A new class of debonair Jay Gatsbys has emerged to instant wealth (and, presumably, inevitable tragedy) this week, as the Federal Trade Commission began parceling out $40M in checks to idiotic lazy boneses all over this great land. Office workers; toll booth operators; big boned teen girls with body types that might…

Over the weekend, the New York Times managed to track down the homeless recipient of NYPD officer Lawrence DePrimo's kindness, and found out he was still walking around barefoot.

All your friends laughed at you when you bought magic sneakers you thought would transform you into Kate Upton while you sat around and watched TV, but who's laughing now that Skechers has agreed to pay out $40 million in refunds to those poor saps like yourself who bought the shoes and their claims, hook, line, and…

Just as Vitaminwater might not actually be a magical elixir, "toning shoes" probably don't give you a tight ass and sculpted legs like the manufacturers tell you they do. What is this world coming to?