For snake dealer Mark Haas, the plan was simple: he'd bring the long ones and the other guy would bring the big ones—12,600 simoleons, to be exact. But until this week, all Haas got was a Beretta slug and a bad taste in his mouth.

Nightmares really do come true in San Diego, where at any given moment a five-foot-long snake could just emerge from from the sewage line and into your toilet—it happened once this week, it could happen again, oh my god.

Naturalist Paul Rosolie tried (and failed) to be devoured by an anaconda last night on an anti-climatic episode of the Discovery Channel's Eaten Alive. PETA is mad about it, mostly because they tricked that poor snake!

So you've probably heard about how some guy—naturalist Paul Rosolie—was planning on having himself be eaten (alive!) by an anaconda on TV. The very special episode of Eaten Alive aired on the Discovery Channel last night, and while Rosolie had to abandon his mission before any part of him was actually devoured, the…

After a spark ignited at a home in East Berlin, Pa. causing it to burn down, it was discovered that the homeowner was a snake breeder and that seventy-five percent of his snakes had been caught in the blaze. How many snakes is that? Something like over 200 snakes.

Here is a nightmare that is also real: The severed head of a cobra snake reportedly jumped out of the kitchen trash in a restaurant and killed the chef who was preparing its body as a meal. The chef, Peng Chen, had removed the head from the Indochinese spitting cobra a full 20 minutes before it bit him. One diner told…

In a tragic example of life imitating art, one of Nicki Minaj's backup dancers was bitten by six-foot boa constrictor while running through a rehearsal of Minaj's latest song, "Anaconda," on Friday, TMZ has learned. MTV has reported that her injuries are not life-threatening.

Bad news: If your cat went missing in Port St. Lucie, Fla. recently, a 12-foot Burmese python probably ate it. Police have since apprehended the 120-pound snake, which was discovered hiding in waist-high brush, a cat's corpse rotting in an empty lot nearby.

Jackson Ault pulled over to the side of the road to help a woman whose car had broken down in Santa Fe recently. When he popped the hood, he found a goddamn 7-foot, 20-pound python inside.

Well, that's as good a reason as any to cancel finals.

New York City's Taxi and Limousine Commission has had it with these motherfucking snakes in its motherfucking cabs. A YouTube prankster could lose his hack license after freaking out passengers with a rented python.

A 10-foot snake ate a crocodile whole after a titanic struggle that will probably inspire a SyFy original movie.

You may remember 34-year-old Israeli model Orit Fox from a viral video that circulated a few years ago, in which she openly flirted with a snake and the snake proceeded to bite her on her clearly fake breast and then some guy off camera frantically said a string of non-English words ending on "titty," and everyone…

No one can figure out where the strange snake-like image that recently popped up on an Australian meteorology radar map came from.

A schoolteacher was arrested after police found more than 400 pythons inside his suburban home. Only two of the pythons were alive.

A Texas man with an admitted aversion to snakes was unpleasantly surprised when he encountered an unexpected serpent slithering out of the toilet while he was attempting to drain his own snake inside the bathroom of a San Antonio Starbucks.

Concerned that his 4-year-old son or dog might get bitten by the venomous copperhead snake living in a woodpile outside his Huntsville home, Sam Billiter grabbed his machete and headed out back to kill it.