During a friendly game of pool on Spike TV's Half-Pint Brawlers, Puppet loses his match and therefore, must get shot in the nuts. Why? "Usually we don't bet money, we bet pain." Sure, sounds like a good enough reason...

Last night's 1000 Ways To Die managed to assume that all Asian teenagers do nothing but play video games, showoff Highlander-style sound effects, and took the name of the style of potato I would serve at my Japanese-American fusion restaurant.

This week MANswers ask, and manswer, which type of female—blonde, brunette, or redhead is most likely to "put out." Why can't Spike show action movies and leave the unabashed exploitation to foreign game shows and the G4 Network?

Doris, an abusive average-sized woman, liked her men little and financially stable. Ramon, a little person, planned to earn Doris' affection by performing as a comic musician. His incessant rehearsal drove Doris to violence resulting in his death.

Last night's MANswers explains a lot of things, the least repulsive of which is what to do if you're shot by an arrow. Lie back and let Spike TV save your life.

There should be a tagline for this show: "Manswers: IF YOUR DICK HAD A MOUTH, IT WOULD ASK THESE QUESTIONS." Essentially today's "answer" solves the "question" of how to murder a woman while you have sex with her.

Whereas TLC has great re-enactments of women giving birth to babies in bathrooms, Spike gives them a run for their money with a bloody rendition of a man's penis being severed by wildlife.

• More on the decision by Condé Nast to shut down Portfolio. [NYO, Gawker]
• Newspaper circulation figures for the past six months show steep declines at most major papers, including the Times, Post, and Daily News. One bright spot: the Wall Street Journal, which experienced a tiny, 0.6% gain. [E&P]
• Phil Falcone's…