A new study of the sex lives of middle-aged women found that "white women were 3.09 times more likely than women of other races to remain sexually active" as they grow older. This amounts to the strongest vindication of the sexiness of pajamas in the history of modern science.
It's a Free Country So This Lady's Gonna Change Her Name to "Sexy"
"LICKING COUNTY, Ohio" reads the dateline on today's top news story. What sexy things are happening in Licking County, this week?
Is There a Biological Reason for Sexually Preferring a Certain Race?
Hark; the time hath come for "Hey, Science,"
our intelligence-boosting feature in which we enlist real live scientific
experts to answer humanity's most interesting/ idiotic scientific
questions. Today: Is there an evolutionary or biological reason for preferring to have sex with people of a certain race?
Relationship Tip: Write an Essay About Your Ugly, Unfuckable Husband
Love is hard. Relationships are tricky. If you have problems in your marriage, try this: take a deep breath; count to ten; then, write an essay on the internet about why your husband is just not sexy.
College President Contractually Barred From Booty Calls
Gwendolyn Boyd was hired this week as the new president of Alabama State University, her alma mater. She'll get a $300,000 salary, free housing, and expenses. But getting ass is out of the question.
Science Confirms: Men Think With Their Dicks
Let us now turn to the very latest scientific research regarding the topic: What up, girl? Hey.
New research finds that women "were twice as likely to reach orgasm from intercourse or oral sex in serious relationships as in hookups."
A medical association says that there is "a growing need" for nursing homes to put in place firm policies about the old people having sex with each other. Ehh..."Ignore it and never speak of it again" should work.
Full Grown Adults Dedicate Their Time to Discussing Teen Sexting
According to a new survey, teens are sexting less today. (This is presented as "good news." For who?) Fortunately for all of us, there has been absolutely no dropoff in adult hand-wringing over who is to blame for all of this hot, hot teen sexxxting.
The Weirdest Thing You Can Do With a Cam Girl
Women who perform live sex shows for money on the internet have certainly done a lot of kinky things. But we've never heard of a more bizarre offer than this.
How to Have Sex at Yale
Yale University, America's sex palace, has issued a memo that attempts to clarify what constitutes "consensual" and "nonconsensual" sex. Immature readers may find this memo's hypothetical scenarios "hilarious," or even "ROFLMAO." Allow us to make things more clear.
Harvard Kids: Rich, Sexless Nerds
Hello, there is a new survey out telling us EVERYTHING about the proud freshman class of Harvard. What are they like, these young, sexually frustrated leaders?
The New York Times Reports: Hot Shirtless Dudes [SLIDESHOW]
Today in the Paper of Record: a slideshow of fit, shirtless men. "Clickity click click click click." -Adolph S. Ochs.
Telling Your Professor She's Sexy Is Not Legally Protected Speech
In the case of Joseph Corlett vs. Oakland University, a judge has finally ruled: no, telling your college professor in writing that she is "stacked" and gives you a boner is not speech legally protected by the First Amendment.
The New York Times Assumes Its Readers Are Horny and Dumb
In its most recent Sunday Styles section, the New York Times published a 4,800-word story headlined, "Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too." One reporter spent a full five months working exclusively on this patronizing abomination.
Lindsey Vonn Peeing Makes Andrea Peyser So Hot, Meaning Angry
Whinging tabloid moralist Andrea Peyser, who is definitely, without a doubt, a 100% red-blooded heterosexual American woman, simply cannot stop thinking about hero athlete Lindsey Vonn being forced to pee in a cup, while being watched by another woman.
Sexting Teens Are Also Having Sex That Doesn't Involve Phones
Sexting: the clicky sticky menace. Is your plucky teenager—honors student, Girl/ Boy Scout, churchgoer—utilizing the cell phone that you provided him or her with "just for emergencies" for another purpose altogether? The purpose of typing out "what are u wearing" to a member of the opposite or same sex as his or her…
Hussy Whorish Hollywood Vampire-Banger Was Not a Virgin in Real Life!
Angry self sin-loathing heterosexual human sexuality sex columnist Andrea Peyser has long supported strong role models for young teenage girls of America who want nothing more than to lead a simple life involving simulated rape scenes with vampires within the confines of a traditional marriage. Well. Andrea has some…
Try Not to Think About Your Nubile Teenage Daughter Reading Kinky Sex Books in Bed
Your teenage daughter—how much do you really know about her? You know that she likes church, and playing with dolls, and going to the ice cream shoppe. But did you know that she wants to be tied up and sexually dominated by a dark brooding stranger? Well, she does. Sorry.
Slatternly Trollops Flaunt Their Vaginal Potions Right Where Your Children Are Buying Candy
The latest front in America's whorish War on Decency could be as close as the drug store aisle. Our nation's Pandora-like women, outfitted in buttocks-baring short shorts as they prowl the landscape for the "good time" Appletini party boy of the night, now demand the right to have unspeakable varieties of grossly…
