Internet Survives Fifteen Minute Facebook Outage
Facebook went down for about 15 minutes today, but it appears to be back up. It's bad timing, given that they just filed their IPO. Did Anonymous do it? No, but everyone will probably blame them anyway.
Nerds Mourn Passing of Social Network that Isn't Facebook and Isn't Even Dead
What is a "Bebo?" Is it a) a new Internet nickname for Justin Bieber (my first guess) or b) a social network you have never heard of as a result of its stint as an AOL property that was sold at an $840 million loss? According to a lot of unexpected weeping on Twitter, it's the second of these two things. The site…
Google Resorts to Shamelessly Whoring Out Brad Pitt for Google Plus
Google Plus is that Facebook thing Google made. It hasn't turned out to be the runaway success they wanted it to be, so Google has resorted to the Nuclear Option of uncool night clubs everywhere: Celebrity whoring.
Your Google Pseudonym Must Be Approved in Google Court
The anxious cyborgs who rule Google have decreed, after much controversy and deliberation, that they will alllow people to register accounts that do not match their official hu-man names. All you need to do to obtain a pseudonym is to furnish a printed "offline" news article, government document, popular Twitter…
The Occupy Movement Is Taking On Facebook
Occupy activists are building their own more flexible and trustworthy Facebook, using of old formats, authentication protocols and open source software. But 2012's hottest login will require an invitation, so you better start attending those interminable General Assembly meetings today.
Attract Government Spies By Tweeting These Words
The Department of Homeland Security makes fake users on Twitter and Facebook with which to follow suspicious people. But what if you're not shifty enough to get your own government e-stalker? No problem: Just tweet "My cow collapsed, and now there's a human to animal infection outbreak among illegal immigrants."
New Update Gives You More Excuses To Waste Time On Facebook
Hey everyone, Facebook just rolled out their new Timeline update to everyone. Better go clean up your Facebook past, because pretty soon it's going to be shoved in your face. What, you thought you were actually work today?
Insane Traders Bet 'Tens of Billions' on Twitter Trends
ZOMG, Justin Bieber is trending! How can we short the Jonas Brothers?? That, apparently, is the sort of conversation that's becoming more and more plausible on Wall Street; hedge funds are increasingly turning to Twitter, Facebook and YouTube trends to place social media driven bets in the "tens of billions of…
Facebook Hires Experts To Explain Human Emotions
Last week, national experts traveled to Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto, California, to convey hotly anticipated knowledge to the social network's engineers. The computer programmers "listened intently," according to a reporter who was present, to explanations of compassion, tact, sensitivity, and the psychological…
We Are All Separated By 4.74 Meaningless Facebook Friends
A new study has found that Facebook's 721 million users are separated from each other by just 4.74 friends. That means, there's just three people separating you from someone who participated in one of those disgusting Facebook chicken pox parties.
How Facebook Abused Salman Rushdie (And Came To Regret It)
He dodged an Iranian fatwah, but Monday Salman Rushdie fought Facebook, which forced the author to use his real name, Ahmed. Eight tweets and 90 minutes later, he'd defeated the "morons" in a key "nym wars" battle. That's effective writing!
Facebook Is Investigating the Huge Cocks Spamming Your Newsfeed
Good news! Facebook is aware of the hardcore porn and gross violent images that have been flooding the site for the past two days. And they're working to get to the bottom of the Great Porn Flood of 2011.

