Gawker: Shoes

Nike Pulls 'Air Stab,' UK Crime Rates Plummet

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:19:01 EDT

Poor Nike just cannot catch a break these days. First all the gays and their blog commenter followers got upset about Nike's new ads featuring a guy with his nuts in another guy's face, which some say are homophobic. (Nike's ad agency would like you all to STFU with your whining about that, BTW). And this controversy is distracting them from the process of pulling all their "Air Stab" shoes out of UK stores because the god damn Brits can't stop knifing each other!

The insatiable British appetite for stabbing their fellow citizens caused bad PR levels to rise so high that Nike had to start pulling the shoes last week—even though they've been selling them for 20 years.

A company spokesman said: "Given the current climate we have withdrawn the shoe indefinitely from Nike's own stores in the UK."

He said the Air Stab name reflected the fact that it was first launched in 1988 as a stability shoe and had no connection to knives or stabbing.

"While it may be an unfortunate coincidence timing-wise, given current problems regarding knife crime, we completely reject the idea that we are in any way condoning or encouraging the issue of knife usage," said the spokesman.

If the Brits decide to start using Lebron James as a weapon, it will truly spell trouble Nike's European marketing plan.

[Telegraph UK via Adrants]

Does Nike Hate Gays? Or Do Gays Hate Basketball?

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 13:55:36 EDT

Nike's new ad campaign for its Hyperdunk shoes features a series of pictures of basketball players getting dunked on in what's considered the worst way possible: the dunker dangling off the rim, his balls dangling in the face of the man being dunk-ee. They all have dynamic slogans like "That Ain't Right!" The company has been plastering them around NYC's most famous streetball meccas, like Harlem (home to The Rucker) and West 4th St. Their rollout coincides with a big foofaraw this week (which some critics say is stupid oversensitivity) over whether the ad industry is making blatantly homophobic ads. All of which raises the question: Are these Nike ads a new low in homophobic advertising? Or do the gays just not understand basketball?

Let's lay out the facts:

1. These ads do indeed depict what is widely considered to be the most humiliating possible thing that can happen to someone on a basketball court.

2. That humiliation arises from the balls-in-face aspect of the dunk, meaning it is fundamentally a homophobic sentiment. At least subconsciously.

3. Nike's ad placement shows they're appealing to a very specific basketball player/ fan demographic. It's doubtful they'd use this same ad campaign for the general public, without some tweaks.

There's also a racial aspect at work here, although it's more fuzzy. One strict interpretation would be that Nike is even more irresponsible for fomenting and supporting homophobia in the black community, where AIDS rates are higher and homophobia is, therefore, more deadly. The opposite, but equally strict, interpretation would be that basketball is a sport with lots of black players at its highest levels, and therefore using black slang, etc. in ads targeted specifically at basketball players is only natural and right.

Leaving aside my unrelated general hatred of Nike, I have to take a slightly more forgiving line with them here. Context is important! Didn't we learn anything from the freaking New Yorker's Obama cover? Hardcore basketball fans would scarcely think twice about these ads, except maybe to chuckle. Trash talk is a fundamental part of streetball.

That said, the larger point is that the joke here—as in other campaigns revolving around ALL OF AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR SPORTS—is based on the implacable homophobia of straight jocks. That can't be denied. So Nike should pull the ads. Or rework them to be friendlier to gay basketball fans, at least. Be aspirational, you bastards! The sad part is that this isn't a new low in homophobic advertising. It's the sports status quo.

'Music' The Newest Division Of Corporate America

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 09:28:48 EDT

A couple months ago we heard that Atlanta rap mogul and midget Jermaine Dupri was starting a record label financed by Procter & Gamble and the sickly TAG body spray as a way to more effectively spread TAG body spray to the urban masses. For a moment it looked like right wing racism might have the unexpected benefit of scuttling the project, but alas. Now it's even worse: Every brand wants to make their own records. But hey, they just want the artist dudes to "have fun, as though they were doing any song" (about Converse, the shoe of grave-robbing image pimps):

A brief list of companies that are now buying your favorite (or not) artists and paying them a bunch of money to make "fun" songs: P&G, Red Bull, Nike, Converse, Bacardi, and Unilever. Plenty of good artistic raw material in there, at least. And the brands involved have exhibited a keen cultural sensitivity about their work:

"We don't just want to talk to people," said Anne Jensen, a brand-building director at Unilever who works with Caress. "We want to give them something that adds value to their lives." She said that Ms. Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls was perfect for the campaign because she embodied the spirit of Brazil. (Though, truth be told, she is Hawaiian, Russian and Filipino.)

[NYT]

Sex and the City: A Douchebag's Perspective

ian spiegelman — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 14:56:54 EDT

So intrepid douchebag Morty White figured that the release of the Sex and the City movie would be the perfect excuse to call up a few of his SATC-loving ex-girlfriends and make fun of them. Isn't he hysterical? "My first call was to Janet. She won the prize for bringing up Sex and the City the quickest—54 seconds into the date, to be exact. We went out on our date in 1999 and haven't spoken since (not including the three messages she left on my answering machine). It took a while for her to warm up to me over the phone, but she finally agreed to play ball:" It begins...

Morty: I remember that you loved Sex and the City.
Janet: Oh my god, my life is SO Sex and the City!
Morty: Every girl in New York says that.
Janet: I know. But with me it's really true.
Morty: Every girl in New York says that.
Janet: What do you know? You hated that show.
Morty: Yeah. I think that Sex and the City is a modern, less realistic rip-off of "Laverne and Shirley," but without the monogrammed sweater.
Janet: That doesn't even make sense.
Morty: Of course it does: Two best friends become four. Lenny and Squiggy are now two gay guys. Bowling alleys and pizza parlors are replaced with Pastis and Soho House.
Janet: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
Morty: Come on, you know that if they had cable back then, there definitely would have been an episode where Carmine Ragusa's penis was so big, Shirley could barely put on her pants the next day.
Janet: Goodbye, Morty.

