As you know, the Winter Olympics in Sochi came to an end last night. The Games had everything: fashion icons, history-making ties, eye infections, and a creepy bear. Well, almost everything: There were no Mario Kart-related videos.
The dystopian Olympic games in Sochi finally came to a close today, the last event being an obvious Canadian triumph in hockey. But now that it's all over, we can do the thing that we all came here to do: count up those medals and measure our dicks.
Earlier today, snowboarder Vic Wild narrowly took first place in parallel slalom, picking up his second gold medal of the Sochi Winter Olympics and adding onto Russia's medal lead. Wild was born in White Salmon, Washingt— wait, what?
We would never deign to call an Olympic sport "easy." Eating muffins is easy. Sports at least require some motion. But if you, the average non-Olympic athlete, really needed to make the Olympic team in a pinch, you would clearly choose bobsled as your "sport."
Cossack militiamen attacked Pussy Riot in downtown Sochi on Wednesday, setting upon the feminist punk group with whips when several members—including Masha Alyokhina, in the pink mask—emerged from a restaurant clad in brightly colored clothing and balaclavas.
"Don't stop paying attention to us after the Olympics," pleads a gay Russian activist who is going to be an extremely bitter man a few months from now.
An 885-foot-long asteroid will speed by the Earth tonight at 27,000 miles per hour, but what's the tie-in with the Winter Olympics? Well, it was "almost exactly" a year ago when another chunk of space rock actually exploded in the sky over Russia—and that's where Sochi is, in Russia!
Not only has NBC been stealthily operating a Starbucks in the Olympics media center, they've been taunting all the other journalists who are forced to drink the only branded coffee available — McDonalds' McCafe.
The Winter Olympics are fun and spectacular, but they also feature hundreds of people launching themselves very high in the air or riding down mountains at many, many miles per hour. Injuries — deaths — do happen, including a severe one today.
After five days of conservative—well, uh, semi-conservative—blazers, NBC commentator Johnny Weir is moving from silk and lace to chains and leather.
Noted oppressor of gay people, Russian President Vladimir Putin deigned to put his hands on a potential corrupter of children's innocence, openly bisexual Dutch speed skater Ireen Wüst. Wüst won a gold medal on Sunday, making her the first of the seven openly gay or bisexual Olympians competing at Sochi to do. You can…
For the first time, an Alpine skiing event at the Olympics has ended in a tie. On Wednesday, Dominique Gisin of Switzerland and Tina Maze of Slovenia both made it through Sochi's women's downhill course in exactly 1 minute and 41.57 seconds. Adding to the historic moment: Maze is the first Slovenian to win a gold…
God knows we're no friends of Vladimir Putin and the Russians' iron hand over here, but there is nothing more annoying than a whiny bunch of Eurasian Islamists with a big wish list.
[Bode Miller of the United States makes a jump during men's super combined downhill training at the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics on Tuesday in Krasnaya Polyana, Russia. Image via Luca Bruno/AP.]
It's all fun and games, until some LGBT activists say your games are kinda gay.
Johnny Weir—figure skater and fashion plate—opts for a conservative ruffled shirt and silver hardware for a Monday Today appearance. Not pictured: Bob Costas, wearing conjunctivitis in a ravishing pink.
The 2014 Winter Olympics are about to be overtaken by Johnny Weir, the ex-Olympic figure skater now working for NBC during this year's Games. Absorb his above look, because it's more fun than anything that has happened in Sochi so far.
Barring a particularly memorable Winter Games, the Olympics in Sochi are destined to be remembered as "The One Where Everything Was Shitty." To the pile of Sochi horror stories we can add this tale from snowboard and ski course builder Johnnie Balfour.
Since the start of the Olympic Games in Sochi yesterday, at least 14 people have been arrested across Russia for staging — or attempting to stage, or perhaps even thinking about staging — protests of Russia's anti-gay laws.
Here's one bathroom in the Olympic village in Sochi that we can be fairly certain was not being spied on by the Russian government. U.S. men's bobsledder Johnny Quinn tweeted out the picture of the aftermath of his run in with the bathroom door early this morning.
