Joseph Brooks, who won an Oscar for writing the hit "You Light Up My Life," was found dead in his Upper East Side apartment yesterday. He suffocated himself with a plastic bag and left a long, rambling note that stated he would be cleared of the sexual assault charges he was facing.

Nicholas Brooks, the 24-year-old son of pervy composer Joseph Brooks, has already been charged with the attempted murder of the girlfriend who was trying to dump him, Sylvie Cachay. But he may soon be charged with murder, too. [NYP]

A woman was found dead in the bathtub of a room at the exclusive-ish Manhattan club and hotel (the one with the pool on the roof, from Sex and the City) early this morning. Update: Police have questioned her companion.

We snuck into the Weinstein Oscars party by entering through the service entrance and hiding in the bathroom. It ended with us eavesdropping on Harvey—who introduced his kids with "these are my fucking children"— and getting banned.

The exclusive downtown private club that's too cool for corporate suit-and-tie types just kicked about 500 of them out! Too bad that's the only kind that wants (or can afford) to hang at your overpriced, Meatpacking digs.

If the city of Los Angeles hadn't already earned its insufferability wings, it's about to! Curbed reports that the West Hollywood city council has approved plans for a West Coast Soho House outpost, and the neighbors are not pleased. [Curbed]

Is two a trend? Today, in the NY Times: Greenwich Village residents who hated Paul Sevigny's uber-hip nightlife destination/coke den, The Beatrice Inn. And in the LA Times: residents speculatively hating the forthcoming Sunset Strip outpost of SoHo House. Viva!

SoHo House, why're you so cruel? The Manhattan country club thriving on envy of an "elite" membership will crack down on violators of their draconian policies/culture eugenics! Suits are neit wanted. Neither are real books, which they intend to imprison.

The internet's been buzzing over a Brooklyn company's plan to convert discarded dumpsters into swimming pools, and now that they've successfully conned doltish hipsters into swimming inside of dumpsters, the owners want to expand their evil empire into suburbia.

Forget their anti-finance eugenics program. The chichi private club is now just openly hoping you'll die so they can whittle their membership down. This huge power cord was splayed next to the swimming pool at a recent "movie night."

You there, in the suit. Why don't you change into some cashmere and twill before heading up to the Soho House? Because, um, you have to. The posh British pool club and society dump has instituted a No Suit rule, in an effort to keep finance asshats out.

Soho House has instituted a "No Suit" rule in order to reduce the number of bankers who have invaded the members-only club in recent years. Per the memo: "We recently celebrated our fifth anniversary and want to make sure we are staying true to our creative roots. We are not pinpointing specific industries, but want…

• Sad news for those of you who expected "Real Housewife" Luann de Lesseps to be with her count in shining armor forever. The couple is now splitting up, reportedly because the count is getting serious with an "Ethiopian woman in Geneva." On the plus side, Luann should be able to hold on to her title as "Countess,"…

No Sex At Soho House... [Guest of a Guest]

Members of Soho House will have a new place to mingle with Eurotrash by the end of 2009: The private club's parent company, Soho House Ltd., has acquired the The Sovereign Hotel on Collins Avenue in Miami Beach and says it plans to turn the property into its latest outpost, with a boutique hotel, rooftop bar, pool,…

Lydia Hearst is many things—heiress, model, actress, journalist, selfless soup kitchen volunteer. (Okay, we're not so sure about that last one.) But ping pong champion? The obscenely social 23-year-old won one game and lost another at a ping pong tournament at SoHo House on Monday night. And she did it in a gold…

Andrew Klapper, a New York plastic surgeon, applied for membership in Soho House, the private Meatpacking District club. But he was turned down, because Soho House said it prefers to cater "to an 'artsy' clientele." Uh, pretty loose definition of "artsy," Soho House! The membership manager there said "We would…

The good news for Beverly Hills residents is that a West Coast outpost of Soho House will not be opening where Morton's on Melrose used to be. The bad news? A restaurant owned by the proprietors of Soho House will be going there instead! After British millionaire Richard Caring bought out minority investors, he…