First, let's look at our tip:

Tonight Todd English stood up his would-be wife at the altar, essentially. Apparently he has been in Florida the last three days and never showed up at the wedding that was tonight at the St. Regis. However, since the wedding was already paid for by Todd himself, the bride decided to still party it up. She looked to be taking it really well and spent the night dancing. Todd's family stayed too. - Anonymous

Note the no-mention of the bride's name, the inability to really point fingers at anybody, but, okay, Todd stood his wife up, we get it. The Post opens their report like this:

The wedding's off, but the party's on. Celebrity chef Todd English split with his gorgeous bride-to-be, Erica Wang, just days before their wedding, but the raven-tressed beauty still enjoyed a party fit for a king in the top-floor ballroom of a swank Midtown hotel last night — on her former flame's dime.

Emphasis mine. That's pretty nice of the Post, no? Mind you: this is the same paper for whom STAB BABY is all in a day's work. Okay, well then. There's this, too:

"Everybody is having a fantastic time," said a source. "People are dancing their butts off."

Benefit of the doubt: your marriage falls apart at the last minute, you need cheering up, and you decide to go ahead with the party anyway because everyone flew in. The party probably was awesome: there's no better reason to get drunk than learning that your life has, yet again, not turned out the way you thought it was going to a few days ago. How many days ago?

The nuptials were originally scheduled for June 1, according to the couple's Tiffany registry.

And again, benefit of the doubt: that could've just been an original registry date, made years ago before they even had the actual date of the wedding planned (and I'll have to defer to Phyllis Nefler on this, but how many women have their bridal registries picked out before they even set a date? Dollars to donuts: they're not a rare kind...). But how many times can one reschedule a wedding? Warning signs, anyone?

As mentioned, I've reached out to Bridal Correspondent Bridal Correspondent Phyllis Nefler for the assist on this one.

WTF, Phyllis? Essplain.
I mean really, I can't stop thinking about when Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson on the eve of her "Ken and Barbie" themed birthday party. Privately she must have been grieving, but her Twitter said otherwise.

But this sounds rather pre-meditated.
The Florida for the past 3 days thing is the creepy part. Did they break up over the phone? Via text?

Exactly. Questions! But why's the bridal party working the story in the press so hard? Is there an Eat Pray (Prey) Love book deal in the making?
I wonder who catered the reception. At the very least, she should definitely be angling for a sympathetic profile in Glamour. Or can an interview in Page Six Magazine be far behind? Paging Joshua David Stein...The article says that he is 48. How old is she? This is important for determining Next Steps.

But there is spin on behalf of the bride here, right?
The gist of the item is pretty favorable to her, but on the other hand "a divorced father of three who has been engaged twice before" ... warning signs, Erica Wang. Warning signs. I came away from reading this not sure what to believe or who to judge.

Cold feet: they happen.

Let's dip back into the galley that just keeps on giving: here the Lizzie character, Jennie, asks the Zac character to go buy teenage Asian porn at a Times Square sleaze mart in the middle of the night. Young 20-somethings buying porn after midnight?! It's shocking. They'll turn into Gremlins! And seeing this movie will turn teenage girls into coke-riddled sex fiends. OMG, they'll want to go into PR!

Click the images if you want larger versions.

When we last checked in with former Grubman assistant Robert Rave's tale, "Jennie" was dressed to the nines and doing lines at 6 in the morning. We can all imagine what happens between there and the end: She acts bitchy, the boy assistant balks, celebrities are nastily name dropped, kiddo gets some balls and decides to quit. And it is our imagination, because we still haven't read the thing. We're thinking Andy Sachs shit, basically.

So, what do we get, then, at the end? A recreation of Grubman's signature moment: crazed attempted vehicular poor-people-icide! And she targets the narrator and his friends, specifically. They're outside a nightclub or something...

And that's how it ends OMG, who dies??? Who lives?? We'll never know!!

