image via)

Yea, so basically the WSJ has a very disheartening report saying guys are out buying beds and shit that cost tens of thousands of dollars so that they can have shit like wine coolers and TVs and safes built into the bed, cause who doesn't need that, right?

He delighted in showing her that the TV could be lowered into the footboard via remote, and he let her pick out the color and pattern of the mattress fabric. His wife declined to comment.

The silent treatment already. Oh dude you are going to be buying so much fancy shampoo forever to make up for that one. Real smooth, in your Batman bed. Awesome, yea right. Fancy beds, Jesus Christ.

This is what happens when you don't listen to us, Ashley. We told you not to play footsies with the New York Post. We told you to take the money and run! Or do whatever you like, as long as it does not involve speaking publicly, or singing. You disregarded us and wrote your fancy "blog" about ladies in NY hooking up with rich guys for the luv of money and how is that very much different from being a hooker? That's all the angle the Post needed to go stand on a random NYC street corner speaking to ladies for maybe 20 minutes and turning their idle comments into a citywide hate feud:

"I don't agree with what she said — I would totally never do anything like that," sniffed Justyna Cichon, 29, of Long Island City.

And on top of that the Real Housewives of New Jersey were asked to comment on you, of course, and Andrea Peyser was brought in to provide the sexxxy outrage. Tell us, Andrea—how do Ashley Dupre and Eliot Spitzer go together?

Like Eliot's pasty, white legs and those kinky, black knee socks he couldn't quite lose before doing the nasty.

Thanks, Andrea. So you see, Ashley: You need us. We can be there for you.
U no we just want 2 luv U, gurl.

MIT instructor and alumni Philip Greenspun has floated a theory as to why women are underrepresented in high-end scientific professions: Science is generally a terrible career choice, but it contains a dysfunctional status hierarchy that tends to appeal the male egos.

A lot more men than women choose to do seemingly irrational things such as become petty criminals, fly homebuilt helicopters, play video games, and keep tropical fish as pets (98 percent of the attendees at the American Child Association convention that I last attended were male). Should we be surprised that it is mostly men who spend 10 years banging their heads against an equation-filled blackboard in hopes of landing a $35,000/year post-doc job? ...Young men strive to achieve high status among their peer group. [Yet] men tend to lack perspective and are unable to step back and ask the question "is this peer group worth impressing?"

Greenspun's female students, meanwhile, "are more discriminating about choosing those peers," and tended to wisely divert to more rewarding professions like medical school.

So it is with Wikipedia. Why invest your free time wrangling with a politicized Wikipedia bureaucracy of infighting editors and bitter story subjects, all for the honor of creating a free resource for other people and paying out of your own pocket to go to high-level meetings for the Wikimedia elite? If you're a man, for the honor of being near the "top" of something, no matter how fruitless. The prominent women associated with Wikipedia, meanwhile, tend to be famous for getting Jimmy Wales to do various things on their behalf. Smart.

(Pic: Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales receives a Quadriga Award in the "Mission of Enlightenment" category on October 3, 2008, the anniversary of German unification, in Berlin. Getty Images.)

He sent this email to his "subscribers" late last month, teaching them—I'm just deducing this, from the content—the secret to getting away with date rape in foreign countries. Absorb the wisdom, as Paul arrives in heterosexual Pair-ee and meets his first conquest:

I was scheduled to meet a Moroccan girl at 9:30,
so we had dinner and they said good-bye...(they
live on the outskirts of town, the French
equivalent of suburbs.)

F. was late, but she called my sister to say so
and they drove by while I was waiting outside the
building. (the next day I got a mobile, my
first on this trip, because I'll be in
France/Corsica for a few weeks.)

F. arrived after 10, and she was adorable! Very
cute, with big brown eyes and a beautiful smile.
She came up so I could drop off some stuff, and I
pounced on her but she didn't like it. She wanted
me to slow down, which I did. We left and went
for a drink down the street. She's only 23, but
precocious and very worldly. I was impressed by
the conversation and her general attitude. After
a drink, we started making out, but she had to go
home because she was leaving for a day-trip to
Lyon the next morning, and I was tired. And my
leg had fallen asleep at the table, distracting me.

