Okay, time to say goodbye. I'm moving eight blocks up the street. This has been absurd. I'm starting at the Village Voice tomorrow. This is embarassing. TLDR warning. Whatever. Here we go:

Sparkly vampire Robert Pattinson's big orgy debut angers his non-sparkly girlfriend! Lindsay Lohan is out on the town, partying again. A-Rod dumped his new girlfriend. The Bachelor people got married! Oprah has secrets. Presenting my final Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Okay, so a few readers seem to think it's my last weekend on this site, and assuming Remy isn't terrified by what he wakes up to tomorrow, they're wrong. I'll be back for one last dance next weekend. With surprises!