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.The stories of Vibe's dead are trickling in. Here's a good/bad one: a photographer named David Anthony found out in the middle of a photo shoot for Vibe that the magazine was folding. He finished up, so as not to disappoint the subject, and will probably give the photos to the kid he was photographing. He seems like a nice guy so maybe toss him some work! Also The Root has a decent eulogy for the magazine.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.The cheeky headline of Michael Wolff's column today: "Do You Use a Vibrator?" Quiet, Michael Wolff.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Fired Washington Post columnist/ blogger Dan Froomkin: "Not offending people is not a business model, you've got to have something to say." Right you are, Dan Froomkin. That's why you are more interesting than the Washington Post's editorial board.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.A tipster tells us that yesterday's layoffs at Spin comprised about 20% of the entire staff—more than ten people. The magazine's freelancers were all dropped, an editorial assistant and some sales staffers were fired, and the art department and the website were hit hard, we hear. If you're a former staffer who'd like to gripe, email us.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Sunny newspaper news of the day: McClatchy could default on its debt by the end of the year, meaning the company could face bankruptcy; MediaNews is facing an ugly credit picture; and a financial planning trade association wrote a PR column on planning for retirement and managed to place it in several different papers across the country, under different bylines. PR hit of the week!

Ari Fleischer may indeed be the single most irrelevant empty suit PR man masquerading as a political commentator today; but the combination of masterful Obvious Thing Repackager Mark Penn and superficially wholesome yet morally vacant Poor Shoe-Dodger Dana Perino together in the offices of Whitewasher of All Things Evil Burson-Marsteller truly makes that firm the industry leader in plain idiocy, corporate hustling, and the eschewing of all ethical thought.

We hope this clarifies the situation for you. [WSJ. Pic via]

And with more than 5.1 million jobs lost since the beginning of 2008 and 630,000 jobs lost in March alone, and with millions vying for the same rare and elusive job openings, more and more are turning to direct selling…

[Redacted pyramid scheme] has grown rapidly recently, with over 2,000 independent sales representatives across the country.

Distasteful maybe, but as Ronn also says, "It's a time for everyone to pitch in, and 'play hurt.' Get the job done. Work extra hard and get it done." You have to take what you can get these days! Particularly when your right-hand man Adam Handelsman recently left you for another PR firm, and your agency's headcount is down by more than half, and you're renting out space to the public in your too-large office, and your employees continue to write press releases that are the industry standard for "bad," and your $20 million lawsuit against some guy who called you a douchebag is just not paying off as you expected. Ronn's going through all this right now. So cut him some slack.

• Don't say 'If you were offended...'—Or words to that effect. Which is what the Post did, essentially. People aren't all that smart, but they're smart enough to detect the inherent insincerity in this formulation: "Sorry you're so sensitive."
• Don't let the lawyers write it—Lawyers do nothing but cover your ass (and theirs). Apologies are simply not what they're made for. Vicki Iseman, McCain's lobbyist friend, is now pissed at the Times for issuing a lawyer-crafted note about the story, then immediately crowing to staff that they didn't apologize. So how can you ensure that your non-apology is satisfactory?
• Exhibit a thin, perceptible veneer of contrition—A good non-apology must allow both parties to salvage their own pride. This is done by using insincerity coated in a thin candy shell of contrition. Overly broad words help everyone swallow the thing. "I am sincerely sorry for this incident." Why are you sorry? Doesn't matter! Maybe because the other party is such a chump, who knows. But don't outright imply that, see? "We sincerely regret that this ever happened." You can apply these to any situation, almost!
• Let it be known QUIETLY that you had no reason to apologize—Don't just blast out a note to the whole world mocking your own non-apology as some legalistic bullshit. Just drop that fact very smoothly in the course of conversations with people who you feel should be made to understand that you're not guilty of whatever. You can even wink, in real life, as you do so!
• Both sides must tacitly agree to accept that they won—The recipient of the non-apology is entitled to walk away telling everyone that he was proven right. The giver of the non-apology is entitled not to have their face rubbed in it to the extent that they're tempted to be honest about how fake it was. It's like playing basketball with a child, and graciously letting them win. It's fine as long as they're a good sport. If they start getting too proud of themselves then you have you REJECT them, and then the crying starts, and it's all a big mess. Just learn to get along with your enemies, and save everyone a headache.