We kissed and I walked her to the train.

The next day I ran errands, and got a phone,
among other things. I had a possible meeting with
F. that night, but she was tired,

Surprising! Then, of course, Paul randomly meets another heartbroken girl at a cafe, and sleeps with her, and then gets up the next day, and his Moroccan girl is back, and he fucks her under the Eiffel Tower.
Say what you want about Paul Janka's methods, at least you know he tells the truth.
[Thanks, S!]

Ojo's appearance at the hospital sent hospital employees flying to the phones to call their favorite tabloid reporters. Ojo was only too happy to describe the dramatic incident in detail!

"I didn't know what had happened. By the time I woke up, the skin was falling off," Ojofeitimi said.

"It sounded like a woman screaming," a neighbor in their Springfield Gardens building said of the 6 a.m. attack.

Between the Daily News and the Post, this story got a total of nine bylines today. If the Al "Grits" Green incident happened today, an entire spinoff paper would need to be launched. Tabloids: there when we need them.
[NYDN, NYP]

Navy Cmdr. Jeffrey Gordon sent a letter (first obtained by Fishbowl DC) to the Herald's editor saying that Carol Rosenberg (pictured) has a long history of offensive incidents towards him, his military colleagues at Guantanamo and Andrews AFB, and towards other members of the press. Juicy! How bad was it, Commander?

"Her behavior has been so atrocious over the years," Gordon said in an interview. "I've been abused worse than the detainees have been abused."

Well that's quite an unfortunate quote. But the charges do make Rosenberg sound like an awful, petty, childish jerk. We present them to you, without factual judgment!

Additionally, Gordon charges that Rosenberg called military people and members of the press "'bitches,' 'stupid,' 'lazy,' 'incompetent,' 'Nazis,' 'Saddam Hussein-like,' etc." Sounds routine! Other reporters who worked the Guantanamo beat with Rosenberg have mixed reactions; some say she was tough but fair, others say her behavior may indeed have been over the line. We're not sure whether she's heroic or terrible. If you've worked with Rosenberg or have any further insight to share, email us.

[Full complaint at Fishbowl DC. Pic: PBS]

Russell Abrams runs Titan Capital, a $200 million hedge fund (though it was $375 million two years ago, natch). Two of his employees—Danielle Pecile (pic below via her now-deleted Facebook account), 26, and Cristina Culicea (pic below via her Facebook), 27, have filed a sexual harassment suit against Abrams and his brother Marc, a Titan VP.

But not just your run-of-the-mill harassment! One of their complaints is that Russell Abrams gave Pecile a CD of photos of him and his wife on their honeymoon, and had her drop it off to get developed, and pick it up. Many of the photos of the wife showed her topless or even nude! Not what you would particularly like to do for your boss, in most cases. Pecile says Abrams smirked and said "You liked them, didn't you?" Now he wishes he had not done so:

[The women's lawyer] told Russell Abrams that one of the ways Pecile was harassed was in having to see the topless pictures, and that they had copies of them.

He said they would be returned if the entire case were settled, and that it would take $2.5 million to do so, the Abrams said. The photos were subsequently included as evidence in the EEOC complaint, the suit says.

Haha. You want to make me take your creepy ass nekkid photos to the developer? I will keep copies, then! And demand $2.5 million to give them back to you! Take note—you may be able to use this tactic in your own workplace, should the opportunity arise.

Now Russell Abrams' wife Sandra, who is pregnant, has filed a $1 million countersuit against the women so it's all very messy, but the lesson is, develop nude photos yourself.

[NYDN, NYP]

So Marion Barry is still technically married but he and his wife have been separated for years, and he has an ex-girlfriend named Donna Watts-Brighthaupt, and she and Barry decided to take a drive up to Rehoboth Beach, but somewhere around Annapolis they got in a spat and decided to turn around and go home, and then a few hours later Marion Barry was arrested by the god damn US Park Police, who are always on his ass about something. What happened, there? All we know for sure is that Marion Barry and those he associates with have a very loose definition of an "ex."

