"Parsons is keeping his exuberance in check. He said he'll 'most likely' come down for the inauguration, but not move to work for the administration. 'Highly unlikely,' he said with a grin. 'I'm a New Yorker.'"

Oh well that's just great Dick Parsons, we weren't so enthusiastic about having you anyhow. [HERE WE HAVE A PICTURE OF THE TWX STOCK CHART DURING HIS REIGN:]

Parsons wasn't even in the top five names in the mythical Obama administration wannabe flowchart, so it's not a great loss. Hopefully the other two default Successful Black Men in Corporate America That People Have Heard Of will be more willing to listen. [WP]

I mean, as the whole Heidi Fleiss fiasco proved, Hollywood stars are willing to drop major coin at a high-class brothel. But those were just chucklehead straight dudes like Charlie Sheen. No one was really shocked. In this instance, though, we're talking about Will Smith. Lady-wooing, ass-kicking, humanity-saving Will Smith. It would be much easier for him to discreetly pick up a fella at a club or, heck, even find someone online than it would be to involve the whole middleman of a bordello. I was watching that horrid documentary Hookers at the Point yesterday (nothing else was on) and, you know, the girls were talking about how guys go to hookers because there is that illicit thrill, that fear of being caught. But that's with street walkers blowing you in your parked Crown Vic, not sensual liasions with "high class" call-boys. The latter just seems a little too out there in the open—what with money exchanged and all—than would be comfortable for Will f'ing Smith who, sadly, could stand to lose a lot if his sexuality was in question.

Sure there's an argument to be made that one pays for discretion when using an escort service, but with a random money-free hook-up, the star would most likely have more deniability than he would if there were "Client No. 9"-style records of the various transactions. Unless there were photos.

All things considered, we don't quite believe this lascivious hissing. This anonymous madame lady may, you know, just be trying to drum up some business. By, um, supposedly outing one of her clients? Ur doin it rong!1!

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson
Why They're Gay: Lindsay's super close relationship with with openly gay DJ Ronson has come under lots of scrutiny, mostly because the two seem to be crazy in love. What with the Lindsay Ronson Facebook page and the mysterious hickies, and the drunken lovers quarrels. Evidence seems to suggest that Lohan has spent some time on the cliffs of Acapulco with dear old Muffy. A very public lesbian relationship would be just the perfect capper to a whirlwind few years of drugs, drinking, car wrecks, and train wrecks.
Why They're Not: Lindsay dated socialitis and bee-sting sufferer Brandon Davis, she's from Long Island, and she's young. She just has a best friend, and it can look or even feel like love. Remember that friend you had who you just couldn't get enough of and you thought you'd die when they weren't around because it felt like they held a bigger piece of you than you did? It could just be like that.
Well, Is She? We say no. They're just friends. Very, very close friends. Who like to make out and stuff. Did we say no? We maybe meant yes. Lindsay, for the record, said today that she can date whomever she wants to date.

Oprah & Gayle
Why They're Gay: Oprah, host of a humble Chicago-based talk show, and her perennial gal pal Gayle King are always together. They take road trips! They talk four times a day! They give each other panties! And are mysteriously unattached! (I'm convinced that Steadman is a myth). No grown ladies are this close unless they're illicit, fabulously wealthy lovers. Even America's biggest, fattest, lesbianest loudmouth Rosie O'Donnell thinks they're gay.
Why They're Not: Contrary to my belief, Steadman is in fact a real person and has been with Oprah for some time now. Both Gayle and Oprah vehemently deny the rumors. Plus... Oh fuck it.
They're gay.

Chace Crawford and JC Chasez
Why They're Gay: Because they reportedly were planning on moving in together. JC Chasez was in a boyband. Chace Crawford is on the show Gossip Girl, which is about bitchiness. Plus, look at Chace's hair.
Why They're Not: Tipsters have told us that JC is very "straight." So too is Chace, if his publicists are to be believed. Just because two cute boys like to sing and dance and have floppy hair and hang out a lot doesn't mean they're gay together. Oh mercy yes it means they're gay, but not necessarily together.
Well, Are They? A boy can dream. Though, isn't the gays' eternal optimism about every pretty young thing Hollywood churns out getting a little tired, and maybe even...sad? Sigh.

Matthew McConaughey and Every Man He's Ever Worked Out With
Why They're Gay: The actor lurves to hang out with famous cyclist Lance Armstrong, mostly while shirtless and sweaty and running. They are photographed all the time together, and a little while ago they adopted little Jake Gyllenhaal (a "cub") to be their plaything and they all worked out together and then went home so Lance could perform his famous Tour De Pants dance. Plus, his name is Lance.
Why They're Not: They told People magazine that they weren't doin' it, so that must be believed. Also, they're pretty ungay. Lance Armstrong has been something of a rake since he became famous and divorced his loving and devoted wife. He dated an Olsen for God's sake! Also, Matthew McConaughey plays the bongo drums nude in his front yard. That's not very gay. Had it been a marimba, then maybe.
Well, Are They? Nah. Though we do hear rumors from friends of friends of friends that McConaughey has hit on them at clubs, we don't believe these guys as a couple. They're just two dudes who like to get oiled up and run on the beach together, then go back to Matt's place and play with Lance's Schwinn.