We sincerely regret that you had to read this entire post.

Freud Communications is based in London, but its New York office—headed by Lisa Dallos, a veteran media flack who's done PR for US Weekly, Talk, Rolling Stone, George, GQ, CNN, and others—isn't going to be called that anymore. This morning, Matthew Freud sent out a memo to staff:

I wanted to let you all know about a new development in our US business. Lisa Dallos recently introduced me to Hamilton South, ex CMO of Ralph Lauren and now running a very successful agency in NY and LA working in fashion, luxury and entertainment among other sectors. We had been looking at ways to grow our NY offering for some time, and the fit was so good that we decided to partner with Hamilton's company, HL Group. We will work together on projects and share expertise, and for us in London means we now have access to a broader range of people with varied experience that complements Lisa and her team. Both operations will remain independent, but we will work together and also explore the potential to collaborate on larger scale global assignments. The US operation of Freud will move into HL Group's New York-based headquarters, where they have about 60 staff.

A press release that's supposed to be released soon clarifies that all of Freud's NY employees, including Dallos, are packing up and "move into HL Group's New York-based headquarters." What we think happened? Freud was on the verge of shuttering the NY office, but Dallos managed to strike this deal. No one's losing their jobs, we're told, so bully on her. But Freud being Freud, sent out a memo so that by the time that the news is announced, any troubles at his NYC outpost would have vanished; this is simply a great merger opportunity, which "complements Lisa and her team."

Freud is good at PR.

[Can you give more clarity? Email us. Pic via]

The New York Times today puts a stamp on this with a story detailing what we already knew; namely, that Judith Smith, Paterson's top PR consultant, jumped into the fray as soon as Kennedy withdrew her name and started mucking things up:

On Jan. 22, the morning after Ms. Kennedy withdrew, Ms. Smith spoke to Mr. Paterson, then went to the governor’s Midtown Manhattan offices, the advisers said.

There, she told at least two people to call major media outlets around the state. She instructed them to tell reporters that the governor had been dismayed by Ms. Kennedy’s public auditioning for the job, that he never intended to select her as senator, and that the tax and nanny issues had led her to pull out of consideration.

This looks particularly bad for Paterson for two reasons: one, he denied knowing anything about these leaks, which was obviously a lie; and two, Judith Smith had no authorization to know any of the confidential details of Kennedy's application, which she was leaking to the press left and right.

None of this will make Caroline Kennedy look any better. The damage to her is done (maybe with good reason!). Now Paterson also is clearly a lying, scummy backstabber. And his flack evidently developed so little good will that as soon as the Gov. denied leaking, the entire press corps set out to write stories outing the fact that the leaker was his personal PR person.

Time to fire your flack, Gov. [NYT]

They launched their strikes against Gaza on Dec. 27, when most of the media was on vacation, and the rest was in a holiday stupor.

Two months ago, the Supreme Court said that Israel's rule against letting foreign reporters into Gaza could not stand. Then the war started. Which gave them the perfect pretense to ban reporters from Gaza once again:

And so for an 11th day of Israel’s war in Gaza, the several hundred journalists here to cover it waited in clusters away from direct contact with any fighting or Palestinian suffering, but with full access to Israeli political and military commentators eager to show them around southern Israel, where Hamas rockets have been terrorizing civilians. A slew of private groups financed mostly by Americans are helping guide the press around Israel.

Maybe the Palestinians should have their own American backers pay to bring reporters into Gaza? No, those supporters have all been jailed under the Patriot Act. And it's not like most reporters are eager to try to smuggle themselves into Gaza, because they stand a fair chance of being blown up. One reporter, the Associated Press's Ibrahim Barzak, who was already inside the war zone because he lives there, has given a grim account of life inside.

