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Mary Poppins Will Fight Voldemort at the Olympics, as Organizers Struggle to Include More Random British Things in the Ceremony

Faced with the arduous task of following the 2008 Beijing Games' jaw-dropping opening ceremony spectacular, hailed by many as the greatest event ever even though it exposed the world to the singing voice of an ugly little girl, the organizers of the London Olympics have adopted the curious tactic of making it up as…

From the mailbag: "I work at Paramount plaza, the building that is in sad proximity to Mars 2112. Coming back from lunch just now there are hundreds of people surrounding the railings that overlook Mars, as well as at least 50+ paparazzi and at least one ginormous bodyguard guarding the stairs that go down to the…