Tom Cruise and the Well-Worn Photo of C. Thomas Howell He Keeps Under the Mattress
Why They're Gay: Everyone is always yakking about Tom Cruise being secretly gay, but no one ever seems to suggest who he might be gay with. Sure there are the rumors that he and Travolta just fly in a plane load of anonymous twinks for a weekend's worth of fun, but there must be someone specific that catches Tom's fancy. We like to think it's his Outsiders costar, C. Thomas, who Tom has held a torch for all these years. When Katie's away out comes the picture, the lights go down, and somewhere in Oklahoma S.E. Hinton feels a chill go up her spine.
Why They're Not: Because these are just the sad imaginings of someone who should leave his damn house more often.
Well, Are They? We kid, we kid. Andrew Morton, in his indepth biography of the actor, says that Cruise is, in fact, not gay at all. He's just very strange. The gay rumors started early in Tom's career, and he's been unable to put the kibosh on them since. And, huh, we actually buy that.

What do you think, dear shamefully closeted readers? Are these celebrity twosomes in fact romantically connected? Does it matter? Do you care? Is C. Thomas Howell still alive?

"I've worked in the entertainment industry, and in paticular with Hip Hop for over 10 years. I've been in the room with rappers and celebrities when they've used deragatory words such as Fags, and Homos. I've wanted so many times to step up and say something, but I didn't want to out myself. I didn't want to be put on blast. I didn't want to lose my so-called friendships. But, what bothered me most was when I heard many rappers and celebrities use those words and they themselves were hiding their sexuality just as I was."

It is ironic that the most homophobic male happens to be the one who is trying desperately to deflect from his own sexual identity crisis, and distract attention away from himself. It's so easy to call someone out of their name, especially calling another man a faggot, or punk, or homo.

Okay, so "many rappers and celebrities" he knows are closeted gays. A numerical hint: it should be more than one, and not just in hip hop, but celebrities also. Good start!

So, here I stand with many men in Hip Hop who refuse to hide. We have helped shape, build, and create Hip Hop and have just as much say as those who feel the need to degrade, and denegrate our contributions. Yes, we are here. We are all up in Hip Hop - your stylists, publicists, managers, producers, songwriters, ghostwriters, video directors, journalists, product managers, tour managers, lawyers, accountants, and your friends.

Christ, it could be anybody. Any of your friends!

I wrote this book many years ago. Long before there was a mention of Karrine Steffans and her infamous tell-all book, Confessions of a Video Vixen. I loved her book and her truth. It took courage for her to tell her story.

A good friend, who is an accomplished R&B singer/songwriter, had been after me to tell my story for a while. We have been friends for many years and I never told him about my life

Who is this accomplished R&B singer/ songwriter man? I'm guessing it's someone from Jodeci, maybe? Or not.

Deep within the confines of Hip-Hop is a prominent gay sub-culture. A world that industry insiders are keenly aware of, but choose to ignore. From the testosterone of men striving to be on top and in control, to the "by any means necessary" bravado in an industry that thrives on power, homosexuality is a reality at nearly every level of Hip-Hop

Russell Simmons. I'm getting strong vibes. Or it could be someone totally opposite, like Suge Knight. It will be interesting to find out!

One good friend, Emil Wilbekin, Editor-in-Chief of Giant Magazine gave me the kindest words of advice. He told me, "Terrance, you can only tell your truth. You have lots of friends who support you. I am one of them." His words helped me during the initial phase of writing the book.

Another friend, a celebrated record label publicist, who has helped launch many legendary careers, told me, "Don't worry about what people are going to think. This is your story. Write your book!"

The editor of Giant clearly knows something. Email us, Emil Wilbekin! It's simple journalistic solidarity.

In conclusion, it sounds like Ja Rule fits the general profile here. Then again, so do most famous rappers of the last decade. But that is really pure speculation, because I have no idea! Do YOU?

[The whole "Parsing XYZ" construction stolen from Jack Flack]

Young Jared is still thought by some to be but a pawn of his parents, specifically felon dad Charles. But his folks surely wouldn't have approved of his relationship with noted not-Jewish person Ivanka Trump, and that whole newspaper-buying thing doesn't have much to do with the family's occasionally-legal business. Regardless, the family remains in business together.

Last year, Charles and Jared sold a bunch of their Jersey properties to refocus on Manhattan. They bought some buildings for ridiculous sums, just before the market slowed to a crawl, and now the Post regularly updates us with news of Kushner's "credit crunch" and complicated real estate stories we don't quite understand that seem to imply that Kushner's crumbly buildings are costing him lots and lots of money.

But now Jared's making a play for Newsday! So maybe he's confident about things! Or maybe he's making a play for another paper to appear to be confident and independent, like when Barry Diller pretended to want to buy Yahoo! He's dumping his girlfriend and buying newspapers because things are just so awesome for him he can take risks. Maybe he'll run for Governor!

Or maybe Ivanka just found someone richer?

UNATTACHED [NYP via NYM]