The final piece: when this whole thing wraps up (likely) next week, the news will be wall-to-wall Obamanauguration. And the nasty parts of Israel's war will be quickly forgotten. PR mastery. [Pic via]

The New York Post jumps into the Douche Pulitzer lead with the headline to this story: FLAK IS DOUCHE TAGGED:

"Alpha-male publicist Ronn Torossian doesn't like being the poster boy for feminine hygiene.

So when a business rival allegedly launched a bogus Web site for Torossian linking viewers to an image of Summer's Eve douches, the p.r. titan wasn't laughing. In fact, he's suing for $20 million."

That "business rival" he's suing is Drew Kerr, the former Radar flack recently seen repping maybe-murderous publisher Felix Dennis (Kerr calls the suit "completely unmeritorious"). This story has so many elements of the absurd that I must list them, in list form:

• Ronn loves to sue people, which tends to backfire on him. He does not learn lessons.
• This site, RonTorrossian.com, has been up for months and months and months without a peep from Ronn.
• You know who really likes to use internet hoax shenanigans? Ronn [sic] Torossian and his incompetent compatriots! For example, Ronn himself bought up a bunch of domain names of rival PR firms, on purpose, back in 2006. You would think that would trigger some internal hypocrisy-meter in a person filing a lawsuit against someone else for the same thing, but no.
• Ronn also bought up HamiltonNolan.com. I did not sue him.
• Also his firm, 5WPR, was found to be editing Ronn's Wikipedia page, as well as impersonating people in online comments.
• Ronn's suit says that this website with a picture of a douche ad has caused $20 million in damage "to his business brand." I am now laughing derisively.

Oh Ronn! Oh buddy. You have much bigger problems than this. [NYP]

From the company's letter to advertisers:

8. Why should advertising clients continue advertising with Tribune?
Tribune is not going out of business. In fact, the company took this step to take control of its business and ensure it’s viable for many years to come. The company’s brands remain strong—we’re still publishing our newspapers and operating our TV stations and websites. Tribune values its relationships with advertisers and looks forward to continuing to work with them.
9. How long will the reorganization process take?
This process can last varying amounts of time.

Okay! And to employees, Zell says: just keep on working:

By restructuring our debt, we will reduce the pressure on the company’s operating businesses, enabling us to pursue our vision of creating a sustainable, cutting-edge media company that is valued by our readers, viewers, and advertisers, and that plays a vital role in the communities we serve. This filing should not impact the way you do your jobs on a day-to-day basis.

Until they are gone. [Pic via]

1. The setup—Say, for argument's sake, that Obama did order an expensive, custom-made ring to thank his wife for her help in the campaign. Would the chosen designer of that ring run out and immediately tell the press all about it? Not just the press, but the Daily Mail, a sleazeball London tabloid? No, because that designer would subsequently be destroyed by Barack Obama, the president of the US.

2. The story itself—What's the sourcing for this big story? Did Obama sheepishly acknowledge his gift with a smile once it broke? No. The sole source is a "spokesman" for the "designer" of the ring. Who also gave this ridonkulous quote:

'For obvious privacy reasons I cannot reveal the cost of the ring but bearing in mind it is made from rhodium or black gold and encrusted with diamonds you can be sure it will cost thousands of pounds.'

Mmm hmm. Classy. It's also painfully clear that the story is filled out by fun facts about rhodium pulled off some press release. Did you know that "rhodium was chosen as the material for the disc presented to Beatle Paul McCartney for being history's all-time best-selling songwriter and recording artist"? Barack Obama obviously did, which is why he insisted on ordering this here ring!

3. The designer—Supposedly Obama has ordered this ring to be specially made by Giovanni Bosco, an "A-list" Italian designer. Really? If he's so A-list, why has his name never—never!—appeared in Nexis, the database of all things media? If he's so A-list, why does his website look so D-list? And why does the "Press" section seem to be full mostly of his own ads? Decidedly non-Presidential.

