Gawker: singlefiers

At Least We Don't Have 130 Cats!

Emily Gould — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 12:40:46 EDT

You know, sometimes we worry that exhibiting the classic singlefier of being a lady who lives alone with two cats will make people think we're some kind of a nutcase. And then we see this MSNBC video of a lady who lives in a two-bedroom apartment with 130 cats. In Siberia but still.

Julia Allison's Bachelorette Pad Is Full Of Singlefiers!

Emily Gould — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 14:40:19 EDT

Remember singlefiers, those telltalle signs of a lady's self- and other-unlovedness that clutter up her apartment? Well, it turns out that something-or-other At Large Julia Allison can tick quite a few of them off the list we all made yesterday. Is our Julia having a bit of a dry spell? Any eventual gentleman callers should be forewarned: Julia's fridge contains "5 month old 'beer for guests' because I don't really drink, and when I do, I definitely don't drink beer." Opt for a wine cooler to avoid staleness issues! That bed does look mighty inviting, though—aside from the dreaded bear.

Bachelorette Living, Sans Cat [Julia]

Can You Tell That A Woman Is Single And Unlaid Just From Her Apartment?

Emily Gould — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:45:22 EDT

So our—well, not 'our,' but you know, 'everyone's'—Julia Allison has finally found a name for her Time Out New York dating column! No, it's not "Dumb Slut Adventures" or whatever your suggestion was. It's The Single File. What an ugly word that is, "single." What is it, exactly, that makes the word itself, and its connotations, so inadvertent-shudder-inducing? Maybe it's less about actually being single and more about the telltale signs of being uncoupled, hmm? You know ... singlefiers.

Examples of singlefiers have been popping into my head with alarming regularity lately, possibly because I'm about to live alone for the first time. And, to be honest, I really want it to be completely unlike every other New York bachelorette pad, which are so often completely alike. Not that there aren't various grossnesses endemic to apartments inhabited by couples! (Seriously, people, that bedside trash can? Empty it oftener, or throw the condoms out elsewhere.) But here's the stuff I'm worried will happen in my new place:

Piles of magazines everywhere, comprised of tons of pretentious ones that are clearly untouched and then severely thumbed-through Vogues and Luckys
Overflowing shoe rack and nothing in the fridge
Scented candles
Slovenly heaps of little-used makeups in the bathroom
Stuffed animals in the bed
Cat hair on the furniture
Cat smell
Cabinets full of mugs featuring the likeness of lady who looks like those hypertrophically-limbed Daily Candy illustrations, bearing the legend "I Love Shopping" or whatnot
Anything pink
Ornamental pillows
Unedited bookshelves, esp. if they include He's Just Not That Into You or anything along those lines
Nair
Lite cottage cheese in the fridge
Anything lite or diet around. Cases of Diet Coke. Weight Watchers 'Just 2 Points' bars
Inspirational or thinspirational things on the fridge
Framed posters
Handbag tree
I could go on. Or maybe you could?