· Say what you want about US Airways—their pilots are emergency-water-landing champs. Experience the terror via the eyewitness account of one scared-shitless passenger.

The set-up: It's some reality show on TruTV (formerly CourtTV) called The Principal's Office. Two male students, Brandon and Logan, are brought into the titular chamber to discuss the grinding epidemic plaguing recent dances. This is definitely one of those clips that rewards repeat viewings. We're currently fixated…

· When we told you Sunday night that some future confusion may arise from the phrase "Kate Winslet's pair of Golden Globes," Oprah was the last place we imagined we'd find it.

· Funny — from the way Ann Coulter makes it sound, you'd think she thought her latest work's comparisons to Mein Kampf are accidental.

· There's some hilarious, Anchorman-esque bickering going down between the members of this NBC morning news team.

· If there's one man who can help this calorie-obsessed junior bodybuilder spend less time focusing on his washboard abs, and more time acting like a normal kid, it's Mr. Phil.

· Two guys disguised themselves as Hasids and stole $4 million in diamonds from a 47th St. wholesaler. Also stolen: Snatch's plot. It's all really a testament to how natural-looking synthetic payos have become.

· Remember that humiliating night when you had wayyyy too much to drink, and you started speaking in tongues, thinking every slurred, nonsensical sentiment was completely hilarious? Neither does Terry Bradshaw.

· It's all fun and games until tomorrow morning, when Matt Lauer interrupts a sober interview with a Palestinian spokesperson by shrieking, "I'm gonna be sick—there's a Richard Simmons-juice stain on this couch!"

· The Oscar race may be all over the place, but at least the Razzies have a clear front runner this year. Still, a slickly packaged FYC spot never hurts. [via TotalFilm.com]

· Wow. If Bubba can do that to a burrito, just imagine how quickly he could wolf down an abandoned newborn. This mutt's got a future at CAA. [via BoingBoing]

· Still have an appetite for memorable Defamer video moments after getting through the Hall of Shame? Intern Leigh Lumford compiled A Top 10 Defamer Video Moments for your 2008 nostalgic enjoyment.

· We didn't need a scientific study to confirm for us that romcoms are detrimental to your health. Now infect us, impossibly handsome and emotionally available Patrick Dempsey, with your deadly McDreamy rays!

· In a blockbuster exclusive with Conan O'Brien, Carson Daly confirmed that he is, in fact, a soulless mercenary with no conscience, scruples or remorse about his cultural crimes.

· "So funny story—I'm getting paid millions to pump Gucci, the same stinky toilet-water I used to swipe at Macy's and sell to my classmates. Did I mention the gun-running and home-ec hooker ring?"

· We'd like to introduce you to The Bundesliga Fashion Dance Troupe, who'll be offering their interpretations of every Best Picture nominee at the Oscars. Enjoy this preview, entitled, "WALL·E." [via BoingBoing]

· We'd just like to say to the aliens who replaced Ann Curry's brain with this articulate, ferocious one putting Rev. Rick Warren's nuts in a vise: Thanks! We'd like to keep her this way.

· Whose job is it to stick up that Double Showcase Winner overlay? They've been waiting for this moment for decades, and they did not let us down!