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Bars Too Cool For You

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Cheap Shot
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
The Shank. Now that's a place.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
When I was a sweet young thing of 19, I dropped out of college and moved to a cold-water flat in London to become a famous writer and immediately found an angst-ridden boyfriend from the poor side of town (well, one of them, anyway). He used to take me to a small diner at the end of Harrow Road where we would sip a glass of juice and then make our way through the back, out the back door, through a small alley, and into a super-secret club where we could smoke hash and slow-dance to strange music. The really sad part of it all was my desire to just get to a nice, clean place where I could have a cup of coffee and talk. Mismatched, Inc. Not everyone is looking for cool.
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skahammer
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: What a charming vignette. Please tell me that at the relationship's end, someone was left out in the rain, shouting the other's name while tears streamed down and vanished into the puddles in the street.
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Mama Penguino
06/05/09

@skahammer: Pretty close. His brother committed suicide and he went a little crazy. I went home eventually and married the Kansas farm-boy years later and London boy called my mom's house out of the blue one day simply to see how I was and my mom said, "She's married" and hung up the phone.
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Silverbackne
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
I hang out in a place that's sorta like this. You have to walk through a liquor store to get to the lounge in back.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@Silverbackne: Just like the place I go to! But there you have to drink your way through a liquor bottle to get to the floor at the bottom. ... Sigh.
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MrInBetween
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
The ultimate in speakeasy mystification is PDU (Please Don't Urinate). Patrons have to enter through the back door of an East Side Jamba Juice, a juice joint, then step into a men's room and identify themselves by speaking into the handle of the urinal closest to the window. A buzzer opens a secret door, revealing a strange, twilight world where artisanal cocktails are consumed under the watchful eyes of hipsters who do not anyone to use (or even see) the (apparently very plush) restroom facilities.
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a boy and his dog
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
I thought St. Mark's Place was where you hung out only until you were old enough to drink.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@a boy and his dog: it is the Food Court of Manhattan, isn't it.
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City_Dater
06/04/09

@HiredGoons:

Complete with skateboards and self-conscious teen girls in half shirts.
The return of '80s fashion made St. Marks into three blocks of John Hughes movie/sad high school flashback.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@City_Dater: it's basically one big Hot Topic, it is.
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kneetoe
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
Also, at first I thought you were talking about the ones who turn the air conditioner up too high--I hate those places.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@kneetoe: @foofybunny: Is that an actual quote from the movie or something? How oddly self-reflexive.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: Woah. That went into the wrong thread. Whoops.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
This "trend" is currently taking root here in the Midwest. Which is strange, I think, because it's not like the actual real bars are overflowing with tourists.
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D2theMatthews
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: I went to a place in Chicago called The Key Club on Christmas Eve a few years ago. I'm not sure what the saddest part of the whole experience was.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@Cecil's Wielder: no Key Party?
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

It's like: if I wanted to hang out in a place that had the ambience of my apartment, I would have stayed there. Also, there were more people in my apartment. And also, the tips were better.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: I agree that these trends never seem to play out correctly in the Midwest, although Chicago is hot stuff all on its own in my book.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: Quite true. But I am in Kansas City, which is decidedly not Chicago.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: No, but Kansas City is pretty sweet for the Midwest. I used to live in OP, which was not that sweet, but I still miss East Side Cafe.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: No OP is not sweet. Actually one of the things I like about KC is that basically EVERYTHING worth doing has to be sought out, or you have to know someone who knows about it. There are basically two cultures here, and the interesting one is hidden away from daylight.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: I worked at the Borders on 91st & Metcalf right after it first opened and was a great place to be. All the cool kids there shopped in Brookside, lived in Hyde Park or Waldo, and drank at Cabaret on Main. We used to go to the gay disco down by the Folger's plant where you could smell fresh coffee at 2 a.m. Still, I'm far from cool, but it was a good time.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: I lived above that disco for a year.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@stanhalen: I don't think so, Stan. If you just do what you enjoy doing, and go where you have fun being, I think there's authenticity in that. It's self-consciousness that ruins everything; the key is moving beyond that. You seem pretty authentically sweet to me!
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SarahHeartburn
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
To sum up: steampunk snobbery.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@SarahHeartburn: I do believe that is half the fun of steampunkery.
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blix
06/04/09

@SarahHeartburn: Tis truly a Diamond Age in which we live.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
This is so LA circa 1998. Go see 'Swingers'. New York sucks.
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SarahHeartburn
06/04/09

@foofybunny: @HenryLovesFonzie: Go home and stay there, cool sucks.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@foofybunny: I have lived in both places.

L.A sucks.
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resipsaloquacious
06/04/09

@foofybunny:

Go see Midnight Express, Turkey sucks.

(I think we should keep this going)
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Please go out and get liquored up and then get in your car and drive, L.A. And run over a grandma and get arrested and go to jail. Now who sucks, short stuff?
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@resipsaloquacious: Ha! I change my mind, I'm not letting you go. You're too adorable.

