The concourse at Philadelphia’s Wells Fargo Center is filled with all sorts of chicken sandwiches, some of them vaguely pleasant, others pleasantly vague. But which of these breaded breasts allegedly sickened a New York Times reporter in town for the DNC?
Don’t you hate it when you’re out with your wife for lunch and you walk up by the dessert counter and then who do you see? Tim—the guy who can’t shut up about pneumococcal pneumonia.
Did you get cancer recently? You did? Uh... sorry. I'm very sorry. I thought you were going to say "no." Jesus. Uh... take heart in your many fellow Americans who have not gotten cancer recently—thanks to science, etc!
Now that polio is out of control in Pakistan, the White House has finally decided to let it be known that the CIA is very sorry about using public-health efforts as cover in its secret war—thereby encouraging anti-vaccination violence—and we won't do it anymore. (Unless we're lying about that, as more misdirection.)
Consumer Reports bought and tested more than 300 chicken breasts. "More than half of the chicken breasts were tainted with fecal contaminants," and two thirds of them tested positive for E. coli.
Candy medicine! Preemie autism! Medical marijuana! Shy teens! Sick Americans! Aggressive kids! Down's fetus! Coyote cloning! And kids these days can't seem to do a god damn thing healthily! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—nurturingly!
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A restaurant in Edinburgh recently held a spicy curry eating competition that wound up being a "shambles," as several people got sick and two were hospitalized.
Doctors in Great Britain have successfully tested a flu vaccine that—by targeting proteins common to all flu viruses—works against all strains of influenza. So, we might not all get wiped out by some mutant bird flu after all!
A new study shows that two-thirds of restaurant workers go to work when sick, meaning customers are exposed to disgusting working class germs. The outrage! It's almost as if restaurant workers don't get paid if they don't go to work.
Many of you have probably had the colorful urban experience of vomiting in a cab, due to drunkenness, intoxication, or just plain alcohol-induced motion sickness. You disgusting lush. How much should a cab driver be compensated for your mess?
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President Obama spoke at a rally at Bowie State University in Maryland today. Two dozen people "started fainting and became dizzy," and two were taken to hospitals. Ergo, Barack Obama is a Muslim. Err...a socialist. Err... just plain sickening. [Pic]
Sharp-eyed readers may have noticed that dog-loving New York Post columnist Cindy Adams has been absent from the paper for months. She was sick! Now she's back! With a deeply disturbing column of hospital erotica.
Obesity life stage suggestions! Safe vaginal birth! West Nile everywhere! Hep C hope! Strong like a garbage man! Dangerous like makeup! Deadly like fungus! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while keeling over!
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Glenn Beck says that he's been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, and could go blind within a year. "I knew that at 3!" Beck said. "You might go blind someday. You might not." [Deseret News]
Beau Biden, the vice president's 41 year-old son and the Attorney General of Delaware, is in the hospital. For some reason. The White House just released the following mysterious statement (Updated below):
Good god. Remember that little outbreak of a mysterious intestinal illness at the New York Times that shut down the company cafeteria earlier this month? Well, they've run some tests, and...we don't know how to tell you this...it's... Norovirus. (*Checks Wikipedia.*) Dang that makes you throw up and poop!
Nestle found E. coli in Toll House cookie dough this week, but they caught it before it left the factory. Plus they are really into "no E. Coli" since last year's huge E. coli cookie dough recall. So, eat up!
The good news: one shot of tasty swine flu vaccine is all it will take to save you from the dreaded pig virus this year! The bad news: All the medicine is going to special interests.
Right this very minute, trillions of deadly Mexican Pig Flu microbes are just cold chillin' in nooks and crannies somewhere, waiting for the fall flu season, when they will emerge and strike nearly 100,000 Americans dead. Say scientists!
Or it could be not that bad! [Pic: Getty]
Bernie Madoff's post-criminal career has been filled with indignities: house arrest, poverty for his wife, and unflattering penis size revelations. And now he may have cancer. Which would be worse than all of the above, yes.
