Here's all you need to participate in the web's sloppiest shoe fetish: Your own two feet, a phone with a camera, a fresh pair of Nikes (though anything will do in a pinch), and a few snack packs of messy, gloppy, sexy pudding. Are you ready?

Every November, media types, ourselves included, trot out the trope that spending time with family during Thanksgiving is necessarily a difficult thing. Your sister is hateful, your uncles are racist, your nana's candied yams are a brutal, sunset-hued chore to be endured. Today, we meet the saddest victim of these…

The residents of 66 Perry Street were visited by an unwelcome spirit on the night of October 7th: the cold form of Sarah Jessica Parker, dropping her stilettos like breadcrumbs along the sidewalk and stairs of Carrie Bradshaw's old address.

Yesterday afternoon, a woman threw a shoe at Hillary Clinton during the former secretary of state's speech at a convention in Las Vegas. Now we have video of the attack.

On Friday, Christopher Miller was released from a New Jersey prison, where he'd spent the past 15 years for robbing a shoe store near the Jersey Shore. On Saturday, he took a bus to that same store and allegedly robbed it again.

Did you miss out on copping a pair of Kanye West's $245 Air Yeezy II Red October sneakers today? If so, don't worry: they're now being hawked on eBay for around $5,000.

Tuesday afternoon, a man fishing at Inlet State Park in New Jersey reeled in an Adidas high-top sneaker, which contained the skeletal remains of someone's right foot. Colored nail polish was still visible on several of the toes, though the gender and age of the victim is still unknown.

As unemployment ravages the working class, our lower and higher education systems shudder in crisis, and murder decimates our forgotten urban poverty zones, Nike is rolling out its first $300+ sneaker. But mom, you don't understand—it's worth it.

In an anti-climatic finish to the Court Case of the Century, hedge fund manager Daniel Shak withdrew his lawsuit seeking his share of his ex-wife's million dollar shoe collection. Beth Shak, the ex-wife, and, according to the New York Post, a "pretty pro poker player," denied any wrong doing, saying Mr. Shak knew…

As any etiquette-obsessed caricature of a British person in a children's movie will tell you, British people are very fancy and also do not slurp your soup when you eat it.

Animated Hipstamatic photograph Zooey Deschanel dropped her lawsuit against Steve Madden over an alleged endorsement and a Candies shoe known as "the Zooey."

Back in the halycon days called "the 1990s," you could beat up a man, rip the expensive athletic shoes off his feet, and carry your lace-up trophies away without being caught. No iPhones, no problems. No more!