Go see Last Tango in Paris, Rue Jules Verne sucks.
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Kid Twist
06/04/09

@resipsaloquacious: Go see John Gechter. He sucks. And swallows.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@HiredGoons: So have I. You suck.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: I will do that, sir (assuming you are a female from NY), as long as it is -your- grandma, and your mother is giving me head while I do it.

cheers!
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Clever too? Aren't we lucky to have you! Anyone want to guess what neighborhood foofybunny hails from?
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@foofybunny: who told you!?
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: first guess... not LA, or even Cali.

I wasn't trying to say LA was better than NY, just stop co-opting 10 year old trends and thinking how hip they are. Next on Gawker... swing dancing sweeps Manhattan! *lame*
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Wait... You think this post is about a hip new place for the kids to go?

I think you need to work on your reading comprehension skills. On top of everything else.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Ooh, more clever by the moment! Go on, foofybunny, go on!
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Oh, my mistake--you are not from L.A.? Right, I thought you smelled like a little like Indiana. And your face is very round and corn-fed.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@foofybunny: It all sounds pretty racy and cutting edge to those of us in Kansas. The one and only bar in my small town is called a tavern and still has a pinball machine.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@HiredGoons: Everyone knows! Someone wrote it inside the new men's room at the Plaza!
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: These are in Kansas City now... and they are called taverns and have pinball machines... weird.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: Jeeesus. Oh, right. You're doing your superior dance in your underpants because you're an unemployed journalist who spends their day lurking for noobs form the midwest who shouldn't even deign to comment on what is, really, crap. Go ahead and finish you Hagen Daas in your $3000/month eastside studio while your trust fund fades away.

I'll bet I was every bit inaccurate as you, Ass.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: follow your own advice. My comment (should you learn to sound out the big words) was about how reporting on a 'trend' that ceased being a 'trend' anywhere ten years ago was pointless.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: And to set the record straight, I'm living in the pacific northwest, earning six figures in my thirties and laughing my ass off at all the liberal arts/journalism majors are crapping their pants because THEY HAVE NO REAL SKILLS beyond what any literate person has.
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contains_hot_liquid
06/04/09

@foofybunny: But that's what the post is ABOUT dumbass.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@foofybunny: As a noob from the Midwest, I'm gasping in shock and horror. Are you trying to tell me that while I think I'm engaging elite Internet commenters from the East Coast in witty repartee, they're really just dancing and eating, half-dressed, while mocking me? I'm gonna cry!
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pantsonfireliarliar
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: Hey, they have taverns here. Except the pinball machine is there ironically.
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@contains_hot_liquid: Hooked on Phonics. Get it. You'll thank me later.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@pantsonfireliarliar: That is one thing I like about where I live: nothing is ironic. It's just truly behind the times!
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Now, I'm not the smartest person on the planet, by any means, but I can promise you that one thing I wouldn't find myself doing were I earning six figures and living in a beautiful part of the country is paying any attention to blog commenters who had hay in their teeth. Surely you are too good for this, no?
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son of spam
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: Don't cry Mama. We love you. We love taverns with pinball machines too. Not so fond of people bragging about their income (six figures!)and making dead mother jokes.
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Carol Gardens
06/04/09

@son of spam: I would like to correct the spelling of Häagen-Dazs. Because if you are going to accuse me of being pathetic and stuffing my face, at least get the name of the ice cream right. And yes, that umlaut is pretentious, like post-Prohibition speakeasies.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: damn, there goes my mystique (what little remained).
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britneyspearstears
06/04/09

@foofybunny: You almost had me until you brought up your salary. You don't also happen to drive a Dodge Stratus, do you?

Also, some journalists may "HAVE NO REAL SKILLS beyond what any literate person has." While others may have skills that far exceed that of the average literate individual. This is what happens when you bring unrelated issues to support an un-winnable debate about LA v. NY (just ask 'Pac and B.I.G.).

Also, LA is still doing the while secret-location-and-text-me-for-the-secret-password thing, so, yeah, as you were...
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stanhalen
06/04/09

@foofybunny:

Douche.

You sound like you're really a night manager at a fucking McDonalds in federal way.

Fits like a glove. You smell like stale french fries and cleaning solution, don't you?
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minou
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: We don't have irony in Maine either. Just a bunch of people who actually like PBR. The only bars that are hard to get into are the one's where the lobstermen don't like strangers.
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minou
06/04/09

@minou: OMG "one's"!?! I meant "ones"! Look away, Bookish! I'm hideous!
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Better to Eat You With
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: Hey! Be nice to Indiana. This asshole would be tarred and feathered in my Indianapolis neighborhood.
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@son of spam: Six figures is nice and all, but it won't buy you a good personality for more than a weekend. Thank you for the lovin', it is reciprocated, of course!

