A former Mississippi deputy says he was the victim of a crafty robbery perpetrated by a next-door neighbor and his very naked wife.

As August winds down, many of us will be pressured—by our closest friends, whom we have known since childhood, by beautiful crushes, whose tanned skin glows dusky bronze in the moonlight, by drunk assholes whom we don't know that well—to kiss summer goodbye with a skinny dipping romp.

If any human right is inalienable, it is the right to get obliterated with your friends before running ass naked into the same waters in which Jesus once swam. Today, some awful people are trying to take away that right, and we mustn't let them.