Somali pirates win the year! The edgy folk heroes of the high seas have seized a Greek cargo ship and a British tanker, closing out the year on a strong, piratey note. They're in the record books, folks!

Bling Bling, go the Somali Pirates. After all, what, you think they do it because it's fun to be a pirate? Not necessarily. They're do it for the scrilla, the scratch, the cold, hard cash. And now they're getting spendy.

Well-known fact: Hero naval captain Richard Phillips is the biggest hero next to Sully, due to his heroic act of getting rescued from Somali pirate hijackers. So why is his ungrateful crew staging a retroactive mutiny?

Somali pirates have kidnapped this friendly-looking British couple as they sailed their yacht off the East African coast. This has a very "UK Version of When The Navy SEALS Killed Those Somali Pirates" feel. Pirates: Please re-read this. [Pic via]

Kassim Mohamed takes a journalistic trip to meet some Somalian pirates and ends up being held hostage and told "You're going to die in the next four hours if we don't get a kill today." Read it. [CPJ via TrueSlant]

The pirates that hijacked the hero crew of the hero ship Maersk Alabama last month took $30,000 from the ship's safe. Now two of the pirates are dead, and the third is waiting to stand trial in NYC. So, uh, where's that cash?

Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse, the surviving teenage Somali pirate, was back in court yesterday, making the best of his unplanned NYC visit. So far his main contribution has been to stimulate New York Post headline writers:

How can the world sustain its romantic pirate fantasies when the only real pirates are now getting their asses kicked not just by Navy SEALs (understandable), but by lesser nations and—god—cruise ships?

Somali teen pirate sensation Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse (today's spelling!) went to court yesterday, and guess what, he cried. Will this give the NY Post the chance to use the term "Priva-Tears?" Let's find out!

Abdiwali Abdiqadir Muse is the biggest young star to hit New York since the inimitable Lady Gaga! He's a teen Somali pirate; he's already famous; and he's about to be demonized for our collective amusement!

Somali pirates are swaggering around shore like big gangsters, stealing women from the honest guys. Which is ironic, since the best idea yet to control the pirates is: make the women hit them with rocks.

The hero American crew members of the Maersk Alabama taught those teenage Somali Pirates a few things about America, and its values: we value freedom of commerce. And we value being able to kill you:

Break out the confetti and American Flag sheet cakes, because the heroic crew of the ship jacked by pirates is back in the USA! A nation celebrates, on instinct. Meanwhile, the pirates are talking shit!

Here they are, the three guys who were shot dead by Navy SEAL snipers after kidnapping that American captain. At least they got their 15 minutes. [GMA]

First they get their asses handed to them by dolphins and a child sniper, now the Somali pirates can't take a U.S. famine-aide ship, even with rocket-propelled grenades and machine guns. Evil+Fail=Pathetic.

The US vs. Pirate war drums are beating. So what if the latest crop of pirates were ragged teenagers who died in qat withdrawal? The anti-piracy brigade of highly trained dolphins will destroy them!