"Allison made it past the first date because I needed a hot companion for my company Christmas party. She was fun and sweet enough, but couldn't spell 'Louis Vuitton' if it wasn't written all over her handbag. And wallet. And shoes. Before I could even ask her about Sex and the City, Allison mentioned the words 'husband', 'pregnant', and 'why the hell are you calling me.':"

Morty: I don't know why you are so hostile to your ex that you haven't spoken to in seven years. Especially since it seems like you've done such a good job rebounding from our relationship.
Allison: I don't consider you my "ex," I consider you my "Y." As in "WHY did I ever go out with you?"
Morty: Funny.... Who said that, Carrie or Samantha?
Allison: Goodbye, Morty.
[HuffPo]

Sex and the City Ladies Lose Their Fashion Sense

ian spiegelman — Sat, 31 May 2008 11:20:08 EDT

Oh man. Not only are the ladies of Sex and the City shallow and screechy and four years older, the fashion icons can't even dress themselves anymore! "[I]n the film the characters are now four years older and, in a disappointing way, their styles appear to have changed into one: the offbeat, orgiastic, do-it-yourself madness of Carrie, the dominant female. It is not only that they now dress alike. In every scene the women are practically coordinated by both color and style, as if they had received a morning memo detailing the day’s dress code. Let’s all wear primary colors to a jewelry auction! Let’s all wear psychedelic hippie dresses on a trip to Mexico! Let’s all wear smart black-and-white ensembles and fur coats to a fashion show!"

"Sometimes the clothes even match the scenery, as when Miranda wears a droopy yellow turtleneck keyed to the blossoms in Central Park, or when Carrie, reading a copy of 'Cinderella,' wears a sailor’s top with red stripes, which echo the dangling legs of a stuffed toy bug on a shelf behind her.

"Now middle-aged, the women seem to be mellowing. As Carrie says, their 20s were for having fun, their 30s for learning from their mistakes and their 40s for buying the drinks. They are still enthusiastic cheerleaders for fashion, but they don’t seem so overcome by a dress.

"Instead, they struggle with losing their identities, as they transition to coupled lives, to single lives and back again, to life on the Left Coast or to life as a mother. Fashion is the metaphor for the struggle." [NYT]

"Our customers wanted more flip-flop luxury"

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:17:59 EDT

See these flip-flops? They're not just any flip-flops. They're high fashion, "Married to the Mob" flip-flops, and they cost $42. Can you spot the reason why this is stupid? That's right: you pay ten times what you would pay for a plain pair of flip-flops, in order to have a brand name which is covered by your foot when you are wearing them. I imagine fashion snobs must just hang these flip-flops jauntily over their shoulder instead of slipping them on their feet, so that the logo can shine freely. In fact, the entire idea of paying extra for name-brand flip-flops is a bit ridiculous. But the price tag can get much, much worse than $42. Allow us introduce you to PechePlatinum—the "World's Most Expensive Flip-Flops."

PêchePlatinum uses PêcheBlu's patent pending ultra-sports shoe base with hand-matched crocodile straps for magnificent comfort. These ultimate flip flops are for those who want to express their individuality in a world of mass production.

Who wants to be seen as just another schlub wearing mass-produced flip-flops? "Our customers wanted more flip flop luxury and crocodile worked perfectly to add quiet elegance, which is the essence of our footwear," said the company's CEO, hilariously.

And here they are, in all their glory. They cost $400. Please email us if you spot these on the streets:

No One Is Free When Nike Is Oppressed

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:56:17 EDT

Do you know what defines what it means to "be true?" That's right, Nike Dunks! Not only that, but that particular shoe "HAS BECOME AN ICON OF self-expression and a symbol of DEMOCRATIC STYLE." The Revolution is Basketball! Freedom is slavery! It's a Brave New World! Nike Dunks were introduced in 1985—if it had been 1984, people might be inclined to make jokes about its dystopian advertising rhetoric. Below, a full look at the amazingly dramatic prose on a flier promoting what is just a Nike-sponsored photography show, "in the spirit of the shoe that inspires those who dare to be different." [Hypebeast]. I'd hate to see them if they really get worked up.

Kurt Cobain Sadly Coming To A Foot Locker Near You

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:56:53 EDT

Converse already went ahead and co-opted the image of sacred counterculture icons like Hunter Thompson and Sid Vicious for their new ad campaign, "All Your Dead Heroes Are Our Marketing Tools." Now they've decided to go for the gusto: they're producing a limited edition series of Kurt Cobain Converse. It's all approved by the estate of the tragic Nirvana front man—i.e. Courtney Love—but um, really? "I feel stupid, and contagious," indeed. Pics of the lyrics-encrusted shoes [via Ad Age/ The Daily Swarm] after the jump.

Natalie Portman More Popular Than Ever Among Cows

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:24:24 EST

Finally, some shoes that Natalie Portman can eat. The actress (and ScarJo doppelganger) launched her own line of vegan shoes yesterday at a New York boutique, the natural environment of fervent vegans. These things would be made out of what, plastic? Yarn? It's hard to tell in this scientific era we live in. Take a guess for yourself— sample pictures of the shoes, which save animals $275 at a time, after the jump.