@resipsaloquacious: I know! I was getting all ready to add a parallel comment, like "Go see Das Boot, submarines suck," when Foofy diverted the direction of the thread.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@Better to Eat You With: I just grabbed any state, nothing personal; I have been in your city for the 500 and had a great time. Also dated a sweet boy from Carmel. Please to forgive, doll.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@Mama Penguino: Wow, this is the thread that keeps on giving! I want to hear more about the irony-free zone known as rural Kansas. How do I get there, just click my ruby slippers? Afraid to say "There's no place like home" out loud, who knows where the hell I will wind up!
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Mama Penguino
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: One caveat, my friend: hairstyles here have not moved beyond 1988. The HR chick at my office has the feathered bangs thing going on big-time (I call it "Topeka hair") and on any given Tuesday night at the Pizza Hut buffet, you'll count at least a half-dozen unironic mullets on men and women. Parts of rural Kansas are not for the weak-hearted and especially not for those of us who are prone to snort and laugh pop through our noses (that's a soft drink, not some midwestern slang for a controlled substance). So I say, my glamorous friend, the question is not are you prepared for Kansas, but is Kansas prepared for you?
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foofybunny
06/04/09

@stanhalen@
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@foofybunny: Cat got your tongue, sweetie?
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
I just hate looking around at the "aren't we cool" expressions on the people at these kinds of places. And that is why I mostly drink at the dive bars or in my neighbor Carlos's house with his mariachi buddies.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: I actually enjoy some of those places (Little Branch) because they really do make amazing cocktails.
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Gunsetpark
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: Ditto, but the place is pretty cool though. Definitely worth a visit.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@HiredGoons: Yes, indeed. But you don't have to call ahead for Little Branch and make an ass out of yourself, you just descend the staircase and enter and mmmm...may I have another delicious drink made from pisco and God's tears, please.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@Gunsetpark: BTDT. Not bragging, gun, I am just olde and thirsty and there isn't a place in NYC wherein I haven't bent an elbow.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: I think it's probably one of the least pretentious and fussy of them.
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@HiredGoons: Agreed. See you there, HG.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: Not if I see you first, *wink
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minou
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: I actually think the "aren't we cool" expressions are pretty enjoyable, especially because so often the people with the expressions aren't. All. That. Cool.
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lawyergay
06/04/09

@BookishLookish: Mariachi buddies?! What's the cover?
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BookishLookish
06/04/09

@lawyergay: Totalmente gratis, chingon!
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metoometoo
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
PDT sucks. They get mad at you if you talk above a whisper, if you have a group of more than four people, or behave in any way indicating that you may be slightly drunk.
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mossdale
06/04/09

@metoometoo: so you came in with a group of shouty drunks?
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Astigmatism
06/04/09

@metoometoo: Meh. Spend some time at Little Branch and you'll wish they had the same rules. That said, I'll take Angel's Share over PDT based on the view and the lack of need for reservations.
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metoometoo
06/04/09

@mossdale: You'd think that, but honestly, no. In general I would totally support an attempt at subduing obnoxious drunk people. We were actually a fairly calm and respectful group of five or six people, but the staff at PDT behaved as if we were a bunch of shouty drunks.

Crif Dogs is far superior, in my opinion.
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mossdale
06/04/09

@metoometoo: No intent to cast aspersions, just kid. I get louder the more I have in me. But then, I avoid bars because I don't like the noise (and smoke, where I live), so I have no one to blame but myself, at home.
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TableNine
06/04/09

@metoometoo: I feel your pain. I get the exact same treatment at the NYPL.
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minou
06/04/09

@mossdale: God, I miss Detroit. Isn't that like the only place left on earth where one can smoke in a bar?

If I'm correct, I apologize for all the times I might accidentally have blown smoke in your face. As someone who likes to smoke and drink at the same time, even I think smoking in bars is pretty gross.
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Gnip-Gnop
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
My new, more secret place to drink is home alone in a dark room.
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oudemia
06/04/09

@Gnip-Gnop: Where you drink only grain alcohol mixed with rain water!
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Oy Veh (Informality Reigns)
06/04/09

@Gnip-Gnop: You forgot "in bed". My favorite new place to drink is lying in bed in a darkened room while home alone.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@oudemia: everclear.
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RonMwangaguhunga
06/04/09

@HiredGoons: 99 Bannanas.
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HiredGoons
06/04/09

@RonMwangaguhunga: you win.
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El Matardillo
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
Welcome to Gawker, yesterday's New York Times, today!
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Oy Veh (Informality Reigns)
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
So..as long as one isn't a peddler, the cocaine ITSELF is cool, though? Just clarifying the perameters.
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Oy Veh (Informality Reigns)
06/04/09

@Oy Veh (Informality Reigns): Spelling is SUCH an issue!
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DeerDog
06/04/09

In reply to Bars Too Cool For You
But I've always wanted to ride a bicycle made out of cocaine!
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britneyspearstears
06/04/09

@DeerDog: Perfect!
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