So the worldwide media has bitten big-time on a story that was almost certainly planted by this jewelry designer himself, or a very enterprising flack. And everybody wins ("everybody" meaning "Right wing media outlets" and "Giovanni Bosco")! Good show, Giovanni Bosco. Thanks to all this press you will probably be able to sell some rings that are real. [Pic via]

[UPDATE: And the Obama camp just denied it.]

[UPDATE 2, via Politico: Tommy Christopher at AOL got a head-scratching statement from the spokesman for the jeweler in question, who also denies the story as reported:

I regret to inform you that because of reports so wrong and clearly different from the reality of our statements, we decided to not issue statement on this matter.

Unfortunately, we were negatively affected by read on national and foreign media news stories that have no basement[sic], and in excess of the objective reality.

I inform you that we have no intention to disseminate more information about this story.

The Us story, the AP notes, "does not address whether they obtained a marriage license or took part in a separate civil ceremony, which is required by Mexican law to make the union binding. A couple can register their marriage up to 10 days after a ceremony, but California does not recognize marriage ceremonies outside the United States."

Could it have even happened in under an hour, like Speidi claimed? "Americans who wish to get married in Mexico must first go through a process that takes about five days, according to Mexico's foreign relations department Web site. They must obtain a health certificate, including blood test results from a local doctor; and provide official translations of legal documents, such as birth certificates."

In a statement issued via Us (wtf?) the allegedly happy couple came pretty close to acknowledging that they hadn't done any of that, saying "like other elopements that happen outside the country, we'll take care of the legal details when we get home." Their publicist was all know-nothing about it, adding, " "If there was a wedding I wasn't invited ... Sorry!"

We're sure the meticulously-documented event had nothing whatsoever to do with the next season of The Hills—even though MTV also just happened to be there, filming their vacation. They'd never exploit such a loving, personal moment.

The whole reason that people got upset about Abrams' business plan in the first place is that he says he's going to offer the consulting services of current, not former, media people. Former journalists work for damn near every PR firm in America. That's nothing new. Here's Abrams' offended quote today:

“There’s something a little bit offensive to me—as all these media organizations are cutting back so significantly on personnel—that people are out there saying, ‘Well, Dan Abrams shouldn’t be trying to help them find any work,’” said Mr. Abrams. “You know, give them a break.”

Dude, give us a break. You sound like a flack already. Has anybody ever said that Abrams—or anyone else—should not hire laid off journalists? No. What everyone has pointed out is the ethical untenability of hiring current journalists to do this work. And Abrams clearly has current journalists who are planning to be on his payroll—including Dave Zinczenko of Men's Health, Peter Greenberg of NBC, and, he says, "on-air network news personalities, who I would describe as household names."

Daily Intel's Jessica Pressler already confirmed that neither the NYT nor the WSJ, the standard bearers of journalism ethics, would allow their editorial employees to participate in something like this. So it's pretty simple: either Dan Abrams is hiring former media people, in which case he's just another PR firm; or he's hiring current ones, in which case those people all have automatic conflicts of interest that preclude them from claiming impartiality as journalists. Easy. [NYO; pic via]

They did have five company planes. Now they're cutting down to just three. Tightening the belt!

General Motors, the embattled US carmaker, buffeted by criticism for sending its chief executive on a private jet to plead for government aid, vowed today to stop leasing two of its five company planes.

GM is "very sensitive" to "the symbolic issue of people showing up in Washington in corporate jets", spokesman Tom Wilkinson said, promising more cuts to come at the company.

Now you know that spokesman was probably desperately searching Craigslist job ads at the time of this quote and didn't give it much thought, so cut him some slack. Because let's face it, GM is going broke broke. [Guardian via Clusterstock]

It's true, according to the vice president of Colombia!

"Santos said many middle-class Britons who used cocaine were unaware of its environmental impact. 'For somebody who drives a hybrid, who recycles, who is worried about global warming - to tell him that that night of partying will destroy 4m square of rainforest might lead him to make another decision.'"

So stop it, all of Hollywood! [Guardian]