In your emboldened Wednesday media column: More on the Spin layoffs, "Where were you when Vibe died?" stories begin, Froomkin's proud, Michael Wolff's unnecessarily loud, and newspapers are how(itzer)ed.

Yesterday we asserted that former Bush roboflackMale Ari Fleischer was America's most irrelevant talking head. Today, however, we learned that former Bush roboflackFemale Dana Perino is joining forces with Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn. Revision:

Hello, what is Ronn [sic] Torossian's wacky PR firm, 5WPR, doing now? They're flacking for a pyramid scheme, reportedly! That's just nice. As Ronn says, "Times such as these are no time for ego."

Felix Salmon got one of those world famous 5W press releases, which, excitingly, contained the solution to America's…

The New York Post issued an angry non-apology for Sean Delonas' monkey cartoon. The New York Times issued a mealy-mouthed non-apology for its winking John McCain(*cough*SEX*cough*)-lobbyist story. Please; it's very important to non-apologize correctly:

Matthew Freud—Sigmund's great grandson—is a London PR big shot who married Elisabeth Murdoch, Rupert's daughter. A memo floating around today about his New York office has people asking: What does it mean?

New York Governor David Paterson's attack flack oversaw a stealth media campaign to smear Caroline Kennedy after she withdrew from the Senate race—which succeeded in making Kennedy and the Governor look terrible. Good work!

Is it smart for Israel to blow the hell out of Palestinian civilians past all boundaries of good sense? No. But has Israel timed this war brilliantly, from a PR perspective? No doubt.

Hahaha: Incompetent, litigious superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian is suing a rival for $20 million for calling him a douchebag, on the internet! Hahahaha! This is my favorite story of the holiday season:

Dear readers: you may have heard that Sam Zell's Tribune Company recently filed for bankruptcy. Do not be alarmed! Just because the company is drowning in $12 billion in debt with few prospects for a revival of its fortunes is no reason to believe that it's anything but "business as usual" at the trusty Tribune. When…

Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally is a Ford-drivin' man. The humble CEO, who is forced to feed his family on a mere $1/ year salary, announced that rather than taking a private jet like last time, he's going to catch the carpool fever and drive on down to Washington, DC to beg the government for bailout money. Driving…

President-elect Obama—allegedly a 'man of the people'—is allegedly buying a fancy $30,000 ring for his fancy wife, allegedly! It was in the trusty Daily Mail, and now it's the top story on Drudge, meaning it is the single most important news story in all the world. Elitist Obama drops 30K on bling for his wife during…

Us Weekly ate up Hills "stars" Spencer and Heidi's story that they got married on the spur of the moment while on vacation in Mexico. A photographer just happened to be there to capture their beautiful declarations of love! Heidi just happened to have a white, full-length Balenciaga sundress lying around that doubled …

Former MSNBC host Dan Abrams is a popular guy, because it's been rumored that he has jobs to give out. Abrams, you'll recall, is starting a ridiculous, conflict-of-interest-riddled PR firm that will distinguish itself by selling corporate clients (or just moguls) the advice of current journalists, bloggers, and other…

General Motors caught a leeetle bit of flack this week for flying its executives to Washington on a private jet in order to beg for a taxpayer bailout. "Hey," said politicians, the media, and the general public, "you have less than zero money. Should you really have spent thousands on a private jet?" We would also…

Yuppie cokeheads, stop snorting massive rails for the sake of the endangered tree frogs! That's the new anti-drug message coming out of the UK. And it just might work! You might not stop for the sake of your money, your police record, or your septum, but would you give up blow if you knew that every eight ball cost…

Every time—every time—a horrible tragedy befalls a famous person, some of our nation's most clueless PR practitioners use it as a news peg for some unfortunate client. And of course that tradition continues with the news that singer and actress Jennifer Hudson's whole family was murdered! When hearing such horrible…

So Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie are finally getting divorced. It's a very shocking thing, since earlier this summer, when reports of a pending divorce surfaced, Madonna's flack assured the world that the couple had "no divorce plans." Could it be that the flack, Liz Rosenberg—a charter member of our list of…