There is no disagreement that the couple returned to Watts-Brighthaupt's home in Southeast Washington, where her ex-husband, Delonta Brighthaupt, was staying to watch her West Highland terrier. After some time, Barry left in one car, and Watts-Brighthaupt and Brighthaupt left in another. Both cars ended up in Anacostia Park.

So Barry happened on his ex-girlfriend with her ex-husband. Who the hell knows where his wife was, at the time. Hundreds of miles away, if she's lucky. So somewhere in there his ex-girlfriend told cops Marion Barry was "bothering her," and boom, right into the clink he goes! Fucking Park Police, again!

In 2002, Park Police said they found traces of marijuana and crack cocaine in his car. Barry said the drugs were planted. No charges were filed. In 2006, Park Police pulled Barry over for driving too slowly and cited him for driving on a suspended license; he accused the agency of unfairly targeting him.

God damn park cops, they're worse than mall cops! Marion Barry is currently on the DC City Council so he has to play his cards very carefully. He had his attorney lay it on the line:

Cooke, who would not let Barry speak, accused Watts-Brighthaupt of "instability."

Uh. Of course she is. Who else would take a trip to the shore with her "ex," Marion Barry?
[WP. Pic via]

Ha, don't worry guys, Sharon Levy is an awesome chick. Very manly!

"She's got as much testosterone as any guy I know," said Doug Herzog, the president of MTV Networks Entertainment Group.

She invented Deadliest Warrior, the show that finally settles the debates you had when you were 12 about who would win, a samurai or a knight? Plus she's teaching dudes more about chicks!

"We have been trying to figure out how to do a show with women in it that is sexy and not misogynist," Ms. Levy said.

Good luck with that one, lady!

"This is going to be a very broad show," she said.

She says "broad" too! As a Spike TV viewer, I like this broad already! Plus she's a lapsed Jew who likes to eat pork! And look, male daredevil Jesse James just wants to emphasize, once again, for you guys: this chick is totally masculine.

"She's like that cool chick in college that you drink with and go out and party with. She has her girly moments, but not too often."

She's totally cool with Spike TV, as long as she exhibits no feminine traits. Except having breasts, yea!
[NYT]

In China every family only wants to have boy children, thanks to communism, and now there are 32 million more marriage-aged men than there are women! So guys pay these outrageous "bride prices" of thousands of dollars to land a lady, and some enterprising ladies have learned to go "yoink!" The Chinese term for "Gold digger" is "Runaway bride."

Meanwhile in Nevada, USA, brothels are battling their slowing business by adding more male prostitutes. These guys would charge $250 an hour!

Clearly Chinese men need to earn money being male prostitutes for unmarried ladies, then pay the ladies that money as a bride price, then the ladies run away to hire more male prostitutes, and the cycle continues happily.
[WSJ, LAT]

See, in old and unenlightened times, people had crazy theories that only women liked to be dominated, and they liked it because they were masochists and liked pain and whatnot. Not so, say modern fucking researchers!

Both men and women like fantasies of being dominated. And furthermore, "the socially dominant women especially enjoyed fantasies of submission. But WHY? One theory, from a science person:

"If these fantasies instead reflect a passionate exchange with a powerful, resource-holding, and attentive suitor, then through them the dominant woman could reinforce her high standing in the group and her favorable opinion of herself."

Basically they're saying the ladies want to feel so freaking sexy that men just cannot resist them. Come to think of it this is also how men want to feel. Sexy scientists agree with you!
[Psychology Today. Pic via]

Tucker Max, filmmaker and asshole, was scheduled to speak at OSU last night. That's when WaARiR sprang into action! They decided to protest him, for fuck's sake, which just makes him feel more important.

Many protesters at the event held up signs with quotes from Max's Website, tuckermax.com. The excerpts included: "Really - consider my thought process. I was going to f—- her in the butt and film it without her consent."...

At one point during the event, a man with a whistle walked to the front of the stage and blew it in front of Max. The crowd chanted in response, "He's a virgin."

That was not directed at Tucker, btw. Hey kids, take it from us: fameballs with repressed sexual issues feed on attention. Just ignore him. We didn't, and look at our lives.
[The Lantern]