The AP reports Dominican Republic officials have arrested a woman carrying over $70,000 in her stomach—inside of her stomach!—and over $69,000 in her suitcase.

Canadian Kai Xu was caught at the Detroit border crossing with 51 live turtles taped to his legs and his groin. His smuggling attempt was botched by both his bulging sweatpants and an extensive surveillance operation by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agents, according to The Guardian:

A regional airline pilot flew directly to jail after a lame attempt at smuggling cocaine into the country landed him in the hospital.

German customs officers stopped an elderly husband and wife for a routine road check and found €8,000—about $11,000— in the woman's clothes. Then they discovered her husband was carrying a lot more cash in a much less comfortable location.

Guards in a Moldovan prison grew increasingly suspicious of a small grey and white cat they had recently seen repeatedly entering and exiting a small hole in a prison fence. When they caught the cat and inspected its novelty-sized collar, they found bags of cannabis.

Last Sunday, officials at JFK International Airport arrested a woman for allegedly trying to smuggle over seven pounds of cocaine inside Toblerone chocolate bars and boxes.

A TSA officer examining a child's carry-on bag via X-ray discovered pieces of a handgun hidden inside three of his toys at a Rhode Island airport on Monday.

TSA baggage screeners: not all bad! Sure, it was really creepy when one found Jill Filiopvic's vibrator and left a note saying "get your freak on girl." But wasn't he (or she) just encouraging Filipovic to take care of herself? And listen to this testimonial from rapper Freddie Gibbs, who was cautioned against…

Remember Anna Fermanova, the sexy Russian smuggler of night vision hunting scopes who caught the tail-end of the "sexy Russian spy" craze and turned it into a fleeting TV career? She has been sentenced to four months in prison (followed by four months of house arrest) apparently because her crime was deemed "not part…

Just this summer, the government finished building a 2.8 mile long, $11.6 million border fence near Nogales, Arizona. Alas, drugs are still getting into America. But how???

Just imagine you're a 20-year-old guy wrapping up a Brazilian vacation, and you've got managed to fit close to a kilo of cocaine down your throat before heading to the airport. Oh, the raging parties you'll throw! And the money! And the ladies. But then you're kindly asked at the airport to submit to a medical scan.…

British police seized some 1.3 tons of cocaine from a yacht named "Louise"—the largest coke haul in the country's history, and enough to last Prince Harry through at least 2017.

People are constantly coming up with new and occasionally ingenious ways to smuggle contraband into jail. There's the butt trick, the prosthetic leg stuff, the penis tuck, and of course, vaginas. Lots of vaginas. And last week, when a woman in Iowa was pulled over for driving drunk and hotboxing, she went with the…

Some impressive animal smuggling attempts have been busted up over the years, but this one possibly beats them all in terms of audacity. A 36-year-old Emirati man, Noor Mahmoodr, was arrested at Bangkok's Suvarnabuhmi Airport attempting to fly first class to Dubai with what has been described as "a virtual zoo."

Ever wondered how much meth you can squeeze into your sneakers? Between 800 grams and a kilo per pair, that's how much, apparently. Ten people from a Malaysian "tour group" were caught at the Auckland Airport in New Zealand yesterday, each with roughly the same amount of meth in their shoes totaling just over $8…

A teenager has been arrested for trying to smuggle $10,000 worth of marijuana across the Mexico-U.S. border.

Getting contraband into prison is pretty tricky. Inmates and those on the outside have gone to great lengths to get things like phones, drugs, cigarettes and other stuff inside. And this latest trick from south Jersey is pretty good, actually, and was only discovered after someone snitched.

You think anti-smoking regulations are tough in the US? Well, at least you don't have to worry about your home being raided by police with a tobacco sniffer dog, or face five years in prison for having too many cigarettes.