First, we asked a ladyfriend of ours who readily admits that "when I go to the pet store and they have cats up for adoption I want to save them all and have visions of owning a big country estate with 20 cats, 6 dogs and a few donkeys." She doesn't think her Elmira from Tiny Toons ways have scared off the mens. "I don't think it's an impediment to finding lasting love. My boyfriend — although allergic! — likes my cats. However, the news that some 25% of all humans are allergic to them may put a damper on some love matches." We were buying it! But then she went on. "I admit that I own a t-shirt with an Edward Gorey illustration of a cat sitting among a pile of books. The text reads: "Cats. Books. Life Is Good." I wear this shirt around the city with no embarrassment whatsoever." Ok, cat lady.

Next we asked Choire, who is a single lady with a 25 lb cat, our burning questions. "Have you ever been unfairly stereotyped as a cat lady? Or are you comfortable with your catladyness? And do you think it is an impediment to your finding lasting luv?" Bitch replied by popping offline and hasn't been back on since.

The first woman we meet is Monique, 34. She's a freelance events coordinator. So Monique, asks TONY, "Are you into women, men or both? (Monique has short hair.) "I'm into Christ!" Monique replies. We immediately retreat. Christ is okay but that's like answering "Would you like cheese on your burger?" with "No, I'd prefer Christ." It doesn't actually make sense.

The next single laydee we meet is Jessica, 30. She's an all-around artist who lives in the East Village. She believes this: "As a female, you have one of two choices: You can be taken advantage of, or you can take the upper hand and use it as an advantage." We find this sort of Manichean view alarming. Can't we meet a girl who just wants to listen to Leonard Lopate together, have brunch at DuMont, maybe some picnics in the park, and definitely bone all the time?

Kisha, 20, doesn't have time for brothers, Leanna, 25, is a dancer and doesn't have time to hang out, Carrie, 26, believes that sex is something that happens between two married people and she's unemployed. Georgina, 19, advises, "Try and play a part, like hard to get—I mean, you shouldn't play games but don't let a guy know that you really like him, once you know that you have him..." Yikes.

This whole expedition only confirms that single women are crazy. Which leads us to our conclusion: Single women are crazy. Better to go after the married ones.

Single Women Speak [TONY]