Americans were rocked this week by report after report of their countrymen eating one another. Now, salvation has come, in the form of a moldy Jesus who wants to watch you shower.
In May, Northwestern University cancelled "Fucksaw 101," officially known as "Human Sexuality," over its infamous live demonstration of a woman being fucked. Or sawed. Or whatever. But now, deviancy once again haunts the sex-crazed Northwestern campus, as this recent campus-wide email, sent to us by several tipsters,…
Veteran stage-faller Steven Tyler continued to fail at "standing" today in Paraguay, where he was briefly hospitalized after "a nasty fall" in the shower. More like "Falling All the Time (Is Hard on the Knees, and Teeth)"!
Worried your computer repairman is a pervert? Here's a handy guide: If the software he installs suggests that take your laptop to the bathroom when you shower, he's probably using remote-controlled software to take pictures of you naked.
A conservative reporter from right-leaning CNS News thought he would play gotcha journalist and ask gay Congressman Barney Frank about gay and straight soldiers showering together. Big mistake. Huge. Barney totally eviscerates the guy and exposes him as a fool.
For discerning individuals of extraordinary taste, an ordinary showerhead simply won't suffice. The great American values of wealth, luxury, and excess demand special, superexpensive showerheads that turn your shower into a veritable Niagara Falls. Why is Barack Obama against that?
If you're an American, Burger King offers you The Subservient Chicken: Some dude in a chicken outfit who does what you say. If you're British, BK offers you The Subservient Shower Girl. Her turn-ons: Voyeurs, and guys with Whopper bellies.
"While daily bathroom showers provide invigorating relief and a good cleansing for millions of Americans, they also can deliver a face full of potentially pathogenic bacteria..." [Science Daily]
