If you want to wrap your head around the absurdity of celebrity in 2013, the New York Times Magazine's recent profile of Stalker Sarah is a good place to start. Sarah, 17, spends 40 hours a week hunting down celebrities so she can take pictures with them for little to no monetary profit on her end. From the profile:

Sofia Coppola shows off the power of girlish frivolity as expertly as she always has in this super-short teaser for her upcoming movie: The Bling Ring. The teaser is about 40 seconds, but shows all sorts of materialistic thrills and Emma Watson attempting to groove seductively in a LA club.

Shia LaBeouf has a public spitting problem, Chelsea Handler was booted from a bathroom stall, Sofia Coppola got married, Simon Cowell and Muammar Qaddafi have a lot in common, and the cast of Jersey Shore barely escaped Hurricane Irene. Sunday gossip has made landfall.

Here's the trailer for Sofia Coppola's new film, Somewhere. It stars old-timey '90s actor Stephen Dorff as a barely-holding-on famous actor who, it seems, has some sort of wistful reconnection with his young daughter, played by the alien Elle Fanning.

Sofia Coppola walking with a friend in Soho yesterday ... Emma Roberts shopping at Intermix on Prince Street ... Hugh Jackman leaving a gym in the Village ... Ozzy Osbourne getting out of a SUV and later signing copies of his new book at a Barnes and Noble ... Josh Duhamel standing on Fifth Avenue ... Rosie O'Donnell …

• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit?…

• Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy got married in a quiet ceremony in France a few weeks ago. Sneaky! [Life & Style]
• Emmy Rossum's husband, music exec Justin Siegel, has filed for divorce. (Their 2008 secret marriage was only discovered when the couple was reported to have split up in August.) Naturally, Siegel is…

• It's official: designer Esteban Cortazar and Emanuel Ungaro are parting ways. [WWD]
• The 20 biggest scandals in fashionland. [Pipeline]
• Amy Winehouse is planning to launch a perfume? Really? Please say this isn't so. [Grazia]
• What t-shirt you decide to wear in the Hamptons makes all the difference,…

Writer/director Sofia Coppola is 38 today. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is 25. David Byrne turns 57. Cate Blanchett is turning 40. George Lucas is officially a senior citizen: He's turning 65. Actress Amber Tamblyn is turning 26. Director Robert Zemeckis is 57. Actor Tim Roth is 48. ESPN's Suzy Kolber turns 45.…

• A camera crew followed Rachel Zoe around during Paris Fashion Week, which means the second season of her Bravo reality show is headed your way. [FWD]
• Dov Charney's cash-strapped American Apparel is selling 18 percent of the company to a private equity firm to pay down some of its debt. [BN]
• The hat Aretha…

So everyone knows that the art world's in the doldrums, that even deep-pocketed collectors are holding off buying, and that the only reason people even show up to art openings anymore is to quaff the free champagne. But you'd think that a seven foot-wide portrait of a smirking Bernie Madoff, priced at a mere…

Strap in, kids. Entertainment Weekly just put out their list of the 25 greatest active film directors, and here's who isn't on it: Woody Allen, David Lynch, or a single woman. So who is?

Leave it to fashion-obsessed Japanese youth to find a way of responding to the recession that involves looking like an entrant in a kiddie beauty contest. "Hime-kei" girls, apparently inspired by Sofia Coppola's (widely-derided) film about Marie Antoinette (it's also been suggested that the local idolization of …

♦ A sensational robbery was carried out at Harry Winston in Paris last night. Robbers—dressed in drag, no less—made off with $108 million diamond rings, gem-studded bracelets and other jewelry, making it one of the largest such heists ever. [AP]
♦ Sofia Coppola is in Tokyo this evening to unveil her new line of…

Sales are, no surprise, slow at the Frieze art fair in London, where all the art world people—Charles Saatchi, Dasha Zhukova, Dakis Joannou, Gavin Brown, Thelma Golden—have been circulating among celebrities—Gwyneth Paltrow, Sienna Miller, Sofia Coppola, Kate Bosworth, Emma Watson—for whom being seen at an art event…

♦ If Sarah Palin was on the cover of Elle, what would she look like? "Two words," says Joe Zee: "Blowout and contact lenses." That's actually four words, Joe, but we get the point. [Daily Intel]
♦ Today in bizarre publicity stunts: Wal-Mart is opening a pop-up store in Times Square, and will also have a truck…

♦ Kate Betts sits down with Tom Ford and Karl Lagerfeld for an interview, which was also filmed if you can cope with seeing Karl's ponytail up close. [Time]
♦ Suzy Menkes celebrates 20 years at the IHT, and fashion stars including Marc Jacobs, Karl Lagerfeld, Donatella Versace, Alber Elbaz, Anna Wintour, and John…

Sienna Miller walking through SoHo with a cigarette in her mouth ... Kelly Ripa running on a treadmill for a segment on Regis & Kelly ... Sofia Coppola pushing her daughter in a stroller ... Joey Fatone and a friend walking back to their hotel ... Kate Winslet giving her son a piggyback ride ... Jon Bon Jovi and his…

Petra Nemcova (left) taking a stroll through the Village after lunch at Da Silvano ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the West Village ... Jeremy Piven taking a walk downtown with a mystery blonde ... Whitney Port eating a salad with friends ... Uma Thurman walking down the front steps of her West…